Sir Paul Bonnefin's bawfy
guide to drinking.

___________________________

  Sir Paul Bonnefin
Current rank:  Class 3 mage.
Updated:  5 July 2001

A weekly guide to Australian toilet-apple
bobbing with Sir Bonnefin (Ph.D.)
Um... those aren't apples Paul.

___________________________
 
 

1

Rank:  Drunken Austrailian.
Date:  December 1999
Embibement:  2 Beers, water.
Distance:  from Sir Paul's mouth to Eric's ass.
Consistency:  watery.
Last words:  "It's only wadah"
Score:  3.9
Comments:  Impecible aim.  Surely a very strong contender
to represent Australia as an ambassador of good will.
  Sir Paul and his mighty
pot of porcelain.
 
 
 
2
 
Rank:  Promoted to drunken Austrian.
Date:  7 April 2000
Embibement:  Beers, water.
Distance:  from Sir Paul's mouth to Phil's kitchen sink.
Consistency:  watery.
Next-morning discourse:  Phil: "Did you puke last night?"
Paul: "No."
Phil: "There's sh@te in my sink.  You must've puked."
Paul: "I didn't puke last night, I puked this morning."
Score:  2.0
Comments:  Paul, Paul, Paul.  What would your mom say?
 
 
 
3
 
Rank:  Promoted to British liver transplant patient.
Date:  5 September 2000
Embibement:  A mashed bagel and beer.
Location: Moooose's (handicap stall)
Consistency:  Peanutty.  How do you know Paul's puke when you see it?  It's
the one with the peanut on top!
Last Words: "Yeh."

Post-puke discourse:
Phil: Paul, do you remember when
Duncan jumped over the stall to get you out?
Paul: Nah.
Phil: If you were puking, what were you doing sitting on the can with your
underdaks around your ankles?
Paul: I had to pee. In the morning I always pee that way.
Phil: Do you always do that?
Paul: Well, in the morning, yeah.
I can't be bothered to stand up when I'm that tired.
Phil: That's kind of weird.
Dunc: Phil, you always have to be buck-naked when you're taking a sh@te.
Phil: Yeah, but that makes sense.  It feels so good, and you can spread your
legs out.  If you've got your clothes on the daks around your ankles are
like handcuffs.
Dunc: I think it's more logical to sit down and pee when your tired or too
drunk to stand, but having to be naked to shit because it feels good, that's
just weird.  (Phil, I think that what you have here is an acute case of
fecalphilia, m'kay.)
Michelle (here in spirit): Eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Score:  3.9
Comments:  Wow, you wear underwear?
 

4
 
Rank:  Promoted to Class 3 Mage.
Date: 29 June 2001
Embibement:  Beers, water.
Distance:  ?
Consistency:  ?
Score:  3.0
Comments:  Sir Paul guarded the porcelain bowl for the remainder of the night
at Sir Duncan and Sir Peter's soirée.  Sir Duncan was still able to relieve himself
as Sir Paul hugged the toilet seat.
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
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