Sometimes I get so still. I was at dinner tonight, sitting on the couch with my family, and I could not talk. I just sat there, blinking. I didn’t move, I couldn’t say anything, I just sat there locked inside my head, thinking...

I feel so dead inside. I feel like an empty shell of a human, I am walking around, writing papers, talking to people, breathing, but I feel like I’m missing something vital inside of me. I’m lacking whatever makes you feel alive.

When I stand up I get dizzy. Light-headed, I make my way across the kitchen, clutching the counter to stay standing. My head swims.

When I move quickly, it takes the world a few seconds to catch up. In those few seconds, as my world is spinning, I feel so disoriented. I feel lost, caught somewhere in between worlds.

I feel like a spectator in my own life. When someone talks to me, it takes me a second to realize that I’m supposed to answer. It only takes me a second to remember, but that split second is enough to make me feel less than human. To make me feel different.

I keep forgetting these basic things that it seems everyone else knows. I keep forgetting not to show weakness; I keep breaking down.