September 19th, 1999
the most amazing day of my life


Okay. I have spent the past two days trying to figure out some way to put into words the most amazing experience of my entire life. And I came up with the perfect plan. Wing it. *grin* So I'm sitting here. At my computer screen. And I'm just gonna write what comes to mind. And that will just have to be sufficient, because there really are no words that can aptly describe any of it.

I got to the Concord Pavilion at about 9:45 with my friend Geoff. The security guard promptly told us that we could not get into the Meet & Greet until 2. So, we bitched, asked if he had seen a cute little red head (half the concert goers...) in brown knee boots (my dear friend Aimee that was supposed to be there at 10...), and went to park across the street. We came back and sat with two girls (Alison and Kathleen) who had posted themselves about 150 yards away from where the security guard was blocking the way. They were really sweet. After about an hour of waiting, we decided to go check out the Safeway parking lot. We had heard that it was a mess down there, that all the people the guard had turned away were there. And I, of course, was still looking for Aimee. Suffice to say, the parking lot was more than tame, but there were a few cars with things like "Truckin' for Tori" written on them. It was cute.

So, we went back to the Concord Pavilion and camped out again. I had my stereo and all of my Tori CD's, so I played DJ, and we ended up with a group of about 20 people. I met Danny, Kelly, Sheila, Melissa (the MOST amazing group of people), and sooo many other really cool people. We had such a blast. We sat and ate the red and pink Starburst I brought, and Geoff and I cracked open a bottle of amazing wine, and we just hung out talking about Tori and getting to know one another for about four hours.

At about 1:30, we all started to line up to go in. The security guard told us we had to stop at this one parking sign. I, of course, being the rebel that I am, got us about 100 yards further than we were supposed to be. That pissed Mr. Security off, and he made us move back to where we were. But there was another guard named Frank who thought I was cool. He nicknamed me "The Instigator". I actually kept running into him the whole day and he kept asking me if I was being good. *giggle* I am ALWAYS good...

At 2 all the cars started lining up, and I found out they were letting the cars and people on foot in at the same time. I threw a tantrum, and attempted to explain that the cars that could go 20 miles an hour would of COURSE get there before the people who had to walk up. They didn't seem to get it, but this really nice group of three girls let Geoff and I into their car, and I stopped throwing a tantrum. Because, I figured, I had sort of gotten my way, and I needed to reserve my energy for the meet and greet Then, they finally let us all in.

We got out of the car, and I made a beeline for the barricades along with about ten other people who were running. Steve yelled at us, and we all slowed to a very fast power walk. Steve started yelling at this one guy who was going just a TAD bit faster than the rest of us, and started telling him he had to go back to his car, and he was just a real asshole. I suppose it's his job to make absolute sure Tori is safe, but he didn't need to be a dick. The guy begged enough and Steve just sort of gave up and left him alone.

I was two people back from the front, and we all waited for Tori to come out. Then we saw her. In her little golf cart with Joel (who is really sweet) and someone else. I almost stopped breathing. She is very tiny, and so radiantly beautiful. She started at the far end of the barricades, and slowly started to make her way down. It was really cool to get to see her connect with her fans. She recognized many of them, and asked if they were well, and told one guy he looked radiant. It was great to watch. Her speaking voice is so fabulous in real life. No microphone does it justice.

I had a little notebook thingy I wanted to give Tori with a letter, and a Winnie The Pooh Picture I had colored her, and some poetry I had written. I handed it to Joel, and asked him if he would give it to Tori if I didn't get to talk to her. He nodded at me, and took it. She came closer, and I got up the nerve to find my voice, and I called her name, and she looked right at me. I swear to fucking CHRIST when Tori Amos looks at you, it feels as if she is looking into the very CORE of your being. I told her I had given a little red thing to Joel, and she thought I meant this other little stuffed animal thingy with poofy hair, and I told her, no, it was a booklet. I said it had a letter, and a picture, and some poetry. She nodded, and said "They're your words." Not like she was asking. Just merely stating that they were mine. I said yes, and asked if she would read them. She said she would. Then I asked her if she would sing Me And A Gun. She said "I don't think that's gonna happen tonight honey." I told her that I had heard what happened at The Greek (she was singing the "I sang holy holy as he buttoned own his pants" line and some ASSHOLE in the audience yelled out "Yeah!" and she apparently hasn't sang it since). She said, "No. She just needs to take a rest for awhile." I told her I completely understood, and asked if she would play Precious Things for me. I knew she would, because I have read all the setlists, and she does it for the encore of all the 5 ½ Weeks shows. She said "Maaayybee Precious Things" with the cutest little teasing sort of sound in her voice. But it wasn't like she was teasing to be mean. It was like how you tease with a friend. I asked her if she would smile for a picture for me, and she did. The picture turned out cute. She went on to the next person, and Kelly and I both started crying. We hugged each other and kept saying how we couldn't believe we just met Tori. At one point, I called out to Tori and asked her if I could give her a hug. She didn't hear me, and Steve said they couldn't have people moving forward, so I stuck my hand out, and she took it. There is an electricity to Tori's touch. I have never felt anything like it. And Kelly and I both agreed her hands felt like Flower Petals. She reached back and took Kelly's hand, and asked her name, and then she moved down the line. Kelly and I both lost it. We started crying, and I started to have an anxiety attack from being smooshed in with 100 other people in such a closed-in space. I asked Steve if I could go because I was gonna pass out, and he said if I could make my way through the crowd I could. Everybody was really nice, and they let me through. I went around all the people, and crouched down with my head between my hands and I cried and breathed for about 2 minutes. I had just met Tori Amos. It was my very first concert, and I had met her, and talked to her, and touched her, and looked into her eyes. It was amazing. I left with such a feeling of serenity and peace.

Geoff and Kelly and I decided to go get our pictures done one hour. Kelly and I could not stop saying how amazing it was and going over every little detail about the whole experience. We got the pics back, and Kelly and I discovered that she had taken pictures of Tori talking to me, and her reaching for my hand, and we even discovered one of my hand in Tori's. It's very obscure. But for fuck's sake. MY HAND WAS IN TORI'S. I don't care if it's a bit blurry and halfway blocked by someone else. As long as *I* know what it is...*grin*.

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking with people, and having a really good time. I kept running around yelling for Aimee, who I still hadn't seen. I met Dor, who is SUCH a sweetie. I bought some pictures from her, and then she had to go rustle up a ticket to get in. Melissa and I figured out we had gone to middle school together (talk about a small world...) so we started talking about who we hated and who the other had known and stuff. It was cute. She's a real sweetheart. Their whole little group was. People had started lining up, so we split up and each went to our different lines. Kelly went with Angel and Mazzy and Melissa, and Sheila and Danny came with Geoff and I. We finally got in, and I sent Aimee a little virtual postcard, and got my two tee-shirts and complained about how I wanted a tourbook but didn't have enough money. At one point we lost Danny, but he got caught with his video camera and had to go back to his car, and then trek all the way back up the hill.

I started talking to Dor again, and then Richard came up. I was like "OMG, YOU'RE RICHARD!" Dor and Richard and Mikewhy and Violet are like infamous on the web. And until then Dor and Richard had just been names on a screen. It was really cool to get to see all of these people who I sorta knew, but had never met. We decided we should go in to the actual seating area and find Aimee, because I knew what section she was sitting in. I didn't see her, but then I sat down, and I looked over, and I was like that HAS to be Aimee. So I went over, and attacked her, and we decided to go out to the merchandise area and talk. Neither of us was real into Sci-Fi Lullaby. We talked for a while, and we took a couple of pictures, and then decided we should get back in before Tori came out. But. I couldn't find my ticket stub. The security people said I couldn't get in without it even though the bastards KNEW I had been in before. So. I started crying and freaking out and Geoff had to look through all my stuff to find my stub. I had been too upset to see it, so I stopped crying, and we went back in. There was NO WAY IN HELL I was gonna come that far and then NOT see Tori...

The lights went down, and we all started cheering, and everyone went on their feet. Tori started off stage a cappella with God. Then she came out, and we all yelled and the Alanis fans near me gave me the "look" (*ttthhhppp*). God was awesome. The band sounded GREAT, and I was impressed, because I had heard that they really over powered her for parts of the Plugged Tour, and that didn't happen here. Sugar was kick ass. I was actually surprised and very pleased to hear Past The Mission. I used to put that song on repeat and listen to it over and over again. It was great to hear it. I really dug Riot Poof. Before it, Tori made the comment "If there are any homophobes in the audience well, then you came to the wrong fucking show!" It was soo cool. I love the way she says fuck. Hotel was so good. The high notes and the lights were really cool. At one point, I'm not sure if it was during Hotel or not, but they had the black lights on, and they created this blue halo like thing with Tori's hair. Bliss sounded great. I really like this song live. The rhythm is a bit more intense. Secret time started with Leather. It really seemed like Tori was having a great time with this song. I sure as hell was having a great time. I LOVED the "nysche big fat schigar" bit. Next she did Landslide, apparently for this guy named Larry who won a contest on my favorite radio station that I attempted to win, but didn't. He got to meet and interview Tori. I cried during Landslide. She did a bit of improv near the end. I know at least half of the audience had tears in their eyes. It was just so beautiful. The band came back out and they did Suede. I had never heard this before, and I really dug it. Tori was on her feet for most of the song. I really missed the harpsie on Professional Widow, but enjoyed it immensely. Tori trembled at the end and it was just amazingly intense. She did Graveyard! It was really cool, and a little longer than usual. Then she went straight into Tear in Your Hand. I was really excited to hear this. And of course, she did amazing. She closed with The Waitress. All I have to say is. OHMYFUCKINGGAWD. It was close to ten minutes long, and literally took my breath away. It was so fucking intense, that I can't even find words to describe it. Especially loved the "But I believe she's the devil's bitch" part. For the encore she did Precious Things. That is my all-time favorite Tori Girl, and I was unable to move. I just stood there with my hand over my mouth, and I cried, and I watched Tori sing her heart out. The middle finger down the front of the piano during "so you can make me cum..." and the girl growl and the crotch grab...I was just simply speechless. I stood there for a good two or three minutes after she left just absolutely blown away. It was THE MOST INTENSE THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. I could still feel the music thumping in my chest and Tori ringing through my ears. No words to describe it. None.

I went back out to the food and merchandise area, and met up again with Dor and everyone. I talked with them until Alanis started, and then Geoff and I went back down to our seats. I stayed for 2 Alanis songs, and then she did something from Junkie, and I couldn't deal with it. Not after seeing Tori. I told Geoff I was going to get something to drink, and I found Dor and Jeremy and Richard and about 15 other people all in a circle. I sat down with them, and we played Concentration and Duck Duck Goose (except we started with Tori Tori Alanis...*grin*) and Telephone and a bunch of other kindergarten games all through Alanis' set. We, of course, had to get up and do our version of Alanis convulsing on stage. Telephone was a fucking RIOT! So many dirty little minds. Jeremy was the worst though...lol. It was so cool. I really felt like I fit in. I don't feel that very often, but all of these amazing people just sort of accepted me for who I was without even a second thought. It was so wonderful. At one point, Richard said, "You know, if I didn't know better, I would swear I had met you before..." That meant a lot to me. They were all so amazing.

The concert ended, and I went and found Geoff, said goodbye to all of my new friends, and we walked to the car. Danny, Sheila, and Melissa met up with us, and Danny showed me the video he had gotten of Tori, and we talked for about a half hour. I wanted so badly to go with them to Bakersfield, but I had no way of getting back, and no money to go. I swear, on the next tour, I will be with the group that follows it. I told them all already. I'm there next time.

The night was amazing. I know I have said that a bazillion times, but I really have few other words. Amazing. Phenomenal. Wonderful. Perfect. Magical. Healing. My life will never EVER be the same. I feel like something inside of me has shifted. Not quite sure what. But I know I have ceased to be the same person. I wish I could put my finger on it. But perhaps that would diminish some of the magic...

And so I leave it at that. I will never be the same person ever again.