It begins during a road trip. Myself and my esteemed partner, Dr. PAB Bread were travelling the highways of Colorado in search of the Yeti. Our theory: The Yeti, or "Sasquatch", is the missing link in the devolutionary trends inexorably binding H. Sapiens to the rest of creation. Our method: Setting up spaghetti traps around our campsite in hopes of snaring this elusive creature. Our success: None. However, one inky night, amongst the sounds of the forest, we hear a chewbacca like call and the frail cracking of eggshells. Carefully proceeding to the source of the noise, we see a hulking black beast hunched over the engine of our car. Upon closer inspection, the beast seemed to be crying. After some initial shock, we were able to approach the animal, who turned out to be a friendly but distraught Yeti, who happened to play in a metal band. It seemed that he was trying to cook his dinner (eggs) over a COLD ENGINE. For shame! Dr. Bread and myself straightened him out, and this is what the Yeti advised me of:

Step one: Drive to the store and buy eggs (grade AA).

Step two: Place large oliveloaf on gas pedal of car while car is in neutral.

Step three: While waiting for engine to get hot, scatter sand and dirt on it.

Step four: Crack eggs on the engine block, a number proportional to the block size. Step four: Allow eggs to be cooked until they are "engine black"

Step five: Scrape off onto paper plate and eat before they soak through. For wetter eggs: Apply 1.5 sticks of butter (or 1 cup Crisco) to engine block prior to cooking.

NEXT WEEK: Engine black bacon!