None of the following is copyrighted by me, 'cept maybe the format. All of it has been garnered from various sources, internet and otherwise. Attributes given where I could find them.
"Take what you need and leave the rest." - Robert Hunter

Some of my favorite quotes

• "Ahh It's the Rapture! Quick get Bart out of the house before God comes!"
  - Marge Simpson
• "I am the storm!"
  - Rand Al'Thor
• "The lions sing and the hills take flight.
  The moon by day, and the sun by night.
  Blind woman, deaf man, jackdaw fool.
  Let the Lord of Chaos rule."
  - Dark Prophesy, attr.: Sh*'**n
• "I would not mind you in my head, if you were not so obviously mad."
  - Lews Therin Telamon
• "Grep foo whilst ye may, oh daemons of the Spring..."
  - unknown UNIX guru
• "It's kind of like having an overly feisty yet
  slightly retarded chihuahua as your arch nemesis.
  It just ain't sporting."
  - Paul Tibbit, regarding the flames against "Student" in rasfwrj
• "'Til shade is gone,
  'Til water is gone,
  into the shadow with teeth bared,
  screaming defiance with the last breath,
  to spit in Sightblinder's eye on the Last Day"
  - Aiel oath
• "People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.
  - Bob Dylan
• "Let the wookie win."
  - C3PO on advice from Han Solo
• "Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm. But the harm does not interest them."
  - T. S. Eliot
• "Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life."
  - Confucius
• "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
  - Albert Einstein
• "Ni"
  - The Knights of Ni (Monty Pytyon's Holy Grail)
• "Roses are red,
  Violets are blue,
  I'm a schizophrenic,
  And so am I."
  - Unknown
• "A pun is it's own reword"
  - Unknown
• "Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!"
  - Johnnie Lee Hooker
• "Otter spleens, wren's livers, badgers noses, Woooolf's nipple chips!"
  - Monty Pytyon's The Life Of Brian
• "Mean people suck"
  - bumper sticker
• "Grep poop whilst ye may, oh babies of the Spring..."
  - Unknown
• "POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS"
  - Unknown
• "The rest of the proof is left as an exercise to the student."
  - Every Math and Comp Sci book ever written
• "Fecies Occurs"
  - Unknown
• "It's good to be the king"
  - Mel Brooks in The History Of The World Part I
• "So let it be written! So let it be done!"
  - Pharoah to scribe in The Ten Commandments
• "Back to the front!"
  - Metallica
• "One man gathers what another man spills."
  - Robert Hunter in Saint Stephen
• "Beauty is only skin deep. But ugly goes clear to the bone."
  - A. B. Evans
• "Your mileage may vary"
  - Unknown
• "Use your powers for good, not for evil. Well, you _can_ use them for evil if you want, but it voids the warranty."
  - Original from Matthew Olson in rasfwr-j
• "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him enter regional distribution codes in data field 97 to facilitate regression analysis on the back end."
  - John Cleese
• "Have you ever noticed...whenever God needed a killing...he sent an angel.
  Have you ever wondered what a creature like that must be like?
  Your whole existence praising your God but always with one wing dipped in blood.
  Would you ever really want to see an angel?"
  - The Prophecy
• "We are more popular than Jesus now"
  - John Lennon
• "All you need is love"
  -John Lennon
• "Goo, Goo g'joob"
  - Paul McCartney
• "Goo, Goo g'joob, baby"
  - Sammie Davis Jr.
• "There is no dark side of the moon really.
  As a matter of fact it's all dark"
  - Pink Floyd
• "I stayed up all last night playing poker with tarot cards.
  I got a full house and four people died."
  - Unknown
• "5 billion flies eat shit, so it *must* be good!"
  - Unknown
• "To the last, I grapple with thee;
  From Hell's heart, I stab at thee;
  For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee."
  - Herman Melville, "Moby Dick"
• "Through me is the way into the woeful city;
  through me is the way into eternal woe;
  through me is the way among the lost people.
  Justice moved my lofty maker: the divine Power,
  the supreme Wisdom and the primal Love made me.
  Before me were no things created, save eternal,
  and I eternal last.
  Leave every hope, ye who enter!"
  - Dante Alighieri, Devine Comedy, Inferno, Canto III
• "Please Dylan, in the name of all that's holy, leave us be. If annoyance were a crime, you'd be Jeffrey Dahmer."
  - C. Chase
• "Snakebites of the penile shaft provoke brief narratives with a humorous climax, except when you are the recipient."
  - Unknown
• "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engine intakes"
  - a bumper sticker
• "In the circus of life, sometimes if you taunt the bearded lady long enough, she'll just throw prizes at you."
  - Unknown
• "Death rides on my shoulder, Death walks in my footsteps. I am death."
  -Lews Therin Telamon, The Lord of Chaos
• "Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
  - Unknown
• "Proof is knowing God exists because He ripped a hole in your wall, entered with a sounding of horns and flashing of lights, and said howdy.
  Faith is seeing God in the world around you."
  - Jim Coleman: rasfr-j'er
• "He should keep his extended metaphor in his pants."
  - Cassandra: rasfr-j'er
• "UseNet is the closest thing to the real world you can get on the Internet (except chat rooms, which are the trailer park-singles bars of the web)."
  - Cassandra: rasfr-j'er
• "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotton Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
  - John 3:16
• "Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed."
  - Richard Adams, Watership Down
• "Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it."
  - Donald Knuth
• "If you can keep your calm while all others panic, you probably don't understand the situation"
  - Unknown
• "Can I yell 'movie' in a crowded firehouse?"
  - Unknown
• "Q. Why do Deadheads flail their arms when they dance?
  A. To keep the music out of their eyes."
  - Unknown :)
• "Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for."
  - Unknown
• "Oh sure it's all fun and games until someone looses an eye."
  - Unknown
• "We are morons proud and true, we will do our song for you...arrhgghhhvhvbjjllllltttttt"
  - Unknown - (3 Stooges?)
• "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
  - Douglas Adams
• "If you watch TV news, you know less about the world than if you just drank gin straight from the bottle."
  - Garrison Keillor
• "If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started."
  - Unknown
• "I read that it had some serious side effects. I can't remember any of them, or else I could be informative. But at least I can be alarmist."
  - Dave Foley
• "Nyquil -- the sniffling, sneezing, stuffy-head, fever, how the hell did I wind up on my kitchen floor medicine."
  - Unknown or (John Dilick: rasfwr-j'er)
• "A dog is a dog, until he is facing you... then he is Mr. Dog."
  - Unknown
• "Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't."
  - Unknown
• "If at first you don't succeed, cheat. Cheat until caught, then lie."
  - Unknown
• "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger."
  - J.R.R. Tolkien
• "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
  - Unknown
• "Madness takes its toll, please have exact change."
  - Unknown
• "I would say someone needs a reality check, but reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."
  - Unknown
• "The goal of war isn't to die for your country, it's to make the other poor bastard die for his."
  - George S. Patton
• "Understanding is a three edged sword : Your side, their side, and the truth."
  - Kosh
• "Oh my god! They've killed Kenny!"
  - Kyle
• "You bastards!"
  - Stan
• "I couldn't fix your brakes so I made your horn louder!"
  - Unknown mechanic
• "Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car."
  - Unknown
• "Try to relax and enjoy the crisis."
  - Unknown
• "I never walk into the light unless I know who turned the switch."
  - Dime Store Prophets
• "If they ever come up with a Swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something."
  - Unknown
• "The fool hath said in his heart, there is no such thing as justice."
  - Hobbes
• "If you staple a penguin to the head of a gnu, the result won't catch herring..."
  - Unknown
• "I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class... Especially since I rule."
  - Unknown
• "I had forgotten that it's the nature of rasfwr-j regulars to instead assume any given poster is a moron and bludgeon him repeatedly with a bag of hot nickels, regardless of prior posting history."
  - Vermilion: rasfwr-j'er
• "Do you realize what the moron to functional human being ratio is in this group?"
  - excerpt from Cassandra's (rasfwr-j'er) response to Vermilion (above)
• "Whine for peace! Snivel for justice!"
  - Unknown
• "With a few small modifications, any canoe can travel through time."
  - Pokey the Penguin
• "There has not been any great talent without an element of madness."
  - Seneca
• "Silly Catholics, getting rid of Latin. Heck, if they'd kept it, I'd have converted just for the cool Masses."
  - Devin Ganger: rasfwr-j'er; (I'm a Catholic and I thought this was funny! 'nuff said!
• "Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail."
  - Unknown
• "If I mean to suggest anything, it is only that the world, although well-lighted with flourescents and incandecent bulbs and neon, is still full of odd dark corners and unsettling nooks and crannies."
  - Stephen King
• "One should always be a little improbable."
  - Oscar Wilde
• "To believe people are as stupid as one believes is stupider than one can believe."
  - Unknown
• "You know, they say pizza will get you through times without sex better than sex will get you through times without pizza!"
  - Unknown
• "Words mean things."
  - Unknown
• "I grew up around strong women; weak men were pickled and salted. The women wouldn't waste time raising a weak boy."
  - Robert Jordan, The Creator: at the November 14th, 1998 "The Path of Daggers" signing, Louisville, KY. Attrib by Matt Hunter: rasfwr-j'er
• "Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault really."
  - A. Turnbull
• "'Til money is gone,
  'til assets are gone,
  into the audit with teeth bared,
  to spit in the IRS' eye on the last day."
  - Aiel Oath parody, Steve G.: rasfwr-j'er with a CPA
• "Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker and Tits."
  - George Carlin: 7 words you can't say on TV
• "It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear."
  - Norm Peterson, from Cheers!
• "Have fun, pay later."
  - Kip Cleverly
• "You cannot tell a man he has the power to make the earth shake, then expect him to walk small."
  - The Lord of Chaos, Robert Jordan
• "A true friend stabs you in the front."
  - Oscar Wilde
• "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
  - Unknown
• "Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced."
  - Unknown
• "Verbing weirds words."
  - Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes)
• "It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."
  - President William Jefferson Clinton
• "We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams."
  - Willy Wonka
• "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then, give up. There's no use being a damn fool about it."
  - W.C. Fields
• "I'm a very fast learner, and I promise that if you give me this job, I'll be the perfect subhuman and never let my contempt shine in my worshipping eyes."
  - Unknown
• "There'll probably be about three more books."
  - Robert Jordan: describing when he'll finish the WoT series (before starting book one, and after books three, seven and eight)
• "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard."
  - H.L. Mencken
• "RAFO" or "Read And Find Out"
  - Robert Jordan when asked about plot twists in WoT
• "That is why evil shall always win...because good is dumb."
  - Lord Helmet
• "You're very garlicly. It's kind of sweet. It's like kissing a good pizza."
  - Unknown
• "Reading is like breathing. If you take it away, first I become antsy, then violent."
  - Robert Jordan
• "When Life gives you lemons, JUST SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR DAMN LEMON!"
  - Unknown
• "Rationalizing is a waste of time."
  - Unknown
• "If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be content to take their own and depart."
  - Socrates
• "To err is human, to really fuck up you need a computer"
  - Unknown
• "Anarchy is a myth."
  - Unknown
• "Hell must be a pretty swell spot, because the guys that invented religion have sure been trying hard to keep eveybody else out."
  - Al Capone
• "Run when you have to, fight when you must, rest when you can."
  - Elyas Machera
• "Live for yourself there's no one else more worth living for."
  - Neil Peart, Rush, Anthem
• "Synergy - the collective power, more than the sum of the parts, that comes of people and or phenomena working together in a system."
  - some MIT guy. (Gasper?)
• "Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out-of-body experience."
  - Unknown
• "You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper."
  - 'The Grim Reaper Dude' from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
• "Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after me."
  - Unknown
• "You must cut down the mightest tree in the forest with a herring!"
  - John Clease, Monty Python's Holy Grail
• "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, regardless of who you are, who you think you are, who your daddy is, or how much money you have."
  - Unknown
• "Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."
  - F. P. Jones
• "There's no need to impose the death penalty on stupidity. Just take all the warning labels off of everything, and let the problem take care of itself."
  - Ryan Klippenstein, rasfwr-j'er
• "The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities."
  - Unknown
• "And now, young Master Tshen, the fish are actually building themselves little fishy forges, mining and refining ore, and making their own hooks, and only _then_ hooking themselves."
  - Michael Kozlowski: rasfwr-j'er
• "I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people."
  - Unknown
• "Man's technological evolution outpaced his philosophical, his moral evolution when he first picked up a rock."
  - Unknown
• "Some men lead lives of quiet desperation. My desperation makes a pathetic whining sound."
  - Unknown
• "I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?"
  - Jack Handey
• "The pun is the lowest form of humor."
  - Mark Twain
• "Sure the pen is mightier than the sword, but only because you can get it through metal detectors."
  - Unknown
• "Visualize whirled peas."
  - Unknown
• "If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarins eat?"
  - Unknown
• "It takes a smart mind to understand a smart remark, but not to be offended by it."
  - Unknown
• "Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all it's pupils..."
  - Unknown
• "If at first you succeed, try not to look too surprised."
  - Unknown
• "What is easy becomes What is done.
  What is done becomes Tradition.
  Traditions become Obsessive Compulsive Disorders.
  Obsessive Compulsive Disorders become Religions."
  - Unknown
• "Perhaps God gave the answers to those with nothing to say."
  - Savatage: AikoNote: I really like this one.
• "They will pay. I am the Lord of the Morning."
  - Lews Therin Telamon
• "There is nothing like a challenge to bring out the best in man"
  - Sean Connery
• "Speak softly, and carry a big stick"
  - President Theodore Roosevelt
• "May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts. And if God doesn't turn their hearts; May he turn their ankles, so that we may tell them by their limping."
  - Unknown
• "I want to be the one that decides who lives and who dies"
  - Crow T. Robot, MST3K
• "If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?"
  - Unknown
• "They shouldn't have called this one Woodstock. It should have been called Fred or anything else."
  - Grace Slick, former lead singer of the Jefferson Airplane, in the New York Daily News on "Woodstock '99"
• "Never claim credit for anything. 'Cause you can't righteously do that. There's luck and grace and accident."
  - Harrison Ford, on how to stay successful in Hollywood
• "I'd hate to cut our conversation short but I'm going to have a friend for dinner."
  - Hannabal "The Cannabal" Lector, Silence of the Lambs
• "To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep filling it with oil."
  - Mother Teresa
• "Education is the passport to the future."
  - Malcom X
• "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."
  - President J.F.K.
• "Well done is better than well said."
  - Benjamin Franklin
• "Animals have rights, to be smothered with garlic and butter!"
  - Ted Nugent
• "Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em `Certainly I can!' Then get busy and find out how to do it."
  - President Theodore Roosevelt
• "He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression."
  - Thomas Paine
• "Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud;
  Love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable;
  Love does not keep a record of wrongs;
  Love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth;
  Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail."
  - Corinthians 13:4-7
• "If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never meant to be. If it does come back to you, it's yours forever."
  - Unknown
• "Where there is love there is life."
  - Mahatma Gandhi
• "'Tis better to have loved and lost
  Than never to have loved at all."
  - Alfred Tennyson
• "We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing."
  - George Bernard Shaw
• "In my walks, every man I meet is my superior in some way, and in that I learn from him."
  - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• "When the tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail."
  - Abraham Maslow
• "If it weren't for the people always getting tangled up with the machinery... Earth would be an engineer's paradise."
  - Kurt Vonnegut
• "If not you, then who? If not now, then when?"
  - Unknown
• "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."
  - Lao Tzu
• "The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
  - Lily Tomlin
• "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
  - Mother Teresa
• "To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, remove things every day."
  - Lao-tzu
• "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
  - Groucho Marx
• "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
  - Mark Twain
• "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
  - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
• "640K ought to be enough for anybody."
  - Bill Gates, 1981
• "If President Clinton was to run again, his campaign slogan would be 'In touch with America's young people'"
  - David Letterman
• "If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
  - J. Paul Getty
• "The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possible go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."
  - Douglas Adams
• "That's right! The women are smarter!"
  - Bobby Wier (origin unknown, from the song "Man Smart, Woman Smarter")
• "There's no place like home! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!"
  - Dorothy in "The Wizard Of Oz"
• "If there is one clear lesson of our century, it is this: where aggression is tolerated, it multiplies."
  - Bob Dole, 1996
• "Never ruin an apology with an excuse."
  - Kimberly Johnson
• "People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. "
  - President Abraham Lincoln
• "If you don't know what your program is supposed to do, you'd better not start writing it."
  - Dijkstra's Prescription for Programming Inertia
• "If God has created the world, his primary worry was not to make its understanding easy for us."
  - Albert Einstein
• "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
  - Martin Luther King Jr.
• "Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."
  - Bob Dylan (My Back Pages)
• "If everything's under control, you're going too slow."
  - Mario Andretti
• "An eye for an eye would leave the whole world blind."
  - Mahatma Gandhi
• "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed."
  - Thomas Jefferson
• "She was an acrobat's daughter. She swung by her teeth from a noose. But one matinee, her bridgework gave way and she flew through the air like a goose."
  - Daffy Duck (voice: Mel Blanc), Loony Toons Cartoon
• "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
  - Bene Gesserit Litany against fear, "Dune" by Frank Herbert
• "I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."
  - Ellen DeGeneres
• "The Guide says that there is an art to flying, or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
  - Ford Prefect, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglass Adams
• "When spring comes the grass grows by itself."
  - The Tao
• "My role in society, or any artist or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a refelction of us all."
  - John Lennon
• "And through their tears, some say he farmed his best in younger years.
  But he'd have said the roots grow stronger, if only he could hear."
  - Elton John on John Lennon in the song "Empty Gardens"
• "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
  - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• "Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure."
  - Unknown
• "Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet."
  - Chinese proverb
• "But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."
  - Carl Sagan
• "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
  - Edgar Allen Poe
• "Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not."
  - George Bernard Shaw