Superman vs. He-man
vs. 
Don King, fight promoter to the stars, comes up with
the idea to get the universe's mightiest heroes together for the "Clash
of the Tights." He-man, alcoholic and broke after the cancellation
of his series, signs on immediately. Superman, the cool traditional
Superman not the femmy "new powers" Superman, signs on only after Don King
offers him $45 million and compromising pictures of he and Wonder Woman
in the invisible jet.
The fight is to be held at Caesar's Palace and recieves
worldwide media coverage. In Supes' corner is Jimmy Olsen, Lois Lane,
and Batman. In He-man's corner is She-ra, Ram Man, and Skeletor.
The combatants meet in the middle of the ring to shake hands.
"Hey, who's the babe in the metal wonder bra?",
Superman whispers to He-man.
"That's My cousin! Ewwwwwwww!", He-man yells.
She-ra shows more cleavage to Superman who loses
control and begins to stutter.
"HEY!", comes a yell from Superman's corner.
"You two timing, tight wearing little fairy!" Lois Lane marches to
the center of the ring.
He-man steps in. "Maybe you should talk this
over. Violence will get you--"
"Get out of my way you testosterone laden beast",
Lois says as she kicks He-man in the groin. He-man turns green and
falls down. Lois marches over to Superman, who is now snivelling.
"That's it! After ten years of putting out for you and making your
bed and washing the skid marks out of your tights, this is how you treat
me?"
"I-I-I"
"Oh yeah," Lois says, hauling him up by his ear.
"Mr. Truth Justice and the American Way is silent now. Usually it's
'I saved the world' this and 'I hang out with Batman that'. You never
shut up. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Superman crawls into the fetal position and sucks
his thumb.
"If it wouldn't hurt my toe, I'd kick you in the
balls you bastard!"
Lois walks over She-ra who is trying to hide behind
Ram-man. "Now for you, you aluminum wonder bra wearing hussie!"
She punches She-ra in the face with a blow that was heard in the cheap
seats.
She stalks from the ring and into the waiting arms
of Don King's lawyers. King signs her up to a ten year contract and
she goes on the be the welterweight champion for six years straight.
Winner: Draw
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