All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Shin: A Device for Finding Furniture in the Dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of Religion.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as them.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Corduroy pillows: They're Making Headlines!