“Please.” She said again, giving me a pathetic look. I shrugged uncomfortably and shook my head again. Her sigh was soft and wispy to my ears as she crawled closer and settled herself in my lap. “Zachary,” She said seriously, wrapping her legs around my waist and staring me full in the face. The rough wood of the tree house gave a solid pressure under my legs as she leaned her full weight against me. I groaned. She was quite aware I would not be able to say no when she was pushing against me the way she was. “I don’t want to go with anyone else but you.” She said as her lips wandered down to my neck. My eyes involuntarily closed and the arms that were around her back tightened.
“Emily,” I said, trying to keep my voice firm and resist the hypnotizing sensations of her tongue against the hollow of my throat. “You know I can’t take you.”
“Oh, but you can.” Her voice was soft, convincing. My ear tingled as her hot breath came in contact with the sensitive lobe and an unconscious shiver ran threw me. She shifted again and our bodies rubbed firmly together once more as her mouth sought mine. Our tongues collided in a breathless tangle and my fingers rose unconsciously to her hair. She broke back from my eager lips and gave me a small cunning smile. Before I knew it I was being gently pushed onto my back beneath her and she was asking, “Will you take me, Zachary? It’s just one night.” My fingers toyed with the bottom of her thin shirt as I took a much needed clearing breath. She was staring at me, her eyes soft and pleading.
“Just as friends?” I asked reluctantly.
Her smile was triumphant. “Of course, baby, of course.” She leaned down, her breasts pressing against my chest and her lips seeking mine again.

“So, let me get this straight, you’re taking Emily to her prom, when you know full well that you’ll be mobbed?” Taylor and Isaac were staring at me in that annoying older brother way they both had. I nodded my head somewhat miserably at them. Taylor just smirked but Isaac continued prodding. “Why are you taking your ex-girlfriend to the prom anyway? You guys aren’t going back out are you?” I shook my head once again. Emily and I were not going out and we hadn’t been in several months. Our breakup had been a good one, as far as breakups go so she and I were still pretty tight. “And you don’t want to go?” Isaac asked.
“Not really.” I said.
“Then how did she get you to say yes?” Isaac looked at me incredulously and Taylor laughed out right. I blushed and shifted my eyes guiltily away from them. “Zac,” Isaac fairly clucked, knowing what my blush meant.
“So, what are you guys, friends who fuck?” Taylor cut in, grinning like a fool.
I shrugged uncomfortably. “It’s not like that. And I didn’t say anything about sex.”
“Oh,” He said, continuing to tease me. “I forgot, it’s different because you love her, right? So you’re friends who fuck but you love her.”
“Grow up, Tay.” Said Isaac, taking pity on my poor soul. My brother merely smirked and left the room, ruffling my hair on the way out. Ike sat back heavily, his eyes level with mine. “Zac,” He said in a wise voice. “You gotta think about what you really want here. Do you love her?” I nodded my head, not needing to think. “Then why don’t you want to go?”
Because she didn’t love me, that was why. “Because we aren’t together, and I don’t want her to just use me when she needs an escort. I’m not at her beck and call, you know?”
He nodded and appeared deep in thought. “Why exactly aren’t you together?”
“Damned if I know. She says she still cares about me, but she just can’t be with me.”
“Women.” Isaac threw up his hands and I nodded in agreement. “You want to know what I think?”
“Sure.”
“I think you should just go. And after you tell her how you feel.”
“And how do I feel, Dr. Ike?”
“You feel like she’s using you. You feel like if she cares for you, she should be yours. And if not then no more acting like you guys are a couple.”
“Yeah. That’s pretty much how I feel.”
“Exactly! So you tell her. And either you guys get back together or you stop playing house.”
“Yeah. Thanks, Ike.”
He nodded and waved his hand, dismissing me.

“Hi, Mr. Alsiss. I’m here to pick up Emily.” The collar of this tux was nearly cutting off my circulation and Emily’s father gave me a sympathetic nod before opening the door to let me in. I stepped easily into the small immaculate house. I’ve been there so many times it feels like a second home.
“Oh, honey, you look beautiful.” He said beside me and I looked up as Emily descended the stairs. She did, indeed, look beautiful. No, beautiful was not doing her justice then, she was breathtaking. The deep rich crimson gown set off the red highlights in her gorgeous brown hair and the thin chain around her neck brilliantly accented her slim, delicate neck. Her eyes met mine and I held my breath and nearly crushed the corsage I was holding until she was standing in front of me.
“You’re amazing.” I said quietly. And for all her little tricks to get me to attend this, and all her uses of her feminine wiles, she blushed.
“Thanks, Zachary. You too.” Always Zachary, never Zac. Never that small childish acknowledgment, always long and flowing, Zachary. She offered her small wrist to me, so fragile I could break it, and I slid on the corsage. Her mother appeared then, holding a camera and fawning around the two of us. We smiled, we stood close together, and we made a memory. She took my arm and we walked from the house and down to the limo. She smiled in pleasure at the sight of it. She was radiant, eyes sparkling at me in the warm coat of the moonlight. I opened the door and helped her inside. Her parents waved from the porch as we drove off to the prom.

I was apprehensive about walking into this high school prom, where there were sure to be at least a few fans. I would quite possibly get mobbed. And undoubtedly I was too old to be there, at the ripe age of twenty. But looking at this beautiful woman beside me, I was not sorry I had come. She grasped my large hand tightly in her smaller one as we walked in the doors and she stood very close to my side. “Oh, look, Zachary, can we get our picture taken?” She asked me, her face hesitant. I smiled and told her of course we could. I had expected to feel awkward and angry at being there, but now I wasn’t. This was her night, and I wanted it to be perfect for her, no matter if she was my actual girlfriend or not. After the picture she wanted to dance. I complied and together we rifted out to the floor. The fast song ended almost immediately and The Sunday’s began crooning, ‘Wild Horses’. She stepped unsurely closer to me, squeezing my fingers in hers. I wondered how it could be that she could touch me in such intimate ways as no one else has ever touched me, and yet she was shy about dancing with me. I pulled her tighter and closed my eyes as her head rested against my shoulder.

*Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady you know who I am,
You know I can't let you slide through my hands*

We swayed gently together, her arms linked around my neck and my hands holding her firmly to me. The intoxicating smell of her hair found its way into my breath and I allowed my face to drop down near her hair.

*Wild Horses couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away*

No, they couldn’t drag me away from her. My beautiful, wonderful Emily. I have never loved anything or anyone so completely, unselfishly so. The music was weaving its strange, intoxicating spell over me and I prayed it was doing the same for her. Tonight I was giving her the ultimatum, putting my heart on the line, and oh how I hoped she would accept that heart.

*I watched you suffer a dull aching pain,
Now you've decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or offstage lines
Can make me feel bitter or treat you unkind*

The arms that held me became tighter, almost desperate, and I thought she must be feeling this same need to have me forever. To keep me as hers. ‘Oh, Em,’ I thought. ‘I *am* yours. As long as you want me, I’m your Zachary.’ If she only knew the intensity of my care for her, my complete and utter worship.

*Wild Horses couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away*

I know things haven’t always been that good between us, especially toward the end. But it doesn’t mean I don’t care for her. I thought I heard a small sniffle emit from my Emily, but I hoped not. I would never want her to cry for any reason. “Thank you, Zachary, for coming.” I heard her whisper to me and I whispered back, “I’m glad I’m here.” It all seemed so formal, so un-‘Zachary and Emily’. I hated the formality and the tears.

*I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie,
I have my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried,
Let's do some living after we die*

My eyes drifted open and I managed to extract myself from her tantalizing hair. Someone had whispered my name. Girls were staring at me in shock. “Emily.” I said urgently. “Hmm?” She replied, not moving her head from my shoulder. “Let’s go for a walk, okay?” She looked up, noticed the girls. “Okay.” She said and took my hand, her eyes shining with unshed tears. So the song had moved her as much as I.

*Wild Horses couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them someday*

We settled ourselves close together in a small, dark corner of the room, the music still playing softly in the background. The girls, thankfully, stayed where they were. “Hey,” I said, reaching to wipe at a single tear on her cheek. “Are you okay?” She nodded, giving me a small smile. “I’m just so glad you’re here.” I smiled. “So am I.” She looked away then and I decided not to wait until the prom was over. “Emily?” She looked back at me. “I love you.” I was testing her and she must have known it. “I love you too, Zachary.” Her voice was quiet, as if she expected me to reject it. “I can’t do this anymore.” I said and she looked at me in surprise.
“Do what?”
I remembered Isaac’s words from earlier. “I can’t play house. I love you. And I want to be with you. But not just when it’s convenient. I want to love you all the time.” She opened her mouth but I didn’t let her speak yet. “And the way we’ve been…Sex isn’t love.”
“I love you the only way I can.” She whispered quietly. “I’m afraid.”
“Of what?” I asked incredulously. “Of me?”
She nodded a little before shaking her head. “No. Not you. Just… Of disappointing you. Of hurting you.” She was afraid of hurting me? Emily, who I loved with my whole being and could not live without, was afraid of disappointing me? “Emily,” I said and took her hand. “Nothing you could do could disappoint me. And this, not being with me, is hurting me worse than you could if we were together. Please, don’t ever worry about that.” She nodded a little; her fingers felt limp in mine. She took a deep breath. “Okay, Zachary.” She said.
“Okay what?”
“Okay I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”
I smiled and stood up. She did as well and allowed me to lead her back to the dance floor. Our bodies leaned heavily against each other as we joined for the last chords of the song. Her head fell against my shoulder and I drew her into my arms. I wanted it to be perfect for her. And it was. Utopia.

*Wild Horses couldn't drag me away,
Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them someday*

Musical Credits go to The Sundays for 'Wild Horses'

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Started on August 31, 2000