TITLE: Conversation at the Back Entrance
AUTHOR: Small Woodinat Creature
RATING: Slash, UST, PG.
SUMMARY: Giles and Xander talk at the back entrance of The Bronze.
SPOILERS: Doppelgangland
ARCHIVING: UCSL, Craww's site.
OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All things Buffy belong to Joss and Co.
I'm not making any money off of this. No copyright infringements
intended. Please don't sue me, I just got laid off.
FEEDBACK: I'm a big feedback ho, and not a bit ashamed of it. Give
me feedback or the bunny gets it.
NOTE: This is a response to Mala's back door challenge. Sorta.

Giles and Xander stood by the back entrance to the Bronze. Giles
felt the odd combination of fear and excitement as he waited for
Willow's signal. He often wondered if Buffy felt this way as well,
but for her it would be more intensified.

"Now, Xander, when we get in there, I want you to get the
vamps down, and I'll do the staking. All right?"

Xander looked up. "Huh?"

"Xander!" Giles walked over and grabbed his shoulders for
emphasis. "This is a combat situation with almost a dozen
vampires! We have to determine our strategy!"

"Sorry. I was just thinking something."

"What?" Giles asked, irritated at Xander. Again.

Xander saw the anger in the older man's eyes. "Nothing."

Giles' voice was softer this time. "What is it? I don't
want you zoning out when we're in there, and get the
both of us killed."

"I-I. Well, when we all thought that Willow was dead earlier,
I said that she was better than me. Remember?"

"Ah yes." Giles nodded. "But the important thing is, we were
wrong there."

Xander fidgeted. "Then you said something."

"Did I?"

"Yeah." He gulped, looking miserable. "You said that she
was 'much, much better'. What did you mean by that?"

"What? Xander, can't we talk about this later?" Giles tried
to not sound too annoyed, but it was hard with Xander. The
boy seemed to try his nerves more than any other person
could.

"But what if I die in there? What then? I'd be dead and
we'd have this hanging like some kinda sword thingy."
Xander looked up at Giles' face, trying to read what he
might be thinking.

"Sword of Damocles." Giles voice was a bit softer.

"Huh?"

"The sword thingy hanging. That's the Sword of Damocles."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking about." Xander hoped his
voice wouldn't sound whiny. "But what if I died instead of
Willow?"

"Xander, Willow didn't die."

"I know that!" Xander became snappish. "I just want to know
how you'd feel if I died, or if you guys thought I was dead. I
mean, would you even care?" He stopped caring if his voice
sounded whiny.

"What kind of question is that? It would be horrible if you
or any one else died. Which is why we have to determine
what we're going to do when we go inside." Giles rolled the
stakes in his hand, and told himself not to use one on Xander.
Not that he would, but he couldn't believe that the boy would
take such an inopportune time to discuss feelings. Or
whatever Xander was trying to discuss.

"So, if I died, it would be like," Xander faked a British accent. "Oh,
pity about Harris, terrible when a vampire eats some local idiot."

"That's not what I said!" Giles didn't want to shout, so he spoke
through gritted teeth. "You're putting words in my mouth and you
know it!"

"Oh come on, Giles. You do think that. Ever since we met it
was these little digs! Oh, Xander's an idiot, Oh Xander go home,
we don't need you! Crap like that."

Giles sighed in frustration. "I never said anything like that, and
I don't think you're an idiot. If I thought that I wouldn't have you
join in on the research parties, and I certainly wouldn't trust
you to put the books away if I thought you couldn't grasp the
Dewey Decimal System. You are an asset. I thought you
knew that."

"So, I'm good for reseach and shelving. That's great. What
about that comment back there in the library? Before Will
came back?" Xander's face looked so miserable. He knew
he probably looked pathetic to Giles, but at that point, he
felt pathetic.

"That comment? Xander, we make comments like that
to each other all the time. What about when you said
I had the British flag up my arse? Yes, I did hear you say
that to Willow." Giles watched Xander's face grow
sheepish. There was something satisfying about watching
the young man squirm.

"Ok, you have a point there." Xander smiled very briefly. "But
I just wanna know...if you care about me. I mean, not just like
oh, it would be bad if I died just like any other vampire victim, or
oh, I lost a research assistant. Do you care about me? As
much as you care about Willow? Or Buffy?"

Giles looked at Xander's miserable puppy face. The need in those
eyes was so strong, so overpowering. "Xander," he spoke softly,
placing a hand on Xander's shoulder. "You are a frustrating, silly,
foolish boy with a bad habit of acting before thinking, and ignoring
logic for emotions. You're one of the most intelligent people I
know, even though you're damn good at hiding it, and if you ever
stopped seeing yourself as an idiot, you'd know that. You're
kind, sweet, and ridiculously loyal. You've had to grow up
faster than most people your age, and for living on a Hellmouth,
you're not doing bad." He squeezed Xander's shoulder gently.
"And if you ever died, I'd be devastated. Does that answer
your question?"

Xander blinked away some happy tears. "Yeah." He
grabbed Giles in a spontaneous hug.

Giles stood there stunned for a moment. He imagined this
was how Willow felt when she was cuddled by both Buffy
and Xander. He put his free arm behind Xander's back, and
held him closer. It felt nice. It felt sweet. It felt surprisingly
right. And it felt...painful. "Xander, luv?" Giles asked in a
strangled voice, wincing even more when he realized that
he called Xander luv.

"Yeah, Giles?" Xander's face was buried in his shoulder.

"The stakes are digging into my flesh." Giles indicated the
stakes being held in his other hand.

"Oops, sorry." They separated, and Xander smiled brightly.
"So, devastated, huh?"

Giles shot Xander a stern look.

"So, what's our strategy?" Xander asked, bouncing a bit on his
toes.

'You bitchslap the vampires the best you can, and I stake them.
How's that sound?"

"Cool. I can do that." Xander was still grinning.

Giles looked away, and let himself grin as well. Maybe someday,
when Xander was more mature, he'd--well, he had time to
ponder that. For now, he would remember to be kinder to the lad.
He stole a quick glance at Xander, who still was wearing a
shit-eating grin. He would be kinder, no matter how infuriating
Xander could be.

Giles put on a more serious expression, held the stakes
firmly in his hand, and waited for Willow's signal.

THE END