Akira Li

I felt these lines:

Underachivers get broke in like hurt Timz
Battered boddies tied to birch limz while I'm rhymin ova church hymnz

Direct that 4 bar attack at any wack cat
(Oh, now I get it, you rhymed lyrics within the bar...so scratch what i said about "you didn't rhyme the bar at all")

Who accuse me of "crossing out" or "selling over"
Cuz I don't write 16 bar advertizements for Range Rovers
'Cept that last line, but I'm dissin 'em so its Kosher

Laps around tha equator, running from my FORCE like Vader

To avoid a verbal murder scene, they pop Lyrical creatine
[review given by FreeSteelo]

Doubleoo7

Double oo7
1ARMY....
1LuV

I used / instead of , cause people said it was easier to read my rhymes
hope you enjoy......Peace to real emceez.

ChosenFist

yo if this is a shooting range that's probably bull's eye

MICISILL

I'm one of the dopest MCs/
I smoke the most trees/
you can suckdeez/lyrically I please/
squeeze,the trigger/how do you figure/
I drop a rhyme after every hour/
I'll spray you with a lead shower/
money and power,is what we craved/
too close is how you shaved/
that's why you have a Colombian necktie/
give me10 dollars and I'll stay high/
I rock it in NY/
like NASA you're the blunt passa/
but you never toke/cause you bound to choke/
on my evaporating rhymes/
I've slayed MC's thousands of times/
like punishment and crimes/
I'm like the general leading you to battle/
similar to an embryo of cattle/to one single is what you straddle/
your career on/I apear on ill rappers tracks/
its like murder on wax/I'm breakin your backs/
givin you multiple sclerosis/and thrombosis/
in your arteries/I'll even give you part of these/
MC's I've slayed/since backin the day/
I'll make fake rappers turn gay/
like pink flowers in May/
I've inspired the wise/to stop telling lies/
keep their headsstraight/maintain your weight/
reach for the nickel-plate/before its too late/and transformsyour fate.

Kresile

1love
kresile.

This is not one of those verses that makes you say DAMN!!! But it is short and cool never the less. First off, I notice many headz use the common term "verbal", "lyrical"...etc. (ex. my fatal verbal attack...). I can't tell you NOT to flip that term, because (after all) you are flexing verbal techniques. But I can advise you to use it differently; add some spice. It's mad easy to say something like "my LYRICAL gat will leave ya head cracked". Feel me? That usually shows that the MC in mind is a beginner. Your complexity factor was cool--and it wasn't such that headz can't uderstand what the hell you're saying (meaning it wasn't too verbose). But another growing trend is (i.e. Canibus) rapping about how bad you will PHYSICALLY DISFIGURE your opponent. Watch that son because it's nothing but a trend that will soon fade. If you do choose to go there, (once again) you have to do it in a unique fashion. Like Braillesaid in Doubleoo7's review, it's good to create your lyrics in such a way that readers can easily paint a clear picture of what you're attempting to get across...alwayz keep the reader (or listener) in mind. Overall, this verse flowed well. I can easily hear it recited in audio (which is uncommon in writtens). The wordplay was onpoint and sincere, but none of the lines really stuck with me. I suggest to perfect your current technique and work towards iller lines (metaphors, similes...etc) because nice lines are the key to earning props for a written or whatever.

nice line(s):
my night visions makes weaker your style, like malnutrition/
im fishin for competition if you listen closely you get bitten/
[review given by FreeSteelo]

Killa Prince

FIRST OF ALL,...everybody knows the rule of thumb for posting writtens is to NOT POST YOUR SHIT IN ALL CAPS!!! It makes it very hard to absorb...(sigh). You also should use some sort of dividers like "//" or "--". I couldn't even tell when or where your lines were suppose to rhyme at. Secondly, you're making some pretty bold statements in your rhyme and (in my opinion) didn't back them up not one bit...(ex. "MEDAPHORES HYPNOTIZE YOU SO DONT RUN AND HIDE CUZ I FIND U LIKE HIDE AND GO SEEK COME ON OVER AND TAKE APEAK")...come on man, that was some elementary lyricism right there. You said a lot of bugged out things; like talking about Biggie (RIP). You have a right to your opinion. But if you have any plans whatsoever to make it in the rap industry, you wouldn't sell not even 1 unit talkin' shit like that...it's WACK! That eastcoast/westcoast shit has been long dead (atleast publicly) for some time now. Then, you're talking about Pac (RIP) is the father of the rap game. Come on now, I use to feel Pac at one time, but there's no way I'd ever consider him the father, and many headz would agree. To me, he fell off when he started devoting his career to dissing Biggie. But that's my opinion...I'm not gonna write a rhyme about it. And answer me this: If Pac is deceased, WHY WOULD YOU WANNA BE LIKE HIM?!? That doesn't make sense. That's what's wrong with people today; worshipping and appreciating people for the wrong reasons (you got me babbling on a whole different tangent). Thru your rhyme, you're relaying a message which discriminates against the east coast, then talk about running the rap game. Again, I reiterate, it won't happen...not with this brand of rhyming. Your verse has no value lyrically; no nice lines, no wordplay...nothing. This verse would get dissed on a freestyle board viciously. I could go on and on, but I'll end this by saying: If you want into the game, play by the rules. I'm sure you can relate to that. And please accept this useful criticism...don't send in shit like this.
[review given by FreeSteelo]

Alex Marklew

The head of state
Has called for me by name
But I don't have time for him
It's gonna be 
A glorious day
feel my luck could change
Pull me out of the aircrash
Pull me out of the lake
'Cos I'm your superhero
We are standing on the edge

That's a very ceative MC name you got there buddy.  Sike...j/k. Judging from your verse, it doesn't seem like you're very much into the lyrical (battle) aspect of rhyming.  Your joint came off like poetry incarnate, or lyics from an alternative song.  It also sounds like somebody broke your hear of something.  It seems like a whole lot of shit in your verse...everything except words that RHYMES.  I thought that was the whole point--even with poetry.  But I don't think you really gave that any thought while concocting this.  On a lyrical level, I'd have to give you a big, fat ZERO for this one.  I'm not even gonna carry you like that though.  I'll just say that I appreciate the thoughtfulness you put into this.  It definitely has meaning behind it.  Too bad most of us can't under what that meaning is.
[review given by FreeSteelo]

Element To Da 5th AKA Tafiyon

I'll turn u into the non existance
sweet premalicious, you soul is now defenceless
to me
capital element
your a bitting mc
hatin on puff and mace
and wants to be like 2-pac
ok, stand in front of me
and i'll blast ya with these glocks, 
verbally and mentally
in a car, or a tahoe
u r somebody that nobody's wants to know
after your horrible internet flow
you'll get hit in the chest wit metal fist
u can't handle this
a dangered element in the mist
futuristic
i plan to be the best
stop talking bout pac
let him lay to rest
and biggie too
or else those mafia's niggas will be coming for u
this verse is to be continued
like Ike and Tina's revanue

Hmmm, I can't say that I didn't feel you.  You dug in that cat Killa Prince's shit.  I bet everyone who read that wack rhyme of his wanted to do the same.  Now, regarding your rhyme, it was aiight.  It slacked in spots; started off nicely then strayed.  No lines stuck with me.  I think you should have stuck to the more mental aspect of ripping him instead of referring to the use of glocks (in cars you prolly don't own), thereby, teaching him by example instead of feeding into his self disillusion.  You represented though with these lines "i plan to be the best/stop talking bout pac,let him lay to rest/and biggie too/or else those mafia's niggas will be coming for u/".  That's real.
[review given by FreeSteelo]

C.O.P.E.

Just a quick freestyle
Peace to

PBM
Desperado
Illusionist
Oskeelo
Jugga..

Fuk all Herbs
@..

My man C.O.P.E.  What's up son.  This rhyme is not bad at all since you freestyled it--I can tell it's a freestyle.  Unlike some of the stuff these other headz posts.  Anyway, you started off very strong, then slacked (especially at the end).  "I've checked the Census/2million havent' come to the senses//" was nice. Even though i think you may have meant to say "come to THEIR senses".  It's all good though--freestyle, right?  The "HIV" line was good also.  I did not like "Grind niggas down with my lyrical file" at all...that was straight up the style of a beginner.  It was hard to forgive that even as a freestyle...heh, heh.  I didn't like "I'm going to crush the dominate" either. I think you meant "dominant".  But overall, I Liked this.
[review given by FreeSteelo]

John Breasail

ENHANCED
PEACE
KID!

Well, we have another creative alias here (John Breasail).  It's ok though cuz for this kid to only be 13 years old, I was feeling him.  Very subtle, sure style about him.  I sensed the confidence...keep that up, and just hone your punchlines.  You'll be sure to due some damage.  The dandruff line was simple but cool.  I liked the line you flipped about pushing somebody down 10 fleights of stairs also...funny.  The maintstream line was deep coming from a 13 year older.  You gotta work on the wordplay...like making words rhyme within each line instead of having the very last word only rhyme. Other than that, I can't say anything negative about your effort.  Keep doing what your doing yo.  PEACE
[review given by FreeSteelo]

Exodus-Omega vs. Nicodemus (Round 1)

It's the elevated top-rated skill-laden nigga flying like Raiden in to 
slay men like Ninja Gaiden flippin' while you slipping off ledges back to start, my sledgehammer sparks on ya skull/ 
I'm like Super Skrull pimping the Fantastic Four then bringin' whoars to the door of the victory celebration, the revelation
that I've grown to full-blown divine status while lying back with ya girl on a reclinin' matress/ 
The fact is that I'm the greatest, my playlist's on radio, I lay these hoez down beside the gown of death with him smokin' meth
while standing over you, there ain't no bolder crew or colder crew/ 
Check my profile folder, boo, I'm beatin' MCs on Donahue, I'm like a Montague riding down on Capulets with Dicaprio in
the back with a Mac and a bullet-proof vest, ya world I created in jest/ 
Then blessed man with lyricism, destroyed materialism, then went downtown and found Prometheus unbound, so I asked
him to flip this pound with me, I'm resounding, gee, off acoustic angles, ya girl's loose lips dangle/ 
After I mangle her jungle of love, I'm humble but grub never stretches far off fish and bread, I missed your head but will get
it on the next shot, my wreck's hot like lava engulfin' ya mom's Impalla/ 
Now taller god dwell in Valhalla singin' Klingon war chants and bustin' out the Dion Sanders victory dance, with fruitier
flavors than Tucan Sam hangin' with DJ Chill Will, my skills kill all invertibrates within the magistrate of The LAN/ 
We got the masterplan backed by the hand of God stamped on a block surrounded by holy words in Arabic with numeric
Enochian symbols containing info hidden from minstrels, I'm explaining the power structure of Heaven to my bretheren/ 
While severin' Heads from Shoulders and slangin' boulders to get the cash for the 12-track tape machine, know what I
mean?, I'm unclean, don't gargle with Listerine, improper hygene so I'm not next to godliness, I'm on that shit/ 
Givin' my bastard that last purse from the fight as allowance, so he can get endowments of his own and not beef all over the
microphone, proper hormones in my bone causes me to expand then rotate ya girl's hips with my hand/ 
I'm takin' it live to Nicodemus like Zemus then of coarse, I morph into Zeremous unleashing hazardous Meteorshowers as
greedy hoez cower in my presence, my essence can't be contained in a bottle, so I don't Dream of Genie, peep the motto, you greeny/ 
You teeny-tiny under the microscope, I think you'll have to cope with poor performance, I'm like the torrents of El Nino
crashin' thru Philipino homes, no loans left on which to roam, you got Another 48 Hours, you've been spotted by the tower of Avalon/ 
Niggas tryin' to say I'm skitzo like Galvatron, but I'm strictly bout these bombs and bongs, take a toc of the smoke and
keystyle a new song, you couldn't get lifted with prongs, I'm like Fei Long hitting you with the Reikaken, I'm brakin' men like the Kraken/ 
Mackin' those who slackin' and blaming me for they demise, I'm wise like Odin, but kept my eye, you swollen off vanity but
can it be that I'm talking about another rapper who's simply a wippersnapper compared to me, I'm backed by the 48 Angelic Keys of Dr. John Dee?/ 
I thought it's propable and highly logical like Spock, never mock the title crest of the nigga reppin' the South and the
Midwest, ya mouth is covered in a rash from eatin' them hoez before you bash, I stash the hash and proceed into the LPD's next baricade/ 
My flows' is payed while relaxin' in the shade of caves while collecting scarabs to pay the tarriff of divine intervention and
need I mention that I'm the dictator couping all playahaters and serving them with seconds later in the meal, can you feel my liquid steel bone structure?/ 
I rupture you with adamantium blades, you got cadmium waves floating thru ya bloodstream and you'll die in a scream of
pain as I obtain the styles of the Snake And Crane then combine it with the Eight Drunken Gods, I rock ya bod like Lyte while causin' fright like Mike Meyers/ 
I'm liver than your H2O with night angels watchin' the dough to make sure it comes correct, I never half-step and you my pet,
want another dish of Kibbles & Bits?, I coagulate then slip into, interdimensional rifts with gubernatorial chicks givin' me head before the senator/ 
I'm the mentor, your sensors probe my globe shaped starcraft before I blast off into hyperspace, leavin' ya computers with a
taste of the perfet vessel, for you to wrestle the Infinty Gauntlet fom my wrist is like Chris Rock steppin' to Adam Warlock when he pissed/ 
Now I gotta bounce and get this 64 ounce of Billy D before these silly freaks say I'm late from takin' my lunchbreak, I come
great and stoned imaculate, I ejaculate all over ya grill, as you slurp and spill my seed like Onan, I got ronin gang affiliation and instant veneration... 

Nicodemus: 

sorry bout da wait,but i'm back to set it straight and levitate 
ya rhyme to fate,floatin through da pearly gates 
lets get it on,round 1 is now in session EX is next to get a blessin 
from da knowledge manifestin 
telekinetic infections causin tumors to ya intestines 
razor blades u digestin,ya cardiac arrestin 
bout to lose all ya investments to da nigga dat u testin 
so bring ya best in,to dis communication of lessons twice as nice, 
apostrophies got ya words sliced slidin like ice through walls like 
poltergiests durin heists 
like i said before,don't expect me to write a book 
one page have herbs shook scared to look and get they mind took 
da rhyme crook leave no fingerprints or evidence 
irrelevence get trampled by my intellegent elements 
reversin what u think 
usin ya blood for ink 
multiplyin in front of ya face every single time u blink 
da shapeshiftin underworld assassin 
continue blastin and laughin at fake cats not understandin they bout to be a has been 

Vote!!! 

Goodness gracious.  Exodus-Omega wrote a damned book up there.  But I can't front...I felt the whole shit.  LORD!!!  Unorthodoxed, unflowing  style and all.  Then again, it did flow in a massive way cuz every other word rhymed and shit.  He was saying some trivailly funny shit.  You must look at TV, read comic books and play video games a lot--it's evident in the references you made.  It's all good though.  I would suggest that you bring more order to your flow though.  Organize; try to deliver it in bars instead.  It'll probably make your verses that much more vicious.  Nicodemus, well, it's obvious that Exodus quadrupled your text output.  I think he sheerly overpowered you son.  Not to mention, your joint didn't really come off like a hungry battle verse to me. Plus, you don't seem like the long winded type.  You had some nice word play goin on though...especially at the end. I suggest that you get into the habit of adding more metaphores/similes to your battle rhymes; give people something to judge. 
[review given by FreeSteelo]

Psycho Shining

peace out to the whole hip hop culture, the DJ's, Graf Artists, B-kids, and MC's worldwide

psycho shining, 
this verse seems very common, the content of this verse can be found on almost any website where people post their rhymes.  It's just the same ol sameol, nothing unpredictable, nothing that grabs the audience or captures theattention. I mean some of these common lines in hiphop make no sence to me, you said " watch how many niggas I rape with out a trojan " again, is the listener supposed to think your ill, when you say watch how many niggas I rape, i automatically think your refering to men.  I don't think that's a good thing, and esspecially with out a trojan, man, your gonna get  some diseases, you can't be goin around like that. now I know it's just slang, some metaphore that krs made up a long timeago, but krs one said it in a fashion that made sence, and atleast clarrified why he was gettin up in anuses.  Your just raping rappers for the fun.  After you say you get up in em raw, you say " you maybe heard it before" this is another one of those things were the mc has nothing to say so they just throw in words.  this line is accurate cause as far as this verse, we all have heard it before. so the positive thing is that you know where you stand. One thing I got to say is that I don't blame mc's for following trends, all of us as people were raised around trends, everything we did was a trend weather we knew it or not.  What clothes we put on our back, what we did in our spare time.  Our whole personality was built around what we saw other people doing so it's only natural that when we grab the mic, we start to sound like our peers. to finish this critique, Yes, novecain makes an mc numb, look at any battle rhyme on the internet, you'll find that out Yes, mc's have knowledge up in their brain, listen to any hiphop tape and you'll find that out Yes, mc's keep the party live but when do mc's start doing things without saying they do them, and why are you diggin in the crates like lordfinese, he's not a great producer kid. keep your head up though, where there's a will there's a way
[review given by Braille]

Physician vs. Zexec

Callin me out/ to qoute: "STOP BEING A BITCH"/ 
Don't get me started/ cuz when I rip it leave you Bewitched/ 
Like Darron/ or Endora/ or Samantha with a nose twitch/ 
You'll more than likely wish/ you never tried ta diss/ 
I used ta rep fish/ now police order "cease and desist"/ 
You started sumpin I know you cant handle/ 
I leave crowds open/ like toes in a sandals/ blown like a candle/ 
I leave you shattered/ ya whole area in pieces/ 
Inovating raps like 1000 thousand BCs/ unleashes/ 
A secret older than pyramids/ the Art of Cipher Destruction/ 
With tha power of spoken word/ comes tha introduction/ 
And construction/ of a whole new production/ 
Mad phat rhymes/ needing lipo-suction/ 
I pronouce words your parents never taught you/ 
Let's say I even fought you/ and battling caught you/ 
What would that prove/ I already know I'm 10 times the emcee/ 
You claim ta be/ while you rhyming shit like you're A,B,C,s/ 
I write vocal decrees/ Im hot like 2000 degrees/ 
Farenheit/ You wanna battle right/ Im just making sure/ 
Cuz I'm undaground/ so just look uner ya floor/ 

ZEXEC

SO let me run-it like this here// 
I gotz da seaonin, onions & gravy on dis Medium rare/ 
sizzlin hot, and gotcha open, mouth salivatin/ 
dis dat puruvian flavor, so you gotzs ta be mistakin/ 
comin at da Z wit da trivia and missin da question/ 
let me make a suggestion//lines git in nat azz & cause integestion/ 
and let me also mention dat I do trickz n otha shit/ 
nigaz wanna handle it//but not lyricaly or physically fit// 
so git-up wit dem dogs and become a real practicin Physician/ 
kidz gittin hurt out here like oooooooh needin bodily attention/ 
dis free joint iz like hot melt and stickz to ya// 
I funnin now, but if I have to, then i'll do ya// 
I dropz da gadgetz for nigaz ta fumble like//but realy, da mic/ 
I thow shit out there just for spite//but letz git-it-right/ 
ZEXEC will rize to de occasion//cause massive cell abrasions/ 
n otha shit. 
blak oUt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tha Physician 

Physician prescribing some ZEXEC/ ta every whack head/ 
Cuz if you think you whack/ peep his rhymes instead/ 
Of giving up/ and you'll say/ "I'm better than him"/ 
Showing "up and comers"/ that theres someone worse than them/ 
I take rap/ writing rhymes "crème da la crème"/ 
And making children/ such as ZEXEC/ what it mean ta be "real"/ 
Now don't even front like you don't feel/ 
Cuz my lyrics is hits/ like Ally McBeal/ 
C'mon kid/ you should know tha deal/ 
Talk about steaks and seasoning/ where ya reasoning/ 
Cuz when you called my a "bitch"/ You wont pleasing me/ 
And don't ever start some shit ya cant finish/ 
I keep lyrics/ I wont diminish/ I speak in tounges/ 
Sounding like I was speakin in Finnish/ 
And your puzzled/ like a jigsaw/ or a rubix/ 
I eat you up/ and pick out pieces with tooth picks/ 
I take hip hop/ and write with my words/ music/ 
Don't confuse it/ cuz if you had it/ you had ta lose it/ 
I take words and use it/ I take ya whole PERSON and abuse it/ 
So you think I'll let a that last post ride/ 
Then come correct/ cuz here tha change of tide/ 
Bide/ ya time/ maybe confide/ in a friend/ how ya lied/ 
Bout tha skill ya said you had/ but couldn't comprehend/ 
I hate ta send/ such a negitive message/ when I bend/ 
But fuck it it you offend/ me/ you better be ready/ ta defend/ 
Yourself/ cuz I take no mercy/ when a advesary/ 
Steps ta my vast vocabulary/ Im like Pet Sematery/ 
Leave ZEXEC totally frightened/ his sence of fear heightened/ 
While I'm enlightened/ My grib on tha mic tightened/ 
To tha point I got it in a chokehold/ ZEXEC is held tha same/ 
Cuz he came/ not know I'd leave his every lyrics like a flame/ 
"True to tha game"/ not this kid/ hes tha one ta blame/ 
Of tha state hip hop is in today/ I got him yelling meyday/ 
Cuz on tha REDLINE/ its my payday/ so I pronuce in every way/ 
To boggle minds like SCRABBLE/ cuzing me ta battle/ 
I got ya beef/ like a steak/ it all starts with cattle/ 
So while you milking cows/ I lead em to a they death/ 
Wanna go onwit dis battle/ Yo why waste ya breath/ 

ZEXEC

Otha than the fact that I threw da bait den held back/ 
itz now time ta put da tight squeeze on ya, make you a stat/ 
cauze statistacally campared ta me you don't have a chance/ 
ZEXEC too advanced// bust off da amo repeatedly, watcha dance/ 
den jump in ma flame ta add to da heat I just put on ya/ 
3rd degree doin ya// while ya own crowd be booin ya// 
& ya girl screwin ya/ for every dolla cause you gotz no sense/ 
havin da audasity ta come half-cocked in ya own defense/ 
c'mon kid, wherez ya heart at//come wit da raw combat/ 
while I tip ma hat//den react wit a bitch slap//whatz that?/ 
no no noooo, say sorry ta da nex one dat waxez dat azz// 
I flowz ta dat wicked guilespie jazz//still spankin wit ghetto clazz/ 
yeah, da diallect iz correct//so now you wann git on, 
hit-me up 1-888 _________//no disrespect//cause you got checked/ 
I know, ZEXEC wrekz//still not a threat//but to you, diz iz a bill collect/ 
so answer when I bring da drama like "What da Fuk just Happened here?!/ 
Physician? you alright? Fukin wit ZEXEC! den who do you fear? 
only idiotic mo-fukaz come at em all in da open cauze they stupid/ 
500 MGs for dat azz Psycic(Physician), read da chartz, and check what I did/ 
I sent in a battle so you could see me unda presure... Naw mean... I aint all cherryheaded... I'll tke critisizm... The only
reason I battled this kid... Is cuz I was having a seprate convo... And he interupted me saying... "Stop being bitch"... And I
aint acting all hard or nuttin just you come at me... I come at you... So tell me what your opinion is... Peace... Physician 

Before I even begin to choose a winner, I'm gonna read and rate each verse individually..then choose. Physician's first verse was lacking in almost all aspects.  Simple wordplay and punchlines; also pointless punchlines which is common with rookies.  I suspect you were a rookie at the time you wrote this. This line: "I leave crowds open/ like toes in a sandals/"...what does a crowd have to do with a text battle? Also, "Inovating raps like 1000 thousand BCs/"...what the hell is that?  Makes no sense. I rank your first verse shitty. 
Zexec, your first verse was half assed.  I saw the potential and brain power there to crush your opponent and you held back.  If you're gonna do that, what are battling for? You started off cunningly, then just started bullshitting like "but let's get it right" and "but really".  Judging from this battle, you catz didn't have beef cuz y'all rhymed like you was goofing off in a chat room or something. Your first verse:..half assed.
I've tried to read the rest of y'all shit, but it's just to excruciating to go any further.  I've read like half y'all second verses--boring ass stuff man.  Physician, it sounds like you're just talking.  Zexec, it sounds like you were just playing around.  I give the battle to Zexec cuz he was more creative....wheww.  I'm glad this is over.
FreeSteelo]

Dodge

well, this verse started out okay, and through out the verse there was a couple of good lines, but this verse seems thrown together, and i've noticed a lot of this latly, what happend to spending three days on one rhyme, making everything perfect. What happend to having a direction to your song or having a point foreven writing.I mean, anyone who picks up the pen just to get someone to say your fresh doesn't have enough motivation to put his heart into this. One of my moto's is, your good at anything you do for expression, you suck at anything you do for impression This verse got sloppy, you just started talking about boilin dentures. I honestly have never heard of an mc that has dentures, so your not boilin to many mc's with that one. Now if you would have said, i knock your teeth out your mouth then boil your dentures maybe that would have been cool. My question is, why did you start talkin about eatin greens with thefamily. It seems that this verse consists only of words that rhyme and a couple of punchlines. But seriously, i want to let all you guys know that when i'm critiquingthese verses, i'm doing it out of the love of song writing, not to put you down. Some of the things may sound defensive, but that's just to get you to want to change.  Some times being shot down is the only thing that will shootus up. 
[review given by Braille]

Duce

peaCE 1 Love....
 and givin' props to all them tight Niggaz up in 1ArmY
Duce

I just wanted to know something, see I'm what they call a wak mc.  You said you let wak mc's know, so i'd like you to let me know.  I mean you kind of left me empty there, you tell me your gonna let me know, then all thesudden you started breakin necks like a video game.  You really got me confused here. I think I'm going to put out a book called punchline no no's, filled with repeated quotables that never made sence by the person who made them up, nor the person who copied the person who made them up. I seriously don't think that you thought when you wrote this verse,it's just words. Here's some things that could help you out, some hints to taking it to the next level. If your still in school, learn while your there, learn new words, learn new things and display them. I mean the words you rhyme with like crow, show, know, go, foe.  Those are all common words that everyone rhymes with. I never recomend this type of stuff to people, I don't personally haveone, but some of you guys should go to a book store and get a rhyming dictionary. YOu can look up any word and it has a list of words that rhyme with that word. This way you can use the words that are already in your head but just didn't come to mind. My best advise to any mc is always look to expand.  Don't call yourselfan mc any more.  People tend to call them selves an mc and then they try to sound like an mc.  An mc doesn't have a specific sound, actually don't try to sound like anything. Like Brandy, she said " i'm just tryin to be me " anyone who has to try to be themselves is trying to be someone else. Pretend you've never heard hiphop before, then write a song, spendtime, spend like 2 weeks on one rhyme, put all your heart and mind into that rhyme and e-mail it to me at BRAILLE503@aol.com actually, this is a challange for any mc who wants to participate, spend 2 weeks on a rhyme, using your mind, heart and soul.  Write something ofdeep meaning to yourself and e-mail it to me.
[review given by Braille]

FraggleRock

 i'm out 
Rock-One 98 99 2000

I can tell this kid was just joking around, this verse made no sense a tall, he typed that up in like 5 minutes and just said whatever came to mind at the time.I'm not going to break this one down, i'm just going to say that the more serious your going to be taken as an mc. take my challenge, it's under duce's verse.
[review given by Braille]

Telekinect

man, at first I thought this verse was cool, then he had to come in with this gay stuff. there was no point in it, it wasn't funny or nothing, it was just
stupid. I did however like the line "if you slice pies, why is there no apple or blueberry on your knife. " There were many other lines like the popcorn kernal line and the baloon static, but as far as the baloon static, I would like to point out that mc's need to be more descriptive, make your punchlines crisp so that people can understand what your saying. and ay, don't flip like acrobatiks, please don't do that.
I guess the my main suggestion for this verse is to find a focuss, i don't know if you were serious about the gay stuff but that was stupid, but I see little specs of song writting ability in you, so take my challenge (see my critique for duce, it's at the bottom)
[review given by Braille]

ELEMENT TO DA 5TH AKA TAFIYON

Wild.  It's hard to rate this one.  I sensed a keen format and knowledge to your ish.  It was sorta disjointed and noncommital.  You start off by asking "who's next".  Then talk about a project complex full of blacks and white in the very next sentences.  WTF-- nothing to do with battling.  It was like you were talking about getto shit and just added the word "lyrical(ly)" in there a couple of times.  I suggest that you decide what you want to flow about next time. Instead of switching up and confusing people. Ghetto shit does not validate you at all on a damned freestyle board.  The whole point (in my opinion) to writing rhymes..especially TEXT for freestyle boards, is to reflect your skillz to others.  What else is the point?  Anybody can talk shit...that's not interesting.  Anybody who's looked at TV or e er watched Menace to Society can talk about the ghetto/thug shit.  Feel me?  That shit is not cool.  I liked the very last line where you said something about menopause though.
[review given by FreeSteelo]

Aristocrat

Aris2crat, peace 
props to freesteelo 
luv for the 1army 

Damn Aristocrat...you're my nicka and all, but this rhyme was not hittn at all.  You were not on any lyrical type ish.  You were just jabbin off at the mouth about seemingly some personal shit around your area.  Thug type shit....but not thug shit.  More like "I live around thug-type shit, but not actually a thug".  I don't think i've ever read a rhyme from you until this one.  I thought you be coming off son.  It must have been somebody else though.  Maybe Architect or something.  I'm not dissing you.  Just telling you to bring that shit lyrically if you want some useful criticism.  What am i suppose to tell you about this rhyme?  That it is dope?  Give me some punchlines and format and creativity.  Peace yo.
[review given by FreeSteelo]

Gesus

First of all, what type of shit are you on?  "my mind is full of satanic rituals"  are you a worshipper?  Inet headz kill me with that Satanic devilish shit--probably introverted as hell on the real side life (sigh).  My bad.  Don't mean to diss you.  I'm suppose to try to help you.  I just have to let you know that you get no points talkin about  satan and shit.  Your wordplay was nice.  I guess you were just being abstract...cuz you proceeded to talk about how you lie to top government spies and stuff.  I can't knock you, because if that's your cup-of-tea, then let it be.  Some people use the Net as an outlet.  But damn, the first thing you see when you click on THE FIRING RANGE is "This board is to help you MCs that just started rhyming or just want some critiqing on your rhymes", right? We expect headz to send us stuff that is halfway worthy of reading, so I hope people don't think we're being to harsh.  I wanna try to help, but don't send us just anything. Send us some serious stuff.  Back to your rhyme, You didn't use any dividers or anything.  Your joint had no flow to it.  Where are the rhymes "suppose to meet", if I may.  I liked what you said about melanin.  Then, you ended on the "darkness" note...so that almost confirms that you have some hangup with the occult or something.  I want dope rhymes, not ritualistic scriptures.  Peace
[review given by FreeSteelo]