Wedding Telegrams
The Bureau of Meteorology forcasts rainstorms so the bride can expect a few good inches overnight.
A honeymoon is like the Nullarbor Plain - one long route. (Aussie)
Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch instalments."The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it."
Don't buy your bed from David Jones, they stand behind everything they sell. (Aussie)
Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in womans sink.
Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and Groom Mounted.Honeymoons are like power strikes - on again off again affairs.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and She'll last for many years.
Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.
Tennis Clubs: Two fuzzy balls never guaranteed a great serve.Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.
If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
Go for it mate. We all did!
All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.She offered her honour,
He honoured her offer,
and all night he was on her and off her.
Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.
Hope you honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass, One long hard route.
Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes
you Frisky,but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.
Seven days honeymoon makes the hole weak.
Caterer:
May your honeymoon be like a good chook dinner - a bit of leg, a bit of breast and a lot of stuffing.
Travel Agency to Bride:
The grooms face leaves at midnight. Be on it.
Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
Remember Pearl Harbour... Have fun before the nips come.
Football coach to bride:
If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him off.
From Harlem Globetrotters:
It hit us hard when first we knew,
Of our Aussie girlfriends wedding,
Next time we'll ask before we queue,
To dribble in your bedding.
West Indian Cricket Team:
It was a black day when we heard,
That our white girl was marrying,
Yes, quite sad indeed, but not as black,
As the bundle you are carrying.
Touring Team:
We Indians are an emotional lot,
Who remember fondly each Australian screw,
If on your wedding day we bawl, so what,
It's chapati and we'll cry if we want to.
Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
Marriage: Woman gets the wedding ring, man gets the suffer-ring.
There are many different ways to celebrate a wedding,
some people celebrate with wine, others beer,
some choose spirits, but tonight Normie will be celebrating in cider!
Sent in by: Abbi Waterhouse
