THE LEGEND OF THE BIG CARPET TROUT---THE GOLDEN TEMPLE OF SOUND

F U N K Y

ONCE UPON A TIME, IN NORTHERN NEW BRUNSWICK, A GROUP OF DOWN HOME FISHING BUDDIES WERE GATHERED AROUND A BLAZING CAMPFIRE TELLING TALES OF WONDER AND WISDOM. GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT OF THE EVENING, JIMMY, THE SELF TITLED LEADER OF THE GROUP, AROSE TO TELL A TALE SO FAR FETCHED AND CRAZY, HIS COMRADES THOUGHT HIM INSANE. THIS IS HIS STORY.

S O L O

EN REALITE, C'ETAIT UN "MACKEREL" BUT WE'LL CALL HIM "TROUT" FOR STUPIDITY'S SAKE.

ANYWAYS, ME, JIMMY, JOHN BOB, BILLY JOE AND I WENT UP TO GOOD OLE' ANTINEWY LAKE IN SEARCH OF GOOD FISHIN'

WHEN WE GOT THERE, THE CAMP WAS COLD AND QUIET...TOO QUIET. WE WERE IN SEARCH OF THE BIG ONE.

YES! THE BIG CARPET TROUT! (8 TIMES)

S I L E N C E

A BAD CASE OF THE RUNS KEPT JOHN BOB IN THE BUSHES FOR A WHOLE HOUR. BUT AS SOON AS OLE' MISTER BROWN-GROUND HAD HAD ENOUGH...

C O U N T R Y

WELL WE PACKED UP THE BOAT AND BROKE OUT THE BEER AND EVERYBODY STARTED FEELING FINE.

AND BILLY STARTED TELLING OLD JOKES ABOUT THE WOMEN WHILE JOE-BOB STARTED DRINKIN' HERMIT WINE.

WELL WE PACKED UP THE BOAT AND BROKE OUT THE BEER AND EVERYBODY STARTED FEELING FINE.

AND BILLY STARTED TELLING OLD JOKES ABOUT THE WOMEN WHILE JOE-BOB STARTED DRINKIN' HERMIT WINE.

S O L O

WELL WE PACKED UP THE BOAT AND BROKE OUT THE BEER AND EVERYBODY STARTED FEELING FINE.

WHEN WE GOT OUT ON THE WATER, CURSIN' 'BOUT MY DAMN STEPFATHER, WELL EVERYBODY SAID............."IT'S FISHIN' TIME!!!"

E V I L ------ B R U I T S

I BROKE OUT MY 500$ COMPOSITE GRAPHITE, TITANIUM CORE, "SURE-CAST" MBN-9000 FISHIN' POLE WITH MOLDED GRIP AND HARDSHELL CASE AND SAID:

"I KNOW YOU WANT SOME YOU FUCKIN' OVERGROWN EXCUSE FOR A MINNOW..........COME GET SOME."

7 O D D T I M E

OLE JIMMY JUST CAN'T WAIT

ALMOST ATE THE DAMN FISH BAIT (2 TIMES)

DOWN BELOW THE TROUT WAITS

OLE JIMMY JUST CAN'T WAIT

S T R A I G H T B E A T

AFTER SEVERAL HOURS OF UNLUCKY FISHING, JIMMY DECIDED TO SNEAK OFF AND TRY OUT A SPOT THAT HE HAD SEEN EARLIER ON. BEING THE GOOD COUNTRY BOY THAT HE IS, JIMMY NEGLECTED TO TELL HIS BUDDIES ABOUT HIS LITTLE EXPEDITION.

NOT TEN SECONDS AFTER JIMMY HAD DROPPED HIS 30 POUND LINE INTO THE DARK CALM WATER, A MONSTROUS STRIKE, DROVE JIMMY TO HIS KNEES!!

WHAT HE SAW FLYING OUT OF THAT MURKY WATER WAS THE BIGGEST GODDAMN TROUT TO EVER GRACE THE FRESH WATERS OF NORTHEASTERN NEW BRUNSWICK, AND IT WAS ENTIRELY MADE OF....

(--RIEN--) CARPET!!!

BEFORE JIMMY COULD BLINK AN EYE, THE BIG CARPET TROUT TOOK A HUGE CHUNK OUT OF JIMMY'S BOAT, BROKE HIS FISHING ROD IN THREE PIECES, CURSED HIS MOTHER AND SWAM OFF INTO THE SUNSET.

AS JIMMY WATCHED THE CARPET TROUT SWIM AWAY, HE WAS SIMPLY HAPPY TO BE ALIVE. AND AS THE SUN SET, ON THE LUSH NEW BRUNSWICK FOREST, JIMMY HAD LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON: NEVER DOUBT THE UNEXPLAINED, EVIL POWERS OF.....

YES THE BIG CARPET TROUT!