Members's E-mail Addresses

• WPeter4105@aol.com
  
• raeik@sn.no
  
• DRAM4LYF@aol.com
  
• Eric2880@aol.com
  
• KurtDCobain@nirvanafan.com
  
• ohtheguilt@hotmail.com
  
• vegas@ccrtc.com
  
• dave@nirvanaclub.com
  
• robertbrooks@mindspring.com
  
• Fish6727@aol.com
  
• Kamikaze@slip.net
  
• kezell@ptd.net
  
• Gomer67@aol.com
  
• satan@gezernet.co.il
  
• miseryloves@yahoo.com
  
• soakes@cici.mb.ca
  
• jughead@norlink.net
  
• kcobain@adelphia.net
  
• DeadKenne2@aol.com
  
• Dancr99@aol.com
  
• hairsprayqueen72@hotmail.com
  
• hackerdollar@hotmail.com
  
• thisell@algonet.se
  
• flamingblank@hotmail.com
  
• P1Carr@aol.com
  
• frank911casper@hotmail.com
  
• jfaumais@netcom.ca
  
• CobainDoll@aol.com
  
• kurdt_cobain@nirvanafan.com
  
• kurtco69@aol.com
  
• kirbo717@aol.com
  
• energika@algonet.se
  
• nirvan8023@aol.com
  
• NirvanaX48@aol.com
  
• ANEMICSTAR@aol.com
  
• freako6o@hotmail.com
  
• Frances323@aol.com
  
• ire32Land@aol.com
  
• WPack911@aol.com
  
• HitmanX16@aol.com

Hello all. My name is James Senger (Jimmy Vegas) and I just became a member of the WTP not so long ago. WTP was introduced to me by a close friend of mine. When he first told me about it I kinda shunned the idea for I thought that it was stupid and the message would not be heard. Well he gave me the URL anyway and I went to the website.

Fromall the information that I saw, it really did seem like the place where I can feel comfortable going to because many people in the group feel the same why I do about things. So I went ahead and joined.

One of my friends, who is now a member of this organization, just happens to be a bisexual. I'll be totally honest with you here.

When he first told me that he was bi, I wasn't really too big on the idea knowing that we were really good friends. I didn't know what to say to him exactly. I must admit that i was quite scared to talk to him the next day at the bus stop. But then I realized that it's okay for him to choose to live his life the way he wants to.

Two other friends of mine are quite the racist type. everytime I go out with both of them, there isn't a minute that goes by without them saying some prejudice remark. The thing that bugs me about that the most is that they are my best friends. One of them is even like a brother to me. My parents are also show some racial signs. My mom tries to deny it but the stupid comments are still there as proof that she is. My dad on the other hand, he doesn't care who knows he's a racist. I swear he just loves to hate blacks. He is such a hateful person. That's why I can't stand him so much.

To top everything off, I am a very undiagnosed manic depressive.

I mean I haven't went to a proffessional to get help or anything but I know it's there. For the past few weeks now all I have been thinking about is suicide and what it must be like to die. It has affected(sp?) my brain in school and it is very hard to concentrate. I happen to work at McDonalds resteraunt(sp?) which is definitely not the place to be like that. I mean all there is there is chaos and extreme hell. everything from timers going off to stupid annoying customers who don't know how to cook.

I have come to a point in my life where I can say that I am ready to die. But why won't I die? Why am I not killing myself now like I
really really want to do? There is really only one reason for that.

That has to be because of my girlfriend. Now I'm not gonna start with embarrassing her so I will leave her name out of this, but I love her very much. Sometimes even too much. I love her so much that sometimes it even hard to tell her that. Of course she's gonna say it back but does she really mean it? Or does she love me but not as much? Thats how paranoid I get. Everytime we argue I think to myself, "oh great! This is the end!"

It isn't easy thinking about this stuff that I just mentioned. That is
why it is giving me great grief just writing this letter. I need a new
life. New friends that I can actually relate to. And the WTP just may
be that place. I really hope so.

Thanks for listening.

James Senger

I wake up in the morning at 5:30 pissed off.  I get on the bus at 6:30 and feel even more pissed off because of all these stupid ass obniouxs people on the bus who always make fun of me.  I get off the bus at school and look around.  I see a buch of groups of people that all look basically the same - bleached short hair, plaid shirts, tommy hil figer pants, Nike shoes. They are all the same, no orginality there.  I walk in and find my little group consiting of all the people that dont completely fit in, the people who like to be considered freaks.  But still, they have there little trends of jincos, and big pants and whatever else, which if they dont wear, they still dont fit in.  So still there lacking orginality, all Afriad to do something that someone else might look down on them for.  Then I find my 3 friends, my guitairist of my band (which has long hair and has to constantly stand up for him self to people who call him hanson all the time), his girlfriend and my Girlfriend.  This is just a little info behind me and what its like where I go to school at. 

Then there is me, im not like anyone else, and this is my first attempt ever, to explain my philosphy.  When i go to the store and buy clothes, i could care less about what brand name they are or If I will be popular, if I wear it, i choose what feels comfortable and I think looks good.  I go to school and maybe I dont fit in for wearing this, so I get made fun of..  Why do I get made fun of for somethign I like for being orginal? why?  I have my hair long and purposely have it long becuase everyone including my parrents tell me to cut it... But do I want to look like every other kid in my school... No.  So im growing it longer and curler. 

When I talk about popular kids, and how I hate them, I think I am being alittle bit Naive-   I have learned to deal with them and even have a few friends that are popular.   But as I dont want people to judge me for what I wear or what I like i try not to judge him either.. In any other way then as a living person.  There are people that are really nice to me even know im not in the popular crowd, so Im nice to them back have no reason to not like them. I also dont blame popular people either, because they are sucked into this whole thing too.  Its not really there fault, but i do hate and blame the stupid ass people who cant talk right and that are opinionated, and judge from looks.  Those are the people I hate. 

SO after all this I go home thinking, I hate i hate i hate ~ but I dont want to be this person that ahtes all the times so maybe I am as bad as they are.

MC  

Noise From The Underground:

  Hello everyone welcome once again to your stop for finding out about some of the coolest unheard bands around.  Many people think that punk music is dead, but I assure you it's alive and kicking with the band Sleater-Kinney.  Their 1996 album Dig Me Out is an excellent show of brilliance that has been compared to Nirvana's Nevermind album.  The all girl trio resort from Olympia, WA.  They have been voted #1 in the Rocket magazine's local picks for 1997album of the year.  There is talk of a new release from the band in early 1999.  They are on the Kill Rock Stars label which is also the home of another recently broken up girl band Bikini Kill.  Other noticeable people who have had releases from the label include Mary Lou Lord, and Slim Moon. 

  Another extremely important band that I forgot to mention last time is the Pixies.   Although they too have broken up, in 1991, they have been called the godfathers of grunge.  Their whole style is like a continuous melody, that definitely has the 80's vibe to it.  Kim Deal later went on to form the Breeders, who are most probably out of action for quite awhile if not finished as a band themselves.  Frank Black, the former lead singer of the Pixies has moved on to a promising solo career.  If you want to get a feel of the band check out what most probably could be their last release called Death To The Pixies, a double CD album with one album containing their greatest hits, and the other featuring a highly energetic live concert from the band.  As always to find out more about all of the bands I mentioned search for them on the #1 search engine Yahoo at http://www.yahoo.com.

Noise From The Underground #3:
By Brian Peterson

  Hello again, time to fill you in on some of the music you might have never heard of or just forgot about.  This issues topic will be the history of Punk Rock Music.   Punk music is known to have started in the mid seventies, and really did not catch on until around 1977, when the Sex Pistols, most probably the most obnoxious group of all time put their sound into a category of it's own.  Their very influential album "Nevermind The Bullocks" was an attack on society, particularly the British society in which the group came from.  Their crazy antics were catching on, and soon many other bands would soon make history.  Most possibly the longest tenure for a punk band would have to be the Ramones, who finally did their final tour on the Lollapalooza 96' run.  Also try to check out the once Henry Rollins fronted band Black Flag.

  Punk music basically was one of the reasons that such genres as disco started dying out in the early 1980s.  Unfortunately, most punk bands did not last long as bands.   There are virtually hundreds of these bands that could be named.  It looked like as if punk was dead itself, until the energy that flared in the Seattle music scene started to bring it back strongly.  Nirvana became the first punk band in history to ever have a #1 album with Nevermind. They broke into the mainstream that was virtually dominated by artists with either the hair bands, bad pop groups, and synthesizer music.   Since 1994, there have been many other punk groups to emerge.  Green Day, and the Offspring have basically been the front runners.  But now that punk seems to be suffering once again in the mainstream, punk rock music will always remain strong in the noise from the underground.

How to Annoy, Piss Off, and Scare Off Jocks

Hello fellow members of the WTP. Every school I have ever been to the jocks are the school assholes. If  you are a homosexual, female, different race than them, or don't follow the current trends, they think they are somehow better than you. I still remember the day my friend came out; he was beaten up three or four times that day. He is a great guy and has learned to play off it to scare off the jocks. I have been called a "freak," "lesbian," "stupid Cobainian," and "punk rock faggot," which I find kind of funny because I am not a lesbian. It is a great thing to play off all this stereotypes. The following is some suggestions for doing so. One great way to scare them is to make out with one of your friends just as the jocks walk by. If you and/or your friends are a little less daring, you walk down the halls holding hands. Fun thing to do in gym
class is when you are playing basketball to steal the ball from one of your team mates or grab someone of the same sex a lot during the game. If you have the ball, pass to the other team, shoot into the wrong basket, or shoot toward the basket but make sure that it doesn't hit the backboard or go in the basket.

You can apply those general principles to almost any sport. If you are talking in the halls with some of friends, talk   loudly about your "plans" blow up the school or your "boyfriend" if you are guy or your "girlfriend" if you are girl. Make your locker a shrine to the lead singer of your favorite group, and when asked about it say, "Must obey (insert singer's name here). Must do what s/he says..." If you are in class with none of your friends, talk to yourself loudly and pretend that you in fact talking to some else. These are some of the things my friends and me have done in the past and all of them have worked well. I sure it you come with some ideas of your own; just remember, it is more fun you do things that make people mad without breaking big rules you get away with a lot more.

Pam Carr

What The Wtp Means To Me:

The WTP means a place where people who like to make the world a less hateful and discriminatory place can get together and make a difference. I hope that we can help at least one person. If we can get just one person to stop and think about his/her life and how they could be a better person I think it would be worth it. I doubt we could change a sinner to a saint and  I don't think that's what we are trying to do. Just get people to think. That's all we have to do.

Tyler Oakes

"Too Many Posers"

Lately I have been noticeing a lot of Nirvana pages that are
mainly just copies of other Nirvana fans work. I mean today I went to this kids page and took his quiz. It asked a question like who was Nirvana's last record company. You can choose from Subpop, "Greffen," or some other one. Greffen, you have to be stupid to think that there record label was Greffen. Greffen was the right answer too. Pretty
sad huh? Well there are a lot more people out there like this. All they do is steal other people's work too. This kid asked me to review his site. Well when I reviewed it just about everything was ripped off from my page. That really pissed me off. I think we really need to hack into pages like this. It's just a waste of our time when people steal all of our stuff.

There are people like this at my school too. They sit there and make fun of me cause I like Nirvana. But then they'll make a Nirvana homepage. People like this are just plain old posers. Then there are kids at my school who will wear Nirvana shirts and stuff like that and they only know about three or four Nirvana songs. They don't even know what a bootleg is. I guess all of the kids where I live are
really fucked up. Most of the kids who say they are Nirvana fans say that there favorite song is "Smells Like Teen Spirit." That song is just so overated.

Well all though there are so many posers in the world, the only way you can keep it real is to be real. Don't try to be someone you aren't. Posers suck!!! You can keep it real with the White Trash Posse. Help stop the posers and sterotypes!!!

By: Mike Gozdiskowski

"Bootleg Traders, Good or Bad"

How do you know if the person you are trading with isn't gonna rip you off? It sounds hard to tell but it really isn't. If you are getting a good deal, say 10 boots for $5, most likely that person will rip you off. It is pretty obvious. You can also tell if they are a good or bad trader by looking around at other bootleg sites. Look at the good and
bad traders lists. That can help you out a lot. You can also ask other traders. The best thing to do is just not to get ripped off. Cause ifyou do you can't do shit. You can't sue them for mail fraud. "I was doing something illegal and he ripped me off." That won't work at all. You will both probably end up getting fined or spending a few years in
jail. If you every do want to trade with a bad trader, you should make them send first. Otherwise don't trade at all.

The Good Traders - Although there are many bad traders out there, there are also a lot of good traders. These are the people you can trust without having to worry about anything. If you just started to trade many of the good
traders will sell you boots or trade you 2:1. These people will give you good honest deals. Sometimes they do give you crappie tapes though. But who cares about the kind of tape it is when you are just starting. All you really care about is the show. It's pretty easy to find a good
trader. If you have ICQ all you have to do is ask if anyone trades bootlegs. That's how I got started. I found a few good traders. One of them was Kyle Thibodeau.

I bought my first two boots off of Kyle. He is a very good trader and easy to trust. If you can't find any good traders, Kyle is one. Why did I write this? You may be asking why I wrote this. Well I decided to write this cause Kyle and I are buying bootlegs off of a bad trader. Well actually he is notorius for being a bad trader. I also have seen his name in goodtraders lists though. Well Kyle and I are going to buy all of his boots, something like 250 boots, for $140. Kyle and I were going to split the cost. So we would both pay $70. $70 is pretty hard to get when you are
broke. That's why we have to be careful with this trader. Cause we don't want to lose all of our money that we worked are asses off to get. We decided to make the bad trader send first. He will send 100 some boots
at first and then send the rest later. Then we send our money to him.

That was a good choice to make cause I don't want to send him the money and not get anything. Well, I hope that this deal will turn out good. And I hope that Kyle and I don't end up getting ripped off.

By: Mike
Webmaster of
Nirvana Totally Unplugged

The Weight of the World
Jesse Safransky

    I think we all pretty much agree that Nirvana was a great band. The music was very honest and raw and Kurt was a truly great musician. However, I don't see much point in arguing over who killed Kurt. He's gone. I think it is terribly sad but killing yourself over it is not an answer. Neither is blaming Courtney. I think it has got to be horrible for her to know that people out there blame her for his death. She loved him. I read somewhere in here that even if he didn't look like it, you could tell Kurt was having fun. I think it is the same thing with Courtney's love for Kurt. Maybe she didn't act like the model wife. So what! She loved him. If you're looking for someone to blame, blame the media. They exploited him. You exploited him. I exploited him. He just wanted to make music. He isn't a god. He's just a guy.
    Also, stop for a moment and think why you love Nirvana and Kurt so much. He was brutally honest. He knew how sucky life could be. He had real feelings, real pain, real happiness. For many people, his lyrics and feelings are much like their own. Have you ever realized that we find a great deal of comfort in his pain? Does that tell you something about society? This man had to hurt terribly, to die even, because of the pain he felt and we find comfort in that. Amazing, isn't it?
    I guess I'd like to say this. Keep listening to the music. Get other people to listen to it. Stop blaming other people for the death. Accept that it was a suicide. Move on with your life. If you have kids someday, play Nirvana for them. Go out and get Tori Amos's version of Smells Like Teen Spirit. View the song from a different perspective. Enjoy the music. Oh, and maybe read the letter Kurt wrote that's in the Incesticide liner notes. It makes a lot of sense.
    I'm very open to any of your comments, suggestions, whatever. E-mail me at Frances323@aol.com. Please express only your true thoughts and ideas. Swear at me if you have to. But don't tell me Courtney killed him or that Kurt is God. Neither are true.I totally agree with you, especially the part about suicide being so taboo but not understood. I've read that statistics show that people who try commit suicide desperately want to live immediately after the suicide attempt. I don't totally agree with that, given personal experience, but I doubt Kurt ever had to feel like that because of the pain he said he felt and the extreme amounts of drugs inside of him. Which brings me to the crap people say about Kurt having so many chemicals inside of him that he couldn't have done it. I don't buy that at all. He began using at a very young age and had a heavy habit. I think he knew exactly what he was doing the whole time. I'm not saying that suicide is right or wrong, I'm just saying that it was Kurt's choice and all the people who don't want to believe that their "hero" killed themselves should accept it and move on. Actually, if what Kurt wanted was to die, who are we to say that it is wrong? I don't think it was murder and I don't think that Courtney could have ever done it. I think she loved him dearly and would not ever want to hurt him. If she had really wanted to get rid of him she could've done it in Rome. But she didn't. As for the people who say that Kurt was murdered because he couldn't have wanted to leave Frances, I think that is stupid too. If you love someone, you want the best for them. Kurt loved Frances dearly and I think that maybe he thought that killing himself was the best thing for Frances. However, these are all thing we'll never really know. My only hope is that Kurt got his happiness, Courtney and Frances do well, and that people continue to listen to Nirvana for many years to come. I also hope that people stop all the crap about Courtney killing Kurt. Leave her alone! Could you imagine how much that must hurt to read that so many people are so bitter?

The Complete Story how the White Trash Posse Started:
by WTP Leader Brian Peterson

I figured that many of you people reading this may not know the true origin behind the creation of the WTP. Well it all started one day while I was in school (11th grade) in my 5th period class, Coach Mart's class. I was tired of hearing about all of the students in my school who think that the only way to be cool is to wear the right clothes, hang around the right people, and to be in the right clubs, gangs, etc. I used to always joke about starting my own "gang" since I basically liked to be a smart-ass. But this would not just be any gang. This gang would be a gang to end all gangs. The group would not even be a gang. This tribe
of people would help me realize how many people out there really thought like me in that they did not always want to be the most popular or worry about fitting in. At  first it was just me, the self appointed leader, our self proclaimed Head Pimp Eric Dolz and   of course our lovely Head Bitch (and by the way she wanted to be called that) Ilenia Sanchez. So
all's we really needed was a name. Here in America for the last decade or so there has been a rivalry between the East Coast and West Coast Rap Scene.

These groups have been labeled the East Side and West Side. I remember joking about why isn't there a scene in the middle, you know where the stereotypes of farmers
and hicks live. Sometimes these people are reffered to as White Trash. I could relate to that name since here where I live in Miami, Florida I could easily be called a gringo or White Trash myself due to my family background. Most
people that live here in Miami are of the Hispanic race due to how close such hispanic countries such as Cuba are to here. So the first gang name was born, the "White
Trash Side." This name went on for weeks, as me and my two good friends in my 5th period would tag desks, walls, and whatever else we could with the WTS
symbol. I guess looking back it was sort of a teenage rebellion :) One day I suggested that we could expand our group into the internet due to the decent website knowledge I had. Right around this time other people in my 5th period
were coming up with new names for my little group. I remember people trying to guess the name all of the time. There were people calling us various names, even
joking with such names as the White Trash Soldiers, etc. Then one day, a nice guy was talking to me and mentioned the White Trash Side sounded a bit funny and
offered the name "White Trash Posse" as a replacement. I really liked the new name, but my small group of friends still decided to go by both names even to this day. My
good friend Reidar saw the small cheesy attempt I had going for a website and offered to help me with the webpage. Finally the html design was now bigger and better
then I ever expected it to be. Since then the site has brought me much honor and pride when I found out how many people out there have the same thoughts and
feelings as me. Then another internet buddy of mine Robert Brooks, kept giving me many ideas to further the WTP. The idea that stuck was his idea about starting an web based magazine. I jumped on the idea to get all of our members more involved in our club so I set the date for a summer unveiling. This is where we stand today,
and I hope even if the White Trash Posse does not last forever, the spirit and ideas I have tried to start will live on in apart of us all.

-Brian Peterson
Territorial Pissings
http://members.aol.com/WPeter4105/index.html

ok this is totally irrelevant to basically the whole idea of WTP... but it's been on my mind...
so whatever... i'm going to just write it.... ok... i've been hearing a lot of things about kurt's
death... and the most disturbing thing that i've heard and hear... is when people write to me...
and say to me... kurt WAS murdered... (emphasize the word WAS) now that right there shows how in
themselves people can really be... and when they try to feed me this bullshit on how they KNOW
basically that kurt was murdered... but do we know?? no we don't... nobody was there... except
kurt... and whoever MIGHT have killed him... but when you say that something for sure happened...
but subconsciously don't... then that is just making a huge ass out of yourself if you are proven
wrong... we may never know if kurt took his own life... or if his life was taken from him... NOBODY
knows... so if your going to say that kurt was murdered... say... i THINK that kurt might have been
murdered... instead of i KNOW that kurt was murdered... cuz you don't know...
....everybody is entitled to their own opinion... but those people just piss me off.....
xoxoxoxoxoxox
~*Me*~ (Anemicstar@aol.com)

Puff Daddy Does Smells Like Teen Spirit?

By: Ben Lister
Website: http://members.aol.com/assasin07b/Nirvana.html

There is rather new news about Rap Star Sean
"Puffy" Combes A.K.A. Puff Daddy, the story is that
Combes is going to RE- Do Nirvana's Smash Hit
"Smells Like Teen Spirit."

This news is rather shocking to me as I see it is
to many Nirvana fans that I see have posted many
posts on various Nirvana message boards. Combes
has worked with Nirvana's drummer and founder of
the Foo Fighters Dave Grohl. Most of Combes music
are RE-Mixe's of older songs.

If Combes does this song many people will
object to it, because they see him as a "Rip off
Artist" and think he will ruin the song. I must agree
with that idea, simply because he just doesn't have
the voice or talent that Kurt Cobain had. I however
don't care if he makes the song but I know it will
not come close to Nirvana's version.

In any case the re-mix will be used for an
upcoming movie. However it is uncertain that
"Puffy" will cover "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Censorship Really Sucks
By Jill Rapes

I'm starting to get sick of all the censorship. It seems to be
everywhere I look. Movies, television, music, the internet. None of these things should have to be censored. Music especially shouldn't be censored. It is abstract art.

No one can really judge it. What one person sees can be completely different from what the next person does. And no one should be able to control what others can listen to.
It seems like music is the scapegoat these days. People try to blame suicides and murders on music; mainly rock. But music is just a reflection of society. Artists are singing about what they see around them and what they experience. If a song can push someone over the edge then they probably weren't that far from the edge to begin with.

Also, schools banning shirts with a band's logo because it 'disrupts the learning process' (like they recently did in Michigan, where I live), just seems dumb to me. The only way I can think that a shirt would disrupt anyone's learning process is if it reached out and punched someone in the face. Extremely bright shirts are much more distracting to me than just another band shirt. It's really causing much more of a problem by making a big deal out of it.

To me, it seems like adults think that teenagers are stupid. That we are unable to understand and appreciate music; or art in general. It's like we can't understand or we just don't know about issues; like abortion for example. Like anyone under eighteen isn't smart enough to listen to 'explicit lyrics' without going out and killing someone. We may not be that mature or experienced sometimes, but we aren't dumb. In  my opinion parents should be the only censor for their children, not a government imposing on everyone.

In the end, I think that albums shouldn't be censored. Artists should have free speech in whatever they create. People should also learn more about a band before deeming it 'satanic' or other ridiculous assumptions. Read about the band, listen to their music. If it really is that horrible then don't listen to it. But don't try to stop someone else from listening to it. And if you think that censorship is dumb, join the fight against it. There are many great organizations doing just that. (Like JAMPAC, founded by Krist Novoselic).

Bootlegs: Good or Bad?

This is what i think of bootlegs, for the WTP magazine.   I think bootlegs are both good and bad. Bad because it makes the record company's lose money, and all of the band members are against it. But there good because it can help spread the music to the fans that want to here it. Since we can't post whole songs on the internet anymore bootleging is the only way to here all of those rare and live songs.
--
Greg

Noise From The Underground:
by Brian Peterson

You all probably know all of the mainstream bands that you see on MTV and VH1 everyday.   The purpose of this article is to open you up to some groups that
you may or may not have heard of. 

What people don't realize is that the amount of unknown bands to the average person is probably ten times more than the small amount you see on television regularly.  Here I'll name a few groups that maybe you should look into checking out, depending on your music styles.
For all of you alternative/metal fans you should check out bands like the Melvins. 

They come from Aberdeen, Washington, the same town as Nirvana. There music is very hard and aggressive, an alternative to the normal metal you would hear anywhere else.   They have sometimes been categorized a a Grunge
band, which is not really true due to their original songwriting ability.  And this summer they have been playing the second stage at the Oz Festival, and opening up for the band Tool on many other dates.

If you are looking into more of a Pop Rock type of a band, there is a huge list of good bands to choose
from.  Helium, Shonen Knife, and the Breeders are all excellent female fronted bands, while great guy fronted bands include The Methodists, The Vaselines, and the most popular underground noise band of all time Sonic Youth. 

That should give you quite a few good bands to look for.  Use the internet and search for these bands at such places as www.yahoo.com.   Till next time!

[Robert's Note: Kurt audtioned to be a Melvin once, but did not make the cut because he was "too nervous."]