SAFETY INSTRUCTIONS
1. Do not look at the website.
2. Ensure that you are not sitting at the computer in a naked flame or near a sulphuric acid-throwing machine.
3. Ensure that what you are sitting at is a computer and not a deadly fish (piranha, hammer-head shark, African naughty minnow etc).
4. Before commencement of looking at the site acquaint your self fully with the location of the screen and the power button, so that this can be used quickly in time of emergency.
5. Always have the screen away from the face.
6. When looking at website loosen all articles of clothing.
7. Loosen the clothing even more.
8. Loosen bras and suspender belts especially.
9. Loosen my clothing.
10. Now hold my ___________ and tickle ____________
IN THE EVENT OF A WEBSITE EMERGENCY
1. Turn off the computer.
2. Scream.
3. Hit it/him/the show with the computer.
4. Remove all dangerous articles - watches, jewellery, sharp money, heavy uncrosses cheques etc - and place them in the bag marked "Air Methuen, 12 New Fetter Lane" which you will find under every page.
5. Should you land in the sea while experiencing this
website, click this button... 
which will expand into a fully inflatable life raft, with a three
week supply of curry.
(from "The Brand New Monty Python Papperbok", subtly amended for our website!!!)