The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shalt not dribble in public, or in the shower.
2. Thou shalt not fart in public. If thou MUST fart in public, thou must pretend to be a "whistling kettle" in order to disguise the sound of the problem.
3. Thou shalt not be a gruff and grumpy yacht captain. Gruff and grumpy makes for a sad crew. (Thanks Kris!)
4. Thou shalt not decide at the last minute whether or not they want to be a hermit AFTER they've moved to Greenland. That's just stupid.
5. Thou shalt not take a bloody long time to take a photo so that when everyone calls out "Hurry up Fred" you finally take it and everyone looks silly with their mouth open and their eyes closed.
6. Thou shalt not marry a BMW.
7. Thou shalt not turn old bras into handbags by lengthening the straps and sewing the cups together.
8. Thou shalt not play football without having a nickname for everyone in the team.
9. Thou shalt not be named "Tinkerbell" unless you are a little fairy.
10. Thou shalt not wear sunglasses inside. OR ELSE.