I will not waste chalk
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not instigate revolution
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not call my teacher 'Hot Cakes'
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not burp in class
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not sleep through my education
I will not show off
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not hide behind the fifth amendment
I will not trade pants with others
I will not grease the monkey-bars
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not belch the National Anthem
Tar is not a plaything
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not drive the principal's car
I am not a 32 year old woman
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
Funny noises are not funny
I will not conduct my own fire drills
I saw nothing unusual in the teachers' lounge
I will not spank others
I will not cut corners
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not make flactuent noises in class
I will not fake seizures
I will not snap bras
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not aim for the head
I will not carve gods
I will not torment the emotionally frail
The Christmas Pangeant does not stink
Underwear should be worn on the inside
Bart Bucks are not legal tender
I will finish what I sta
I will not squeak chalk
High explosives and school don't mix
Spitwads are not free speech
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr Death
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not teach others to fly
I will not bring sheep to class
Teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids
I will not eat things for money
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will not yell "she's dead" at roll call
The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
I will not call the principal 'spud head'
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
I will not sell miracle cures
No-one is interested in my underpants
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will never win an Emmy
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr
No one wants to hear from my armpits
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say 'Springfield' just to get applause
I am not authorised to fire substitute teachers
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I am not deliciously saucy
Organ transplants are best left to professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with 'Hail Satan'
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of businesses like showbusiness
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
Ralph won't morph if you squeeze him hard enough
'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will remember to take my medication
I will not strut around like I own the place
This is not a clue... or is it?
'Bewitched' does not promote satanism
The Good Humor Man can only be pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
I will not make fun of Mrs Dumbface
The first ammendment does not cover burping
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not use abbrev.
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys' room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
Wedgies are unhealthy for children & other living things
I am not certified to remove asbestos
I will only do this once a year
It's potato, not potatoe
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not spin the turtle
I will remember to take my medication
A burp is not an answer
I will not retransmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Adding "Just Kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal
I am not my long-lost twin
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
The truth is not out there
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
© 1997
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