These are real tear jerkers.

The Stories that Touch Our Lives

The Joy of Necco Cake

NECCO cake

Just when you thought the world was full of anguish and hate, you see something like this happen. Several people coming together for a similar cause, to eat some fine cake developed by the people who brought us the lovable necco wafer. This is more than a NECCO cake, this is a symbol of all that is good with the world.

Ancient cheese unearthed

Ancient cheese

According to several sources in New Hampshire, an ancient cheese has been uncovered. This cheese was found underneath what is believed to be Keith Richards. It has been said that the cheese is still edible, and one scientist was quoted as saying "It's yummy!". More on this story as it develops.

Expired Pizza Coupons Cause Chaos

Gumby coupon

An angry mob of protestors was furious yesterday afternoon when they discovered their Gumby's Pizza coupons were no longer redeemable. The incident started when one man cried out "Nineteen dollars for a f***** pizza made by a green piece of s***?! The coupon says $5.99, damn it!" The wondrous glob of clay himself had to break up the fight, yelling to his customers "Pokey made this pizza, and you're going to pay top dollar, because Pokey is my friend!!"

Dough Boy Sues Pillsbury

Dough Boy

The Pillsbury Dough Boy is filing a lawsuit against Pillsbury for their portrayal of him in their commercials. Apparently the Dough Boy is angered at the frequency of poking during the ads. The Boy has stated his refusal to "giggle like a fairy" in upcoming commercials, but given his relatively small choices of employment, it will be interesting to see if he stands by this claim. If the lawsuit is not dropped, a source close to Pillsbury said that they would push forward and use what has been described as a "gay elephant" as the new spokesman. The Dough Boy refused to comment.