Tim: You know brother, I can't understand why the teachers don't
just
get off their high horse!! Everybody KNOWS that we made the school
what
it is today! Without us Atherton would be nothing, and everybody
knows
it!
Trav: They need us. Without us, they'd be the laughing stock of
Michigan! So anyone want to play football? You know Tim, I don't know
what's worse, having a sucky football team that is lucky to win one
game
every four years or having sucky green field goal posts on your football
field?
Leon: That's right, brother!! Oh, yeahhhhhhhhhh!
Tim: So maybe they got a problem with us? So what?
We're the ones in
charge now, and there ain't nobody gonna do nothin' about it!
Trav: You better believe it! From now on, WE are Atherton!
We will
tell you little peons what to do, and when to do it! The teachers
have
no authority over us! Hey you didn't get to speak at graduation, so
here's your opportunity to tell the world.
Tim: So with that in full effect, I would like to tell everyone to BITE
ME!
Leon: That's right, brother!! Oh, yeahhhhhhhhhh!
(Bagpipe music starts playing, out walks Scott Wooster in a kilt)
Woos: You know, you guys are really starting to turn my stomach!
I
don't know how much more of you guys I can take!
Tim: Yeah, well what're ya gonna do about it, brother? We've
got the
power now, we will do whatever we want!
Woos: Well, as head of the National Honor Society, it is my duty
to
maintain peace among the participants here in the AHS. And if
you don't
like it, we can meet in the steel cage at the next pay-per-view! I
beat
you before, and I can do it again!
Tim: Well you know, you only beat me cause you cheated!
You wouldn't
even let Kevin vote in the electiong! But if you wanna get humiliated
by yours truly, then it's your funeral!
Woos: And by the way, it was my idea to paint the goals green!
Trav: Woos, I don't care about AHS and your little namby pamby NHS.
To
us, NHS is merely a joke. It has little meaning. Your title means
nothing.
Tim: Yeah, that's right! You know what, brother? Instead
of wasting my
time on you right now, I think I'll wait, so I can savor the taste
of
victory over you at another time! So just get outta here while
you've
still got the chance!
(Woos storms out of the gymnasium, and into Ms. Rusinek's room.)
Trav: My turn! Ok, you didn't give me a chance to speak at my
graduation. You let the foreign girl speak, but you don't let your
icon,
your main-eventer, your showstopper, your future speak. What's wrong
with you people? Ok, first of all, we were your quiz bowl team. When
we
left, it left! I have no good memories! My best memory was leaving
this
dump!
Leon: That's right, brother!! Oh, yeahhhhhhhhhh!
Tim: I agree there. This trash heap pretty much diminished our social
lives. Either you went out with everyone, or you were too good for
us.
Or so you thought!
Trav: But hey ladies, you want the rockets, we'll give you the ride!
(Leon pulls out two rockets!)
Tim: Leon, what the hell are you doing?
Trav: Huh? We only take college chicks.
Tim: Ok, that may be fine, but let's get down to business. You're either
with us or against us.
(Suddenly everybody starts pointing at the ceiling, Nathan Walker falls
on a rope, his face covered with white face paint)
Trav: Ooh, what do we have here? The AHS losers are dropping like
flies now!
Leon: That's right, brother!! Oh, yeahhhhhhhhhh!
Tim: Well brother, I don't know what he thinks he's doing here!
This
is our pep rally!
(Walker says nothing, runs up to the aWo. Leon gets in his way
and gets
thrown off to the side)
Trav: What do you want from us? It's obvious the crowd is on our side!
(Chants of cheers!)
(Walker points at Trav then storms off)
(Chants of boos!)
(Or something to that effect)
Tim: What are they doing here?
(Mr. Huntley comes out. then Mr. Dodge)
Mr. Dodge: Hey you guys are holding up the basketball game.
Mr. Huntley: Mr. Dodge, you guys should probably get out of here.
(Mr. Huntley takes off his jacket to reveal he's AWO. Then he
dances
like the American Dream and powerbombs Mr. Dodge)
Trav: Hey Tim, you didn't tell them the big surprise did you?
Tim: Oh, I forgot. Gee how silly of me. We have two new members.
Announcers: What two members? that means someone else is with those
boneheads. I can't believe it.
Trav: Yes, two new members. So who else is gonna join us?
(A crowd of high school chicks get up from their seats. And some
die-hard wrestling nut gets up too)
Trav: Like over 18, or no Trav.
Leon: I like pie.
Tim: Ok, Trav. I'm trying to conduct business here. You can go on your
dating escapade later.
(The chicks sit down)
Tim: Yeah, besides the Atherton Dream over here, we have another
new
member. It's Doug Spiccoli!
Announcers: Fans, I know we're past 10:00, but this is a breaking story.
We've never seen anything like this.
(Leon gets up slowly)
(Spicolli walks to the center of the gym)
(One guy wearing a DOA shirt gets up and leaves)
(Mr. Huntley grabs a microphone)
Mr. Huntley: This is where it's at. These fine, and I mean fine
gentlemen actually appreciated my classes. You students today are just
plain rude. I don't care to teach you hooligans. I've had it
with
tradition. AWO 4 life!!!
(Hitman Jim Gaver of High School Challenge walks across the gym to the
theme of High School Challenge)
(Tim and Travis look at each other)
Tim: What's he doing here????
Trav: Hey Tim continue on. I need to get me a hot chocolate.
(Jim walks out the door staring at the aWo)
Announcers: Jim Gaver, I thought he was with another organization. He's
a fan of basketball, and he must have gotten bored of the action. Or
is
he AHS or aWo?
(Bob Grissom walks down to the stage)
Tim: Hey Grissom, what are you doing here? Spicolli, go rough
up the
big girly-man.
(Grissom tries to attack the aWo)
Trav: Grissom, thirsty? Here have a drink.
Announcers: Oh my! He threw HOT chocolate in the face of Giant Bob
Grissom.
Trav: Ladies, you gotta love that. And hey you're gonna love this even
more.
(Mr. Huntley climbs up to the top of the stage and gives a flying elbow
from the top of the stage to Grissom knocking him down)
Tim: That was just tooo sweet!
(Grissom gets up and runs away)
Trav: Well, now that thing have calmed down a bit, I believe that you've
got an English lesson to teach these fine people in attendance!
Tim: That's right! It's time for you guys to learn your A-B-C's.
A is
for Atherton, cause Atherton sucks!!
(Mixture of cheers and boos)
Tim: And B is for Bozo, the biggest bozo at this school, Bret Lamphier.
I'm sick of him, and all the rest of these AHS bozos getting in our
way!
Lamphier is a dead man if he EVER gets in our way again! And
C is
for...
(Suddenly Bret Lamphier runs into the gym, takes the microphone away
from Tim)
Bret: You know, I don't know what your problem is, punk! You want a
piece of me, here I am!
(Raquel Vasquez gets up out of the crowd and stands between Tim and
Bret. Meanwhile, Trav, the American History Dream, Leon, and
Spiccoli
slowly reassemble around them)
Raquel: No, Bret! I will not spit in the face of tradition!
If he
wants to fight you, he'll have to fight through me!
(She takes off her jacket, revealing an aWo shirt, then everybody gangs
up on Bret)
Raquel: Ha! YOU spit into the face of tradition when you didn't
let me
speak at graduation! I'm AWO!!!
Mr. Sandborn: We're sorry. We'll resume this game next Monday.
______________________________________________________________________
Week 2
Announcer: Well fans, before we get this basketball game under way,
I
believe Atherton's own Bret "The Hit Man" Lamphier has an announcement.
Bret: All right folks, listen up. You all know about a certain
person
from WFUM, someone who calls himself the "Hit Man." Now you all
know
that there's only one Hit Man around here, and that is yours truly!
So
before this basketball game starts, I want to challenge Jim Gaver to
a
match right here, right now, because I know you're out there!!
("Hit Man" Jim Gaver rushes "Hit Man" Bret Lamphier from the back, but
Bret gets the upper hand and pins him)
Gaver: I'm sorry Bret, but I had to do something to get people to pledge
their support! Red Green's just not cutting it! I needed
some kind of
attention, and this got it!
Bret: I don't care! But if you change your name AND quit wearing
those
stupid antlers on the air, I'll let you live and go back to your
precious fund-raiser!
Gaver: All right. From now on, just call me Jim "The Anvil" Gaver!
Announcer: Wow fans, we've never seen anything like this! Unlike
those
cretins in the AWO, these guys can handle things in a civilized manner!!
And now, without further ado, our Monday Night Basketball Game!
Mr. Sandborn: We're glad everyone game here this Monday to see this
exciting game.
(Players are on the court. The score is tied)
(Happy clown music starts up)
Tim: Trav, you really need to get some music.
Trav: Don't we need clearance for it?
Leon: Ok, you brats get off the court. Give it up for Tim and Trav and
the AWO.
(Tim grabs the microphone)
Tim: Oh you thought that you were going to have your little hoops game
tonight. Well you were wrong. We're once again going to declare this
game a bust.
Trav: That's right. Now I would like everyone to give a moment of
silence to our good friend Doug Spicolli who has left us.
Crowd (all in unison): We don't want to.
Trav: Hey I had to sit through AHS' little moment of silence over that
bombing in Oklahoma City. I had to sit through that awful country song
after it. You're going to shut your traps while I ask for peace and
quiet. You too announcers.
Leon: Everyone quiet down please. Ferme la bouche.
(Moment of Silence. Announcers still ramble on about Sting and Hogan)
Trav: I'd like to thank everyone for that. Now get to business Tim.
Tim: Ok, Trav I think it's time for a survey. Did you come to see a
basketball game?
(Cheers from the crowd)
Trav: I know they didn't come to see the Flint Generals.
Tim: Or did you come to see the AWO?
(Boos from the crowd)
Trav: So it's announcement time. I do have a surprise for everyone.
We
are always looking for new members and tonight we have them. You know
when we got in our limos last week I told Tim I said, hey we need some
chicks to join our group. So, Leon did the negotiating. And I think
you'll, uh well we'll be happy.
Leon: Our newest members are Tiffany Worden and Diane Loucks.
Trav: Come on out.
(They come out)
Leon: Ok, it's surprise time once again.
Trav: Leon I think I can do this.
Tim: Me too.
(Tim gives The Outsiders' edge to Tiffany Worden)
Trav: Do you like that? How about this?
(Laughing maniacally, Trav gives The Outsiders' edge to Dianne Loucks)
Trav: How do you like us now????
(More chants of boos)
Trav: Like they were the newest members. How dumb are you?
(The Homecoming Queen comes out)
Queen: What are you guys doing here? Don't you know that the game is
tonight?
Tim: We know. We know. Apparently, everyone is too scared to realize it.
Queen: Trav helped convince me that Atherton is nothing but a sinking
ship. I'm going to where the real men are. Too bad little Atherton
boys.
(Queen takes off her gown to reveal an awo t-shirt)
Announcers: I can't believe this.
Trav: Hey look I got a high school girl and she's their queen.
Leon: Tim, there's more where that came from.
Tim: Oh really?
Trav: Well yeah of course. I have another surprise for you. I think
you'll like it.
(Michelle Canada and Jenny Canada The Steiners enter)
Trav: What do you two want? I'm trying to give Tim his surprise and
you
two come out to interrupt us.
Canada Steiners: We'll take on the Queen and Raquel(Crush) in an
impromptu basketball game.
Tim: Sure why not? Our girls will beat your girls.
Trav: Let them go. American History Dream, you'll be the ref.
(The two girls' teams play basketball)
(The Canada Steiners score. As Michelle gets ready to hi-five Jenny,
Michelle clocks here and gives the basketball to The Queen who scores
the winning hoop)
Leon: Oh I must've forgot to tell everyone. Michelle's with us now.
There you go Tim. I hope you're happy.
(The Giant starts to cry)
Trav: Shut your trap. American History Dream take care of him.
(The American History Dream elbows him and dances all over his aching
body. The Giant gets up)
Trav: hey uh anyone want this hot chocolate?
(Trav throws hot chocolate in the face of the Giant)
(The Hitman runs out. Raquel(Crush) stops and hits him in the head
with
her high heel)
The Announcers: Where is Sting? Why isn't anyone doing anything??
Leon: Give it up for the AWO!
The Announcers: Fans we're outta time!
Sandborn: Everybody, keep your tickets! We will resume the game
next
week.
______________________________________________________________________
WEEK 3
(Footage of what happened last week is shown)
Tom Skinner: All right, well that's what happened last week. Hopefully
tonight we'll have a game.
Pat Daly: That's right, and this should be the biggest AHS basketball
Game yet!
(Happy Clown Music Starts)
(Chants of boos start out)
(Leon and Tim with Michelle walk out to the court)
(Leon grabs the microphone)
Leon: We're back. You thought the game was happening, didn't you?
Tim: I'll handle it Leon. Wait a minute.
(Tim walks up to the Comcast table, where Pat and Tom are sitting)
Tim: Sorry guys, but this telecast is OVER!
Tom: What do you think you're doing? This is the FACT Game of the Week!
Tim: Not anymore it's not! Now it's the AWO Game of the Week!
(Trav jumps out from behind Pat and powerbomb jack-knifes him.
Tim
gives Tom the Outsiders Edge. He gets up and drags Pat out with
him)
(Leon, AHD and Trav then put on the headsets)
(A new guy appears)
Tim: Who are you?
Vulture: I'm Vulture and I came here with my Grubby friends to watch
this game. I bought a ticket, even. We come here for any sort of
entertainment. My nest and I represent Bendle.
Leon: I know you like this. Give it up for Vulture.
Trav: Leon, they're not associated with AHS or the AWO for that matter.
You want to say something, American History Dream?
AHD: I just want to say you better respect the USA!
Tim: It's survey time. Did you come to see the Basketball game?
(Chants of loud cheers)
Tim: Or did you come to see the A-W-O???
(Loud boos come from the crowd)
Tim: Another one for us. And.....another AWO surprise!!
Give it up for
our newest member, our representative of madness, James "Macho Man"
Stapleford!
James: Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I used to love this school!
I even
dressed up like a cheerleader for the pep rally! But then you
guys made
me graduate so I couldn't come around here anymore! Well you
know what
brother? I hate that! So now I'm back with the AWO cause
I'm just too
sweet!
Leon: You go, Madness!!
Trav: Yeah, that's right! Oh dang, I'll be right back guys.
(Happy clown music starts up)
(Trav walks out on the court with the Queen in front of him)
Trav: Hey I'm back. Let's see last week we got your Queen, and she was
worth it. Then we got your history teacher. What will we get next?
Queen: Can I tell them?
Trav: Not yet.
Tim: We have more additions?
Trav: We always have room for more. But I'm always full of surprises.
I
think the queen can agree on that.
(Chants of boos)
Queen: Oh yeah, you do have the surprises.
Leon: We apologize for those comments. We're not really a raunchy show.
With comments like those, we'd get an 11:00 pm time slot!
Trav: But seriously, tonight before the 10pm hour, I'll announce my
surprise.
AHD: Fans stay tuned because this is the night the AWO goes down in
history!
(Komcast Kathy shows up)
Kathy: You shouldn't have taken over our broadcast! I'm gonna
need
clearance from everyone to appear on camera!
Tim: Komcast, you don't know who we are do you? We're the AWO and we
don't take crap.
Trav: You know what? I think it's time to show them who the Outsiders
are.
Tim: You got that right Trav! I got your clearance right here!
(Tim gives an Outsiders Edge to Komcast. She's out cold)
Trav: Well we're ok on the clearance thing.
Leon: Give it up for these two guys.
Trav: So let's see Leon. We got the limos, the teacher, the girls, the
Queen, make that my Queen, the top students, we pretty much have
everything.
(Rowdy Roddy Wooster appears)
Woos: You are destroying the Atherton tradition, WAO. (That's how he
said it)
Queen: Atherton can go down!
Trav: Great now go away Woos. And take your skirt with you.
Vulture: Hey, what about me? I came here to see a basketball game!
I
may be grubby, but I still bought my ticket!
Trav: Ok, Vulture for you. Let's start the basketball game up for 2
minutes. Nothing more. So AHS, we'll take Madness and Crush against
any
two guys you got!
Woos: You know what, slacker? I'll take that wager!
And I know just
the guy to play with me! Come on out, big guy!
(Giant Bob Grisson walks out, joins Rowdy Roddy Wooster, Raquel (Crush)
and "Madness" Stapleford center-court)
(They play basketball for 2 minutes. They each score two baskets)
Trav: 2 minutes is up. Time's up. Madness, Raquel(Crush), get them
off
the court. And now it's time for the big event. Come on out, Tim.
Queen: Wait a minute, before he comes out I want to introduce the new
Michelle.
(Michelle comes out as a blonde)
AHD: Oh my! That is one fine, and I mean fine, dame!
Leon: Yeah, and you know what? All these booing fans can just s*ck it!
AHD: Wrong federation, Speedy.
Trav: This isn't DeathertonX. Well it pretty much is. Well kids, I think
it's time to put the adults to bed. We now control the airwaves and
you
know what? The replay is going to be put on hold. Shout out to John
Ritter. I know he's a big AWO fan. AHD, Leon, I'm bringing in the Queen
to commentate. Tim's got a big announcement.
(Trav leaves the table)
AHD: Yes, John Ritter is a great fan of the AWO.
Tim: I heard the news as almost as if it were yesterday. Well it was.
We
got a call at our offices.
(DDP Music starts)
(A man walks out. It's Diamond Dave Davis)
Tim: What are you doing here?
(Trav makes his way to the court. The Queen steps in to commentate)
DDD: Please don't destroy Atherton. I love this school. It is my life.
I
beg you to stop.
(AHD leaves the table)
Leon: This is a very hot show tonight.
Trav: Leon don't even think of hitting on the Queen.
(AHD gives an elbow to DDD)
Tim: Shut up, DDD.
(AHD grabs the mic)
AHD: How's that DDD? Did you enjoy "The people's buttkicking?"
Trav: You almost ruined our evening DDD, but not quite. I want to now
introduce the newest member of the AWO. But first surprise, number
1.
Hey Tim, it was a shame what those guys did to Syxx. AHD tell him the
announcement.
AHD: Your new nickname is the New Syxx. It's kind of like Coke and New
Coke. But you are now the New Syxx.Trav, your next surprise.
Leon: That is really cool. I can't wait to see what's next.
Queen: That Trav, he's always full of surprises.
Trav: Well I would like to introduce our newest member. I think you're
going to enjoy this one. Come on out newest head of security.
(Vincent shows up. Yes, the real Vincent. He's wearing an "I'm With
Meal-Ticket" t-shirt)
Trav: Welcome aboard, Vincent.
Vincent: Thanks for finding me on the street and giving me a hot meal.
I
appreciate it a lot. You see I had to wrestle that big dumb musclehead
Goldberg and I got beat. It was scheduled to have me lose. You know
that
guy only has 4 moves? Thank you for making me the new head of security
too. I'm AWo 4 Life. And everyone can s*ck it 4 now! Glad you're here
too, New Syxx.
New Syxx: Ok, that'll work.
Trav: Sure, why not. We got Vincent. You won't believe who's next.
Queen: So Atherton must be shaking in their boots.
Leon: This is a lot of fun.
New Syxx: This gets better each week folks! And you'll never guess
who
our next member is! But you're gonna have to wait till next week
to
find out! Cause we are outta here!!
Leon: This isn't our equipment is it?
AHD: No.
Leon: Let's break it!
(Leon throws the monitor out the gym doors)
AHD: We didn't need that anyway.
Sandborn: Keep those tickets. We'll have the game next Monday!
______________________________________________________________________
WEEK 4
Sandborn: Okay everybody, settle down and we will attempt to get this
basketball game under way. If you'll just.....oh no.
(Happy clown music starts. New Syxx, Macho Man Stapleford, and Vincent
walk out)
New Syxx: Folks, I know you came here to see the Outsiders cause we're
just too sweeeet! But Trav is at home...with your prom queen!
So the
Macho Man here and I have decided to challenge AHS, DDD, Rowdy Woos,
Sting, whoever you wanna throw at us! Isn't that right, Macho?
Macho Man: Brother brother brother brother brother!!! Oh yeeeeeeeah!!
I'm ready to kick some Atherton tail!
(Rowdy Roddy Wooster walks out with a cocky look on his face)
Woos: All right Shorkey, New Syxx, whatever you wanna be called now.
You wanna mess up our basketball game again? Well first you gotta
get
through us!
New Syxx: Us? All I see is one AHS loser!
Vincent: You better believe it! Good one, NS!
Woos: Shut up! Here they come now! Come on out boys!
(DDD and Bill Goldberg Cecil walk out)
DDD: Guys, please, I'm begging you one last time, please don't ruin
our
basketball game. Don't you know we have a rivalry with Bendle?
We need
to play so that Vulture and his Nest can quit bragging about how good
they are!
(Suddenly Leon sneaks up behind DDD and hits him in the back.
DDD falls
over, then Vincent and Leon gang up on him. Woos and Macho Man
Stapleford go at it, leaving only New Syxx and Bill Goldberg Cecil)
Macho Man: Brother, take THAT!
Vincent: Yeah baby, we're for life! For life!
Leon: That's right, brother!! Oh, yeahhhhhhhhhh!
DDD: Ow, come on guys, please stop. I'll be your friend.
You look like
you need a high-five.
(DDD and Rowdy Roddy Wooster run off in defeat, but not until after
Bill
Goldberg Cecil has mangled New Syxx with his barrage of 4 different
moves. He's down, and he's not getting back up)
Vincent: NS?...NS! Speak to us, man! Oh man, he's not moving!
I think
he's dead! That's it, I'm going back to the NWO.
Leon: That's right, brother!! Oh, yeahhhhhhhhhh!
Macho Man: Pipe down Leon, and help me get this man to a hospital.
Atherton, you may have won this battle, but we're not through fighting
yet! Not by a long shot!
Announcer: Well, it's too bad it had to come to that, but at least
they're not interfering anymore. And now we can finally have
a
basketball game.
Mr. Sandborn: You see? YOU SEE? You all thought I was crazy
for making
you keep your tickets! Well, who's crazy now?? HUH??
(Then the basketball game starts, Atherton vs. Bendle. The Vulture
and
his Nest are in attendance. The game goes on for about 20 minutes,
then
Trav and the Queen storm into the basketball court)
Announcer: What? What's this? It's Trav and the Queen!
And he looks
like he's furious, he's not even waiting for the AWO music to start
up!
Trav: All right you little snot nosed punks! I can't believe you
did
that to your best student ever! Now he's in the hospital with
a broken
neck, and it's all your fault! I'm gonna kill you, I swear, I
will
avenge New Syxx!
(Leon and Macho Man Stapleford walk out)
Leon: Trav, just calm down! Let them have their little game, we
can
bide our time, strategize our plan, and come back next week!
Just chill
out, okay? It'll all be okay!
Trav: You're crazy! How can you say that kind of stuff?
Macho Man: Trav, he's right, brother! You know, we can still wreak
havoc without NS!
Trav: But he's still one of us! How can you just forget all about
him
after that heinous attack!
(Trav storms out of the gym with the Queen following him. Leon
and
Macho Man Stapleford walk out after them)
Mr. Sandborn: Finally! Now we can finish this game! We must
finish
this game!
Vulture: What about me? I thought everybody came here to see me!
What
about me? Diamond Dave Davis, why should you get all the attention?
What about me?
(Trav and the Queen return to the court)
Trav: That's it. I'm not staying here. The Queen and I are gone from
this little five and dime ponyshow. You guys would rather cower than
fight Bill Goldberg Cecil. Boy some friends you guys are. Without NS
and
myself and the Queen, the AWO is merely nothing. You guys can fight
amongst yourselves. We are outta here.
AHD: I'm still your friend.
Leon: Do whatever you want! I still have the Macho Man. Go I don't care.
Pat Daly: Well fans. We have big news. The Game of the Week will air
on
Fridays now. Plus catch our radio show on Sundays.
Tom Skinner: Pat, I don't think Trav and New Syxx will be back here.
They seem mighty angry. Fans up next is the Community Billboard. Good
night everyone.
______________________________________________________________________
THE FOLLOWING FRIDAY
AVF GAME OF THE WEEK
Pat: Hey fans, welcome to the Friday Game of the
Week. We have got an
exciting exhibition Volleyball match with Atherton
and Bentley for you
live.
King Tom: That's right. This is going to be great. I'm the King tonight.
Pat: Yeah, why are you King on Fridays? It's kinda
like us mumbling
incoherently about Sting and Hogan. Who is Hogan?
Fans let's go to the
court.
(Ode to Joy plays on the loudspeaker)
(A new guy appears on the court)
New Guy: Hello everyone. Welcome to the dawn of
a new era. For weeks, I
had to endure the torture of Leon and the Macho
Man. Well you know what?
I'm not in the AWO anymore. Please let me introduce
myself and my
companion. I'm XXX and this here is Asia. Now
I've sat back for so long
doing the dirty work for the AWO. And here at
the AVF, Atherton
Volleyball Federation, I realized that you can't
do things by yourself.
Asia: Sure you can. Remember last night?
XXX: Oh yeah. I sure do. But right now I want to bring out my friend.
(Another new guy appears)
XXX: Welcome the New 6.
Pat: Who is this guy? Why is he here?
(Crowd cheers)
(New 6 steps up to the court)
N6: I am here where I belong. Before I state anything,
I have to get a
few things off my chest. First of all, Bill Goldberg
Cecil you know 4
moves. You injured me because you can't wrestle
and you're a big oaf.
Pat: That's true.
N6: Plus I've had enough of being a slave for
Leon Bischoff. In fact
Leon, your head is so far up Macho's ass that
you can see his insides. I
mean you fired my ass after I got injured. What
if I die? Do I still get
my money? Hell no. Spicolli's family got nothing.
Next, AHD would be
right behind me if he wasn't held hostage in
the AWO. AHD buddy, we'll
get you out. Instead, we'll have to witness lame
AWO confrontations with
the Macho Man and AHD. We are Deatherton.
Pat: That's also true.
XXX: The rules have changed. AVF, we are the future.
Welcome to our
domain. Deatherton is not done yet.
Asia: We have two more members. C'mon out guys.
(The two members appear)
Tom: It's the Outlaws.
XXX: Welcome the English Outlaws, BA Bearden and Maddog Irv.
Pat: I can't believe it.
N6: We are Deatherton.
Asia: Let the game begin!
Pat: We gotta go to a PSA. We'll be back.
(PSA airs)
Tom: We're back and what a night it's been. At
least we didn't lose our
chairs here.
(Some Mozart music starts)
(A man appears)
Pat: It's Stone Cold Bob Jaster!
Stone Cold: I'm sick and tired of hearing about
Gorang this and Gorang
that.
(Gorang walks out to ovations of boos)
Gorang: Now Stone Cold, I know you and I haven't
been on the best of
terms lately. But I just want you to know that
we here in the AVF all
appreciate everything you have done for us. Me
especially. Jaster, I
just want you to know that I love you very much...
Stone Cold: What did you say?
Gorang: Well, I said I love you, but it's a figure of speech.
Stone Cold: Well I got your figure of speech right here!
(Stone Cold Jaster picks up Gorang and throws
him through a window, then
chases after him)
King Tom: Oh my!! I can't believe Stone
Cold just did that to our
beloved superintendant!
Pat: And hey, who is THAT???
(Yet another new guy comes out, followed by a woman)
New Guy: All right everybody, I am your new people's
champion! And I
just wanted to introduce myself, Marvelous Marc
Madden, and my lovely
associate, Ms. Engel!
(Crowd boos Marvelous Marc Madden, but cheers
Ms. Engel. Their boos drive
Marc Madden crazy)
Marc: What? I can't believe you bird-dogs! How
dare you boo me? This is
all your fault Ms. Engel!
(Marc Madden tries to hit Ms. Engel, but Staplefordust
runs out and takes
him down. They start to fight and their fight
leads them out of the
gymnasium. Joanie is still there, and yet another
new woman enters the
gymnasium)
Onaluna: Ms. Engel! Ms. Engel you little hussy! I'm going to kill you!
King Tom: Oh my! Can you believe this? What
a nice change of pace! This
is gonna be fun to watch!
Pat: You are absolutely right, Tom. And here comes Onaluna!
(Onaluna and Ms. Engel fight. Ms. Engel is winning
the fight, but then Onaluna
takes off one of "the socks" and strangles Ms.
Engel with it. Ms. Engel is
gasping for air and can't move, while Onaluna
runs away)
Ms. Engel: Somebody help me, I can't move! Onaluna, this is NOT over!!
Pat: Well it’s time for our FACT17 Slam of the Week sponsored by GFS.
Tom: Oh it’s the clip of Stone Cold Jaster from earlier tonight. Fans, we’ll be back.
One guy: I don’t work at a supermarket. I work
at GFS.
Voice 1: I never dropped a palette.
Voice 2: I never stabbed anyone with my cutter.
Voice 3: I carried big jars of pudding with both
hands.
Voice 4: I won an award for Continued Excellence.
Voice 5: I said hello to the secret shopper.
You think this is tough, try using my cutter.
GFS attitude.
Tom: We’re back here for more tonight.
(NEW)
Lights start to fade.
Pat: Oh no, he’s here. I can’t believe it. It’s Kinder!
Kinder enters the court.
Kinder: That’s right. Tonight people are going
to get sentences. 500 times,
I will not talk in class. And I ‘ll also demonstrate
my power.
Pat: What’s he talking about?
Kinder: See that cameraman? I don’t like him.
Tom: That’s Russ. I think he’s talking about.
Kinder: Doink, 500 times I will not talk in class. And also this.
(Kinder sets Russ on fire.)
Tom: He means business.
Kinder: Now I’m going now.
Pat: Don’t mess with Kinder. He just set our volunteer worker on fire.
Kinder leaves.
Pat: Fans it looks like Stone Cold is on his way to the court.
Tom: But we will be back.
Advertisement: Stone Cold Jaster here. You think you’re cool? Not unless you got the shirt.
JASTER 3.14159265
You’ll want pi all the time.
Call now to get my shirt.
Pat: I understand Tom is on the court.
Tom: Yes, Patrick I am. Welcome Stone Cold Bob Jaster.
(Crowd cheers.)
Pat: We’re running a little low on time.
Jaster: I showed Mr. Gorang who rules around here. Gorang will not stop me. I amno corporate Math teacher. Aw hell yeah! And Tom well here’s a little present for you.
(King Tom gets thrown in a window.)
Pat: He’s crazy. I can’t believe this.
Pat: Fans we’ll see you next Friday. We need some
help out here.
AVF GAME OF THE WEEK
Pat: Welcome to another AVF game of the week.
We have an exciting night of volleyball planned. Atherton and Bentley rematch.
I’m Pat Daly alongside King Tom who experienced an attack by Jaster.
King Tom: he is crazy, Pat.
Pat: That maybe true, but I understand an old friend is getting ready to walk on the court.
A man walks on the court.
The man: Hello Hello. You thought you got rid of me. I have returned. I sit home every Friday night and watch this spiel. I think it’s time for some changes here. I am James E. Bleau if you didn’t know.
Pat: Great, the mouthpiece is back. It’s worse that he’s my commentator with me on FACT Magnum Saturday, but he’s back here.
Tom: You mean Shotgun Saturday Night?
Pat: No, FACT Magnum Saturday.
Tom: I’ve never seen it. No one’s in the studio on Saturday. You’re taping those for nothing, you know.
Bleau: Excuse me Heckle and Jeckle. I’m trying to speak.
Crowd boos.
Bleau: I’m here to bring back tradition. The new guys aren’t cutting it around here. Ladies and Gentleman, the Atherton Express, Dynamic DuBois and Loverboy Leahy.
Bleau: We’ll return.
Pat: What a blockbuster announcement. This could be the biggest Game of the Week ever.
Tom: This isn’t Monday, Pat.
Ode to Joy starts up. Deatherton appears.
New6: What’s happening AHS?
XXX: OK, we need to break it down here. English Outlaws, we thank you for what you done. But remember youth is king. Atherton Express we think you are a big joke. Just stay retired please. And Russ, how’s your crispy charcoal skin? And oh yeah ladies, if you got the socket, I’ll put the finger in it. New6?
Tom: Is he trying to electrocute someone?
New6: Whoop-de-doo Burton. New6 is released from his chains. I was talking to Mr. Huntley. He’s still being fed his bread and water. Thanks, Leon Bischoff. But AHD told me that he’s going to make everyone look bad from now on. Plus, I understand that Mr. Huntley bought a gun to protect himself.
XXX: Asia, get a cameraman to follow us around this building. We show you what Deatherton does.
Pat: Well we’ll be back. PSA time.
Advertisement: Stone Cold Jaster here. You think you’re cool? Not unless you got the shirt.
JASTER 3.14159265 You’ll want pi all the time.
Call now to get my shirt.
Tom: we have Deatherton being followed mainly because we don’t have enough crew.
New6: My Uncle taught me a new trick.
Asia: Guys I have an idea. Um, since the bathrooms are locked. Well I guess you could do it here.
XXX: Good idea, New6, myself and the Outlaws will help relieve ourselves.
Maddog : We could use the faculty bathroom.
BA: No, that’s probably locked too.
Asia: I’ll give you the count of three and the first one done gets to see me au naturel.
XXX: Sounds like fun. Let’s do it.
Tom: Oh my, they relieving theirselves on the
DOA’s bicycles.
Pat: That’s Dropouts of Atherton there.
XXX: I win.
New6: I’m not done yet.
Madddog: Me either.
XXX: Well have fun while I have fun. It is A-rated.
Maddog: I took a crap on this bike.
New6: That’s what DA is all about.
AVF GAME OF THE WEEK
Pat: Fans welcome back to the AVF Game of the
Week. We’ve been gone for a while because of Flint General hockey.
Tom: Yeah, it would be better if Kevin Kerr was there. He is the Earthworm
Pat: Wait a minute, our director Terry Locke II is telling us that we have to air a videotape. Terry, roll it.
Video airs:
XXX: We’re declaring war on you Leon Bischoff!
Pat: Wait a minute. Stop the tape. We have a familiar face coming to the court. Oh it’s Cactus Jack Sinn.
Cactus: I think you know who I am. I am Cactus Jack Sinn. I have came out of retirement for one reason. Well actually a few. Mr. Gorang, you have something to say?
Mr. Gorang approaches the court.
Mr. Gorang: It’s a pleasure to be here. Cactus, I think that you have the biggest potential to be the new number 1 contender here in the AVF. I think you could be the man to defeat Stone Cold Jaster. (cheers from crowd) You could be the next Teacher of the Year. Are you up to it? Before you speak, I think you have the potential to be in our main event tonight.
Cactus: What do I need to do?
Mr. Gorang: Tonight, you will face your good
friend “Funky” Terry Locke II in an anything goes volleyball match.
If you win, you will face Stone Cold Jaster next week on Game of
the Week.
Cactus: It would be an honor!
Pat: Ok, we have to run that footage or DA will hurt us.
Video airs but the color is off.
Pat: Our own Terry Locke is going to play Cactus tonight.
Mr. Gorang appears.
Mr. Gorang: Ladies and Gentlemen Cactus. Crowd
boos.
Terry Locke II appears to the crowd. A masked obese man comes out from the gym doors and attacks Terry on the court with a crank used to close half the gym. The man takes off his mask.
Pat: I know who that guy is. Oh my gosh.
Tom: It’s Al Kessel!!!!!!!!!!
Pat: What is he doing here? It’s been a
setup all along.
Cactus starts serving the volleyball while Terry
is on the ground wincing in pain.
Mr. Gorang: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner Cactus Jack Sinn.
Mr. Sandborn steps on the court.
Mr. Sandborn: The Board has decided that this program is over for the night.
Pat: Well fans, we’ll see you in two weeks for more Game of the Week.
AVF GAME OF THE WEEK
Pat: Fans, we hope you enjoyed the Senior Citizen Softball Tournament. Tonight it’s Atherton and Bendle volleyball.
Tom: I liked that exciting softball.
Pat: Well we need to run that DA Footage. Wait a minute....
DA steps to the court.
New6: Hey Burton, are you ready to rock?
XXX: He said are you ready? For the thirty people in the stands and the thousands (snicker) watching on FACT 17, let’s get ready to destroy it!!!!!!
New6: We came here to take care of some business. The triple pack and I want to straighten up a few matters here.
XXX: First of all, we think you’re doing a hell of a job, Mr. Gorang. However, there are some other problems we need to well eliminate. It appears some of the management is trying to eliminate us. It’s not gonna happen. Leon Bischoff tried and failed. AVF staffers it’s not gonna happen. Now whoever’s in the truck run our video footage!
Video starts:
DA goes to the office where Mrs. Martin
awaits.
N6: we’re here to see Leon Bischoff
Mrs. Martin: Huh, who? What are you talking about?
XXX: We’re here for the basketball game.
Mrs. Martin: It’s right in the gym.
N6: Did u see that? They fell for it. We’re on their court.
XXX: It looks familiar. Hey AHD, we’re here to get you out buddy.
N6: Leon Bischoff, you suck buddy.
Video ends.
XXX: What you saw is a little invasion. You must fear for your lives. DA could show up anywhere at any time!
N6: Let’s rock and roll!
Pat: Wow, what a start to our first game of the week.
Tom: Wait a minute. Something’s happening. Oh no it’s Stone Cold Jaster.
Stone Cold Jaster appears with a window.
Jaster: Ok, you little sophomores you are done with your little show. It’s making me sick to my stomach. Now, you Mr. Gorang get out here.
Mr. Gorang and Cactus show up with a smile. He grabs a nearby microphone.
Mr. Gorang: It appears to me now that you must play Cactus in a little volleyball game with the winner receiving the prestigious Teacher of the Year award. And it’s gonna happen tonight.
Jaster: Oh it’s not going to happen tonight. I’ll make sure of that. And if you’re a man, you’ll get your little beady eyes looking straight at me. Cactus come here too.
Jaster reaches for his window. He smashes it through Cactus’ head
Tom: I can’t believe he just did that. Fans, it’s time for a PSA courtesy of Kevin Kelly.
PSA:
Hulk Hogan: I know what you're thinking...
Lex Luger: I'm not an athlete...
Roddy Piper: ...you're right.
Eric Bischoff: I'm 5 foot 9, 98
pounds...
Konnan: I won Taco Bell's Employee
of the Month, 3 years in a row...
Hulk Hogan: I was a National champion
at making horrible movies...
Roddy Piper: My jersey was retired
at the old folks' home...
Lex Luger: When you step through
these ropes bad angles do happen...
Rick Rude: Cashed over 200 insurance
checks...
Hulk Hogan: Suffered a dozen heart
attacks...
Roddy Piper: Damn near broke my
false hip...
Dusty Rhodes: A blown out light
bulb in my fridge...
Larry Zbyszko: I fell and I couldn't
get up...
Lex Luger: This is who I am...
Eric Bischoff: This is what I do
::kisses Hogan's butt::
Roddy Piper: I'm not an athlete?
The Disciple: This isn't my real
face....
Hulk Hogan: Try using my Ben-Gay..
Pat: Fans, we’re back and we’d like to take a moment to remind you that this Thursday we will be presenting Class Night 1998 Live.
Tom: It’s a Game of the Week presentation.
Pat: We have that huge volleyball game tonight with Jaster and Cactus if it still happens. Bear with us, we’re without our normal director Terry Locke II. Thanks to Jason for filling in at such short notice. I mean it isn’t everyday Terry falls everyday leaving us high and dry without a director trying to cancel the shoot.
Tom: What are you talking about?
Pat: Nothing, nothing at all. Let’s go to the court. Oh great it’s the Domination.
Man: Let me intro myself. I am Derrock Moses. I have brought out my partners, D-Laquan, and Atherton’s Tallest Man Anthony Johnson. We are Domination.
Derrock: And you Deatherton are going down.
Tom: Well fans what a night this has been.
Pat: Tom, cut the crap. Nothing exciting happened and you know it. The referees are on the court, so it looks like the volleyball match will happen tonight.
Jaster shows up.
Jaster: I don't care if this game happens or not. I already proved what I had to prove. I am the teacher of the year and nobody's going to stop me. So if it happens, so what! I'll be in the back and ready. And if Cactus gets in my way again, heck I'll knock his head off again. Oh Heck Yeah!
Jaster leaves the court. DA shows up at the broadcast table.
N6: Whoop-de-doo! We're here to do a little announcing.
Ms. Engel appears on court.
Ms. Engel: You may have wondered where I went.
Well Mr. Gorang took me off FACT 17. I am
back once again. I want to bring out my new friends.
The Banshees.
Pat: So this is the night of surprises. Who are the Banshees?
Two people appear.
Ms. Engel: This is my friend Onaluna and Verna and Deegan The Giant.
N6: I think Verna was my old Biology teacher.
XXX: You might be right. Hey Tom and Pat take
the next few weeks off. We're the new announcers for the AWF.
How do you like those apples? Fans and friends
of DA we're outta time!
DA GAME OF THE WEEK
N6: welcome to the all new AWF Game of The Week. No make that DA Game of the Week! I'm New 6 and he's XXX and we're the best damn thing to ever happen!
XXX: Right you are. From now on, public access will never be the same. 6 pack, you can even direct the damn thing. damn. I'm saying damn a lot.
N6: Oh great! Our director is telling us we have to hear from the Super.
Mr. Gorang: Fans, tonight you will get a main event caliber match. It's going to be Dan The Beast Dudek taking on Owen The Hart Shinabarger.
N6: Yawn Yawn!
XXX: What the hell is this crap? The main event is going to be something damn pleasing. I can think of a few right now.
Mr. Gorang: Stone Cold Jaster get your ass out
now!
Jaster shows up.
Jaster: I'm trying to have my lunch here.
Mr. Gorang: Last week after we went off the air, you and Kinder were walking out of the school together with a yummy nutritious lunch. What is going on here?
Jaster: The bastard was hugnry so I made him a
sandwich.
N6: Nothing nutritious here unless you eat the
bricks.
XXX: Wanna see it happen? We can do that later. Hey 6, they're calling for a psa break. We gotta go or something.
(Dead air for 2 minutes.)
XXX steps up to the court.
XXX: Hey yo!
(crowd boos.) XXX: The time has come. We know
have our own weekly series thanks to the new director. We are the best
DAMN thing in this hellhole. I understand that tonight Mr. Gorang scheduled
another boring volleyball match. It's not gonna happen. We have a nice
blue curtain to give away tonight.
N6: Well he got the crowd in an uproar. Don't
give away the tree.
XXX: So that's the main event. some lucky fan is going to get a curtain! Like it or not Gorang. And yes, Goldberg sux!
AWO GAME OF THE WEEK
Tom: Well fans, we’re here for another exciting basketball game. Last time, we saw the departures of Big Sexy and The Queen and we also saw New Syxx carried out. Fans it looked like the AWO was in shambles.
Pat: Hard to believe what happened, but it did. Oh wait here’s the AHD.
AHD: I’m a little sick of what has been happening lately here. I’m sick and tired carrying the Macho Man and his goons. Tonight, the defections begin.
Tom: Well can you believe that? And something else you won’t believe is Senior Softball on FACT 17 Wednesday night.
Pat: Fans it’s time for a timeout. This is FACT17.
(Dead air runs for 2 minutes. Someone forgot to put in the PSA’s)
Tom: Ok, we are back. Wait a minute, here’s the AHD again.
AHD: Like Patrick Henry said, Gimme Liberty or Gimme Death. And
I don’t care to die. Well, right now someone else is going to join the
Wolverine Lair.
C’mon out.
One member goes out to the court.
AHD: And now, Superstar Michelle.
Tom: I can’t believe it. The AWO is splitting up left and right.
Pat: Who’s next? What’s going to happen?
Superstar: This is where it’s at. And I’m not the last to see the light.
AHD: Well as George Washington, said I can’t tell a lie. I chopped down the cherry tree. And you AWO Burton are the cherry tree.
(Cheers from the crowd.)
Tom: Wow, can you feel the power struggle? Anything could go on tonight.
Leon Bischoff steps to the court.
Leon: We really don’t care if you leave or not. You two are the weak links. You brought us nothing but trouble. But the AWO Burton will continue. I want to bring you our two newest members, Big Daddy G and The Bad Guy Razor Ray White.
Tom: Fans, I knew these two guys before. I can’t believe that they did that. What a shock it is for our sport.
Pat: This is real exciting. I need to get a beverage of the adult variety. Call that number for information for all that Mott stuff. This isn’t a Mott Paid Program.
Tom: Well that sounds like some sort of plug. Fans, let’s go back to the ring.
Pat: Fans, I think we have something going on here.
Music starts up. Leon Bischoff appears
Leon: Welcome everyone to the AWO FACT Tonight.
Leon: It's either Monday or Wednesday night at 8pm or possibly Thursday at 2pm.
Tom: I can't believe this.
Leon: Welcome to the Leon Bischoff show. Tonight my guest is the newest
member of AWO Burton.
C'mon out.
(Ray Traylor appears.)
Ray: I had it with those WCW wrestling sissies. I've come to the real leagues.
Leon: Ok, so what have you been up to? I've been hanging out with my good buddy Sheriff Joe Wilson and my good friend Andrew Heller.
Ray: So are u a disk jockey?
Leon: Back about 60-75 years ago I was a DJ. I even was the first voice heard on channel 12.
Leon: So what do you think of the AWO Burton?
Ray: I think it's great. I mean the best basketball players are here. Plus it's the only game in town. It's very excellent-
Leon: (Interrupting): Speaking of excellent, let me tell you about the time I met Bea Arthur. She's was a very excellent dame. I met her when she did Maude and not the Golden Girls. It was a rainy night back about 1974. We just came from The Bijou from my good friend Sheriff Joe Wilson.
Ray: I like Bea Arthur on the Golden Girls. She wasn't as funny as Betty White.
Leon: (Interrupting): Speaking of funny, did I ever tell you about the time I met Betty White? We were just coming back from the Cineplex, me and my good friend Sheriff Joe Wilson. There she she was looking as good as ever. So I went up to her said hi and she smiled.
Ray: Hey I have to prepare for my game.
Leon: Well I guess the interview is over. Thank you everyone.
Tom: That was just sick. Making fun of the Ted Johnson show.
Pat: I thought it was kind of funny.
Tom: Fans we're outta time for now.
Wednesday's TED JOHNSON SHOW:
Ted: It's Monday or Wednesday at 8pm or Thursday at 2pm or Naptime. My guest tonight is Andrew Heller. He works at the Flint Journal here.
Andrew: It's great to be here.
(The Door opens)
Ted: Who are you fellas?
Leon: We're the AWO Burton. My partner Ray Traylor and I are sick of seeing you on tv every week.
Ray: That's right punk. We're sick of it
Ted: I'm trying to do my show here.
Ray: The Leon Bischoff Show is much better.
Leon: I had enough of you Ted. You're not hip at all.
Ray: And Ted, I don't like your sign.
Leon breaks the sign.
Leon: If you want, come to Burton for our next big event, Burton Mecca. We'll be waiting there.
Kathy comes running out.
AWO Game of The Week Monday
Clips of Ted Johnson show air.
Ted Johnson walks to the court.
Ted: I had enough of you two fellas. I came here from my nap to challenge you two to Burton Mecca.
Tom: How about that? This could be the biggest Game of the Week yet.
Ted: I have a partner and you know him good and well. He is the real Sheriff. Please welcome my good buddy Sheriff Joe Wilson.
Tom: Wow. It's Sheriff Joe Wilson. Can this night get any bigger?
(Crowd doesn't care.)
Sheriff Joe: Larry and Ray we challenge you. Feel the clang!
Music starts up. It's DDD.
Tom: Diamond Dave Davis! Wow!
DDD: Leon, you're ruining the history of this
school. I won't stand for it at all.
NEW FALL SEASON
HOMECOMING '98:
Pat and Tom: Welcome fans to the first ever homecoming parade on FACT
17.
Pat: I'm Pat Daly along with King Tom. Besides the floats, we understand that AWF stars will be here as well.
Tom: That explains why we're here then.
Pat: Well here's the first float. Actually, it's a police car.
Tom: Yes, it's a classic police car.
Pat: Fans, this is some parade. Our next float has the Freshman class float with the theme of Batman.
Tom: Yes, the Caped Crusader would be proud of that.
Pat: I understand that these kids spent hours and hours working on these floats.
Tom: It sure does show.
(New 6 approaches the announcing booth. XXX and Asia soon join them.)
N6: Well Well Well! Look what we have here. It's another Game of the
Week. And you know what?
DA isn't headlining the show again.
XXX: I'm turning the PA on. (Turns the PA on.) We're sick and tired of getting shelved on this program week in and week out. We don't need fans. We're here tonight to make a point. We're taking no prisoners.
N6: Like that show on FACT 17?
XXX: Actually, we're making everyone here a prisoner. Fear us. Especially you, King Tom. The revolution will have a resolution.
Pat: Wow fans. What a parade this is. Tom, you better watch it. Our next float is a float by the sophomore class. It's Buzz Lightyear.
Tom: These kids spent a long time working on this. They are a positive for this community. We need to take a break. We'll be back fans.
(PSA runs.)
Pat: Fans, we're back. Our next float features ..... wait a minute. Just wait a minute. DA's just jumped on the float.
(DA knocks people off the float. They then destroy the Mighty Mouse float.)
N6: You're in our territory.
Tom: They're out of their damn minds.
XXX: It's DA's float now. Hey 6, I'm not going to sit on this float. I have something else planned. You're going to like this. Asia, let's go do it.
Pat: DA's meaning business this evening.
Pat: Our next feature is the band. And XXX's got the PA microphone.
XXX: This band is so bland. You guys are playing On Wisconsin. You call that a song? I call it crap. Hey Kid. Hand over the guitar. (Kid hands over the guitar.) Ok, you p****ed me off. New 6?
New 6 takes the guitar and slams it over some kid's head.
N6: This is what I call a smash hit. We'll be back later.
Tom: I've lost a lot of respect for DA. They're really hated by the fans now. I can't believe that they ruined this parade.
Pat: They're trying to make a point. I think it's coming through loud and clear.
Tom: Let's go to our last float.
XXX: Hello again. Hey king Tom. We had enough of you. We need to get rid of some trash.
Tom: What are you guys talking about?
N6: We understand that there's a new program on Saturday nights. We're going to host that.
Pat: Our next float is coming up.
XXX: Tommy, Tommy, Tommy...... We're not asking. We're telling. After tonight, you won't be here. You'll be going down there.
N6: Down where?
Asia: You guys are silly.
XXX: As a matter of fact, Asia hand me that chair.
Asia hands XXX the chair and hits King Tom 3 times.
N6: Farewell to the King.
Pat: He's just an announcer. Guys what are you doing? What the hell just happened? We need medical help here.
XXX: See you Saturday night!
N6: XXX, didn't you forget the game? We're going to be there.
Pat: Fans, we hope you're here tonight too. I'll be here. Join us in 30 minutes. We get to do football. What is going to happen tonight?
FADES TO COLORBARS
AWF Game of The Week
Stills open from the parade.
Pat: Fans, welcome to Homecoming 98. I'm flying solo tonight. Apparently,
we lost Tom Skinner.
*Monday Night*
AWO GAME OF THE WEEK
Lame graphics appear.
Tom Skinner: Fans, welcome to the all new Game of the Week. I'm Tom Skinner and I would like to introduce you to my new partner, Rickey Hampton.
Ricky Hampton: Fans, we're gonna give you the games you want here on FACT. Let's go to the court.
AWO BURTON shows up.
Leon Bischoff appears:
Leon: Ok, I lost Ray Traylor to the WWF. But that's ok. We schooled Ted Johnson and Sheriff Joe Wilson at our last pay per view. We didn't need him anymore. We don't need Superstar Michelle and we don't need you AHD! (Cheers start up.) I have a pen and I'm the most powerful person in this sport! Once again, I'm introducing you to my newest members Razor Ray & Big Daddy G. In addition, I have Giant Bob Grissom, Macho Man Stapleford, Tonight, I guarantee you that there will be another new member.
Rickey: Wow what a night this is going to be! We'll be back after this!
PSA:
Court has never been this exciting.
This fall on FACT: JUDGE ARMONDO THE WINO
Man: So then he pulled out the gun and almost attacked me....
Armondo: Ok, you got any beer?
He's a judge with attitude, and he's a judge with a beer bottle.
He's a judge of the people. He smells like crap and his clothes are ratty, but people still obey him!
JUDGE ARMONDO:
Armondo: If you got beer, you will win!
PSA ENDS
Rickey: Fans, what are they talking about? Why is it always about the
AWO? Where's Tom?