by Joan R.
Brenda emerged from the bathroom fully clothed and ready to go.
"C'mon Jax, let's get movin'. I can't get home fast enough !! I hate hospitals
!"
"Hey.....Slow down just a little. It would be better if we made it to the
front door without you having a relapse !"
Brenda wrinkled up her nose in mock defiance, then relaxed.
"I guess you're right. I don't want to give anyone a reason to rescind my
release papers ! I just want to spend tonight in my own bed ! "
Jax laughed at her insistence. There were definitely no lingering effects
from the bump on her head.
"You definitely look like you're ready to go out and take on the world !"
Brenda smiled at him. He always paid attention to how she looked, often
knowing her moods better than she did. There was one look though, that he'd
misjudged many times.
"Wait, I need one more thing !"
She grabbed Jax's arm before he walked out the door. He turned around
while she went to retrieve the magazine from the floor beside her bed. She
quickly flipped through it's pages, while Jax gave her a quizzical
look.
"Did you forget to clip some coupons earlier ?? Maybe found an article detailing
the fashion statement of using bandages for shoulder pads ?"
Brenda looked back at Jax, rolled her eyes, and smiled.
"Wow, your sympathy for the wounded sure is short lived. Oh, here it is !"
She tore the page she'd been looking for from the magazine , folded it,
and stuffed it into her pocket.
"Hmmm. defacing hospital property....we better get you out of here quick
! Heavens knows how much they'll add to your bill if they find out. "
Jax laughed as he took Brenda arm and guided her out the door, into the
wheelchair.
At the entrance Jax helped Brenda into the waiting limo. She settled into the back seat, being careful not to move completely over all the way to the other door. She wasn't ready to give up on Jax . At least she'd enjoy the ride home. Jax climbed in behind her relizing immediately that they'd be sharing close quarters.
"You know there's all kinds of room here for you to spread out a bit. I don't
want your shoulder to be crowded. " He gave Brenda that knowing look that
she'd seen too many times lately. She leaned back a bit more, stretched her
legs and said....
"I'm r-e-a-l-l-y comfy right here. Are you really going to make me move ?"
Jax smiled back. There was her pout again. There was no point in trying
to resist. He moved close to her, placing his arm protectively around her
shoulders, being careful not to strike the bandaged area. Brenda snuggled
up against him and let out a
comforting sigh. Jax concurred silently. For him, holding Brenda was a natural
as breathing. The limo pulled away from the curb.
"Jax, could you open up the moon roof ? It's so nice out tonight."
"Of course I will. Interested in doing a little star gazing ? "
"With you...anytime !" Brenda reached out and laid her hand gently on
Jax's knee. He watched to see if she had more in mind than watching stars.
When she didn't move further, he reached out and pressed the electric button
that opened their view to the sky. Brenda turned her face upward, glancing
quickly at Jax and then on toward the sky.
"Do you remember standing on the hillside in L.A., Jax. watching the lights
of the city come on ? "
"Of course, I do. It was our last night in L.A. You were in a hurry to come
back to Port Charles."
"Well, I don't know that I'd say '..in a hurry..", but yes, I did want to
come back. Things were happening so fast with us. I was so confused. You
told me I'd miss what was right in front of me.....and you were right."
Jax looked away from Brenda and out the window. Being right didn't matter
anymore. Look where it had led them. Where was she leading with this conversation
?
"That night seems like a million miles away. So much has happened. " Jax
lied, he remembered it as if it was yesterday. He could feel her in his arms,
the way she touched his cheek and said he was like make-believe. He wanted
so much to kiss her then, and stay in CA forever.
"I remember another night we stared at the stars and waited for the sun to
rise. It was on the yacht, during our honeymoon." Brenda paused waiting
to feel his reaction. She was too hesitant to look at him directly.
Jax shifted uncomfortably beside her, removing his arm from her shoulder.
He ran his hand across his lower face, then turned to look at Brenda.
"Where are you going with this, Brenda? "
"I want you to understand how I've changed....how different my life is now.
" Brenda turned sideways to face Jax. She reached down and gently took
his hand. She felt like she had nothing to lose by continuing.
"That night in the deck chair, when we talked about how suddenly the wedding
had come about, I told you that a little hoping and dreaming beforehand might
have been nice. You said I would have had to have already been love with
you to have those hopes and dreams." She paused, waiting again for his
reaction.
"Yeah, I guess that's what I said."
"Did you mean it?"
"Well, yes, I knew you'd been hoping and dreaming for a life with Sonny.
I thought I could give you a better life, but I knew it would take more time
for you to realize it."
"Ahhh...as sure as the sun" Brenda murmurred, almost inaudibly.
"Hmm...what did you say ?" Jax looked down at Brenda, who was fidgeting
with her hands, deciding what to say next.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is I have those hopes and dreams now, for
us. I want us to have a life together. The one we both know we can have,
if you'd just quit fighting it. What I need to know is if you can love me
enough to have those same dreams ? She almost held her breath waiting
for a response, hoping for a positive one.
"Brenda, why do we have to go into this right now. I'm really tired and you
must be, too. Can we talk about this later when we've both had a good night's
sleep?"
Jax just wasn't ready for this. There were things he needed to tell her. Would she change her mind once he had. He didn't want to face that possibility, now. He was exhausted and he didn't want to make any more mistakes.
Brenda reached over again to stroke his face and then ran her hand over his
hair. She let it linger on the back of his neck. Jax wondered if she knew
how hard it was for him to maintain some emotional distance.
"I don't know Jax. One of our problems has always been waiting for the right
time to say something. Not wanting to put potentially hurtful thoughts and
feelings out there so we can deal with them. Sometimes we kept the good feelings
hidden, too. There's never going to be a right time"
She shifted again in her seat, tucking her right leg up underneath her
and bring Jax's hands together in her lap. Wanting to break the tension she
smiled and added "You're a captive audience right now !"
Jax relaxed ever so slightly but withdrew his hands from hers. He shook
his head slightly and gently smiled. The idea of being her captive audience
still sent wonderful images racing through his brain.
"Brenda, there's something you need to know before this conversation goes
any further." He looked her directly in the eye and she moved backward..
What was so serious to make him look that way?
"OK, what is it."
"The gunshots at the docks yesterday were probably meant for me. Mac told
me a couple of weeks ago that there was a possible plot involving me. We
didn't know the extent of it, or even if it was an assassination plot.....but
I was aware of the danger. We underestimated the timing of the threat. I
never would have asked you to be there, or anyone else for that matter, if
I 'd known exactly what was planned. V tried to warn me yesterday, but I
just dismissed it. I could have cost you your life, Brenda."
"Oh my gosh, Jax! I could have lost you yesterday ! Do you know any more
about the shooter. I can't believe anyone would want to kill you !" She
instinctively reached out to hold him. She wrapped her arms around his neck,
not wanting to let go. Jax being shot at ! She couldn't imagine it. The mob,
sure. That's what she thought at first. They didn't want the project to go
forth. But Jax ???
He reached up and gently pulled her arms away from him Still holding her
hands, he said...
"Last night I knew how Sonny must have felt when he left you. I hated the thought that I could have been responsible for getting you killed. That's why I called Jason when you were mumbling Sonny's name. Last night it didn't matter which man you'd been standing next to, you were still hurt. I thought if you really wanted Sonny, I wasn't going to keep you from him anymore."
Brenda was having some difficulty taking this all in. It certainly wasn't
the direction she was expecting the conversation to take.
"Jax, I don't want to be with Sonny. It's over. Period. I love you.
This is all unbelievable to me right now, but I want to stay right here with
you. You and Sonny are not the same. I'm afraid for you if someone is truly
out there trying to kill you. But that doesn't begin to compare to what waits
for Sonny on any given day." She shook her head in disbelief. "Your
lives are nothing alike. As for me...I'm fine, Jax. I know you'd never lead
me into danger without telling me. You're telling me now. Sonny just kept
warning me, but he rarely gave me details. That's another way that you're
different."
Brenda looked up at the stars still shining through the moonroof. Jax
was right. The rest of their conversation could wait until tomorrow. He must
have a million things still on his mind that she knew nothing of. She wouldn't
make him discuss it now. There would be time for details later. She wasn't
going to leave him, there was no rush. She cuddled up beside him.
"You're right Jax. The rest of this conversation can wait until the morning.
Will you give me more details about the plot when you know them? " He
nodded yes. "Then we'll talk some more tomorrow."
Jax reached over and put his arm around Brenda. She cuddled up next to
him and then slipped into his lap. He didn't resist. All he'd wanted to do
all day was wrap her in his arms and shut out the rest of the world. He stroked
her hair as she gently kissed his cheek. Jax turned the radio on low, hoping
it would help them both to relax. The day had been so long. Brenda was exactly
where she wanted to be and soon drifted off. Jax still held her tightly,
his mind beginning to focus on the lyrics of the song that was playing.
In the morning light
Half awake and half asleep
Have you ever laid there thinking
Was it all a dream?
But you reach out and she's there
Every moment, everywhere
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever felt
How far a heart can fall
Have you ever stayed up waiting
For a telephone call
Just to hear her say hello
'Cause you miss each other so
Have you ever been in love?
Have there been times to laugh
And times you really want to cry
Finding reasons to believe her
'Cause you'd die a little if she lied
And when in times of doubt
Have you ever tried to work it out
But still she leaves you wondering
What it's all about
And when she's far away
Have you ever felt the need to stray
And tried and then discovered
It just doesn't pay
'Cause with her, you can be true
And with her, you can be you
Have you ever been in love?
And when the night comes down
Can you call your house a home
Do you dream you're still together
And wake up alone
Have you ever been in love
The way that I'm in love
Have you ever been in love?
The limo driver stopped in front of Brenda's house. Jax gathered her up in
his arms. He told the driver to leave and that he'd call in the morning for
a ride. He carried Brenda up to her bedroom and gently laid her on the bed.
She had barely stirred. He trurned to go back downstairs when he heard her
voice.....
"Jax please stay here with me. I want to know your safe."
He walked over and laid down beside her wrapping his arms around her once
again. She snuggled up so close he could hardly catch his breath. His mind
went back to the words of the song. Yes, he definitely was in
love.............
"Have You Ever Been In Love" by Peter Cetera form the CD "world Falling Down"
on Warner Brothers label.