"You are not serious." Pacey reached across Joey and dug his hand deep into the bag of microwave popcorn.
She glared at the kernels he dropped on her stomach, then at him. His eyes were fixed on the television in front of his bed. It was eleven o' clock on a friday night, and she still couldn't quite believe she was at Pacey's house. Sighing, she stuck the bag between them. "Sadly enough, I am."
Through a mouthful of popcorn he said, "You two kissed, and when you went for his package--"
"Pacey..."
"When you went for his package he freaked."
"I did _not_ go for his package. Things were getting hot and heavy and my hand sort of drifted in that direction. Then I...I cannot believe I'm discussing this with you."
"You knocked on my door, babe."
She half heartedly kicked his ankle. "I had to talk with someone, you know the back story, Jen would be too freaky..."
"So what happened next?" He rolled to face her.
"I don't know. It was a week ago and he's still acting like I've got ebola. I never thought he'd be this immature. After he called a time out he went to the bathroom for a few minutes, When he came out he was in full Dawson mode. Analyzing like I'm a screenwriting project, not letting me speak, saying we're better off as friends. I really don't think..." her voice trailed off. She looked at Pacey, half expecting him to be snickering or rolling his eyes, but he looked back at her, calmly, quietly, listening. Really listening, she wasn't used to that. It was sort of nice. It was also Pacey, so it was sort of freaky.
"Go on."
"I really don't think he's ready to handle what I want, and the more I think about it...It's weird." She took the popcorn he offered. "When it first happened, I was so angry. Then I just wished he'd talk to me. Then when friday came and he still treated me strange, It all clicked. I love him but--."
"News flash."
"Bite me."
He nipped her shoulder, then flinched away, apparently expecting the usual whack upside the head. She just sighed. She didn't have the energy tonight to attack him.
"Freak. Anyway, like I was saying, I love him, but I wouldn't want him the way he is anyway. If I really think, I know he has a lot of growing up to do, not like I don't, but anything with him right now is destined to be fraught with more angst than I'm willing to deal with. So I'm ok with it."
"What do you want from him that he can't handle?"
She refused to answer. "I'm really ok with it."
He raised his eyebrows.
"I am."
"Didn't say you weren't"
"But....Arrggh."
"What?" He clicked off the video and scooted closer, absentmindedly kicking her foot.
"It's just...," she pulled at a strand of hair. "Never mind."
"Fine." Smirking, he continued kicking her foot.
"It's just...stop that."
He stopped smirking.
"No, that." She kicked him back. He nudged her foot back, and pretty soon they were play kickfighting. Joey slid further and further towards the edge then scrambled to stay on the bed. Pacey pulled her back quickly. So quickly, in fact that she was surprised at his strength.
"Well, that was pointless."
"Wasn't it, though? I'm not letting you off that easy." He let go of her arm. "What were you going to say about Dawson?"
"I feel so stupid saying this. He got me really worked up, and when he just stopped like that I was ready to kill him."
Pacey blinked a few times, rolled onto his back and laughed. Loudly. "He got you horny."
"Screw you."
"Heeee made you horrrrnyyy," he chanted in a singsong falsetto.
"Ass."
He poked her side repeatedly, chanting, "Admit it, admit it."
"You are so juvenile. Fine, I was horny. That's a perfectly normal state for an adolescent such as myself in that situation."
"Josephine Potter, I can't believe it. You, of all people...," his voice trailed off. He stared at her.
At first she stared back defiantly, but as the seconds dragged on, she looked down, then away, then back at him. "What?"
"I can see it."
Her cheeks felt warm. "See what?"
"You come across all tomboy, and innocent with that fake sarcastic bitch routine, but underneath you're not."
"What are you talking about?"
"If I'm right, you know exactly what I'm talking about."
She swatted him with a pillow.
"No need to feel embarassed, perfectly normal for--."
"And you don't have a dirty mind?"
Pacey shook his head and scooted back to sit against the headboard. "You have to ask?"
Joey flopped back against the bed. After a minute of investigating the ceiling, she spoke quietly. "Part of me feels like jumping into it, you know? There's this whole world that I sort of know about. I joke about it, I've read about it. I've seen the movies. Hell, I even overhear my sister sometimes. But I've never tasted it. I'm not ready to go all the way. I've never even had a hand up my shirt, so going all the way is out of the question, but I want to dip my toes in. All these hormones are screaming to dip my toes in, and I thought, I'm finally going to get my chance. Here's a guy I can totally trust. Here's a guy I'm in love with too, and I can explore with him."
She was close enough to Pacey's leg to feel the warmth radiating off of it. On a whim, she scooted over and rested her head on his lap.
"Go on."
"I'm ready to find out about a little of it. And I thought Dawson would be ready to explore a little too. Not too much, just second base, maybe. I don't know. This is all so stupid and random. You can't plan stuff like this. Seems like it always happens with so much angst and heartache and ineffective fumbling. What do you think, Pacey?"
He coughed. "Well, I'm not the best guy to ask about typical teenage sexual exploration."
"True. I still can't believe you boinked her, though." She paused and snuggled a little closer, surprised by how comfortable she felt around him. He'd been uncharacteristcally nice this evening. "What's it like?"
"What?"
"You know, it, everything, stuff."
"Oh, it. Wow, it's wow. Crazy, nothing like the movies. Better, sillier, messier. It's amazing. Scary. And in some ways, not a big deal." He scratched his ear then rested his hand on her stomach. She didn't move it away, although she couldn't ignore it. "Any specific questions?"
"Um," she smiled a little, unable to decide what to ask first. Curiosity won out over embarrasment and she mumbled, "What does an erection feel like?"
"Give me a minute and you can find out for yourself." He waggled his eyebrows.
"You're disgusting. I mean to have one."
"Some times awesome. Sometimes, like in math class, really annoying. I don't know. Unless you have a penis, I don't think you can understand. What do boobs feel like?"
"I wish I knew."
"C'mon, you have a nice set."
"Whatever." She became aware that he was drawing little circles on her stomach with his thumb. If he had moved his hand up she probably would have stopped him, but she let it go. It felt...nice. Even if it was Pacey. "They're a little annoying when I run, but other than that, they're just there. They don't do anything. Not like..." she glanced at his crotch.
"Not like my massive love muscle." He flexed, making it jump a little.
"You are so incredibly disgusting."
"I'm a sixteen year old guy."
"Same thing." His thumb brushed her stomach, tracing the edge of her shirt where a sliver of skin peeked out.
"Any other questions?"
"Why doesn't Dawson want me?"
"I'm sure he does." Slowly, deliberately he stroked her belly with his thumb.
"What's wrong with me? And how can you be so sure?"
"Any guy with half a brain and one eye would want you."
"That's encouraging.." She squished one eye closed and let her tongue hang half out of her mouth. "Duh--Ah wan oooo Choeyyyy. Dah-errr."
"C'mon, you know what I mean. I'm sure he wants you. It probably just freaks him out."
"Why?"
"I don't know." Pacey slipped his thumb beneath the edge of her shirt.
"That tickles." It didn't really tickle, but she wasn't about to let it go without comment. Pacey Witter may or may not be trying to feel me up, she thought. What do I think about this? She felt oddly detatched, and in a fog. I don't want to think. I've been thinking all week. If I think any more my brains will dribble out my ear. For once I just want to be. Besides, if Pacey did anything she didn't like, she could always whack him, call him a pervert and go back to watching the movie.
Her belly was getting tense and relaxed at the same time. That wonderful guy smell, a mixture of detergent and salt and something else, surrounded her. She let her eyes close. She didn't want to think right now.
"That tickles?"
"Yeah." Slowly, his fingers started drawing circles on her skin. The effect of his whole hand stroking her stomach made it kind of hard to breath.
"You, uh, you want me to stop?"
She cleared her throat. "Nah."
