Walking at a brisk, purposeful pace, Joey reached the intersection just outside the middle of Capeside in a matter of minutes. A faint smile crossed her lips as she chose her route. The road leading west would have taken her downtown to her small office nestled between Screen Play Video and Root and Fruit greengrocers, but her selected path, theeasterly road, guided her to the primarily residential part of town.

As she climbed the stairs of the familiar apartment block, she felt a rush of anticipation. Absently, she smoothed her heat rumpled skirt down and yanked out the clip which heldher tightly pinned hair back, letting her dark hair tumble loose around her shoulders.

Tapping lightly on door number nine, she waited, her titillation mounting. The door swung open almost immediately to reveal a tall, dark-haired man with shrewd, laughing eyes.

“Hi,” he greeted her with a smile.

“Pacey!” Joey exclaimed in mock surprise. “Fancy seeing you here!”

“Fancy,” he said huskily, raising one eyebrow wryly in a way which made her heart do aseries of back-flips.

Glancing surreptitiously over her shoulder to ensure no-one had witnessed their exchange, he pulled her inside. The door had barely shut behind them, before he had hisarms around her.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmured, his hot breath tickling her cheek.

“How much?” she asked, bringing her lips very close to his. Pacey’s only response was adeep, soul-searching kiss.

I never meant for it to happen. That sounds unbelievably trite, I know, but it’s thetruth.

Six months ago I was the happiest woman alive. I wanted for nothing; I had an honours degree in Art, a newly founded, but still thriving business, and most of all, I was married to the man of my dreams. So what changed? Do you realise how many times I’ve asked myself that same question? Do you know how many times I’ve worked myself into a near-frenzy because I just don’t know what changed?

It was January and it was bitterly cold. We’d been having a spell of very bad weather, which showed no sign of letting up anytime soon. It was an especially foul evening and against my better judgement, I drove a few miles out of town to visit someone about a design. Of course, I never quite made it. The blizzard hit, my car died, and I was left stranded in the middle of nowhere. I’ll tell you something, there really is nothing worse than the feeling of being utterly alone. I felt like I was the last person on Earth; a truly frightening sensation. Outside, it was white; a pure, almost blinding blanket of snow covered everything. Before he came, I honestly thought I was going to die.

I had barely seen Pacey in years. What with college and all, we’d sort of lost touch. That day, he’d been driving home from out of town. By some unfathomable luck, he’d seen mycar, half-buried in snow and cared enough to stop and help. Someone more superstitiousmight say it was fate. Kismet.

That night is still almost a blur to me. Inside my small, blue Vauxhall, it felt as if we were somehow detached from the rest of the world. It was like time was suspended. We did what we felt was right at the time; we reached out to each other. I don’t know whether it was the sheer isolation of the situation which made us do it, or maybe it was the deeply repressed desires I’d always, often without even knowing it, harboured for Pacey. I justdon’t know.

That night, trapped by a snowstorm, was almost excusable, but, of course, it didn’t stop there. Our meetings; stolen, painfully short periods of time together, became more and more frequent over the following months. I don’t trust myself around Pacey. He has some kind of intense, chemical hold over me. It’s nothing I’ve ever experienced with anyone else before -- and now I’ve tasted that kind of unimaginable passion, is there really anyway things can go back to the way they were before?

I’ve often thought about what I’d do if I could somehow go back to that night. Do the whole thing over again. And do you know what? I don’t think I’d change a thing about what happened. I feel shame, yes. Guilt, of course. But regret? I can honestly say,no.

Joey wriggled slightly in bed, savouring the feel of soft, cotton sheets against her skin.Bringing her head to rest on his chest, Pacey began stroking her hair soothingly. Already Joey felt the delicious feeling of warmth which had filled her during the past hour begin to fade, replaced by the now all too familiar gnawing sensation of guilt.

“God, Pacey,” she exclaimed suddenly., twisting around to look at his face. “It’s notright.”

“It?” he repeated with a sly smile. “Oh, I thought it was just fine -- better thanfine, actually. Much better.”

“You know what I mean,” Joey said miserably, ignoring his attempt at lightening hermood. “Us, you and me, together -- it’s just wrong.”

Pacey’s smile faltered and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“Don’t say that. I hate when you say things like that. Did it feel wrong just aminute ago?”

“No,” Joey admitted, although the realisation failed to make her feel any better, “but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m married.” Her eyes drifted reluctantly to the corner of the room, where her bag had been haphazardly discarded in their haste. In her mind’s eye she could still see the thin, white gold wedding ring, tucked safely away in one of the inside pockets. Out of sight, out of mind. “I’m in love with Dawson,” she cried,breaking contact with Pacey.

“You keep saying that, Joey,” he said flatly. “I just don’t know who you’re trying toconvince. Is it me -- or yourself?”

Joey felt rage engulf her. How dare he. Here was she, trying desperately to make sense out of the mess they’d inadvertently got themselves into, and all he could do was criticise. Her face hardened as she snatched her shirt from it’s position strewn across the floor, yanking her arms clumsily through the sleeves. Her fingers were trembling with furyas she struggled to re-button the front.

“What are you doing?” he asked softly, reaching out to catch her arm. Even in her angry state, his mere touch was still enough to send a thrill chasing up her spine.

“What I should have done a long time ago,” she snapped. “I’m breaking it off. I’m sorryPacey, but it’s over.”

“You don’t mean that,” he said in a low voice, terrified that just the opposite wastrue.

Joey was quiet for a long moment. She felt her short-lived anger ebb away, leaving herwith nothing but hollow emptiness.

“I just want the lies to stop,” she said at last. “I feel like all I ever do these days islie. I don’t want to have to sneak around any more.”

Without warning, she felt the tears begin to slide down her cheeks. There was no way out, she realised. She couldn’t bear to end things with Pacey, and yet, the idea ofbreaking up with Dawson just didn’t seem a possibility.

Joey let Pacey draw her close once more, but felt no solace from his arms around her. So, the lies would continue -- and now they had spread. She was no longer just keeping secrets from Dawson, she was deceiving Pacey now too. Gingerly, she touched the exposed flesh of her stomach. A baby. Inside her. The idea still didn’t quite seem real to her yet -- and lying there, in Pacey’s arms, it didn’t have to be.

“I love you,” he murmured, brushing her lips with a feather-light kiss.

Joey sighed heavily. “I love you, too -- I wish I didn’t, but I do.”