Jazzsoda: Alright, you wax your half of the table with Minwax, and I'll do mine with this 18th century Elizabethan archback. We'll let the camera be the judge. |
CaptainBS: Whoa! Remind me never to order sea monkeys from the Sharper Image catalog again! |
Jazzsoda: CitiBank called to say they'd noticed some unusual activity on my card.. well, I had just bought a rifle, garbage bags and a shovel, but I reported it stolen.. |
Rinni: Wow! I didn't realize that those Life Cereal commercials were that old! |
Goob: In "A Hip-Hop Christmas Carol," LL Cool J teaches a curmudgeonly bitch the gangsta meaning of #$%^in' Christmas. |
Jazzsoda: Space Bag will be hosting her own talkshow on E! this fall. Watch for it. |
Hippie: Weiner World! On Nickelodeon! |
HopeCrash: Join the "I wanna a piece of Jacko Club". Happy customer: "I hit the Jackpot and got his nose." |
Jazzsoda: Atomic Ruffles, you can't eat one. |
GuloGulo: They said I was crazy. "You can't sail in a giant box! " they said. Call now to hear how I won the race with the help of Coast Guard helicopters. |
Ceilican: H.R. Giger's Honey I Shrunk the Kids |
Hippie: Zima. |
Occupant: New Batman villian: The Hoofer |
Artanas: Directive #3000 : Never let them see you sweat. |
keogh: "But Ma, it's embarassing when the guys see you drive me to work!" "So you're embarassed by your own mother. A steel ass and you still can't sit up straight?" |
Nardo: Robocop hesitates, wary of the can opener in his opponent's grasp. |
GuloGulo: "Do you think she'll fly again, Cooter?" |
Artanas: "...watch Akira wrestle the Hulkster for the belt LIVE!" |
Hippie: Got molasses? |
bosko: open sasperella....open sausages....open sardines? |
Artanas: Now when the hell did the Sci-Fi Channel start showing Tom And Jerry? |
Hippie: The tear-jerking last episode of "Hotel Apartment" where Buddy turns off the light and closes the hotel for good. *sniff*. |
Hippie: Man, I'm parched... I think I need a NESTEA plunge! *SPLASH!* |
Hippie: Good work, Angels! |
Psyko: Before you shampoo, run a Slim Jim through your hair for that extra burst of beefiness! |
Flanker: And bad things grow outside it. |
Hippie: Is this me touching you or emptiness touching me? *Huh? Watcha mean? *The foreboding of pleasure... *Huh?!? *Can we please get someone else for this commercial? |
Seltaeb: "We have the best organs and keyboards in the tri-city area, don't we?" "That's right, Edna!" |
keogh: "Did someone say...McDonald's?" |
Artanas: "C is for cookie!" |
JoeCrow: men who marry marionettes tonight on Geraldo |
Occupant: o/' It's the story, of a man named Brady, who was busy with three boys . . . |
Artanas: Alternate ratings |
Hippie: Tonight, on a very special "Brooklyn South," Frankowitz reveals he's Frieburg's Secret Santa. |
RedRooster: Hello ladies. My name is William and I bet you don't know which one of your apartments I'm in. |
KINGDINOSAUR: "My mother sent me to live with my father. Ahuh, it was very hard." |
E_B_A: So Zantac is loaded with that chemical they use to demostrate the absorbancy of tampons and diapers... and my impetus to purchase it is? |
keogh: "Oh, THIS one. Always asks about her dead boyfriend. What a loser." "Mike's on." "Mike? Oh, don't get me started. He just wants to get..." "No, YOUR mike's on." |
Artanas: And all this time I thought it was a cop-buddy movie....DOH! |
Cerg: Real TV captured this stroke in progress |
Jazzsoda: Next week on Sliders, we'll visit a dimension where "pervert" means "fine, upstanding citizen"! |
keogh: The Packers know -- it's Prince Spaghetti night! |
keogh: They staged a sit-in, but since they were white college students, not black civil rights leaders, and it was the drugstore, not a lunch counter, the only person they pissed off was The Pharmacist: "I'll give ya a rush! Feel the might of my Ether-Gas, Hippie!" |
HanoverF: Work faster you little brats! Those "Dawsons Creek" episodes are'nt gonna write themselves! |
GuloGulo: Danny jolts his nipples with 220 volts while Bert is convinced he can remove his head. Confused? You won't be after this episode of...Soap! |
keogh: "Because in space, the USS Voyager don't take shit offa the aliens and they don't take American Express." |
Hippie: ...and until Mavis Banner finds the cure for the disease that plagues her, she'll be... THE INCREDIBLE WRINKLED PRUDE. |
JoeCrow: This week on "Samurai Maytag Repairman"..... |
TravisBickle: The MWF (Mousey Wrestling Foundation) presents Dorm Room Brawls, next on TNT! |
Hippie: That '70s Deadbeat Brother-In-Law of Yours | 
Artanas: Now back to "You Goddamn Cook When I Tell You Ho" |
Hippie: Yes... I would like to see how a tampon works, explained with a mundane blue liquid! *Tonight, on "You Had to Ask!" |
Hippie: Yes! I would like to see two astronauts explore the world's largest, man-made scrotum! *Tonight, on "You Asked For It!" |
