The scene opens as the lunch bell has just sounded. Helga is one of the last to leave the class room and is just finishing waxing eleoquently on her one true love Arnold.
Helga:... but it can't be, I'd die if anyone found out the truth. I just have to wait for the right time to...
Brainy pants and wheezes behind Helga who then backhands him sending him to the floor. She then goes back into the classroom. Curly then comes around a corner towards the classroom.
Curly:Hmmm what was that about? I came back for my pencil but have stumbled unto something that holds many possibilties.
Curly then helps Brainy up.
Curly: Brainy what was she talking about! What can she not afford to let anyone find out!?
Brainy:Uhhh something.
Curly then grabs Brainy by his shirt and shakes him.
Curly:Blast it! Won't you tell me what you heard!?
Brainy:Uhhh no.
Helga suddenly bursts out of the classroom.
Helga:What are you doing to him crazy boy! NO one pushes him around but me!
Brainy:Uhhh yeah.
Helga:Quiet you! Curly I'm giving you five seconds to leave before I pound you!
Curly: Not so fast! If you lay one finger on me your secret is out! Everyone will know!
Helga shrieks and collapses to her knees.
Helga:Y.y.y.you know the truth?
Curly:Thats right my dear. And I suppose we can come to agreement. You do something for me and I'll just amazingly forget what I know.
Helga grinds her teeth together but finally nods.
Curly:Excellent! I'm glad we came to an understanding. Now I have a job for you. Go find that evil treacherous Eugene take him to that back of the playground. I'll meet there after lunch.
What kind of goofy job is that! Why don't I do this after I eat my lunch too!
Curly:Silence! You will do as your told or your secret is out!
Helga then walks out toward the lunch room seeking Eugene.
Curly: Mu ha ha ha ha! My own muscle to push around whomever I want! It will now be me who controls the fourth grade! hmmm but first I think I'd better find out her secret. I can only bluff her for so long.
Curly then walks out to the lunch room carefully making sure Helga does not see what he's doing. He then spies Phoebe eating her lunch by herself.
Curly:Ah ha! who better to ask. I'm sure she knows Helga's secret.
He quickly walks over to Phoebe.
Curly:Phoebe! thank goodness I've found you! Something happened to Helga!
Phoebe: I was wondering why she wasn't here! What happened to her?
Curly:Well you know that secret that Helga has that only her closest confidents know? Well Big Patty found out and is threatening to tell the whole school!
Phoebe formerly tense eases up.
Phoebe:Is that so? Which "secret" is this? She has so many you know, it's difflecult for me to keep track of all of them.
Curly:Um uhh well I see you know what I'm alking about umm I got to tell the others.
Curly to himself: Blast! she was too hard to crack, well no matter I'm sure I was too clever to arouse her suspicion. Let's see...I know Gerald he's the keeper of all the hidden tales!
He walks over to Gerald just as Arnold picks up his tray to drop it off. Phoebe then quickly leaves as well.
Curly:Gerald! my friend! my compadre! my...
Gerald:What do you want Curly?
Curly:Heh he heh right to the matter at hand eh? Well I have come to gain knowledge from your vast understanding of all the hidden tales.
Gerald:Umm your starting to freak me out Curly ask me what you want quickly Arnold and me have vaulable recess time that's going to waste.
Curly:I seek any and all infomation you have on Helga.
Gerald: Ahh I get it Curly has love on his mind and seeks info on his girl to be. heh heh heh.
Curly: No no no It's not that! I want to know...
Gerald:what her favorite color is? does she like you? what type of candy she prefers? ha ha ha!
Curly: Bah! never mind! I'll find out what I need to know from the others.
Gerald:Ask Rhonda I'm sure she can tell you what to wear on your first date! ha ha ha!
Curly: HRumph! When I do find out her secret Gerald is next on the list after Eugene. But asking Rhonda might be a good idea.
He walks over to Rhonda as she returns her tray and walks with her to the playground as he asks her his questions.
Curly:wait up a second! I need to ask you something.
Rhonda:I guess you can ask me one question.
Curly:Okay, I need you to tell me Helga's most horrifying secret, one in which she hides from everyone.
RHonda:Is that it? Thats easy. She wears her sister Olga's hand-me downs. What could be more horrifying than that.
Curly:No thats not it let me rephrase the question.
Rhonda:Nope sorry you've used up your one question. Besides I 've risked my poularity as it is being seen with you as much as I have.
Curly wanders over to the swings where Sheena is swinging.
Sheena:Hi Curly. You look kind of stressed out is anything bothering you?
Curly:Helga has a horrible secret that's what's bothering me! and I dont't know what to do about it.
Sheena:Wow you figured it out too! Just be careful about how you talk to her about it. She yelled and screamed at me when I tried to help her about it.
Curly:Aha! umm how should we help her, um with this problem?
Sheena:Get her to change her diet that the only thing that will help her unless her problem is stress releated.
Curly:What are you talking about!
Sheena whispers in his ear.
Curly:Constipation! blast that's no good I bet half the kids here don't even know what that is.
Sheena: No good? Of course its no good it's probably why she's so cranky.
Curly:Arrghhhh!
Curly then wanders around the playground looking for another person to ask his questions. Curly:Hmm there's Harold and Stinky I suppose I could see if they know anything.
Curly walks over to Harold and Stinky who are playing chicken on the monkey bars.
Curly:Hey you two! you two want to help me get back at Helga for all the abuse she's put us through?
Harold:Yeah! I do. She's always picking on me and calling me names. What do you want?
Curly:Great! I need to know some horrible secret that you might know that Helga would do anything to keep secret.
Harold:Hmm I think I do. A while back you remmber when someone stole Prinicipal Wartz' lunch? Well I think she did it!
Stinky:Nuh uh, that was you that ate it Harold.
Harold:Hmm oh yeah it was, umm then was she the one that umm nah that was me too. Uh let me think for a bit.
Curly:Great that will take forever.
Curly begins to walk away, but Stinky quickly catches up to him.
Stinky:I know! I have a secret about Helga, Curly.
Curly:You do! quick tell me!
Stinky:No one knows this except arnold and me and Helga. Nah I can't tell you it's too embarassing I just can't.
Curly: Sure you can! This sounds like just the information I was looking for! Please tell me!
Stinky: Okay but you have ta promise to keep it a secret.
Curly: Oh I promise, who would I tell he he he.
Stinky:Okay here goes. I was once in love with Helga.
Curly: Ha HA Ha ha you what! Hey wait a sec thats an embarassing secret about you not about Helga!
Stinky:YOU asked for an embarssing secret about Helga and that's what it is. Hmm I dont think you have pure motives at heart. If I was an intelligent feller I'd say your trying to manipulate Helga for your own means. That really bites!
Curly blinks twice shakes his head as if in disbelief of what he has just heard.
Curly to himself:Arrghh! I'm running out of people to ask! Surely there must be someone who knows Helga's secret.
Curly:Well there's Lila I guess I can ask her, but what could she possibly know about Helga.
Curly begins walking towards Lila but suddenly Helga runs over to Curly, with Phoebe following quickly behind.
Curly:Lila can I ask you a question! I...ACK!
Helga picks up Curly holding him by his shirt.
Helga:Well, well ,well if it isn't our own resident psycho black mailer!
Curly:uh uh I'm warning you Helga you touch me and your secret is out!
Helga: Go ahead Curly, Phoebe told me about your little recon mission.
Curly:Heh heh he, uh it was just a joke Helga uh he he he?
Helga:I don't think so. I think You and Old Betsy have things to discuss.
Helga drags Curly (who's kicking and screaming) to the back of the playground.
Lila walks over to Phoebe.
Lila:Thats just dreadful. I wonder what Curly was going to ask me?
Phoebe:That creep was trying to blackmail Helga. He must have really been scaping the bottom of the barrel though to ask you for information. What could you possibly know about Helga that could be used to blackmail her?
Lila: Hmmm I dont know.
Lila smiles slightly.