Now I know.

I admit that I would never in a million years have expected it. I wonder why
I didn't guess sooner. There's no excuse for my not knowing, no reason why I
should've. It was a carelessly stupid thing to do. Not to mention gloriously
wonderful. It was like being wrapped in joy. It was a kaleidoscope of
emotions and sensations dancing along my nerve endings. I was afraid and
fearless all at once, exhilarated and cautious. It was like every cliché in
the book. Birds sang, fireworks erupted and my world was forever shifted off
its axis. It was the most irresponsible thing I've ever done in my life.

And yet, even knowing the whole story now - the truth and the consequences
of that truth - I still cannot make myself regret a single second. Because I
have a secret about that night, a secret no one else knows. I was born that
night. I had existed before, gone day to day, laughed, cried and experienced
the blacks and whites of life. But that night - that one special night - I
learned to paint in shades of gray. I let the light into my life and my
heart soared one night on a beach under a crescent moon in the arms of a
stranger. I had never known life could feel like that.

Now I know.

When I first saw him I felt anger. Annoyance. An attraction. Anger and
annoyance that the attraction existed. So my emotions are a little stunted
and warped. What do you expect from me? I'm only human. Only human. The
words sound odd in my head. Something about my upbringing, I'm sure. We
Cassadine's are not human. We are somehow above mere human's. So for me to
fall in love with a common person - a gangster no less - Why it's just
unheard of. But I did. I hadn't known who he was, of course. I thought he
was a local. But after that day - that night - I couldn't leave well enough
alone. No, not me. I couldn't just hold one night of pure passion and
emotion close to my heart, no questions asked. I couldn't just keep the ring
he'd given me as a memento of that night. Of course not. I had to dig. And
find out who he was. And then track him down to the far corners of the
earth. Sonny Corinthos. God damn Sonny The Godfather Ex-Boyfriend to Brenda
Barrett Luke Spencer's best friend Corinthos. Of course I'd have to fall in
love with him.

I hadn't known it was him when I fell in love.

Now I know.

~~~~~~~~~~

Alexis Davis tosses her luggage on the bed of her London hotel suite. She
takes out her cell phone and flops in a chair. "Is he there?" Her tone is
clipped. "Good. Have the car waiting downstairs." She dials another number.
"Hello, Concierge? This is Alexis Davis. Is the room I requested ready?" She
smiles tightly. "Excellent." She shuts the phone and walks to the door,
grabbing her purse. "Look out Sonny, here I come," she mutters, closing the
door behind her.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sonny taps his fingers on the bar looking around the room for the informant
he was supposed to meet here. Someone who supposedly had information on
Brenda's murder. He closes his eyes. Another death that was his fault, more
blood on his hands. Like Lily. His eyes burn and he opens them, forcing
himself to concentrate on the door, waiting for this unknown person to walk
into the pub. It opens and a woman walks through. Sonny freezes, his entire
body going still as he places her face. Alexis. What the hell is she doing
here? His first thought is to duck out the back door, but then her eyes
focus on him. He can see determination in the lines around her mouth. She
looked like a woman on a mission. She makes her way over to him in long
graceful strides. She sits on the stool next to his and offers him a tight
smile.

"Fancy meeting you here." Her fingernails begin tapping out a slow beat on
the bar.

Sonny narrows his eyes at her. "Why is it I'm having trouble believing this
is a chance meeting?"

She shrugs her shoulders lightly. "Perhaps because you have half a brain. I
didn't care if this became obvious as a set up as long as you didn't get
suspicious before I laid eyes on you." She looks him up and down. "You're
looking thin, have you been eating?"

Sonny lets out a bark of laughter. "Are you getting maternal on me, pretty
lady?"

Alexis rolls her eyes. "There are many adjectives that come to mind when I
conjure your image up in my mind. Somehow maternal isn't my first few
choices."

Sonny leans closer to her, his voice turning intense. "Are we going to start
playing this straight, or is this cat and mouse game going to continue?"

She arches an elegant brow. "I'm very good at games, but why don't we try
straight talk? Who knows, it could be amusing."

Sonny smiles. "Okay. Did you arrange to meet me here?"

"If by arrange you mean orchestrate a false situation in order to facilitate
us being in the same place at the same time - then yes, I arranged to meet
you here." She smiles, her eyes guileless.

Sonny smiles, unable to stop himself. "Am I allowed to ask why?"

"You're allowed to ask," she replies cheerfully.

"But will you answer?"

"Are you asking?" That brow raises again. "Or are you afraid of the answer?"

Sonny leans forward further so that their faces are barely an inch apart.
"I'm not the one who's afraid of the answer," he says in a rough gravely
voice.

"Are you saying I'm afraid?" she asks, refusing to let him win by moving
back.

He shrugs a shoulder. "I just call 'em as I see 'em." He places a soft
chaste kiss on her lower lip. "And you, pretty lady, are terrified."

Alexis swallows and moves back, straightening her skirt. "I may be afraid,"
she concedes softly. "But at least I have enough courage to track you down
and face you again." She looks up at him. "Why did you leave me alone on
that beach?"

Sonny closes his eyes. "I tried to explain in the letter--"

"I know. You didn't want to. You had to. I understand why you left. Why the
note? Why didn't you wake me up, explain it all to me, then leave. Why did I
wake up alone?" she asks, her eyes pleading for an answer, desperately
needing to know that she wasn't just a one night stand he brushed off.

His lips move a little, his eyes and face taking on a nervous little boy
quality. He shrugs his shoulders. "I guess I was afraid." He admits it a
little shyly and with obvious reluctance.

Alexis' face breaks out in a joyous smile. "Congratulations - you just said
the right thing." She stands and offers him her hand.

He eyes it warily. "Where are we going?"

"Come with me and find out." That damn brow arches again. "Or are you
afraid?"

Sonny smiles, dimples flashing. He takes her hand and stands up. He snakes
his other hand around her waist and pulls her against him. He places a kiss
just under her earlobe. "Terrified," he whispers, sending chills down her
spine.

Alexis moves away from him slowly, then pulls him after her. She leads him
out the door and takes a right, heading for the stairs that lead to the
second floor of the pub. He questions her with his eyes, but says nothing
out loud. They reach the top and she opens the door with a key produced,
seemingly, out of thin air. Alexis drops his hand and moves inside. Sonny
looks around him. He shuts the door and the room grows dark. He can barely
make out a small mat on the floor across the room. He arches a brow at her.
"What, no bed?"

Alexis smiles then feigns outrage. "Is that all you men think about?
Besides, I think we've managed quite well thus far without a bed." She turns
and walks toward the small mat. She moves it aside to reveal a large black
comforter. "Better?"

"You're right." He walks slowly toward her, a predatory gleam in his eyes.
Alexis swallows and resists the urge to back away from him. She isn't
afraid, she assures herself. She's justŠŠ Anxious. Sonny brings his hands up
to Alexis' face, cupping her cheeks between them. He lowers his head to
hers, their mouths connecting in a hot soul stealing kiss. He moves back to
look into her eyes. "Who needs a bed?"

"Certainly not us--" Alexis begins. She's then cut off because he's kissing
her again, his hands running down her body. They make short work of the gray
blazer she was wearing, moving on to the white shell blouse covering her
upper body. His hands run down the front, his palms moving over her nipples.
They harden in reaction, straining against the silky fabric. Sonny moves his
hands further down to her skirt, finding the zipper on the side and shoving
it to her ankles. Alexis steps out of it, reaching for his shirt and pulling
it over his head. Her hands move to his chest, running over his nipples,
down his torso, to his hips, reaching for his belt. She gets it undone, but
then his hands are restraining her at her wrists, pushing her hands off him
as he kneels before her. She strips her blouse off, standing before him in
her bra, panties and stockings complete with garters.

"Black lace garters?" he asks her, his voice like gravel.

One shoulders shrugs. "They spoke to me in the store."

"They're speaking to me now," he mutters, moving his face nuzzle at her
stomach, kissing it softly. He moves down her thighs until he reaches the
clasp on the garter. He undoes one, then the other, moving all the way
around her legs until the stockings are free, staying up on their own. He
unrolls first the right, then the left, moving the nylon down her calves
slowly, kissing each new patch of skin bared to him. Alexis runs her fingers
through his hair, clutching at him to keep her balance. His mouth moves up
to her thighs again, kissing and running his mouth over her, his breath
teasing her, tantalizing her. He places light butterfly kisses along the
waist band of her panties, then around her hips. He hooks his thumbs inside
them and pulls them to her ankles. He rises to stand before her. Alexis
steps out of her panties, kicking them aside. Sonny's gaze falls to her bra.
His fingers play over the front clasp, skittering along the edges of her
breasts. Finally he unhooks it, sliding it off her shoulders and letting it
flutter to the floor. He places his mouth at the base of her neck and begins
a slow rhythmic sucking motion, using his tongue and teeth to bite and lick
their way down to her collar bone. From there he moves on to her left
breast, his tongue dancing around her nipple before finally sucking it into
his mouth. His hands rest on her hips, hers around his neck, holding his
head to her breast. She begins inching her hands down to his pants,
wrestling with the zipper, and forcing them - boxers and all - to the
ground.

"SonnyŠ.. NowŠ." She whispers huskily into his ear.

Sonny freezes for a moment, pulling back to look into her eyes. She knew. Of
course she knew. How the hell do you think she knew how to find you? But
knowing she knew and actually hearing her use his name were two different
things. He wasn't sure what to think or feel about it. He only knew one
thing. "Say my name again," he demands roughly.

Her mouth opens and nothing comes out. She tries again. "Sonny." She
whispers it reverently, testing the weight of it, the feel of it on her
lips.

Sonny moves his hands down her hips, under her thighs. He pulls upwards and
wraps her legs around his waist. Alexis lets out a little gasp of surprise,
but quickly tightens her legs around his waist. Sonny moves two feet to the
wall and presses Alexis' back against it. He slides inside her and begins
pushing in and out of her hard. Alexis moans unintelligible words, but it's
not enough. He needs to hear her say his name.

"Say my name," he grits out, thrusting harder, feeling her nails dig into
his back, knowing she was breaking the skin.

"Sonny," she moansŠ "Oh God SonnyŠ." Her words trail off as her orgasm over
takes her. She gasps and tightens around him, whispering his name like a
prayer. He stiffens and groans into her neck as his own release comes.
Breathing deeply, he moves away from the wall, letting her slide down his
body. Alexis drops down to her knees, then rolls onto the black comforter.
Sonny follows suit, pulling her into his arms, resting her head on his
chest.

They lay like that for quite some time. "So, was it good for you?" Sonny
asks, breaking the silence.

Alexis is quiet for a moment before bursting out in laughter. "Yes, it was
great." She looks into his eyes and smiles. "Absolutely wonderful." She
kisses him and lays her head back down on his chest. "Now go to sleep."
Sonny closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

I feel myself slowly coming back to consciousness. I roll from my stomach to
my back, my eyes barely focusing on the dark ceiling above me. I look to the
small window to my right, the only source of light in this room and find it
dark. That means hours have passed since we first came here. I look to my
left and find myself alone. I close my eyes and lay back against the pillow.
Loneliness is a funny thing. One can yearn for it - dream of it - Need to be
alone. And yet once you are you become willing to kill for the companionship
of another. I find this feeling overtaking me as I force myself to curl up
in the blanket and sleep till morning.

~~~~~~~~~

I wake again, this time due to the light shining on my face. Looking around
myself I remember what came before and I can't resist smiling. Sure I felt
ready to die after waking alone. But it was glorious and worth it in the
end. I look for any sign that I could've been mistaken before - that somehow
I wasn't alone but find none. Then my eyes train on the small envelope next
to my head. My name is written on it. Sonny. I open it quickly, pulling the
letter from it. I begin to read--

Sonny,

Hello stranger. Sorry I had no idea how to begin this, and that seemed the
best way. How do I say this? I know who you are, obviously. And I think you
know who I am. If you don't, my name's Alexis Davis and I currently reside
in Port Charles NY. That's information it's vital you have. Because I intend
for you to contact me at some point-

I raise and eyebrow at that statement-

And don't raise your eyebrows at me - I'm serious and you know it. We can't
just say goodbye. There's too much between us, too much unexplored
territory-

I smile at the fact that she seems to know me as well as I know myself -
perhaps better-

But I also realize that things in your life are too complicated right now.
Perhaps if Brenda Barrett hadn't been murdered you could've settled down
already. But you can't. Not until you find out who killed her. I understand.
I don't like it, but I understand-

I close my eyes and refuse to shed the tears I long to at her understanding.
God to be understood - I have in my life craved it, longed for it, needed it
- never have I achieved understanding from another human being I loved. For
I love her. I fell in love with her that first night - But I have to
exorcise a few demons before I can give her the life I want to. I only hope
these final battles don't kill me-

And with that understanding I offer you a promise. Give me a sign, Sonny.
Anything. I'll keep my eyes open. When you're ready, give me a place to find
you and I swear I'll be there. In the meantime, I want to give you
something. It's in the bottom of the envelope-

I dump the envelope into my hand and find the ring. Stone's ring. I had
given this to her because I wanted her to carry a piece of me around with
her and I had nothing else. Why did she?--

I'm sure you're wondering why I gave this back to you after you had given it
to me to - how did you put it - remember you by? As if I could ever forget.
I have my memories. I could never forget. Please Sonny - swear you won't
forget, swear you'll remember to let me know when you're ready for us-

I smile, staring down at her handwriting begging me for something I would
give her now if only I could. I slip the ring back on my finger and look
forward to the day when I can hold her again. I look back down at the paper
and smile at her signature-

Yours Truly,

Me-

My smile widens at the mere thought of her. Oh yes, Pretty lady, I will
remember. After all, how could I ever forget?