Wandering along the small, unpaved road leading only to a single smallish
farm, she stares at the breakers in the ocean just off the cliff edge.
Reaching the top of the hill, she finds a large rock and sits, taking in the
surrounding area. What had caused her to come to Ireland, she didn't know.
But now that she's here, she's intent on enjoying it. Leaning back, her eyes
shut, she listens to the sound of the crashing waves below her, feels the
misty air play with her hair, her body slowly beginning to relax.

"'Tis a bit cold here lass, 'haps you be wanting to head on inside soon.
T'wouldn't want you to catch a chill." The older man who owns the small
farmhouse she had had no choice but to take a room in stops next to her, his
arms laden, on his way in from town. "Come, we'll get you a nice cup of tea
by the fire."

Smiling, she shakes her head. "I rather like the cold. I promise I'll come
in before it becomes too chilly." Nodding at the various packages in his
arms, she turns to face him full on. "I do hope that's not all because I'm
here."

The man chuckles. "No lass. We have another visitor to stay with us,
actually. A gentleman, also from America, is arriving before suppertime, and
the wife wants to have a welcome meal for the both of you." Hitching the
cloth bag over his shoulder, almost losing another, he smiles.

"Are you the only place here that takes guests?" Standing, she takes a bag
from him before he can protest and begins leading the way towards the
farmhouse.

"Only at this time of year. Most of the others want some time off, we rather
enjoy the travelers who need a place to lay their heads, when it's the
off-season. Most of you are running from something." She stiffens a tiny
bit, he nods. "It's something we've learned, and we just want to allow you
to get away. And," he leans over and whispers conspiratorially. "I like a
good mystery, which many of our winter guests provide." He allows her to
walk up the steps to the house in front of him.

She chuckles. "I hope I'm not too much of one for you." Before he can
answer, the kitchen door swings open, the man's wife framing the doorway.

Taking the bag from the younger woman, the man's wife instantly chastises
him, "Shame on you, Philip. Having her carry this, how could you?"

"Mrs. McKenzie, please, I took the bag from him." The woman nods once, and
turns back to the man. "Mr. McKenzie, thank you for your tea offer, but I
think I'm going to go back to the rock for a while. I was rather enjoying
the sea."

"All right. But you be careful, more than one young woman has lost both
heart and head on that rock." At her raised eyebrow, he continues. "'Tis how
I got my Katie. That rock's got some magick in it, I tell you. Magick." Mrs.
McKenzie rolls her eyes and laughs. Helping her husband with the rest of the
groceries, she dismisses the younger woman with a wave of her hand.

Walking back to the rock, she takes in the feel of her surroundings.
Everything seems fresher, crisper, more alive than anywhere she's ever been.
Beginning to wonder why she is even considering returning to Port Charles,
she sits on the rock, pulling her new wool cape around her body to ward off
the wind. A figure moves towards the bottom of the hill, catching her eye.
She knows the timing is off for anyone conducting business to be paying a
visit to the couple she's staying with, so she assumes it's the man who's
due. Turning away again, to face the sea, she mentally tosses her troubles,
one by one, into the water to let the waves worry them for her. Having
quickly forgotten about the man working his way in her direction, she shuts
her eyes once more.

Pausing in his trek up to the farm, the man steps over towards the rock. Not
wanting to startle the woman sitting there, he quietly speaks. "It's
beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes, it..." She trails off, recognizing the voice. She whirls around.
"Sonny?" Not giving him a chance to answer, she almost leaps into his arms,
kissing him. He stumbles backwards a few steps, but catches both her and his
footing, his arms encircling her waist. He's starting to get the rhythm of
the kiss when she pulls back. "You goddamned bastard." Pulling out of his
arms, she stops and slaps him soundly before turning on her heel and
stalking towards the house.

Holding his cheek with a hand, he stares after her. "Nice to see you again
Lex." Speaking to himself, he picks up his bag again and follows her.

~*~

Locking herself in her room, Alexis leans against the door, staring raggedly
at the mirror across the room from her. Her face flushed, hair wild, and
chest heaving, she looks ready to cry. 'No, you've done far too much of
that.' Pushing off the door, she pulls her cape off and reaches for a change
of clothes. Not wanting to see Sonny again in anything even mildly
revealing, she takes off the skirt and semi-tight turtleneck shirt, to
replace them with a pair of jeans and heavy sweater. Almost cringing at the
items of clothing, she pulls the denim over her body, zipping them and
reaching for the wool, hand-knitted shirt. As she's moving to pull it over
her head, the side door in her room swings open.

"Sonny, what the hell?" Scrambling, she quickly gets the sweater on. "Get
out of here."

"Lex, I'm sorry. I thought this...never mind." He starts to leave, and
changes his mind. "What are you doing here?"

Hugging herself, she sits on her bed, her back facing him. "Just leave, will
you?  You've caused enough damage in my life."

Stepping into her room, he shuts the door and crosses to the other side of
the room. "What are you talking about?  You're the one who left me, if my
memory hasn't completely slipped."

She sighs and looks down, studying the pattern of the quilt. Handmade, like
everything else around, she notes. "You were in love with her, how was I
supposed to even try and compete?"

"You weren't. I didn't expect you to 'compete' with her or anyone else."
Kneeling on the floor next to her, he grasps her chin between his fingers
and forces her to look at him. "You meant a lot to me, and still do. She's
not here, and won't ever be. Can we not talk about her?" Alexis shrugs, and
tilts her head out of his hand. "Why are you here?"

"Why are you?" Refusing to give in to him, she pulls her legs up off the
floor and wraps her arms around them.

Moving, he sits on the bed next to her. "Because I needed somewhere to
disappear for awhile. I needed to get away..." He watches her face change at
his words. "What happened, Lex?"

"Everything." She lays her head on her knees, looking out the window. "I
tried to help Stefan, it blew up in my face and he kicked me off Wyndemere,
and then..." Her voice breaks and she shuts her eyes, biting her lower lip.
"Nikolas was shot. Outside Lukes." She raises her head, tears shining in her
eyes. "Because of you."

"He...oh Lex." Her last words don't even register, he reaches to pull her to
him. She slaps his hand away.

"Didn't you hear me? It was your fault!" He looks at her blankly. "It never
would have happened if you hadn't left!" The tears finally overflow onto her
cheeks. He brushes them away, she doesn't try to pull back. All the thoughts
jumbling in her head accumulate outwardly into sobs.

"Shh, baby. I'm so sorry about Nikolas, but Alexis, how can this be my
fault?" His hands frame her face, his eyes searching hers.

She stares at him, still crying. "Do you think this would have happened if
you had been there? No. But you weren't there and it did."

"I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I wish I did." He runs
his hands down her arms to her wrists, and pulls her onto his lap. She tries
to pull away, he holds her fast against him. "Stop fighting me Lex. I don't
want anything from you that you don't want." She look at him, not sure what
to say. Taking advantage of her silence, he tips her head and captures her
lips in his. She tenses a moment, but he tightens his arms around her, his
tongue running over her lips. Sighing against him, her body slowly melds
into his, her mouth opening to allow him to taste her. Her hand runs up his
shoulder to the nape of his neck, her fingers curling in the hair at the
base of his skull. Pulling back slightly, she tries to catch her breath. He
brushes his lips across her ear, whispering. "I missed you Lex."

Her breath catches in her throat. "I missed you too." Leaning her forehead
against his, she strokes his cheek where she had earlier slapped him. It's
still a little warm from the blow and he winces the tiniest bit at her
touch. "I'm sorry I hit you." Pressing her lips to his skin, she trails a
hand over his chest, resting it over his heart.

"Me too." He smiles. "But it's okay." He slides a hand under her sweater to
touch her skin, running it over her lower back. She closes her eyes and lets
her mouth move over his neck, finding the rapidly beating pulse and sucking
gently. He groans quietly, his hands moving to her sides, inching her
sweater up. She pulls her head up long enough for him to remove her shirt.
Kissing her again, his hands cover her breasts through her bra, his thumbs
teasing her nipples. She unbuttons his shirt and eases it off his shoulders,
her fingers splaying over his chest as she pushes him back onto her bed. He
looks up at her, a smile on his face, as she reaches back and unclasps her
bra, tossing it to the side, along with their shirts. She lays down on his
chest, her nipples hardening more against his skin as her lips claim his
again.

Sonny groans as Alexis shifts her weight, he leg bushing across his growing
erection. "Sorry." She moves a hand to trace his penis through his pants. He
thrusts his hips into her hand as she cups him. "Greedy little boy, aren't
we?" Laughing, she unbuttons his pants and slips her hand inside. Trailing
light kisses down his chest and stomach, she pulls his pants and boxers down
to his ankles. Removing his shoes, she eases his clothing the rest of the
way off. Her hands caress the muscles in his legs as she moves to his
now-free erection. Smiling mischievously, she licks his hardening flesh
before taking just the head of his penis into her mouth, sucking firmly, but
gently. His hands clutch at the quilt and he moans. She covers his hands
with hers, twining their fingers together. Varying pressure with her mouth,
she takes him deeper.

"You're...ooh..." He moans again, loudly. "Gonna kill me..." Pulling his
hands from under hers, he grabs her shoulders & forces her up to his level,
rolling her onto her back. "Tease." Grinning, he unclasps her jeans and
slides them off her.

Raising an eyebrow, she starts to answer him when he rubs her clitoris with
a thumb, one of his fingers dipping inside her, while taking a nipple into
his mouth and sucking. Closing her eyes, she arches her back against him.
"Umm, I'm the..." She takes a deep breath. "Tease huh?" He mumbles something
unintelligible into her breast, and moves to lay between her legs. Moving
his hand, he cups her buttocks and lifts her hips off the bed, entering her.

"Yes." He pulls almost all the way out of her, and slowly thrusts back.

"You bastard." Digging her nails into his buttocks, she moves her hips
against him forcefully. He increases his pace, thrusting hard and fast into
her.

"Don't call me that, bitch." He breathes the words into her ear, moving
closer to orgasm. Tweaking her clitoris, he feels her tighten around him and
nibbles on her earlobe.

Biting her lip to keep from crying out, she tightens her hold around him.
"Will you just shut up and fuck me?" He lifts his head and smiles at her
before descending his lips onto hers. Their bodies becoming intricately
twined, they thrust and buck against each other faster until she screams
into his kiss, her body shuddering under him. Another deep thrust, and he
falls over the edge with her.

Holding Alexis tightly, he rolls over, her head pillowed on his chest. "I
really did miss you Lex." He kisses her temple and reaches for the throw
blanket on the foot of the bed. Covering them, he grins at her.

"I know, Sonny." Cupping his cheek, she tenderly kisses him. "Believe me, I
know."

A knock on the door wakes Alexis from a deep slumber. Stretching an arm
across her bed, she realizes she's alone, and sits up quickly, clutching the
blanket to her chest.

"Lex? Are you awake?" Sonny's voice, quiet and calm, drifts through her
door.

Reaching for the sweater she had worn for only a brief moment earlier, she
pulls it over her head. "Just a minute." Bypassing the jeans, she pulls a
pair of soft pants out of a drawer. Once she's dressed, she crosses to the
door. Leaning her head against it, she shut her eyes. "What do you want
Sonny?"

"Just wanted to escort you to dinner. The old man said..." He stops speaking
when she opens the door. "Hi."

"Mr. McKenzie." He raises an eyebrow at her. "The man's name." Leaning on
the doorframe, she looks him in the eye, then down at her hands. "Why'd you
leave?"

Sonny sighs and moves to take her in his arms. She recoils. "I'm sorry. I
wasn't sure how'd you feel when you woke up, and I didn't know if the
McKenzie's finding us together like that would be a good thing. I... I got
scared, if you must know." She moves to shut the door, he stops her. "Lex,
don't shut me out again, please. I shouldn't have left, I'm sorry."

Alexis studies him a long moment, and steps through the doorway enough to
shut it, before leaning back against the hard oak. "Is that supposed to,
what?  Make everything better?"

"Of course not." Grabbing her hand, he holds tight as she tries to wrench it
from him. Raising it to his lips, he kisses the palm, and cradles it between
his own hand and his cheek. "Alexis, please, can we save this discussion for
later?  Mrs. McKenzie made a huge dinner, and I can see them coming to check
on us in a few minutes if we aren't in the dining room." His eyes try to
soften her, it works to some extent. "Please?" She nods slightly and he lets
her hand fall back to her side. "Thank you."

Stepping in front of him, she starts to lead the way to the dining room.
Part way down the rather small hallway, she turns back to him. "Were you
really scared?" Her voice is small, almost like that of a little girl. He
smiles gently and nods. Making a face that's halfway between a smile and a
frown, she leans over and lightly kisses him. "Good." Not elaborating, she
turns back in the direction she was walking, but before moving, reaches back
for his hand. He takes hers, and squeezes her fingers as he follows her.

After a pleasant, but quiet dinner, with the McKenzie's throwing Sonny and
Alexis looks every few minutes, they return to their rooms. Sonny changes
into a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt, and, after listening for the older
couple to go to bed, walks across the hall to Alexis' room. Knocking softly,
he opens the door to find her sitting on the bed, brushing out her hair.
Having also changed, she's in a rather demure white silk nightgown. Her
portable CD player is on on top of the dresser, and he almost laughs at the
song that starts playing. Stepping in front of her, he offers her a hand.
"May I have this dance, m'lady?"

Alexis looks up at him and snickers, allowing him to pull her to her feet.
She melds her body against his, gazing into his eyes for a brief moment
before pillowing her head on his shoulder.

You could have kissed me, like this wasn't gonna last.
Kept me from saying, something I'll never take back.
You could've held me like there's was no chance of me waking up where I am.
You could have stopped short of every dream I ever had.

Running a hand down her back, Sonny brushes his lips across her forehead.
"Ever had a 'song' with someone, Lex?" He whispers to her. She lifts her
head and looks curiously at him. He just smiles a little, and she shakes her
head before returning it to his shoulder, now listening to more than their
heartbeats.

So help me girl, you've gone too far.
It's way too late, to save my heart.
The way it feels, each time we touch.
I know I've never been so loved and I can't help myself.
So help me girl

Alexis moves a hand to his cheek, and tilts his head so it's leaning against
hers. She turns her face to his, and accepts his kiss without hesitation.
Still dancing, slower and slower, the kiss deepens, her hand twining in his
hair. He pulls her closer to him, if that's possible, and trails his fingers
over her side to her breast, tracing her hardening nipple with the pads of
his fingers.

You had to be there when that old sun came up.
Making last night feel like a vision of things yet to come.
You just had to hold me like nobody else,
Now look what you've gone and done,
You had to love me, till I just can't get enough

Moaning against his mouth, she leans even more into his hand. His fingers
hook under the spaghetti straps on her nightgown and he eases them off her
shoulders. The material falls to the floor, pooling at her ankles. Sonny
breaks their kiss and picks her up, laying her down on the bed gently. She
stares up at him, breathless, as he strips off his clothing and climbs into
her open arms.

So help me girl, you've gone too far.
It's way too late, to save my heart
The way it feels, each time we touch.
I know 'I've never been so loved, and I can't help myself.
So help me girl and I can't help myself,
So help me girl

Holding her, he takes his time tracing every inch of her body,
re-remembering her. His hands run down her arms, over her stomach, down her
legs and back again. Her throat, he gives attention to with his mouth,
smiling as he feels her squirming under his touch. She reaches for him and
he pulls back a little, shaking his head no. "Just lie there. Let me..."
Barely touching the flesh of her breasts, he runs his fingers over them. Her
eyes shut and she arches against him. He stares at her, eyes closed, cheeks
flushed, mouth parted, and groans at the tightening of his erection. Running
kisses across her face, he shifts to between her legs. "Open your eyes, Lex.
I want to see your eyes." His voice is very soft. She complies. Staring up
at him, she parts her legs wider, in invitation. Slowly, tantalizingly,
almost excruciatingly, he enters her.

"Sonny..." She breathes his name. Moving slowly, he takes his time thrusting
into her. Seeing the look on his face, one of tenderness she hasn't seen in
too long, she runs her fingertips over him, committing the contours to
memory. They move together, and his lips descend onto hers in a sweet kiss.
He rubs her clitoris with a hand, feeling her tighten around him. Thrusting
deeper into her body, he holds her against him as she begins to shudder with
orgasm. Her movements, combined with the noises she tries to hold back, push
him with her. She clutches him to her, fingers in his hair, across his back.
They kiss as they come down, him still inside her.

"I forgot how exquisite making love to you can be." Rolling them a little,
he holds her as though she were a fragile piece of glass.

"I didn't." Cupping his cheek, she guides his head to her breast, which he
kisses softly, and uses as a pillow. "Get some sleep Sonny, we can talk in
the morning."

"I won't leave this time, I promise." Kissing her back as she leans her head
down to his, he then closes his eyes, a contented smile on his face.

"I know." Stroking his cheek, she waits until he's asleep to turn off the
light. Snuggling against him, she presses her lips to his ear. "I love you
Sonny." She whispers as softly as possible, shuts her eyes, and allows sleep
to claim her.

She doesn't see him smile in response to her words, his eyes wide open.

~*~

A sliver of sunlight from the parted curtains glints across Sonny's face,
waking him. Momentarily tightening his arms around Alexis, he kisses the top
of her head. Edging away from her, he slips out from under the covers and
grabs his clothing. After dressing, he moves to the desk in her room,
looking through her books for something to keep him distracted until she
wakes up. He thumbs through various pages, not finding anything to catch his
attention, until he picks up a book full of her handwriting, and he sees his
name. Her diary. Glancing back at the bed, he raises an eyebrow at the
figure lying there. 'Alexis keeps a diary?' He knows he shouldn't read it,
but, after making sure she's fast asleep, he can't resist to at least read
the page that fell open, with his name in her beautiful script.

~~How do I know I fell in love with Sonny? I don't, actually. I know I can't
tell him, it won't really change anything. He's in love with her... look at
me, I can't even *write* her name. Sonny's complicated, and I worry that
trying to move past sex and companionship would throw him and he'll leave. I
couldn't take that. He knows too much about me, more than anyone else, and
while I don't think it would be intentional, he could use some of those
things against me. No, what am I thinking? Sonny would never do that. But I
still can't tell him this, no matter what else he knows. He's what matters
to me.~~

His brow furled, he stares at the words. She didn't date them, so he tries
to think back to when their relationship might have changed from her
perspective. Unconsciously, he flips back a few pages, finding another entry
that gives him pause. One from a day he remembers very well.

~~I told Sonny. Everything. I don't know what came over me, but suddenly
there I was, in his penthouse. The one place I swore I'd never go with him.
And I told him. About Mikkos, and Kristen... Helena... me. I never thought
I'd tell anyone about my life. Confrontations with Stefan seem to mess me up
more lately. But Sonny calms me, just being with him. He held me, let me
tell him everything, he really listened. Has anyone ever done that for me
before? I can't remember. How can I ever let him go?~~

No longer thinking of whether he should be reading her diary, he flips the
pages forward, looking for something in particular. He finds it, and leans
back in the chair, trying to get more comfortable as he reads.

~~Walking out on Sonny was the hardest thing I've ever done. I love him. And
I've been cursing myself since I left. Why did I? I didn't want to. Now, all
I want to do is run back to him. But I'm stronger than that. I have to be. I
can't let myself be weak, like I want to be. Just thinking about Sonny makes
me want to cry, or throw up, rather. Both? Maybe. He'll never love me like
he loves her. He can't, I'm not her...~~

Sonny looks up sharply, and at Alexis. "Oh baby..." He wants to wake her, to
hold her, tell her she was wrong. But he can't. He goes back to reading,
needing to see what else she had felt that night.

~~I'm not Brenda, and I know that by leaving him, he can go back to her.
He'll be happy. Happier than he is with me. Too many people would tell me
I'm selling myself short, letting him go, and I probably am, but I have to.
Keeping our relationship secret has been hard, not telling Sonny I'm in love
with him has been heartbreaking, but leaving him, cutting him out of my
life... is next to impossible. Why do I always have to be the strong one,
the mature one? I can't just let myself hold onto the best thing in my
life.~~

"Sonny?" Her voice, sleepy and quiet, drifts too close to his ear. He hadn't
heard her wake, and she's standing behind him, her robe pulled tightly
around her, looking at him. "What are you doing?"

Slamming the book shut, he stands quickly. "Just..." He nods at the books
and offers feebly, "Reading."

Alexis raises an eyebrow and takes her diary from his hand. She thumbs back
to the page he had been reading. "Did you finish?" Mutely, he nods. "I guess
you know all my secrets now. Ball's in your court."

Sonny takes the book, sets it on the desk, and takes her hands in his.
Bringing them up to his lips, he kisses them. "Do you want me to apologize?
I'm sorry for reading it. But I'm not sorry for what I learned. Lex, why
didn't you say something to me before last night?" She stares at him
blankly. "Yes, I was awake for that little confession. Baby, were you
planning on never letting me know you love me?"

"Something like that." Pulling away from him, she goes to the window. "Does
it change things? Really change things?" Hugging herself protectively, she
stares out at the water.

"Yes." He answers, while moving closer to her. "And no." Swinging around,
she looks at him curiously. "For you, having me know, changes a lot, doesn't
it?" Slowly, she nods once. "However..."

"I don't want to hear any 'howevers' Sonny. Just stop right there." Hands
raised in defeat, tears fill her eyes. "You know, I love you. It's why I
left you before, and why I have to again."

"Alexis, what are you talking about?" He reaches for her, she flinches from
his touch as if he had struck her. "Don't do this, Lex."

"I have to. You read everything, you know the truth, and so do I. I love
you, you love her, things can't work like that." Already, she's moving to
pack her clothing. He stops her by taking her wrists and holding tight,
forcing her towards him. "Let me go, Sonny."

"No."

"Let me go before I yell for Mr. McKenzie." She struggles with him. He
switches his hold, pulling her body against his firmly.

"You won't do that." Wrapping one arm around her enough to keep her where
she is, he takes her face in the other, making her look at him. Raising his
voice a notch, he fights the urge to shake her until she starts thinking
clearly. "Damn it, Lex, how stupid are you?"

Her eyes blaze at him as she tries to free her chin from his hand. "You are
such an ass. Why on earth did I fall in love with you?"

Just as angry as she is, for a totally different reason, he almost shouts at
her. "Good question. God knows I don't deserve you." Really seeing the tears
in her eyes for the first time, he softens, his hand moving to stroke her
hair gently. "But I don't want to lose you again. Maybe you were too busy
worrying about what was best for me that you never really thought about it."

"Sonny..." She's confused, and it shows. He releases her from his grasp
completely and sinks to the floor next to her, his head leaning on the side
of the bed. She lowers herself next to him, this time forcing him to look at
her. "What... what are you saying?"

He searches her face a moment, and decides to make things easy for her
either way she wants to play this out. "Nothing much, just that for some
reason I have yet to comprehend, I love you too, you stubborn, annoying, and
rather bitchy woman. And that you make me happy. *You* are what I want, Lex,
whether you believe that or not." She sits back on her heels, staring at
him, trying to make her mouth work. Those were the last words she'd expected
to hear from him. "Not what you were thinking I was going to say?  Or maybe
not what you wanted to hear?"

Finding her voice again, she hears the tears in her words before feeling
them on her cheeks. "You have to make everything hard, don't you?"

He brushes the tears away and smiles softly. "Sometimes." He whispers to
her. "When it's for something I really want." Kissing her tenderly, he
threads his fingers in her hair. "I love you, Alexis. And I'm not letting go
of you again."

"Ditto, Corinthos." Pulling him into her arms, she just holds him, savoring
the feeling. "But damn it, if you ever put me through shit like that again,
making me believe you don't love me, so help me God... I'll..."

He kisses her to shut her up. "You have nothing to worry about there, Lex."

"I love you too, Sonny." Grinning, she reaches for the waistband of his
pants. "Now, that comment about my being a bitch..."