The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User)
Tuesday, January 21, 2003 at 9:27:19 PM CST
Continuation of Stringless Coffeehouse thread
Man-Child found himself floating amidst all the Rangerphiles, Rangers, fan-created characters, and evil entities and his head was spinning. Gadget was hard to understand in most situations and this only made it worse.
"So we're somehow amidst realities and need to get back," Man-Child observed, "But what are we gonna do with The Epitome of All That Is Evil, Michael Eisner?"
"HmmIdunno," said Gadget.
"!!!A FEMALE SPOKE TO MEEEEEEE!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Man-Child said, turning cartwheels with his large body that he should not have been able to (and probably didn't even realize he was executing them). "I mean, sure it's only Gadget and not Mrs. Brisby or Foxglove or Botan and she doesn't wear glasses but . . . "
He saw every male present approach him with hostile glints in their eyes. "He dared to defame Gadget Hackwrench, the Apotheosis of All That Is Feminine," said Ronnie, popping up out of a hole that was also floating in this pink space, "he hath blasphemed. He must pay!"
"Yay, verily, yay," all the males thundered.
"N-now wait a minute, fellas!" Man-Child said, holding up his hands in panic. But fortunately the ugly confrontation was abruptly interrupted by a familar object floating among the pinkness. The Bureau Drawer With The Neckties!
Making his way through the Pink Void (not to be confused with Pink Floyd) Man-Child with some difficulty (hey--you try it some time!) made his way over to the Bureau and opened it, calling out, "O Palomino, kindly take us from this Pink Place (not to be confused with the Pink Palace) and return us to the Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse!"
Imagine his surprise when a drawer opened up and out popped the head, not of the Palomino, but apparently of some sort of dinosaur.
"Oy! Gay avec, meshoogener!" she said in a thick Yiddish accent.
"Hey . . . who're you?" asked CD.
"I think I know who it is," Man-Child said, looking to make sure Eugene was still about somewhere, "I believe it's none other than Gertie, the Diplodocus, the Friend of Mankind!"
"'Friend of Mankind?'" SomeGhol asked.
Man-Child paused for a moment. "I guess you had to be there," he said.
"But who is this 'Gertie the Diplodocus?'" asked Eisner's Evil Brain, temporarily forgetting just how evil he was supposed to be.
"She's one of the very first animated cartoons, from around 1912, I believe. Let's see, who created her . . . was it Winsor McKay?"
"Vot is this place?" Gertie said, "this is woise than when I toured the trenches entertaining the doughboys in 1918!"
"Um, Ms. Gertie, is the Palomino in that Bureau drawer somewhere?"
"And what is a Palomino?" she asked in a way that seemed to indicate her total unfamiliarity with the subject.
"Uh-oh," Man-Child said, "Maybe in this reality Gertie the Diplodocus is the guardian of the Neckties?"
"So what is it you want I should do?" she asked, shrugging her massive shoulders.
*******************************************************************
The employment agent had seen many entities of absolute evil in her career but the Unspeakable, Unmentionable Thing that stood before her now sent a chill into the very core of her being.
"And . . . and who are y-you?" she stuttered out finally.
"I am Magical Female Powers(tm)," the Thing answered.
"Wow . . . you must be something. You're scaring me to death and I'm female!"
"Show me your enemies!" the sepulchral voice belched.
"We need you to go to the place known as "acme-labs.com" and destroy the males there. Think you can handle it?"
"I shall change the very blood to fire within their veins!" It thundered.
Even the female employment agent of evil sighed in relief when the thing left.
"Whew!" she said.
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SomeGhol (Registered User)
Running, Running...
He was running. Pounding through the vast, blue forest with his heart beating so strongly that he feared each would be his last. The others were gone, taken one by one until there was only him. So on he ran, but from what, he had no idea.
Suddenly, the forest floor seemed to give beneath his feet as he hit a depression that was covered with debris. Down he fell with no small bit of momentum, which caused a painful "Oomph!" when he struck the ground face first.
Spitting out snow, dirt, and leaves, SomeGhol tried to get back up, but could not will his limbs to further excert themselves. The ground shook as his pursuer drew near, and he flopped onto his back, resigned to whatever fate had befell his fellows.
The shaking grew stronger, bringing dirt tumbling down on the exhausted Rangerphile. He steeled himself as the trembling stopped, and his pursuer looked over into the depression.
Nothing in SomeGhols nearly twenty-one years of life could have prepared him for the sight which greeted his eyes, and he screamed, and screamed, and screamed.
And felt the world shift as he tilted too far back in his chair, falling back and hitting the hardwood floor of the Coffee House... hard.
"Ouch?" he asked to no one in particular when he regained a bit of air in his lungs.
There was some movement around him. "Hey, he's finally back!" called a high pitched voice that SomeGhol knew could only belong to Chip.
"What happened? Where are we?" SomeGhol asked the leader of the Rescue Rangers as gingerly sat up, rubbing the back of his head.
"We're back in the Coffee house." said Chip. "As to what happened... well I'll leave that to Gadget to explain."
SomeGhol looked for the genius of geniuses among the crowd. At least every one seemed to be present and accounted for.
"Gadget?"
Gadget turned from her conversation with Dana, and smiled at Chip and SomeGhol, causing them both to experience warm, melting sensations in their chest cavities.
"Well, the closest theory I can come up with is that Gertie took us all into a alternate version of the Drawer with Neckties that she uses to look out for her version of mankind, which in turn caused another rift in space and time that..."
"Gertie?" SomeGhol interrupted. He'd not known that the Badger had been in the Coffee House when... whatever happened happened.
Man-Child stepped to the fore, polishing his specs. "SomeGhol, do you not remember what happened?"
The student took his hat off and scratched his head, wincing painfully as he did so. "I donknow, EMC. Last thing I remember was Ronnie falling into a hole, then... a dream." he finished lamely, not wanting to impart the full horror of his nightmare upon his friends.
"Golly, that's strange." said Gadget, kneeling next to SomeGhol and taking his head in her hands and examining it closely. "I don't think you hit your head hard enough to lose your memory." SomeGhol could only smile blissfully in response. Chip glared, but caught him as the poor fellow nearly swooned at the pretty mouse’s touch.
"Get ahold of yourself man!" Chip whispered fiercely at SomeGhol after he was sure the guy would stay upright.
"Gadget, you're going to have to be careful. SomeGhol's a young man, and your MAGICAL FEMALE POWERS™ are legendary!" Man-Child warned the inventress.
"Oh, sorry!" blushed Gadget, letting go of SomeGhol, who promptly crashed back to the floor.
"Sorry!" she said again, somewhat embarrassed.
"Sok..." whimpered SomeGhol from the floor.
"I still would like to know why his experience was so different from ours." mused Gadget as she stood up quickly, causing mild distraction for Chip, who was helping SomeGhol up yet again.
"And I would like to know why he didn't remember the Rift." said Girtie from the back of the crowd."
______________________________________________________________________
Deep in the recesses of Mount Doo... wait.
DEEP in the Recesses of Epcot, a beast that was unlike anything created in nature's plan took off a huge VR helmet with a disgusted sigh.
"It didn't work. I only got one before they escaped the Place in Between." rumbled the deep voice of the monster.
A tech looked intently at his clipboard, frowning. "I'm sorry M.F.P.™,"
"Please," interrupted the Monster. "Call me ANGST. It's my middle name."
"Ohhh, kay. ANGST, I'm sorry about the performance of the new Toon Disney Projection Device, but it apparently only works on the individual with the weakest mind in a group."
"No matter." replied ANGST. "I will deal with these "Rangerphiles myself, now that I have the full might of our Empire to back me they will stand no chance, and FINALY our master will be free of the plague of letters, and e-mails requesting a DVD release of old, dated, Un-Hip, cartoon shows!"
The Monster began to laugh malevolently. The tech joined in half-heartedly. He had always kind of liked the Rescue Rangers himself... but he had bills to pay.
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CD (Registered User)
With everything more or less back in control...
The Eisner Brain decided this was the time to continue his plans. Without even bothering to rally his henchmen he aproached the Rangerphiles to demand the 'Secret to Succes TM'. He was fortunately interupted by a mushroom cloud explosion which usually marked the apearance of a Grim Reaper (not 'the' Reaper, he has clones).
"I'm here for your souls!" He spoke and pointed at the Rangerphiles.
"Did I miss somthing? We're not dead right?" EMC wondered.
"No, not yet. But Disney Studios is sending it's minions of evil to bring you the most horrifying death, that of being forced to watch an endless number of sequels to bad sequels. The one even worse than the other. That or send another type of Ultimate Evil to finish you." The Reaper predicted.
"Hey, what about me? I'm evil!" The dissembodied Eisner Brain protested.
"You're to pathetic to be evil. You're just gross." The Reaper explained accusingly.
"How about making a deal?" CD proposed the Reaper and stepped forward.
"Such as?" The skeleton inquired suspiciously.
"You're supposed to accept our challenge. Or else you're not a good stereotype Reaper. You choose a gauntlet we must run or ask questions or anything and if we win you'll spare our souls. See it as 'paying in advance'." CD explained.
"Hmm, you got a point. Alright, I'll give all of you a challenge you must accomplish to save your souls from the evil big D. Who will be the first of you to embrace darkness? Step forward, mortals!" The Reaper taunted.
----------
Good day and who's going to save his soul first?
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The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User)
"Grim Reaper? Why couldn't it have been BOTAN???!!!" Man-Child lamented.
"Who?" asked CD.
"You know. Botan. The grim reaper from 'Yu Yu Hakusho.'"
CD and the others made no sign of recognition.
"Beautiful girl? Blue hair and kimono? Rides a boat oar?? Slight English accent???" Man-Child explained further.
Still no reaction.
"Magical Female Powers(tm)?????" he suggested again.
Well, no one knew who Botan was, but they all knew what those were.
"More!" murmered CD, grinning mindlessly as he obviously thought of Clarice.
"Very well then!" boomed the very definitely non-Botan Grim Reaper, who perhaps knowingly took this the wrong way as CD's volunteering to be first.
Man-Child, though not by nature brave, could not let this happen.
"Quick Eugene, can you zap me over by The Bureau Drawer With The Neckties?" he asked.
"Jeep!" Eugene answered discreetly. And sure enough in the twinkling of an eye, Man-Child found himself by their certain salvation, the wonderful creation of Robert Benchley.
Man-Child opened up a drawer in great haste. "Come and save us, Palomino!" he cried. And sure enough, there was the horse himself, his head emerging from the open drawer with a polka-dotted necktie draped along his nose.
"At once, Man-Child!" he exclaimed. But before the mysterious equine could do anything to alleviate the situation in the slightest he came bounding out of the drawer and onto the floor of the Coffeehouse floor where he landed with an audible grunt of pain and surprise.
"Hey, what's goin' on here?" he wanted to know, his West Texas accent coming through in his distress.
A large gray diplodocus head emerged from the drawer in response.
"So? And what is it you want I should do?" Gertie asked.
"Hey! Get out of my drawers!" shouted the horse.
"That's exactly what I said to Groucho Marx!" she said, in tone of supreme vindication, "And you know how much I had to pay him to keep my name out of his memoirs?"
But the Reaper was still advancing on poor CD. Something had to be done!
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Karl (Registered User)
The Grim Reaper's riddle:
Stepping slowly and ominously closer to CD, the Grim Reaper chuckled in a ghastly, other-worldly manner and in a voice that hissed and bubbled as though clawed by dead hands from nameless unmarked graves, asked "What is the average airspeed of an unladen african swallow?"
CD looked as though his life was flashing before his eyes. "Wha..?"
The Grim Reaper suddenly bellowed with laughter, slapping CD on the back with one bony hand and turning to face the rest. "I've wanted to do that for EVER so long."
The Dread Apparition of Mortality then straightened the folds of his cloak, and explained: "I don't have a lot of fun in this job. You have to take it where you can find it, and most of the time it's trying to run away from you." He shrugged, "Hey, I'm Death! I can understand that! But none of you need my professional services right now, correct?"
The agreement was unanimous and enthusiastic, if somewhat manic.
"Very well, you want to avoid the latest in a long line of Ultimate Evils? I don't care for them myself, because they tend to increase my work load. I can offer you temporary sanctuary in the Realm of the Dead, if in exchange YOU can help remove this present evil from our little corner of the universe." He brought his hands together, had they been fleshed, it would have been a clap. He leaned forward and said softly, "What is your answer?"
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SomeGhol (Registered User)
Everyone listend intently to Death's deal...
“…if in exchange YOU can help remove this present evil from our little corner of the universe." Death brought his hands together, had they been fleshed, it would have been a clap. He leaned forward and said softly, "What is your answer?"
SomeGhol's eyes bulged. "NO!" he cried, startling his comrades. "Guys don't listen to him, it's a trick! We can't Mmph!"
"Uh, what our friend means to say," began Chip after firmly clamping his hand over SomeGhol's mouth, "Is that we'd like to discuss our options."
The cloaked figure nodded. "Please, but do not delay."
Chip nodded, and dragged the struggling SomeGhol over to the huddle that had developed near the center of the room. Man-Child looked at the newer Rangerphile in wonder, curious as to what could have caused such an outburst.
"Well, look everyone," said Dana. "I know it's an odd proposition, but Deaths a powerful being right? So, why not accept his deal and let him help us defeat... what ever it is that's out there?"
Everyone seemed to think that was the smartest thing to do. Well, everyone except SomeGhol, who was now struggling so much that it took both Chip, and Dale to hold him down, and keep him quiet.
"Maybe we should let him speak?" suggested CD.
Man-Child thought for a moment before addressing SomeGhol. "Do you think you can calm down and make some sense?"
SomeGhol managed to calm himself, and nod. Chip uncovered his mouth and Dale let go of his arms.
"Alright," said Chip. "What was that fit all about?"
SomeGhol took a deep breath. "Look, guys, we can't go with Death. Even if it does want our help in beating whatever evil thing is loose on Dragon Planet."
"Why not?" asked Dale, "He seemed alright to me."
"We... we just can't ok?" said SomeGhol, closing his eyes and remembering the dream, or what he thought he remembered. Maybe he just imagined it.
Chip frowned. "That's not much of an argument. Do you have anything else."
"I just know that Death brings pain, no matter how natural, and something about this whole situation makes me think that keeping company with such a being is a bad idea alright??"
Everyone was taken aback by the vehemence in SomeGhol's voice. After a moment, Gadget stepped forward, and looked SomeGhol in the eyes.
"What did you see?" she asked softly.
Gadget's voice, and especially her eyes, brokered no arguments, or deception. He hesitated for only a moment, knowing he must speak the truth to her. Reluctantly, he leaned forward and whispered briefly into her large ear.
Gadget's eyes widened, he posture stiffened, and her jaw dropped.
"You see? We can't go with Death. It would be too risky."
"You may be right, but you might be wrong too." Gadget said carefully. "I don't think it's enough to disregard the help he could bring."
"But..."
"We'll just have to be careful." finished Gadget.
CD looked around, somewhat uncomfortably. "So, the vote is to go?"
All of those assembled nodded their assent, except SomeGhol, who only sighed and signaled his reluctant acquiescence.
Gadget nodded, and stepped forward to give their decision.
"Mr. Death, we will help you."
"Excellent, then please, come close to me, and we will be on our way."
The gang all gathered as close as they felt comfortable to Death.
"Closer." he commanded.
They drew slightly nearer.
"Nearer." he requested.
Each one shifted ever so slightly.
"Oh for heavens sake!" he Bellowed. "You all act like you've never had to do a group shot at a family reunion! Now scoot!"
That got results, and with a waive of his arm they were gone, and the Coffee House stood empty.
______________________________________________________________________
"ANGST, the Rangerphiles have dropped off the scope." informed the Tech.
"Indeed?"
The poor man swallowed hard. "Ye-yes, I've no trace of them now."
"Fear not for yourself little man!" Thundered ANGST. "For you still are of use to me, and besides, I know where they are."
"You do?"
"Yes," said the Monster, allowing itself what might have been a smile. "A third party has them... and they may have just walked from the blacktop to the frying pan."
"I don't understand."
"It is not necessary that you do!" said ANGST as it turned and walked out of the high tech tracking center. "We have no jurisdiction where they have gone, and so must draw them out. Come, we have work to do!"
And with that, the camera irises out.
______________________________________________________________________
Elsewhere, in a land of sunshine, and sight gags, a pink rabbit, and a white loon sat eating lunch under a tree.
"Uh-oh, like I just got some mundo negitory vibes Babs!" said the Loon.
Babs looked at her friend, then scanned the area. "I don't see Plucky anywhere Shirley, what gives?"
Shirley frowned in concentration before finally shrugging. "Like, I dunno Babs, but something's definitely up."
"Well, whatever it is we might as well not let it ruin lunch."
"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Said Shirley, turning back to her tofu burger. Babs smiled, and tucked into her carrot salad.
The two toons were completely unaware of their watcher.
(Hope no one minds me bringing some "outside influences" in...)
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Chip Chap (Registered User)
The tragic tale of a Disney villain
The group suddenly found themselves in a dark and gloomy cavernous place.
"Alright everybody." Death said to the people around him. "Welcome to the Realm of the Dead."
Everybody looked causiously around at their surroundings and shivered.
Dale suddenly perked up and looked around again, "Hey Chip, this place looks really familiar."
"Yeah, it does." Chip replied, "This is Hades's place where we delivered all that charcoal and that awful Disney movie before we stopped off at the Cafe."
"What are saying?" Death asked curiously.
Chip and Dale shrugged "Well, we work part time at the Gummi Garage and Baloo called in sick so we had to make a few deliveries."
Death scratched his jawbone absent-mindedly, "I don't remember any of that. But I guess thats not my problem. I'll just bring you to Hades and we can work out a deal from there."
The group reluctantly followed their grisly guide to Hades's office.
The blue-skinned devil looked up and smiled at them. "Oh hi guys, great to see you, have a seat, would you like some refreashments?" a couple dozen zombie-like creatures emerged from the shadows and offered them all chairs and glasses of orange juice."
"Um, thanks Hades." Man-Child said as he sad down on a comfortable recliner. "That's very considerate of you."
"Golly, Mr. Hades you're being awfully nice for a Disney villain." Gadget said cheerfully.
Hades collapsed on his desk and began to weep uncontrolably.
"Hey, what's the matter, is something wrong?" Dale asked, concerned.
Suddenly, Enaye stumbled in through the door they had just entered through and wordlessly sat down in an empty chair.
Hades sat back up and adressed the group. "Sorry, but I just can't stand the thought that people still think of me as a villain."
"What are you talking about!" SomeGhol said accusingly, "You're the lord of death, the tormenter of souls, the big evil guy. Of course you're a villain."
Hades shook his head, "No, I'm just the guy who makes sure that dead people don't wander the streets and scare children. I've been working here for over a million years and I had no complaints."
The ancient god of the underworld shed a tear and continued, "Things were getting pretty boring and I could feel morale was slipping among demons, so when the talent hunter from Disney came by and asked if anyone was interested in starring in a movie I just couldn't say no."
Memories of the days that followed flooded his mind and he continued angrily, "They ruined everything. Those scriptwriters made me out to be some kind of megalomatic psycopath! Not only that, but they made me sign a contract sating that they could ressurect their Disney villains as many times as they wanted. It just isn't fair. Those monsters ruined me!"
The Rangers and Rangerphiles all looked at eachother solemnly, they knew what evils the guys at Disney were capable of.
Chip cleared his throut, "Okay, Hades what do you want us to do?"
"I want you to defeat the evils that threaten to consume the universe before Disney decides to make a sequel to their Hurcules movie."
A thick silence permiated the room.
Chip did a double take, "You want a bunch of rodents an their friends to take on an evil conglomerate?"
"Well I will give you some help."
Man-Child looked at the creature in front of him and asked. "Exactly what kind of help are you going to give us?"
Hades turned toward a stairway that led upward to parts unknown, "I had to pull a few stings to get him here... but I think he can really help you guys out.
Pure white light began to shine from the doorway and forced everyone to avert their eyes. Only Hades, who had taken the precaution of wearing sunglasses, kept his demeanor as he said.
"Gadget Hackwrench, say hello to..."
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8-Bit Star (Registered User)
As I enter the scene...
...I quickly turned off the TV, before it was revealed who was
at the top of the stairs. I had not realized that my friends
were watching a real, live broadcast of what was going on at
the Acorn Cafe.
"Time to head off, guys."
"Awwww," Frog whined, "But... where to?"
"The Coffeehouse. I'm hungry, I'm sure you are, too."
"One thing though," Lupin asked, "Are you sure bringing us
non-Ranger related characters to a place like that is a good
idea?" [Lupin and co. are from the anime Lupin the 3rd].
"Well come on, I'm sure Enduring Man-Child has mentioned
Botan already. Probably even brought Tiny Toons into the fray
too. Speaking of which... Girls, do you have your glasses?"
None of these girls usually wear glasses, but Pennywinkel,
Mademanna, and Fujiko whipped them all out. "I can't see with
these things," Mademanna complained. "Why do we have 'em again?"
"Oh, in case the enemy has a mind-control ray and uses it on
EM-C (squared)," sorry, I couldn't resist ;). "Probably not gonna
be a thrill tonight like there usually is. Oh, and Lupin, your
group will have to remember the strict rules of the Coffeehouse,
so tone down the Risque dialogue, okay?"
"Don't worry, we can handle it." Lupin answered, "It's not like
we talk that way all the time, ya know."
"Goodie. Now then..."
Flying in the mighty Galaxy Convertible towards the Dragon Planet,
I heard Frog whisper in my ear "Dude, that show we were watching...
was about the Coffeehouse."
"Cool."
"No, not cool. Something evil is going on there."
As if on que, Goemon (the swordsman guy who travels with Lupin)
suddenly stated "I sense a forthcoming evil if we keep heading in
our present direction."
"Yea," Jigen confirmed, "My feet are itching like crazy."
I was wide-eyed, but soon regained my usual confidence, "We'll
keep going. Don't worry, if something's really up, me and Frog
can take care of it. I've got my portable cassette player, WITH
a cassette, so there's no chance of me turning it on and hearing
'In the End'."
"Ummmm," Fujiko wondered, "What's so great about having a radio?"
"It's my secret power. Normally I can't do much at all, but turn
on music that stimulates me and I can take on the universe."
Pennywinkel whispred "But you don't want to be around when he uses
it. He becomes blind to everything except his enemies. That's the
very essence of mass destruction, there."
"Ummm," Lupin spoke up, "Actually Eight, we had another heist
lined up for tonight."
"Oh?!" Yes, Lupin is an international thief, rivalling even Carmen
Sandiego. "Tell me, whatchaplannin?"
Lupin quickly thought. Suddenly he came up with a good one: "We
were going to heist Disney's script vault!"
"WHAT?!?!?!" Everyone else said aloud.
"Yea, do you know how much those are worth on the open market?"
This gave me a wild idea. "Hey Lupin, I was wondering... is there
some way we could, you know, alter Disney's copyright records?"
"WHAT?!?!?!"
"8-Bit," Pennywinkel said, "I know what you're thinking, but its
not worth it. I'll agree it would be wonderful if the rights to
the Rangers were in the hands of the fans..."
"Yea, I had a good idea, I always do..."
"But most of your fellow Rangerphiles might not like it. Oh, they'll
enjoy the results, but they'll always wish you had found a legal way
to do it. Who knows? They might not even enjoy the results."
"Well, goodie then. If they don't want it, it's MINE!!!"
Pennywinkel sighed, looked at Lupin, and asked "Did he get that
attitude from you?"
(More info about Lupin and co BTW can be found at either
www.lupinencyclopedia.com or www.lupinofficial.com)
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The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User)
Meanwhile, from the ineffable light emerged . . .
"MRS. BRISBY???"
"I thought you said 'he' and 'him?'" Man-Child asked H*des [sorry folks, for religious reasons can't write out the names of false "gxds"].
"So sue me," the big blue guy said, "The male pronouns are also used in a general as well as a specifically masculine sense. Besides," he added, "we switched writers."
Everyone nodded in understanding.
"Oh Mrs. Brisby!" Man-Child cried with joy as he fled to the side of his very own personal Furry Toon Mother, the Epitome Of All That Is Sweet, and the greatest animated character of all time.
"Yes, my child," she answered, "it seems that there is a great confusion among all the worlds at this moment. It seems someone wanted a story thread with 'no stings attached.'"
"Oops!" said Man-Child.
"Not to worry. All shall be put right," she assured him. "As it is, know that Angst is attempting to pollute and defile the sacred domain of acme-labs.com while Disney is attempting to control the world. At present only Bill Gates and I stand in their way," she added thoughtfully.
"That is correct," added H*des.
"My cat is blue," Man-Child said thoughtfully, looking at the big blue fellow.
"Oooooookay!" H*des remarked, beating a hasty retreat.
"Moreover, multiple evils are converging, threatening to form a gigantic Mega-Evil such as the worlds have never known," she added, "this inter-dimensional confusion is exemplified by the fact that The Bureau Drawers With The Neckties, from each dimension, are being conflated into one space. I am afraid, my children, that what we face here is no less than the apocalypse!"
"That's pretty serious," Winston said. "But surely given time I could whip together a frammis or filstbilger that would be able to absorb all that energy and convert it to a harmless cosmic belch."
Mrs. Brisby turned to Man-Child. "I don't understand him either," Man-Child confessed to her.
"Be that as it may," she said, "I have a pleasant surprise for you. You remember Death? The sinister being who brought you all down here in the first place?"
"That's right," Death said, "I'm not just a horrifying, soul-harvesting fiend from the Nether World!"
"Ah, my fellow countryman!" CD shouted, running to the skeletal figure, "no wonder it was I who you chose to approach when you came to the Coffeehouse!"
SomeGhol grabbed the enthusiastic Dutchman by his coat. "He said 'Nether World,' not 'Netherlands,' pal!" he said.
"Er . . . at any rate," said Death, "behold!"
Suddenly the sinister skeletal figure, enwrapped in black, began to glow in a way that seemed truly ironic. How could this be? Then from within the glowing light emerged feminine, bell-like laughter--laughter with a slight English accent. When the light at last dispersed the skeleton figure with the scythe was no longer there. Instead a beautiful girl, with blue hair, eyes, and kimono, was floating in the air on a boat oar.
"BOTAN!!!" shouted Man-Child, "I knew it was only a matter of time before I worked you into this story!"
"Yes, it is I," Botan laughed, "The presence of Mrs. Brisby has transformed me from my more frightening visage into my non-threatening, MFP(tm)-filled alter ego!"
Man-Child ran to Botan. "So, will you consider liking me, huh? I mean, just a little? You don't have to like me a whole lot, but I mean, I'm not totally gross, am I? You might be able to like me just a little bit if you tried really hard, mightn't you?"
The blushing Botan was relieved when Eugene and Dana pulled the desperate Man-Child from kissing her foot.
"At any rate," Mrs. Brisby said, "the time has now arrived to begin defeating the various evils before they converge. And after that we will have our showdown with the Disney Conglomerate. This will be the greatest challenge we have yet faced in a Coffeehouse Story Thread."
"But how will we travel from one reality to another?" Winston asked, quickly putting the finishing touches on a fructified, multi-toned dillthwicker. "That would require technology even beyond my ken."
"Behold!" H*des said, pointing with a flaming blue hand behind him. There curtains of fire parted to reveal a gigantic . . .
"BUREAU DRAWER???" they all asked.
"With neckties!" H*des assured them with a wink.
"But who is the guardian of this Bureau Drawer? Is it the Palomino or Gertie the Diplodocus (the Friend of Mankind!)?"
"That joke's getting a little old," H*des pointed out.
"Sorry," said Man-Child, "you had to be there."
"But the answer to your question is . . . neither! Behold!" And one of the drawers slid open to reveal . . .
*******************************************************************
The bored woman looked up from behind her desk at yet another Entity Of Absolute Evil. "So who are you?" she asked.
"I am despair. I am hopelessness. I am hunger, I am thirst. I drink gallons of blood yet do not burst."
"Yaaaaaaaaaaay TEAM!!!!!" the woman said from atop her desk.
The Entity of Supreme Evil looked at her.
"Sorry. I used to be a cheerleader," she said feebly.
-------------------------------------------------------
Loki (Registered User)
Homecoming . . .
"But the answer to your question is . . . neither! Behold!" And one of the drawers slid open to reveal . . . The Disembodied Brain of Michael Eisner!
"Omigosh!" Gadget gasped in horror as she recognized the evil, floating pink mass.
"Yes, 'tis I! NYA-HA-HA-HA-hack-koff-koff!" The disembodied brain, though temporarily rendered speechless by a rheumatic attack brought on by the omnipresent dampness of the sepulcheral depths of Hades' domain, rose from the giant bureau drawer, accompanied by two of his nattily dressed, yet totally sinister henchmen from the Disney Technological Exploitation Bureau. One of them carried with him a sinister-looking case.
"That wasn't supposed to happen," Hades said, rounding on his subordinates. "Did you leave the interdimensional map lying around where this guy could find it or something?"
"What map?" asked one of them not-too-brightly, which got him slapped silly by the other.
"This map!" said the disembodied brain, as one of his sinster yet fashionable henchmen held it aloft for the inspection of all concerned.
"Oh," said Hades' minion, in a rather subdued sotto voce.
"Yes! And before this storyline gets any sillier, I've decided to do away with you all!"
"You're going to find that very difficult," said Chip heroically, for a hero he was. "We outnumber you, uh . . ." he hadn't really kept count.
"A hundred and seventy-four," said Gadget, who had.
" . . .A hundred and seventy four to three!" finished Chip. "You haven't a chance to defeat us all!"
"Ah, but I do!" said the disembodied brain, as the henchman carrying the sinster case set it down and opened it. "Behold, my latest sinister invention, the APATH-A-TRON! (Pat pending, all rights reserved)." The sinster henchman picked up an elaborate metallic framework form the case and placed it gently atop the floating disembodied brain, rather like a crown, and switched it on. "With it, I shall make you forget the spirit of all the old movies and shows! You will no longer care about the past! You will only care about our newest shows and movies, and you will BUY THE MERCHANDISE!" With an evil laugh, Michael Eisner's Disembodied Brain focused his enrgies upon them, as lights on the crown-like frame began to glow.
"You can't do that to them!" Gadget protested. "They're our friends!"
But the Disembodied Brain could and did do that. The Rangerphiles felt their thoughts, memories and feelings for the Rangers go fuzzy, and Gadget gasped in horror as she, Chip, Dale, Monterey, Zipper and Foxglove all began to fade away. The darkness first sighted by Michael Ende, and again by Ronnie Rabbit, the nothing, roared in upon them like angry, storm-driven waves upon a hostile and forsaken shore. They were vanishing . . .
And then suddenly they found themselves standing there, whole and complete, and the fuzziness vanished from the minds of the Rangerphiles. It was an odd sensation, and it took a moment or two to clear it out of their heads. When they could look around, they saw that someone else had emerged from the Bureau Drawer.
"Loki!" Dana gasped.
Loki, attired in his dress blue uniform and white hat set at a jaunty angle, looked at his online compatriots and said, "Not late, am I?"
" . . . ow . . . " came a muffled groan from the Disembodied Brain of Michael Eisner, muffled because he and his sinister contraption were stuck under a heavy green canvas bag, which Loki had just transferred from his shoulder to the floor, inadvertently catching the Disembodied Brain in the process. The sinister henchment looked on in confusion.
"Er, Loki, pardon what may at the moment seem a somewhat off-topic question, but how did you get here?" asked the Enduring Man-Child.
"Well, I just got in, and the first place I headed was the Ranger Coffeehouse, but you weren't there. Fortunately, someone was kind enough to leave me a note."
"Well, I knew he'd be coming home today," Death said modestly.
"And if you don't mind a personal question as well," the Enduring Man-Child continued, "what's in your seabag?"
"Huh?" asked Loki, momentarily confused, "Oh, not much really. Mostly dirty laundry."
Even the most die-hard Rangerphile felt a momentary pang of sympathy for the Disembidied Brain of Michael Eisner. But only a momentary one.
"Ged id off of be!" The somewhat squashed brain cried from under Loki's seabag.
Eugene the Jeep suddenly appeared by Loki and inquired, "Jeep?"
Loki looked at Eugene, showing nary a trace of surprise, and from somewhere produced a corncob pipe that he stuck in his mouth. Squinting at Eugene he answered, "Well blow me down!"
"Jeep!" Eugene responded enthusiastically, giving the old salt a big hug.
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Winston (Registered User)
The Apath-A-Tron lay on the ground...
And Winston strode forward quickly, snatching it before the befuddled henchmen could make a move.
"Stop him!" The dismebodied Eisner brain ordered his henchmen. They stepped forward threateningly, prompting laughter from Winston.
"Oh, come on!" he said with a grin, "You're nameless henchmen, and I'm a protagonist. And a blackbelt, no less. Do you really think you stand a chance?"
The henchmen gulped in fear and backed off.
"Worthless cowards!" The Eisner-brain yelled. "Get me that device, or you're fired!"
"He actually said, 'Fired'? Hey, that legally counts as an oral agreement, and that means we're released from our employment contract. We can leave!" One of the henchmen said gleefully. "Yeah, let's get outta here!" The other agreed with him as they jumped back into the bureau, vanishing.
"Wow, that was easy." The Enduring Man-Child commented.
"This piece of junk might hold the solution to all our plotline woes." Winston explained to the other Rangerphiles. "If we can control the nothingness is generates, we may be able to harness it to wipe out the other conflicting plotlines that are threatening to break into this universe and screw things up."
"Excuse me, but that's unspeakably dangerous." Gadget said with a note of concern, "Not to mention the ethical implications of wiping out another entire universe just to keep it from intertwining with this one."
"No, I think the other plotlines aren't separate universes, they're more like broken off pieces of this universe." Winston said, "So we wouldn't really be wiping anything out permanently... just setting it all back in order."
"Fool! It'll never work! This universe is doomed to destroy itself in a confusing nightmare of spaghetti-like alternate timelines! There's nothing you can do to stop it! And in the confusion, I shall seize control of all..." The Eisner-brain cackled madly.
"SHUT UP!!" A hundred and seventy four voices all yelled in unison.
"Hey, I saw that railgun you welded together back in the Coffeehouse." Loki said, speaking to Winston. "If you're gonna mess around with a Nothingness generator, we can't afford any mistakes. Do you even know how that thing works?" Loki demanded.
Winston gave the device a thorough examination, scratching puzzledly at his scruffy unshaven shadow of a beard. "Not a clue." he said at last, shrugging. He handed the device to Gadget. "Here, you give it a try, this one's a bit beyond me."
"I still think this is a bad idea..." Gadget muttered, as she examined the device, looking a bit confused herself as she tried to discern exactly how it worked.
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CD (Registered User)
Momentarily unwatched...
Eisner Brain's only remaining loyal henchwoman picked the damaged cerebral bodypart off the ground.
"D-doctor! Get me my tank, I need to be rejuvinated." The Brain managed and the female Lab Assistant did what she was told and pulled out a portable brain tank (where she stored it I don't know).
But before Eisner could be put to safety Flora grabbed the Brain, twisted it above her head like a lasso and threw it in a trash can that was just standing there for convenience.
"Boss, no! You still have to pay my salary!" The Assistant in dark red leather shouted and dived after her employer, right into the trashcan.
CD rushed over and put sealed it off with the cover. He then kicked it over and it rolled down until it landed in the river of souls where it floated like wood. The cover was lifted and Eisner and his henchwoman peeked out to see a thousand of lost souls, roaming the underworld river.
"Doctor, do me a pleasure and see if you can convert this barrel into a submarine." Eisner pleaded.
"I suppose that takes care of Eisner's Brain." EMC concluded.
"Don't forget there is still Micheal Eisner's body that's been altered by the Borg." Steve warned as he watched Eisner floating off.
----------
"Another Banana?" A huge orang oetang offered his two companions.
"No, after Disney picked the fruits of our performance I REALLY crave human meat." A great tiger replied dully and unsheated his claws.
"Did you knowsss theresss a rebelion of Disssney villiansss who are fed up with the Big D sss?" A gaint snake informed his three companions.
"Hey, that's music to my ears! Perhaps we can finally take the scene again!" Louey cheerily suggested.
"Hmm, not bad. Perhpas they will reconsider their copyrights over us." The tiger agreed.
"Then let's boogy! We'll trash the place down the same way they made their actors trash up MY palace!" The ape cheered and took the lead.
----------
Good day and join the uprising, be a rebel!
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Indy (MB Admin)
Meanwhile, back at the Coffeehouse...
Indy, who had somehow avoided most of the plotline (he was in the control room playing an advance copy of "Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb"), had just finished reading the latest "Archeaology Weekly" when a small fellow using a cane walked into the Coffeehouse.
"Trouble I sense," Yoda said. "The Dark Side has struck here."
"Really? I didn't notice," Indy said. "Then again, when I start reading about Etruscan pottery I do tend to lose all track of reality."
"Ah yes, that would explain it," Yoda said. "Reality here has been trifled with. Not keeping track you did, so overlooked you were."
"That would account for it. So do you know where everyone went?"
Yoda concentrated. "To the place of the dead, I sense they went, but willingly. A greater power they wished to avoid." Indy's eyebrows knotted. "What would that be?"
"ME!" shouted an earthly voice outside. Yoda and Indy edged toward the door, and from there could see--no, it was too unspeakable. "I am Magical Female Powers (TM)!" it shouted. "I am come to slay the males of the Acorn Cafe!"
Indy didn't like the looks of this. "O-kay, your call, Jedi. What shall we do?" Yoda grimaced, and turned to go outside. "We shall see what influence this being has." The old master walked out. "So, ANGST, you have returned."
"Yoda!" ANGST said. "I thought you were long dead!"
"Not quite," Yoda replied. "Resurrected, I was. In digital, I will never degrade. And now, much more powerful am I."
"We'll see about that!" Angst said, firing bolts of MFPs at him. The Force took over, and Yoda began jumping around like a flea on a hot griddle, avoiding the bolts of submissive power. Then Yoda struck with electrical bolts at ANGST and ANGST reeled back in shocked surprise.
"How can you resist me!" ANGST cried.
"When 900 years old you reach, angst has not much meaning," Yoda quipped. ANGST appeared crestfallen. "So that was how Methusaleh was able to ignore me. Well, age or no, you must DIE!" ANGST attacked again, but Yoda was ready. He activated his light saber, deflecting the bolts of MFP energy and reflecting them back at the creature. Soon, it became apparent that it was going to be a stalemate.
"Very well," ANGST said. "I cannot overcome your skills. But there are others waiting for me to crush under the foot of amorous denial, and I shall win the day!" With that, ANGST vanished and left Yoda there to wonder what was next. The aged Jedi master relaxed and took his cane back. Indy came outside.
"Wow, that was some fight!" Indy said. "Where did ANGST go?"
"To seek the others, ANGST has," Yoda replied. "Still in the clutches of Hades, they are, but soon leave they must."
"What can we do about it?" Indy aked. Yoda shrugged. "Uncertain. ANGST is powerful, but can be overcome. However, the only way is--"
"Hey, don't give that away!"
Indy and Yoda turned to find a female mouse walking up to them. "That's a trade secret!" Yoda nodded. "Forgive me, Senator. You are right. Indy, this is Gadme Ramblona. And coming up behind her is Acumen Whybother."
"A pleasure," Indy said. "So what brings you here?"
"There's a large fleet of clones headed this way, led by the nefarious Widgo Fett!" Acumen said. "We have to do something!"
"Clones, you say?" Yoda said. "Clones of herself?"
"Well, I hear that they look like me, actually," Gadme said. "Of course, that's probably only a rumor." Yoda thought this over. "Yes, that may be the way. So, begun the Gadget Clone War has..."
(I just had to do it!)
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Karl (Registered User)
Karl talks to himself, sometimes.
"So, what's the most valuable and precious thing Disney owns, and where is it kept...?"
"Our copyrights! They keep 'em in the archive vault. What else d'you wanna know?" Dale was being helpful, not knowing that interrupting a conversation with yourself was not only impolite, but just plain weird.
Karl just shrugged, "I was just thinking out loud - I doubt there's any way to lure the villains into Disney's archive vault to steal whatever might be there, and even less chance that anyone might be able to slam that impenetrable, hermetically-sealed vault door shut with them inside. Still, it was a fun thing to think about for a moment."
Death sighed, the sound like a fetid swamp wind blowing through the shattered windows of an abandoned house in which a madman had been murdered. "Entombment, that is a pleasing concept indeed."
Karl replied, "You're giving me the willies, Reaper."
"Thank you, I do take pride in my work."
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The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User)
The Grim Reaper looked at Karl . . .
. . . then turning to Man-Child she asked, "Why is it that your friend continues to see and hear me as the hideously frightening skeletal figure when in an earlier post of yours the presence of Mrs. Brisby transformed me into my true self, the adorable, irresistable, MFP(tm)-filled Botan, from Yu-Yu-Hakusho?"
Man-Child thought for a moment. "Perhaps he missed that little detail in the welter of confusion that is this story thread," he suggested, "or perhaps he simply does not know who you are."
"What are we going to do to enlighten him?" she asked.
"I shall include a link to a page dedicated to you at which he will be able to behold your adorable visage."
"Why, that's very thoughtful of you, Man-Child!" she said in that endearing, slightly-English-accented laughter of hers.
"But remember, your mine, Toots!" Man-Child added hopefully.
She clobbered him with her boat oar.
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Ronnie Rabbit (Registered User)
Rabbit Expostulates
A small hole, obviously being dug very rapidly from underneath the floor, erupted nearby EMC and Karl, and Ronnie's head popped up out of it (glasses perched in very scholarly fashion on the end of his nose), and breathlessly announced:
"Obviously, EMC, Death is using a power common to many supernatural entities in fantasy, anime, cartoons, and comics! He/she/it appears in whichever form the viewer thinks Death should look like, that fits in best with their worldview. So Karl sees the Grim Reaper he is culturally familiar with, and you see a Death with Magical Female Powers!"
"Which reminds me- where's Gadget? Oooo! Gadget! I- urp!" Clambering hastily out of the hole, he sprints ahead enthusiastically, trips over Botan's oar, and tumbles headfirst into the open Bureau of Neckties. "Oy! And what is it that this is?" "Aiiie! Diplodicus!!"
Gadget, thinking she heard her name being called, glances around, frowning, just as the drawer snapped shut. She shrugged- must have been her imagination.
--------------------------------------------------
8-Bit Star (Registered User)
Picking up a part of the main story...
[Anyone else adding on, please respond to this one, otherwise this
thread will go off Forever to the Right (TM)].
Eight, after having left the Coffeehouse (after having left a note
at the Coffeehouse) was again in his Galactic Car (I know I called
it something else earlier, but I forgot what).
"I sensed evil the whole time I was there," Goemon noted.
"Yea, I can tell. It was empty... TOO Empty... almost as if even
the spirit of fun and laughter that is ever-present at the
House itself had been taken away," I responded.
"So, do you know anything about the script vault that we could use?"
Lupin asked.
"Ummm... I've heard it's impenetrable. HOW impenetrable is another
question. I've heard it's hermetically sealed, whatever THAT means."
"It means it's a really strong box," Jigen informed him.
Already Lupin was forming a plan. "Take us to the headquarters of
Disney! I need to get a scope of their land."
"Roger!" I said. Lupin is a professional, he of course would make
an intricate plan first.
"But Lupin, how are we to get past the sealed vault."
"Well... I just happen to have a plan for that."
A Brief Interlude...
Suddenly, DiMM appeared in Hades. Here, he greeted the Grim Reaper
(who to him resembled Franz Kafka, simply because that's the name
I pulled out of a hat), and then asked "Is there a Chip Maplewood
here?"
"Here!" Chip said. "But what do YOU want, DiMM?"
"Well..." DiMM stood right in front of him, "I usually don't do
favors for 8-Bit Star, but since this is unlikely to happen in an
actual fanfic any time soon, and I was in a good mood, and he
DID ask politely (in fact, he had Mademanna deliver the message.
Nice touch, that)... Oh heck, enough beating around the bush."
Then DiMM released a marathon of slaps and very hard punches on
Chip, while screaming "IT WAS A GAG, YOU NITWIT!!!"
Then, after five seconds, he stopped. "Well, I'm done, it's time
for me to go." and with that, he just disappeared.
All the while, a dazed and hurting Chip wondered "What was THAT
about?"
[Free cookies for anyone who actually gets it ;]
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Loki (Registered User)
The horror . . . the horror . . .
"Man, I'm gone for six months, and this place just gets weirder and weirder!" Loki exclaimed, looking at everything that was going on in this particular story thread.
"Haven't you been paying any attention to the story so far?" asked Winston.
"Sort of, but I can't make heads or tails of it. Lemme see if I have the salient points straight." Loki ticked off each point on a finger as he named it. "One, a non-corporeal being of unspeakable evil, named either 'Angst' or 'MFP', which as I recall was Colgate's ad for 'Maximum Fluoride Protection' . . ."
"Actually it stands for 'Magical Female Powers'," the Enduring Man-Child reminded him.
"Actually, I think they're two separate entities now," said Karl.
"Okay, thanks. Two, the Disembodied Brain of Michael Eisner has attempted to destroy the Acorn Cafe altogether, which attempt I accidentally, but providentially foiled by dropping my seabag . . . hey, where'd the little sod get off to anyhow?"
"Curses!" Karl exclaimed in surprise, "He got away!"
"Then the evil thing must still be at large," said Dale. "Creepy."
"Who was watching him?" No one would own up to having the guard duty. "Okay, so we've still got that to contend with, wherever its gotten to. Three, we're about to be invaded by an army of Gadget clones created by some Widget clone from a long time ago and a galaxy far far away . . ."
"Not that there's anything wrong with that," Ronni Rabbit said dreamily, imagining himself surrounded by Gadgets.
"No? Well try this on for size. Imagine an army of Gadgets trying simultaneously to explain the relationship of aerodynamic modeling in a fuzzy logic quantum fractal multi-processor computing environment to the revolutionizing of powered flight as we know it."
"Hey!" said Gadget (the real one that is).
"Oh," said Ronnie, his fantasy stomped out of existence by the thought of the very real possibility of being bored to death.
"Four, we're in the domain of death, or Botan, or however we each as individuals choose to perceive her. Five, everyone is completely confused by the myriaid plot twists and turns, and is having trouble figuring out just exactly what the zarking fardwarks is going on around here!"
"Point five sums it up pretty nicely," said Eight Bit Star.
"So now what do we do about it?" asked Dana.
"Which one?" asked Ronnie Rabbit.
"I guess we just deal with each crisis as it presents itself," said Loki. "Kinda like real life."
"Where's the fun in that?!" asked everyone.
"Ow. Alright, it's time to fight weirdness with weirdness. Since this is the domain of Death, I think I've just the person to help us out." Loki turned to Death, who appeared to him to be a perfectly ordinary woman dressed in black and wearing an ankh on a chain around her neck. "Can you get us Douglas Adams?"
"Nope."
"Worth a try, I thought. I figured the Infinite Improbability Drive would be just the thing to untangle this mess. Ah well. I think I must have missed a point or two here. Can someone point it out please? Otherwise we might be disappointed." An empty soda can bounced off of Loki's head, hurled there by someone far back in the crowd.
"I hardly think that bad puns are going to be helpful at this juncture," said Gadget.
"Point taken." tink! Another soda can. "Okay, Im fresh out. What next?"
What next indeed!
-------------------------------------------
8-Bit Star (Registered User)
"Umm, guys" I asked...
"... How did I get here? Last I remember, I was with Lupin, and we
were about to lift Disney's script vault."
"I brought you here, 8-Bit," Botan answered.
"Oh, hi Roll."
"Roll?" EM-C asked.
"Yea, Mega Man's sister. She's much more plain ol' CUTE and
ADORABLE than Botan! The perfect vision of what a happy death
should be like!"
"Great," Death said to him/herself, "One wonders if there are any
girls obsessed with certain guys and not the other way around."
"Anyway," I continued, "Since I'm here, I might as well stay here.
Am I needed for anything?"
_____________________________________
"Huh?!" Lupin exclaimed, "WHERE IS THE DRIVER?!?!"
"Oh heck!" Frog stated as he jumped in the driver's seat and took
the wheel. Almost immediately, he uttered "Smick."
"What's wrong now?" Mademanna asked.
"MY BLINDNESS SET IN!"
Suddenly Mademanna jumped into his lap. "No problem, *I* can drive!"
"But you don't have a driver's license!"
"And you do?"
"Ummm... Right."
Mademanna tried to reach the pedal. She almost made it, but not
quite. "Umm, Big Bro, there's a problem. My legs aren't long
enough to reach the pedal, so... when I tell you to step on it,
I mean it, okay?"
"I dunno how I'm gonna step on your legs, but all right..."
Mademanna sighed. This was gonna be a looooooooooong drive.
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CD (Registered User)
Seeing as everyone was running out of ideas, CD thought up somthing
"You know, when you're expecting evil to smash into your house at any moment, why not set a trap to make things a lot more fun?" CD suggested.
"Exactly what kind of trap?" Steve wondered, having this awful feeling he would have to fight this ANST.
CD ducked behind a stalagmite and reappeared with a general's helmet on his head.
"We should fortify our position and prepare ourselves to fight to the death!" He spoke, hoping it would summon up any feelings of courage his companions might have.
The other coffeehouse go-ers looked at him as if he was a complete loser.
"They're right, that guy indeed belongs in a nuthouse." Gus agreed and folded his arms.
"Just let them come! We have plunger guns, and they have NOTHING. Nothing except Magical Female Power (tm)!"
"Never underestimate the power that is Magical Female Powers." Flora warned her creator.
"Great, they got Magical Female Powers and we have plungers. PLUNGERS for crying out loud! How are we going to put up any resistance with mere toilet equipment? Were are the muskets, halberts and swords? We need technology! From simple assault plans to Levee En Masse! Straigtbore Armament and Grenadiers!" CD ranted furiously.
"Maybe we can arrange something..." Death suggested, who to CD simply appeared as Grim, the skeleton with a scythe and Caribian accent "I have an offer you can't refuse."
"Let's hear it." Steve replied bored, ready to look for an exit out of this story.
----------
Good day and what does Grim plan to do? Or what does Botan plan to do or what\whoever.
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Loki (Registered User)
Death's Proposition:
"We'll do the only fair thing we can, and that is divide the battle according to the talents we have. Now, since Hades and I are supernatural beings, we'll take care of the supernatural evil, ANGST. That'll leave you guys to take care of the Disembodied brain of Michael Eisner (again) and the Gadget Clone Army.
"So what do you think? That's fair, isn't it?"
Well guys? Whaddaya think?
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Karl (Registered User)
Awww, cmon!
"Can't you bring out the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse or something?" Karl wanted to know. Death then did a fine impression of Chip, bonking Karl on the noggin.
"No. We're saving them for a Special Occasion."
"Hordes of Demons, then?" From Karl, now seated on the ground.
"You're a slow learner, aren't you?"
"Well, can you provide any help at all in the material world?"
Death pondered this for a moment and a half, then replied "We haven't used the undead for quite a few centuries and I'm sure the zombies are bored and restless - would a few of them be useful to you?"
Dale freaked out.
"Zombies!!! He said ZOMMMBIESSS!!!! AAAIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!"
Death looked as amused as his skeletal visage allowed, though to others the expression may have been far more pleasing. "I see the living still remember."
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Chip Chap (Registered User)
ANGST attacks
Suddenly, a claw tore through the fabric of space and created a portal of darkness. Dark light shone from the wound-like opening and ANGST slithered through into Hades abode.
"Back foul creature!" Hades yelled as he summoned forth the undying fires of his domain. "You're presence is sacrilege against this sacred realm! Be gone or meet your end!"
"Interesting that the god of the death would call his domain sacred." Winston quipped under his breath.
"FOOL!" ANGST thundered, "You know perfectly well that I am born of darkness and anguish! I will consume all of your souls and leave your lifeless husks to loaf around on the couch watching Teamo Supremo and eating pop tarts!"
"Aaaahhh! Thats pure EVIL!" Dale shouted.
"You're gonna be sorry you ever challenged us, buddy!" Death yelled as he held out his scythe menacingly.
A truly wicked smile crept across ANGST's face. "You honestly think you can defeat ME! SCARS FROM THE PAST!"
ANGST spread her arms and an evil-looking mist covered the room. Everyone clutched their heads and writhed in agony.
Dale's usually carefree face was filled with anguish and pain, "My family... all dead... because... of... chocolate!!"
Gadget wept as memories too horrible to imagine emerged from the hidden storerooms of her mind, "I... I... thought it was baking soda!!"
Chip's nightmare was worse than everyone elses put together, "Get away from me!... Stop! I'm sorry I poured ketchup all over your dog just let me go!"
ANGST stopped it's cruel torture and gloated evily, "HAHAHAHA! Now do you fools realize that I am unstoppable?"
The Rangers tried feebly to get up but ANGST's attack had drained the energy from their limbs. It looked like the end.
However, it seemed that fate (or at least an overly dramatic fanfic author) felt that the end was not going to be today. Because just at that moment Pete barged in through the door, shoved ANGST out of his way and out a window where it rolled down a rocky slope and into the fiery depths of Hades wher it was incinerated in a flash of sulfurous smoke.
A heavy silence hung over the room.
"What just happened here?" Man-Child asked.
"What I want to know is where the heck these two clowns parked my Gummi Ship!" Pete yelled angrily.
Chip and Dale looked at Pete with blank expressions until it simultaneously hit them.
"Oh no! We left it back in that alternate version of the coffeehouse." the two chipmunks yelled in unison.
"Um..." a quite voice spoke up behind them and everyone turned to see Enaye sitting in the corner, "Actually, when Death showed up and brought you guys here, I decided to help out and bring the Gummi Ship here. You know, so you guys could use it to leave and get back to the Acorn Cafe if you have to."
"You guys aren't gonna be using that thing for your silly adventures." Pete growled, "I've got a business to run. Now lead the way shorty I've already wasted enough time with you weirdoes."
"Hey, wait a minute." Winston said before Pete and Enaye could leave, "How did you get here?"
"I used my sports-utility Gummi Ship. You guys can use it if you have to."
"Golly, Pete that sure is generous of you." Gadget said kindly.
"Yeah, but you're gonna have to deal with that big three-headed dog outside if you want to use it." Pete said as he walked out the door.
"Cerberus!" Hades shouted as he headed for the door, "How many times do I have to tell you to stop chewing on SUV's!"
Everyone exchanged glances, shrugged and followed him out the door.
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8-Bit Star (Registered User)
Not quite over yet...
Of course, a little pain and humiliation were nothing compared to
the master of pain and humiliation. Soon, ANGST's dark
whatever-kinda-limbs-he-has could be seen, and soon they were
pulling him out of the pool of lava, and towards the now-fleeing
Rangerphiles.
------------------
Inside Disney's studios, a bearded, official-looking man was walking
around quite calmly. Of course he was calm, for no normal person
had the slightest inkling that he wasn't supposed to be there, for
this was Lupin the 3rd, master of disquise. All questions about
what had happened to 8-Bit Star were out of his mind, which he
could not afford to let wander.
The only thoughts he had right now, were finding Disney's database
PCs, and finding their script vault.
---
After a few turns...
Lupin finally gave up and decided to take a risk.
"Hey," he pulled over a random official, "Pardon me, my good man,
but would you know where to find the Script Vault?"
"What script vault?" The man said, and walked on.
"Hmmm... Must be top-secret," Lupin thought to himself. "It's
unlikely that they just plain don't have one. WAIT! There is
precisely one way to know for sure! Surely Michael Eisner would
have some documents indicating the location of said vault!"
With that, Lupin decided to head up to Eisner's office.
----------------------------------------------------
Indy (MB Admin)
Back at the Coffeehouse...
::The troops of Gadget clones landed, surrounding the coffeehouse. Yoda motioned for Indy to come outside, and the fedora-clad adventurer did so. The Gadgets were clothed in stormtrooper outfits, but didn't have helmets. Indy looked into all of those blue eyes and sighed::
Indy: I can't hurt them, even if I wanted to.
Yoda: What saying are you?
Indy: Hey, I'm an adventurer and a gentleman! I was brought up not to hit a lady, bub. Plus, they look like Gadget. I've promised to defend her honor and reputation. Well, what would it look like if I destroyed a bunch of her clones?
Yoda: Hmm...a problem this is.
::From the other side, Widgo Fett laughed, sensing triumph::
Widgo: They won't be able to fight back, any of them! We win by default! Forward, my clone army! Forward, and take the coffeehouse!
::The vast army of Gadgets started marching forward, unstoppable, implacable. Indy and Yoda stepped aside, then Indy thought of something::
Indy: Guess I'd better alert the others. Aw, I forgot, my communo-watch is broken!
::As if losing all sense of their original purpose, the Gadget clone army stopped and looked toward Indy::
Gadgets: Did you say something's broken?
::Indy waiting for his hearing to return, after having over ten thousand Gadgets ask the same question in the same shrill but hopeful voice. Sensing what would come next, he took his watch off, dropped it on a nearby table and backed away::
Indy: My watch on the table over there's broken. Could you fix it?
Gadgets: GOLLY!
::The Gadgets swarmed to the watch, each one eager to be the one to get their hands on the broken watch. Widgo looked on with confused shock::
Widgo: What are you doing?! Pillage! Pillage!
::The Gadgets ignored her, though, each one offering opinions on the best way to fix the watch. Indy and Yoda walked over to Widgo::
Yoda: Clones they may be, but Gadget's traits they have.
Indy: Yeah, they'll be here for hours, trying to come to agreement on just one way to fix it.
::Widgo grinned malevolently::
Widgo: Yeah? Well, they *will* come to consensus sometime, and *then* you'll get it!
::Indy thought fast, knowing she was right. Then he returned Widgo's grin, causing her to gulp::
Indy: Hey Gadgets, can you describe for me the theories behind how everything in that watch works?
Gadgets: SURE!
Widgo: YAAAAAAAH!
-------------------------------------------------
Loki (Registered User)
Seeing that leadership was called for, Loki took the helm.
Loki hated to be accused of hogging the story thread, but the group in the realm of Death was caught in a state of dynamic inactivity. At this stage, he was unaware of the developments at the Coffeehouse.
"Look, we have to resolve this situation, and we have to resolve it quickly."
"What's the big rush? We're having fun!" said Karl.
"Yeah, but what's next month?"
"February."
"And what comes in the middle of February?"
"Why, St. Valent . . oh, crap!"
"Exactly!" said Loki. "We're about to be attacked by an army of Gadget clones. As Valentine's Day approaches, their Magical Female Powers (TM) will become more and more powerful until we won't be able to resist them at all. It'll be an epidemic to rival the great Love Epidemic in the Coffeehouse three years ago."
"The horror!" exclaimed the Enduring Man-Child. "How'd you know about that?"
"I read a lot."
"Excuse me," said Gadget, "I've been hearing about these Magical Female Powers (TM) for the last few years now. What's that all about?"
"Perhaps a demonstration is in order. Gadget, since you asked would you like to assist me?"
"Golly, sure! What do I have to do?"
"Hey!" said Ronnie Rabbit as Loki picked him up.
"Catch!" said Loki, tossing the rabbit to Gadget.
Gadget reflexively caught the airborne lagomorph, cradling him in her arms. "Loki! That was mean!" she scolded the Sailor, whose attention was focused on his wristwatch. "Are you okay?" she asked Ronnie solicitously.
" . . . homina, homina, homina, homina . . . " said Ronnie dreamily as he looked into Gadget's eyes and melted, turning eventually into a fuzzy orange puddle.
"Twelve seconds," said Loki, looking up. "Magical Female Powers (TM) at work," he said, indicating the happy orange puddle.
"That looks kinda scary," said Dana.
"Don't knock it 'til you try it," Loki advised him.
"Golly," said Gadget. "So that's why Chip and Dale . . "
"Right," said Karl. Chip and Dale whistled and looked around.
"I think it's high time we go on the offensive, but I think it's fairly obvious that none of us wants to hurt them, right?" A chorus of 'rights' affirmed that this was, indeed, the case.
"I know!" said Gadget brightly. "I have a plan, but we need to get back to the Coffeehouse to do it!"
"Well, then it's back to the Coffeehouse then!" said Loki. "Enduring Man-Child, can you get us back through the bureau drawer to the Coffeehouse?"
"I'll try," said the EMC. He knocked on the giant bureau drawer, and Gertie emerged.
"Oy, sorry I was late. That brain guy messed up a lot of stuff in here, you have no idea!"
"Gertie, we need to get back to the Coffeehouse," said the EMC.
"Hey, no problem! Just follow me!" And one by one, the Rangerphiles filed into the drawer.
"Hey Loki," said Eight-Bit Star, still a little miffed at being pulled off the heist of the century, "why'd you write me over here anyhow?"
"Two words pally, 'plausible deniability'. If you thought Disney's copyright lawyers were nasty, you wouldn't want to see what they send after you if you're in any way involved in the script vault heist. However, feel free to write yourself back there if you want, you have the power."
"Good luck!" Botan and Hades called, as the Rangerphiles disappeared into the bureau drawer. "Milkshake?" asked Hades.
"Sure!" said Botan, and off they went.
But behind them, the crippled but not destroyed entity ANGST, dragged itself towards the bureau drawer . . .
--------------------------------------------------------
8-Bit Star (Registered User)
Eight Decided...
"I think I'll stick with you guys. I would just get in Lupin's
way anyhow. In fact... No, wait," I had almost decided to bring
Frog, Pennywinkel, and MAdemanna here too, but didn't know if they
were driving the car. I knew at least ONE of them had to stay
for that purpose, because only we could drive the Great Galaxy
Car Who's Previous Name I Never Remembered.
I then looked and watched Indy's display at handling the Gadget
clones. As soon as we were back in the Coffeehouse, I mumbled
"I wouldn't have had trouble hitting them."
I didn't know I had mumbled it aloud.
"WHAT?!?!?!?!?" every other male in the room turned and said.
I was shocked, but soon defended myself. "After all," I said, "it's
not like I'd be hurting a real Gadget. They're CLONES!"
"Speaking of hurting..." I heard a mildly non-friendly voice say.
I turned, and there was DiMM, whom had beaten Chip up earlier.
"Oh, hi DiMM... what's up?"
"You still owe me for that mission I carried out for you."
"What mission?" Chip asked.
We both pointedly ignored him.
"Oh yea... What did you want again?"
"You promised me a full day with Mademanna. I expected you to follow
through."
I sighed. "Sure. Fine." And, I used my Book of Secret Arts to
pull Mademanna there. "I hope the car was parked," I stated.
"Ummm, yea... Eight, what I doing here?"
"Well, I *was* going to test and see if children had Magical Female
Powers(TM) but I promised DiMM here that if he helped me with
something..."
And immediately she whacked me across the room.
"HOW DARE USE ME AS PAYMENT!!!" She fumed. Then she turned and
said "Better we get started, get it over sooner."
"Umm, yea..." DiMM scratched his head as the two walked off,
"By the way, has Eight started the remasters yet?"
"No think so."
"So he's decided to give back that speech impediment your former
incarnation had. Must say it's not a bad touch..."
-----------------
Lupin was digging in Mikey Eisner's desk all the while. "Come on,
blueprints, blueprints..." Finally, he found something of interest.
He found a note. He read it, and gasped. But regaining his cool,
he searched out other documents referred to in the memo, and
documents referred to in those documents, and on and on until
he had all he needed. He learned that the Script Vault was
located in Studio 16, a secret studio that no one had been sure
even existed, and was located several feet underground. A map
on the database PC which one document showed was hidden under a
floorboard right under Eisner's chair (the PC was a laptop) showed
the exact location--right out in the parking lot, where no one would
think to look.
"Sneaky devil," said Lupin to himself. Then he flipped on a
walkie-talkie, saying "Jigen, I've found the database PC, and I
know the location of the script vault."
"That's great!" Jigen answered, "What now?"
"Right, here's what we'll need..."
----------------------------------------------------
Winston (Registered User)
A strange thought crossed Winston's mind...
There was a hazy memory, it seemed, of something he couldn't quite grasp... and then, suddenly, it came back.
"What happened to that Apath-A-Tron thing?" Winston asked, looking around the Coffeehouse and not seeing it.
"The what?" Gadget racked her brain, lost in thought for a second until a look of sudden recognition came across her face. "Oh, that thing. I was fooling with it, trying to figure out how it works, and it must have been unstable. It puffed itself right out of existance with that Nothing stuff it generated. Or, at least, that's what I think happened to it..."
"But if it nullified itself with Nothingness, then it's like it never existed... so how could exist in the first place in order to destroy itself... Ah, that would explain why no one remembers it easily. But if it never existed, how do I remember it at all?" Winston pondered.
"Because it did exist at one point." Gadget answered.
"But it prevented it's own existance, so it never could have even been there in the first place... but if it was never there, it couldn't prevent itself from existing, so it would exist, but by doing so it would prevent it's own existance eventually..." Winston tried to work out the chain of cause and effect and found that it made a circle instead of the customary straight line.
"Stop, you're giving me a headache." Dale moaned as he listened to Winston trying to work out the paradox.
"And how does all that mumbo-jumbo help us now, anyway?" Loki asked, failing to see the point of trying to work out the Apath-A-Tron's fate.
"You know, it really doesn't help us, come to think of it." Winston shrugged. "Oh well. Now that it's gone, I guess it's back to doing things the good old fashioned way instead of looking for some hairbrained easy fix."
"Just as well," Gadget commented, "one mistake with it could have made things a lot worse."
Indy cleared his throat, catching everyone's attention for the moment. "Getting back to what's important here, does anyone have a plan for dealing with all these clones?" he asked urgently. They seemed to be running through the components of his watch at an alarming pace.
"Oh, that's right, I had a good one!" Gadget remembered suddenly. "All we have to do is get them to preoccupy themselves trying to build a device that can never actually be constructed." she explained.
"And what kind of device might that be?" Eight-Bit Star asked, having just recovered from his sudden impact with the wall.
-------------------------------------------------------
Chip Chap (Registered User)
The "most worthless invention in the universe" award goes to...
While the Gadget clones worked at fixing the watch, a door opened in the air and Enaye stepped out.
"Did I just hear somebody ask for an impossible invention?" the avatar asked everyone in the room.
About two dozen Gadget clones that couldn't reach the watch turned toward him.
"Nothing's impossible if you work at it hard enough." they all said in unison.
"What about a perpetual motion machine?" Dale asked.
"We built ten of those on the way here." said a gadget clone.
"What about a generator that makes energy out of pure nothingness?", asked Winston.
"That's what we installed in our workshop.", two clones said together.
"How about a computer that makes movies all by itself?" Man-Child asked curiously.
"Where do you think Disney's been getting all it's sequels from?" another Gadget clone said.
"Well, I doubt that you will be able to build THIS machine." Enaye said confidently as he pulled out a large blueprint from his pocket.
Every Gadget clone in the room stopped and turned to him, staring. "Do you DARE to question our mechanical expertise?"
"Yes, I am certain that you can't build this machine." Enaye said with a slight smirk.
"We'll just see about THAT, mister!", one of the Gadget clones said as she yanked the blueprint from his hand.
The Gadget clones quickly grabbed some bits of machinery and in a few moments had the framework of a strange device constructed.
"Um... are you sure about this?" Indy asked as he whispered in Enaye's ear.
"Of course! Just look."
Everyone looked at the half-constructed machine on the table as it suddenly sprang to life and exploded, sending tiny fragments of itself flying through the air.
The clones stared at the tangled mess of wires on the table.
"That didn't go very well..." one clone mumbled.
Another clone looked at the blueprints and brightened, "Yeah, but I bet it can destroy itself twice as fast if we switch these wires here..."
The Gadget clones quickly started again, but this time the device blew up much sooner.
"What IS that thing?" Chip asked with concern.
"Oh just something my author made up, he calls it a self-breaking lawn mower."
Everyone exchanged looks of concern and then glared at Enaye. "You mean that you set the Gadget clones to work building a machine that's sole purpose is to blow itself up?!"
The robe-wearing chipmunk looked at everyone with confusion. "Well yeah, I mean, obviously they can't finish it until it can mow a lawn and it will have to break itself before it can do that, and if the Gadget clones keep modifying it to break itself more effectively then..."
His speech was cut short when the latest model of the self-breaking lawn mower exploded in a hge display of pyrotechnics and jagged looking piece of metal lodged itself in the wall a few inches from his head.
"Hmmm..." a soot covered Gadget-clone thought carefully, "I think it needs a little bit more power."
The Rangerphiles and their friends turned menacingly toward Enaye.
"Knowing when to quit you do not, pay now you must." Yoda said as he and the other Rangerphiles advanced on the worried Avatar.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ronnie Rabbit (Registered User)
Non-Violence
Ronnie, being forced to take cover from exploding mowers ("The mower the merrier," one of the clones exlcaimed brightly) and stampeding Cafe-ers, finally had enough time to himself to recover from being in a room filled with uncounted numbers of Gadgets.
He adopted his best Winnie-the-Pooh pose, paw to forehead, and concentrated. Think! Think! Wait... that was it!
He quickly put on a pair of Female-Power-Proof sunglasses and crept back out into the main room. He found one of the Gadgets- but unfortunately, it was by feel (as the sunglasses made him completely lbind, the only way to keep him from fainting before the amassed breathtaking beauty), and she bopped him with a large hammer.
When he recovered, he asked Julie to point out a Gadget clone for him. So directed, he carefully whispered into her ear.
The clone blinked rapidly, then tapped the next nearest clone on the shoulder, gesturing emphatically. The two appropriated a third from Project Flaming Mow and began scribbling furiously on chalkboards and papers. Soon, a dozen clones were puleld away from the Great Project, then a hundred, until all of the cloen army was arguing, debating, gesticulating, and occasionally breaking into fisticuffs (followed almost immediately by cries of 'Oops! Sorry!' and sincere apologies.)
When the Cafe goers finished deconstructing Enaye to their satisfaction, they watched the results with confusion. "I realized," Ronnie explained proudly, "that the important thing was to not have them actually BUILD anything. even a paper clip dispenser could be potentially danger- um..." spying the real Gadget listening, he hastily amended, "..ous when made by such obviously inferior copies, as opposed to the perfect device the REAL Gadget would have built."
"So what insoluble problem ARE they working on? Not that old 'work out the exact value of pi' shtick Kirk always liked, I hope!" Winston asked suspiciously.
The rabbit shook his head vigorously. "Nooo, they're too clever to fall for something like that! It had to be a REAL problem, subtle in its intricacies, but totally inexplicable by any science or logic known to man or mousekind:
"Why DID they cancel a great show like the Rescue Rangers?"
------------------------------------------------------
Chip Chap (Registered User)
That's where all the Gadgets go
While the vast army of Gadget clones were busy arguing about why Disney would cancel the Rescue Rangers show, Widgo Fett grabbed a megaphone and yelled.
"Because they felt like it!"
The army of Gadgets stopped arguing and looked at each other. "Golly, that makes sense.", "Yeah, it's so simple it must be true.", "Gee Wilikers, why are we arguing about cartoon shows when we can get at all the cool gizmos in the coffeehouse?"
The army suddenly resumed it's offensive.
"Got any more unsolvable questions, Ronnie?" Indy asked hopefully.
"Who cares about these silly riddles and Gadget clones!" Enaye shouted as he peeled himself off the Cafe floor. "I'm ending this once and for all!"
Everybody watched the long-sleeved chipmunk ran down the hall and listened to a rather unpleasant series of thumps, crashes and the sound of splintering wood. Enaye quickly returned dragging a clothes drier that he apparently ripped out of the Acorn Cafe's Laundromat.
"Um, why exactly are you dragging that thing in here?" Chip asked with understandable concern.
"Just watch and learn." Enaye dug into his pockets and produced another blueprint which he showed to the army of Gadget clones. The clones took one look at it and promptly dismissed it.
"That will never work." a Gadget clone said off hand as she pushed the chipmunk aside.
"What?! The theories behind it are perfectly valid, the real Gadget figured it could work and she only had Widget and Sparky to help her out. Surely a whole army of Gadgets could figure it out."
"I'm sorry, but the theories behind it would never work. The calculations you are referring to could never be feasible in this environment. Besides, the theological implications such a device would suggest would be totally contrary to our own beliefs."
"Oh yeah, well I think that you're all just afraid that you aren't smart enough to build something like this." the avatar said challengingly.
The Gadget clones immediately began working on the strange contraption.
"What are you up to now?" Winston asked suspiciously.
"Well." Enaye said smugly, "I just asked myself, how do you get a bunch of mice away from an area?"
Everyone thought for a moment.
"You get something to scare them off?" somebody asked.
"No, you lure them away with something they like." Enaye said confidently.
Gadget shook her head in confusion, "But what could you possibly get that would lure ME anywhere? And what was all that stuff about theories that I supposedly came up with, why the only thing that..."
Gadget looked at the drier, then at the Gadget clones, then at the long power cable the clones were hooking up to their ship.
Gadget's face turned pale as she ran from the room.
All the Rangerphile's turned to Enaye with even more menace in their eyes.
"You maniac! What are doing that's so horrible that Gadget..."
Suddenly the machine sprang to life and an enormous amount of energy built up within the drier.
"Aaakk! What's going on?!" Dale shouted.
Suddenly a huge portal opened in the middle of the room an a blazing florescent light shown out of it.
"Well my author just altered polarity on the Nimnul generator so that it could make a trans-dimensional portal when supplied with enough electricity." Enaye said proudly as the Gadget clones were drawn towards the portal like moths to a flame, "Of course, instead of leading to H-E-double hockey sticks like the original ones did, this one leads to Silicon Heaven."
"Silicon Heaven!" everyone shouted.
"Of course, that's where all the calculators go."
Everyone watched as the Gadget clones ran happily through the portal where they would find every machine that had ever broken down and where they would surely spend an eternity building and inventing to their hearts delight until the end of time.
"Well." Enaye said happily as the portal closed after the last Gadget clone had passed into the big-junkyard-in-the-sky, "Looks like I just saved this thread from stagnation and the Gadget clones from being used as instruments of evil. Looks like I'm a pretty swell guy, huh?"
"Indeed, now prepare to be assimilated!"
Enaye turned around to see the Eisner Borg's silhouette looming in the plot-spanning door that (ironically enough) he himself had left open.
------------------------------------------------------------------
CD (Registered User)
Resistance is not futile
While everyone was busy wetting their pants, the assimilated version of Micheal Eisner was gloating at his victory until he was shot in the back by a missile which send him flying into the other wall.
"There can be only one!" Eisner's Brain declared as him and a small group of lawyers exited the same plot-spanning door.
"How did you get here?" Indy asked.
"I fell into the river of souls and was finally send back here when my lawyers treatened to sue Death for ruining the plot if he interfered. It seems the tides are turned!" The brain declared and gloated at his victory.
"Borg Eisners and evil brains that rule an army of armed lawyers from a tank, oh my!" Gus let out.
"Enough, you will be assimilated!" The Borg/Eisner taunted and got ready to rush the group of lawyers.
"That's what you think! It's all in the mind!" Eisner retorted as his soldiers/lawyers aimed their weapons at Eisner.
The lawyers opened fire, but the powerful shields of the Eisner cyborg prevented any damage and he decided to humour his opponents. He fired a laser at one of the lawyers and it immediately was set on fire while the demon that controlled the body was send back to wherever it came from. The other lawyers were struck with fear and took cover. The Eisner Borg then fired at the Brain version of himself and effectively destroyed the tank, and the explosion send it's occupant flying. Soon the tiny brain of Micheal Eisner was out of sight and the lawyers decided enough was enough and opened their briefcases. While the Micheal Eisner Borg was again gloating at his victory, the the lawyers threw a set of papers at him that easily penetrated his shield, as nothing could whistand the horrible powers of lawyers wielded. The battle heated up again in front of the Coffeehouse go-ers, who were unsure which side to bet on. The destructive laser beam of the Borg creature, or the higly dangerous forms and documents the lawyers threw.
----------
Good day and may you never get on the bad side of a lawyer.
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