Disclaimer: Chip ‘N’ Dale Rescue Rangers and any characters from/associated with that series are the copyrighted property of the Walt Disney Co. and are used without permission. Please print, distribute, burn, etc. freely but do not modify this work and take credit for it. Constructive criticism is always welcome. All flames will be handled by Lawhiney (and she really isn't very nice!).
(some lovely nonsense from Karen Mollett)
The Ranger Wing swooped downward toward the roof of the museum.
"I think they will try to steal the gold doubloons that are on display here." declared Chip.
"Yeah. Ol’ Rat Capone always did have a thing for gold, mate." agreed Monty from the back seat. "This time he seems to be targeting coins."
"We need to figure out where they’ll come out." said Gadget.
"No, we need t’ get IN there, Gadget-luv." corrected Monty.
"But how?" asked Dale.
Gadget spotted an open window. [How convenient J ] "That’s how." she replied before banking the Ranger Wing towards, and then through, the window. As the R-Wing sped through the museum, Chip noticed a rope hanging down from an air vent.
Gadget put the Ranger Wing in "hover" mode. They soon saw Sugar Ray Lizard and Arnold Mousenegger carry a large sack into the room. Rat Capone followed them. Sugar Ray paused.
"What ‘re youse waitin’ for? Get movin’ wit’ dat!" scolded the gang’s sleazy, butt-ugly leader.Suddenly, a good-sized plunger whizzed through the air and scored a direct hit on Capone’s ugly mug. "Grmf isf orf urm mf!" Rat Capone tried to shout while attempting to remove the plunger from his face.
"Rescue Rangers, away!" all the Rangers shouted in unison as the R-Wing buzzed Sugar Ray, who barely ducked in time to avoid a major headache. Gadget leveled the R-Wing and slowed it long enough for the boys to disembark. Gadget shot out a line, snagged the large sack, and towed it back toward the display case. Sugar Ray and Arnold managed to remove the plunger. [Darn! He looks soooo much better wearing the plunger! J J ]
"What took youse so long? Da coins! Stop dem!!" roared the rat in the (tacky) hat.
Chip, Dale, Monterey, and Zipper stood their ground, and glared at the trio defiantly as they advanced. A siren wailed in the distance. (There must have been a silent alarm on the case…)
"Da police! Cheese it!" snarled Rat Fink--er, um, Capone. The trio reversed their direction, and ran toward the air vent. The siren got louder.
"Leaving so soon?" teased Gadget, who had returned in the Ranger Wing. The R-Wing flew low enough for the boys to board and hovered briefly. Once all the Rangers belted themselves in, the Ranger Wing gained altitude as Gadget flew it toward the vent. Zipper aimed the R-Wing’s rear gun and fired into the vent. Muffled cursing indicated that Sugar Ray had been hit.
Gadget banked the R-Wing toward the window and poured on the thrust. Seconds later, Kirby and Muldoon entered the museum. "Freeze!" they shouted as they looked around the display area.
Outside the museum..
The Ranger Wing circled around the museum. It paused briefly over the main air conditioning unit.
The terrible trio emerged from the sewer. Sugar Ray stopped and said, "Gee, boss. That was very clever – the way you had us dig a tunnel to the vent system from da sewer. I bet those Rangers are still searchin’ duh outside vents."
"Dat’s why I’m da boss, see? Heh, heh. " Rat Capone’s grin turned into a frown. "Doze Ranger-pests are gettin’ on my nerves! Whenever dey shows up, my plans go ta pieces! I’d like ta fix THEM!"
The trio resumed walking back to their current headquarters as Rat Capone mumbled to himself. Zipper followed them at a safe distance. On their way back to their hideout, they saw a couple of mice walk by. One was a big, brown fella with short, blonde hair. He wore a white muscle-shirt and red trunks. The other looked exactly like Gadget, except she wore a blue dress with a white, floral print. (Come on, don’t get ahead of me here…) The trashy trio stared at her in disbelief as they overheard her conversation with her boyfriend.
"No!" she growled.
"But Lawhiney! The boats take days! The ‘planes are much faster!" he pleaded.
"We are NOT boarding a metal bird!"
"Why not?"
"I’ve heard some interesting horror stories about those things. The worst one is about the food they have on them."
"So? We’ll bring our own food."
"*sigh* Shake’a Bake’a, I…"
"Hey, youse!" Rat Capone butted in.
"Who? Me?" Lawhiney asked.
"Yeah, youse. What’s a gal like you doin’ in a place like dis? I hope it’s to tell me youse reconsidered my offer."
Lawhiney thought, "Offer? What offer? Oh, wait a minute. I don't know *him*, but maybe *he* knows Gadget--and thinks I'm her! I wonder what he wants…"
Lawhiney feigned deep thought. "Anything?" she said with a sly grin. She looked at Shake'a Bake'a. The look on his face said "I don't trust this jerk." He looked at her and realized she's actually considering the offer.
The insipid islanders stepped away.
"I don't like them. I don't think we can trust them." whispered Shake'a Bake'a.
"I know we can't trust them. But we could get something out of humoring them." Lawhiney whispered back.
"But what if we don't?" asked her bewildered boyfriend.
"There's bound to be a bounty out on a guy like him, right?"she grined evily.
Zipper was watching the whole exchange from a nearby pipe. He wondered if he should return to Ranger headquarters or continue following Capone in hope of finding his latest hideout. A few seconds later, Zipper followed Capone's gang as they headed toward the docks.
Sometime later...
"It's getting late." observed Monterey. "I wonder what's keepin' Zipper..."
"Yeah. The sun will be setting soon. It's not like Zipper to be out this long."
"You don't suppose there's been another garbage strike, do ya?" asked Dale, in a semi-serious manner.
"I doubt it Dale. News like that would 'ave been in today's paper." replied Monterey, in a worried tone. "Any sign of 'im, Gadget?"
Gadget was perched on a branch and was scanning the sky with a pair of binoculars she had built. She looked down at Monterey and answered, "Not yet!" She resumed her search. "Wait! I see something!" Gadget adjusted her binoculars. "It's Zipper!"
Zipper saw the boys assembled on the landing pad and swooped toward them, buzzing rapidly. He landed on Monterey Jack's shoulder and tried to catch his breath.
Near a warehouse...
Rat Capone finished explaining his plan, again, in a hushed voice as he led his gang past a warehouse. Lawhiney looked at him, skeptically. "Um, honey, that should work, but what if someone shows up and tries to 'crash the party' ?"
Capone gave her an insulted look, but then his expression became thoughtful. "Youse gotta point, dollface. Hmm. Wease just haveta arrange a 'surprise' for any unwanted 'guests'."
Shake'a Bake'a looked over his shoulder and got the feeling that they were being watched. He walked a little closer to Lawhiney.
A sinister voice replied, "Yeah. POUND cake!" A hulking, gray mouse stepped out of the shadows. He was wearing a purple hood and loincloth. He waved a large, metal can-opener with ease. Five smaller mice, dressed in red hoods and ninja-style costumes, landed behind him.
"Hand over the girl, rat! I have a score ta settle with her!" demanded huge mouse.
Rat Capone scowled. "She's MY moll, youse mugs! I ain't handin' her over -- no way, no how!" Sugar Ray and Arnold moved to flank Capone. They crossed their arms and scowled. Lawhiney slinked behind the rat in the (tacky) hat and wondered what 'score' the big jerk was talking about. "Gadget, you sure lead an interesting life, girl." she thought, hatefully. Shake'a Bake'a put his hand on her shoulder. She turned toward him and grinned. "Hmm. I wonder. Just maybe..."
She stepped beside Capone and growled, "I don't know who you think I am, but THIS, " she jerked her thumb at Capone for emphasis, "is Rat Capone! His boys can tear what passes for a brain out of your stinking head! "
The hooded mouse was caught off guard; he wasn't expecting a threat combined with an insult. He then glared at her--and laughed.
"Such a big boast coming from such a small girl!" sneered the muscular mouse.
"Boast? Why, I was merely pointing out a fact. Do you really think your skinny, little ninjas can take THEM?" Arnold, Sugar Ray, and Capone gave evil, threatening smiles. Shake'a Bake'a ground his fist in his paw and gave Bubbles a sinister grin, as if he were mentally telling him, "Lay a claw on her and I'll pulverize you, dude." Of course, Bubbles stupidly signaled the attack.
Two ninja mice charged Sugar Ray. He grabbed one out of the air and smacked the other one with his long tail. One went for Lawhiney, but Shake'a Bake'a tackled him. Arnold tried to grab one, but the ninja kept jumping around and dodging Arnold's arms. Rat Capone exchanged blows with the fifth ninja. Lawhiney looked around and wondered where the big, gray guy went. She found out the hard way when she was lifted off of the ground by her tail (ouch!).
"Not so tough now, are you?" sneered Bubbles, holding her in his left paw while brandishing the can opener in his right.
Lawhiney opened her make-up bag. "Some powder might make him sneeze and drop me." she thought.
Her hand closed around a small, glass vial instead. "This is better. Adds insult to injury." she smirked as that thought passed through her head. Suddenly, she jerked around and tossed the vial. The glass broke upon contact with his head, and perfume ran into his eyes. He growled and dropped both Lawhiney and his weapon in his desperate attempt to wipe the painfully stinging perfume out of his eyes. By that time, all of the ninjas had been defeated and were lying in a pile of trash.
"I'll get you for this, girl!" roared Bubbles.
"Aaah, shaddap!" hissed Rat Capone as he sucker-punched the hooded mouse.
"What should we do with him?" asked Sugar Ray.
Capone thought for a moment. "Wease don't have time to dispose of 'em proper-like. Let's just toss 'em down da sewer."
"Okay, boss." replied the lizard as he hauled one of the unconscious ninjas toward a nearby sewer drain.
The Pawn Shop…
Desiree DeLure climbed on top of a glass display case. She stuck a plunger onto the glass and used a glass-cutter to cut a hole around it. Carefully, she pulled on the plunger and slid the circle of glass silently out of the way. She was in the process of lifting a pearl necklace out of the case when she heard a noise. The noise in question sounded like flesh on flesh contact--as if someone had been slapped. "Amateurs!" She thought with disgust. "They'll get me caught if I stay long enough to swipe the necklace!" Desiree climbed off of the display case and dashed into the shadows.
Shake'a Bake'a glared at Capone. Arnold looked surprised.
"Why youse…"
Lawhiney put her paw over his mouth and sternly whispered, "Shh! Why'd you go and do THAT? Someone might HEAR us!"
"Youse my moll, see?" explained the rat in a whisper. "I'm entitled ta kiss ya when it pleases me, see?"
“All too well.” she thought before answering in a low hiss, “There’s a time and place for that sort of thing--this is neither.” She slid her paw off his mouth and looked around. “Where’s that lizard with your ‘surprise’?”Zipper heard and observed everything. He darted out of the room, to where the Rangers had there stakeout near the safe. Gadget checked her harpoon gun as Zipper reported. Chip looked at him, concerned.
“I doubt Lawhiney and Shake’a Bake’a are going to be much help to him. They’d probably desert at the first sign of trouble. Still, Rat Capone has us at a disadvantage with that vehicle.”Rat Capone and his ‘goon squad’ approached the safe. Suddenly, they heard Gadget and Monty yell, “Rescue Rangers, away!” as a weighted net fell on and entangled everyone except Sugar Ray.
“Look what we caught! Ya always get the worst ones at low tide.” quipped Monterey Jack.After Rat Capone and his equally unconscious henchmen were secured in the vehicle, Chip and Dale jumped into its seats. Gadget and Monty "escorted" Lawhiney and Shake'a Bake'a to the Ranger Wing. The Rescue Rangers left the pawn shop with the tied-up trio and their suspicious suspects in custody.