"Semi Super hero Substitute"

Narrator: We join our heroes Earthworm Jim and Peter Puppy on the planet of the Man-eating Socks, about to be horribly mutilated by Professor Monkey -For-a -Head.

Prof: Ah ha! ::stand behind a BIG gun, which is cornering Jim::

I have you now, worm. Fork over the suit!

______

(Socks in the background)

Sock 1: Ah...I don’t think that’s a human...look at his head!

Sock 2: But I’m hungry!

Sock 3: Yeah....and check out that gun......

______

Jim: *gulp* Eh, must think of a way to....

Peter: Hey, Jim! Look. (points)

Agent: (walks up, reaching for his wallet, and takes out a badge) Excuses me, sir. May I have a look at your license?

Jim: Oh, umm...(takes out his pocket rocket license) This?

Agent: No, sir. Your other license.

Jim: (going through his pockets until he pulls out his super heroing license)

Agent: (grabs the small card from Jim’s hand) Yes, that’s it...sir.

(examining the license) Are you aware that your super heroing license is

expired?

Jim: (fidgeting nervously) Say what?!

Agent: Yes, sir. You will need to go get your license renewed. But in the

mean time I am required to convinsate any super hero items you may be

possessing.

Jim: Aw, geez....can’t you see I’m right in the middle of a battle?!

Agent: Your gun, sir... (holds out his hand)

Jim: (mumbles angrily)

Agent: Sir....

Jim: Yeah, all right. (takes out his big red gun and places it in the agent’s

hand)

Prof: (blinks) Ugh...what the....

(turns back to Jim) Aw, this is gonna be too easy. (aims gun, once again)

Peter: Gaa! Jim, do something!

Agent: (steps back in and looks at Professor Monkey for a head) I’m sorry,

mister, but this worm is now unable to be involved in any super hero

activities....including being destroyed by fiendish freaks, such as yourself,

sir.

Prof: Sure...spoil my fun.

Agent: (pushes Jim out of the way) You’d best be on your way, sir.

Jim: Ah, right....(Jim and Peter start to walk off)

Agent: And, oh yeah. (snatches Peter’s wrist)

Peter: Hey! What’s the big idea?!

Agent: No sidekicks, either.

Jim: *groan*

Agent: You will receive your things back, once your license is updated. Anyhow...have a nice day! (walks off dragging Peter)

Prof: (Grins evilly) Well, now with you out of the way, I can continue my mischievous plans! (cackles) So long, worm!

Jim: Not my lucky day...

(pulls out pocket rocket) Well, better fine someone to sub for me....this license stuff always takes for ever. *groan* And they say the government system is improving. And why am I talking to myself?!

Anyway...who should I ask to take my place....

AT THE GROOVY GUEST HQ...

LC: I see your will is strong! But you are foolish to believe you can out do the power of the fish!

(LC and Slomoto are playing checkers.)

Slomoto: *moans* This is stupid. Who’s idea was it, anyway?!

LC: (captures Slomoto’s last checker) HA HA!

Worm: Ahhh!! Who let her in here?! (crawls, really fast, across the room)

Rosie: Hee hee! Lunch time! (chase after Worm)

Michelle: Opps. Sorry Wormy, she said she was a friend of yours...(grins)

Falcon: Woah...better than pro-wrestling!

(Worm hides under the couch, where Bee Girl and Zette are deciding what to watch on TV.)

Bee: (yawns) Lets see what on this Network... (clicks the remote to Kids’ WB)

_____

(On the TV:)

Ogden: Today on Umptee-3 we are going to learn about friends! Fun, eh?!

Sheldon: My super duper deluxe computer defines “friend” as one attached to another by affection or esteem.

Ogden: Right Sheldon! Now let sing some dorky song about it!

(singing) o/` Friends are cool, friends are rad.... o/`

_____

Bee: *gasp* It’s hideous!

Zette: Ahh! My ears! CHANGE IT!

Bee: (jumping on remote) Change! Ahhh..the batteries are dead!

Zette: Must....do....something....

(kicks over TV set, breaking it)

Bee: Wahoo!

(There’s a sudden knock at the door....but everyone ignores it.)

Rosie: Ah haha! Here Wormy, wormy...

Worm: Someone get her out of here!

(The door knocks again.)

Athena: *sigh* Fine. I’ll get it. (opens the door)

Oh, greetings Earthworm Jim!

(Everyone finally turns to the door.)

Jim: Hello young scouts! I’ve...um, come to ask a favor of you all.

Michelle: Hey, where’s Peter?

Jim: Well....that’s part of my problem, ya’ see...

Bee: Problem?

Jim: Yeah...

LC: Ah...is it a bad one?

Jim: Yes, well.....yeah it’s bad.

Worm: What kinda problem is--

Jim: Just let me finish, okay?!

GGs: Okay..

Slomoto: Is this gonna take long?

Jim: Grrr......listen..

(Everyone goes around in a circle)

Bee: (flies around Jim making him really annoyed)

Jim: I've been having some trouble a need to get my super hero license renewed and..

Jim: (stares at Bee)

Falcon: and?

Bee: Heeheehehe.

Jim: I want you guys and gals to fill in for me..

Slomoto: Oh gee.

Zette: We got yo back Jimbo!

Worm: Well this will be interesting.

LC: Yes! With the power of the fish!

Bee: We shall journey across the peril packed universe!

Falcon: Boldly facing the....

Michelle: Flesh rendering dangers to sub for Jim!

Jim: (tosses Worm his cel-phone) Use this to receive calls if danger is afoot.

Bee: Coool. You could say “Hi, you've reached the Earthworm Jim chat line!”

Jim: Well, I must be off. So long!

Athena: Bye Jim!

(Jim pulls out his rocket and takes off)

Michelle: (waves)

Worm: (examines the phone) Well, this shouldn't be too hard.

Bee: Yeah, all we have to do is wait for evil.

(Everyone waits)

Rosie: Yer' all gonna forget me now...aren't you?

Worm: Yep.

Zette: Heh, heh.

Rosie: (growls) Fine! (leaves)

LC: You're an evil GG anyways!

Athena: (raises eyebrow) True.

Rosie: Yeah, yeah....BYE! (slams door on way out)

Falcon: Yeesh....touchy.

Worm: I’m sure till be some evil to fight soon...

Bee: Yep.

(15 minutes later..)

Worm: Uh huh, any minute now.

Athena: Oh, please.

(Everyone yawns)

LC: This is boring.

Slomoto: Is something suppose to happen in this fanfic, or what?

Worm: I give up.... (sets the cel-phone on a coffee table)

(One minutes later, the phone finally rings.)

Zette: Ha ha! A call!

Bee: Yay! I’ll get it! (zips over to the phone)

LC: Beat it Valley Girl! (grabs the cel-phone before Bee can get to it) Ha!

Worm: HEY! Gimme that!

LC: Too bad. (Talking into phone..) Hullo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But who do we get to blow up?

Athena: Hm. (takes phone away from LC) I don’t think so.

LC: I was talking to them!

Athena: I noticed. (Talks into the phone..) Hi. So, what’s the call really about? Oh....okay.

They just want us to go to La Planeta De Aqua and check on Bob the Killer

Goldfish. They think he’s been too quiet lately, and may be up to something.

Slomoto: This is a plot?

Bee: (shrugs)

Worm: Egad...fish?! I thought I took this part out!

LC: Hehehe....too late!

Worm: *groan*

Michelle: Um..one problem...

Falcon: Yeah...how are we going to get to La Planeta De Aqua? We don’t even have a space ship, or something.

Zette: Right. There’s just that Michelle, Groovy, Worm, whatever-it’s-called mobile.

Worm: Oh, well. Guess we’ll just have to sit this one out. (smirks)

Bee: Hey, Wormy. Why not use that rocket thingie?

Slomoto: Rocket thingie?

Worm: Oh..um. Well...

LC: Since when?!

Worm: Since we started cutting back on running gags.

LC: Oh....what?!

Bee: Let’s roll!!

Falcon: So..who’s going to drive?

LC: I will!

Athena: Know how?

LC: (grinning) Not a clue!

Slomoto: Great...I feel safe.

(Everyone gets in the rocket)

LC: (pressing buttons randomly) See! I can do this.

AHHH!

(The rocket takes off into space, heading towards La Planeta De Aqua.)

_______

WE NOW JOIN.....JIM.

Jim: (standing in a very long line) Oh, c’mon! (glances at his wrist watch)

Some Guy: Excuses me, Mister Worm thingie. Would you mine saving my place in line. I need to um...go do an erron.

Jim: Sure, my good fellow. I’ll be glad to help you out.

Some Guy: And would ya mind holding this? (hands Jim an envelope)

Thanks! (runs off before Jim can respond)

Jim: Hm..strange guy.

______

ON LA PLANETA DE AQUA.

Bob: Oh, c’mon guys! What’s it going to take to get you fish to destroy

something?

(Fish ignore Bob.)

Bob: Aw..great. Eh, #4 paces around a bit I’m feelin’ a little... (#4 paces back and forth)..oh, there ya go.

How’m I ‘pose to get some minions to run these universe-destroying

machines...(looks to the rather large space ships)

Hey, stop a minute, would ya? I’m getting kinda dizzy. (#4 stands still)

*CRASH*

(From a small distance away, the Groovy Guest have landed....er crashed.)

GGs: (Everyone is moving away from the crash sight.) AHHHH!!

LC: Not bad, eh?

Athena: It was terrible!

Worm: Woah..I feel all wobbly.

Bee: Forylauvin!

Michelle: Next time, *I* drive!

Slomoto: Next time? (looking at the enflamed vehicle)

(#4 walks over with Bob in one hand and a really BIG gun in the other.)

Bob: Waz goin’ on ov’ah here? Hm? (looks at eh burning rocket, then

slowly at eh the group of Groovy Guest)

What the...kids?!

Falcon: Hello!

Bob: Hi..now wait a minute! Why you kidz here?!

Athena: Well..

Michelle: We're filling in for Jim!

Bob: Jim?

Bee: *buzz* "Earthworm Jim, the galaxy's mightiest invertebrate!"

Slomoto: I'm hungry...(watching the nearby fish swim)

Bob: Earthworm Jim? Hey...I know who yas' are! Yer' them Gookie

Guest...erm, something like that..

LC: Groovy Guest...

Bob: Whatever.

Anyhoo...(#4 aims the really BIG gun at the GGs) Since ya'll friends of that incompintant worm, I'm gonna hafta destroy you all!

Worm: Well..that isn't very nice.

LC: AH! Take the worm!

Worm: Hey!

Falcon: (Unexpectedly swoops down from above, perches on the rim of

Bob's bowl, and carries it up with her.) Hi fishie!

(As #4 prepare to shoot, Bee comes from behind and stings him.)

Bee: "Did *I* do that?" Kehehe!

(#4 jumps into the air, dropping the gun. Just as he gets back on the ground Zette pops up beside him.)

Zette: Kitty, kitty! (Trips #4, making him fall into the water.) Heh heh..have

a nice trip! See ya next fall!

Worm: Hehehe! Nifty action sequence! Huh.

Slomoto: (Staring at Bob, whose now on the ground.) Mmm...samich!

Bob: *gulp*

(Suddenly the cel-phone rings once again.)

Worm: (Answers) Ye-es?

LC: What now?

Worm: (to phone) Yuh huh...okies. Got it. Buh-bye!

Um...there's gonna be a super hero meeting at the Galactic Heroes League.

I guess since Jim can't go....we get to!

Slomoto: Oh yeah, nothing like going to a meeting with a bunch of old people talking about things ya could care less about. Anyway...how'd we get there? Clark Bar, here, destroyed our transportation..

LC: Yeah, keep talkin'....sandwich boy.

Athena: *ahem* (Looking at one of Bob's battles ships.) Perhaps one of those would suffice, yes?

Bee: Yupyupyup...good idea!

Michelle: Okay...lets go. And I drive, this time.

(The GGs board a near by ship and take off.)

MEANWHILE...JIM IS STILL IN LINE.....

(Jim’s still standing in line.)

Jim: (taping foot) C’mon, c’mon. . . .

Hm, wonder where that lil’ fellow ran off to. . .it’s almost him turn. . .woah!

(A grumpy looking lady leans over the counter and yells)

Lady: NEXT!

Jim: Yeesh. I guess since that guy’s not back. . .

(the lady grabs the envelope from Jim’s hands)

Jim: Hey! Wait a sec!

lady: Hang on, mister. . . .(opens the envelope and examines the papers within)

Jim: But that isn’t. . .

Lady: Quit yer’ whining! I haven’t got all day. So. . . your here to renew your license, eh?

Jim: Why. . .yes.

Lady: Right this way. . .(takes Jim into a testing room and hands Jim a

stack of papers)

Fill these out and take the test. THEN We’ll talk.

(sometime later. . . )

Jim: (caring the paper to the lady’s desk) All done!

Lady: Eh?

Jim: Though I don’t see what parallel parking has to do with being a super hero. . . .

Lady: (picks up the papers) Super hero? Ha, ha! You just took a driving test.

Jim: A DRIVING TEST?! But I came here to get my super hero license renewed! I don’t need another drivers’ license!

Lady: (shrugs and grins) The envelope ya’ gave me was papers for a driving test.

Jim: But!

Lady: You’ll need to get back in line and get the form for a super hero test.

(Jim walks out mumbling)

____________

Worm: Hurry up! We’re goin’ to be late!

(the GGs are racing to the front door of the Galactic Heroes’ League Head Quarters)

Michelle: Told you we shouldn’t of stopped by that fast food place...(looks at Slomoto and Clark walking out of the space craft, each holding a soda and a sandwich)

Athena: (pushes the door open) Come on....

(the GGs wonder into the main hall of the headquarters)

Falcon: Wonder what room it’s in.

Zette: Yeah...(opens a door and peaks in)

(In room: a number of certain executives, tied up with tap over their mouth.)

Worm: (looking in room) Uh....I dun think that’s it....heh heh.

Slomoto: (kicks open a door) Found it!!

(a large group of assorted heroes are sitting down in at a meeting. They all look at the door as the GGs walk in.)

Bee: Hello peoples! (flys in buzzing loudly)

(everyone in the room turns to the GGs)

Hamsternator: (at podium) *ahem*

(the GGs take seat in the far back)

Hamstanator: (waits until the GGs are seated...then continues his lecture)

Well...anyway. The all rate of our current super hero have been able to conquer and defeat....blahblahblahblah....

LC: Booooring....

Athena: *yawn*

Worm: (takes out a pencil and a piece of paper..and doodles)

Bee: (hums EWJ theme)

Zette: (plays with a pen)

Slomoto: Zzzz...

Michelle: (swings feet back and forth) La la la!

Hamsternator: And like I was saying.....(a sudden outburst of snorting, GameBoy noises, whispering, and other assorted sounds come from the back of the room)

Grrr...(looks at the row of Groovy Guest)....QUIET! (voice echoes in room)

(everyone shuts up)

Zette: (disassembles the pen..and accidentally flicks a piece of it across the room...landing on Puce Dynamo’s head) Oopsie....(giggles)

P. Dynamo: (looks back a the GG’s row) *cough* Why I oughta...*hack*...mindless, young....PUNKS! (holds up his fist, then turns back around)

Falcon: *gulp*

Athena: Yikes.

LC: (slurps on the last bit of his soda)

Hamsternator: (looks up at GGs once more, very annoyed) That’s it! You kids are outta here!

(a group of angry super heroes each picks up a GG...)

Bee: Hey...easy on the wings!

(...and tosses ‘em, one by one, out of the meeting room)

Michelle: Oof!

Zette: Ack!

Slomo&LC: Gaaah!

Bee: Wee!

Athena: Hmmph...rude.

Worm: Aw...now that’s just great!

Falcon: Uggh..

(shortly after Turns-His-Eyelids-Inside-Out Boy walks out of the meeting

room, holding a note)

EyeBoy: Hmm...we just got a FAX for yas...

(everyone perks up) It....it says here...(reads note)...that the Planet of the Man Eating Sock in being held captive by the malicious Professor Monkey-For-A-Head. (looks up) Normal we assign him to Earthworm

Jim...but if your ‘pose to be filling in for---

Slomoto: Here we go, again...

Worm: We’re on it, sir! (salutes)

Bee: Kehehehe!

Athena: Lets go!

___________________

BACK WITH EARTHWORM JIM:

Lady: All right, sir. Here’s yer license...and here’s your gun.

Jim: Whew....finally. Thanks. (picks up his things)

Lady: Oh, forgot something. (puts Peter Puppy on desk) Your pet.

Peter: Zzzz.....PET?!

Jim: (smiles weakly) Hey there, fuzz buddy. (pulls out pocket rocket) Now whadda ya say we go fight ourselves a villain?

Peter: Alright!

____________________

LC: Ah hahahha! (chases a sock with a fish)

Falcon: I won’t even ask....

Bee: (flys over to Professor) Hiya! *buzzbuzz*

Prof: (swats at Bee)

Bee: Hmmph!

(the rest of the GGs come following after)

Prof: Huh? What’s this?

Worm: (takes out gun and blasts at the Professor) EAT DIRT YOU---

(EWJ suddenly come running from opposite side blasting at Professor)

Jim: EVIL SIMION-SKULLED FIEND! Ah hahahhahhaa!!!

Athena: Woah...Jim!

Bee&Michelle: Gaa-roovy!

Prof: (all burnt up) Oooo.....lookit da purdy stars.....dey spiiiiin....(collapse)

Peter: (finally catches up to Jim) Way to go, Jimbo! (smiles and waves to the GGS)

Worm: Neat’o!

Zette: Is it over, yet?

Jim: (tosses gun into the air and catches in in his gun holster) Welp....thats

that. (dust hands off)

Slomoto: Goodie....lets go home...

LC: WAIT! Not until I get to call apond the power of the fish!

Slomoto: *sigh* Go ahead, then....

LC: Heh heh! (raises fish in air)

(a cow falls on Clark) Ouch!

(10 cows fall on Clark)

(100 cows fall on Clark)

(1,000 cows fall on Clark)

Wink: (suddenly pops in) HA HA!

Worm: Ironic..ain’t in? Hehehe! (everyone else just stares at the massive

mountain of cows)

__________________

(behind the scenes after....shhh!)

Worm: Not bad for a first, eh?

Athena: Ah.....coulda been worst.

Bee: (pulls Wink costume off) Tee hee!

Michelle: (just walks by) La la la!

Slomoto: How are ya holding up, Clarkie? (takes a bite of a sandwich)

Mmm...(eyes sudden get huge) *gag* (opens sandwich) Yuck...haggis?!

LC: Hehehehe......MUCH better.!

Zette: (reading an Animaniacs comic) Heh...

Falcon: (looks up at camera) HEY! What are you doin’ in here?!

CameraGuy: Oh...um..heh.

(everyone notices Camera Guy)

GGs: Grrr....(GGs mobs Camera Guy)

CameraGuy: AHHH!!

(scene blacks out)

THE END!

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