"Somewhat Insane"

Location: Insectican throne room

(a loud knock at the door is heard, and an echoing clangor throughout the throne room)

Queen: Enter. . . .

( a small shadowy figure walks in)

Figure: Ah, your majesty! Nice to have finally gotten to meet you! (figure bows)

Queen: Hmm. . .I have called apond you, my new minion, to grant the favor I so much desire.

Figure: Yeess, ma'am? Anything you wish. . .

Queen: (clears throat) I desire for you to destroy my most hated enemy! (her eyes squint with an evil glare)

Figure: Manson? Ma lady, no matter WHAT those foolish Earthlings say, you are far more evil, inimical and more disgusting than -

Queen: NO! I want you to destroy Earthworm Jim!! Once and for all!

[SomeGuy: Bum bum buuummmmmm!]

Figure: (glances behind his shoulder quickly) Oh. . .(turns back to queen) that ol' chap. Believe I've heard of 'em. . .

Queen: (nodding slowly) I shall send you back to Earth to spy on Earthworm Jim. You are to note every moment, every sound made! If that infernal worm has a weakness, I want it to be known! I have arranged allies from across the universe to aid you in this quest. They trust in your decisions, and shall attack when your order them to. Thus, the era of evil rein apond this cursed universe shall begin! I shall not be an unhappy victim of my own cupidity! Should you succeed. . . .And I don't want this fan fiction to end until I see that annelid dead before me! Got that?!

Figure: (blinks and stares for a moment, blankly) Umm. . . .yes, my Queen! (bows once more, walks towards exit)

[SomeGuy: Bum bum buuuummmmm!]

(Queen and the figure look around room, as scene faints out)

_______

(scene re-opens in Jim's backyard. Peter is planting flowers in a plant bed, and

Jim is sleeping in a hammock near a tasty looking dirt cake and lemonade)

Peter: (picks up water pail and waters a flower) There you go! Now, grow big and pretty for your uncie Petes!

Jim: Zzzz. . . .

(figure shows up behind a large bush, looking at Peter and whispering)

Figure: Hairy fellow. . .I don't understand why they call him an earthworm. . .to me he looks more. . .like a canine of some sort. No apparent super powers. . .but seems to be displaying some odd ability to talk to . . .plants.

(Peter pets the flower then stands up)

Peter: Isn't it a great day, Jim? Jim?!

(Peter looks at hammock)

Figure: (thinks) That cake really looks good. . . (looks at the refreshment with binoculars)

Jim: Zzz. . .but I dun wanna go to school, mommy! *snort* Zzzz. . . .

Peter: (looks at camera with annoyed expression) Jim!! WAKE UP!!

Jim: Wha'?! Huh?! (hammock swings around, causing Jim to fall out) Oof!

(The food flies everywhere)

Figure: (lemonade spills on the nearby figure)*Splash* Eeek! (whispers and ducks behind the bushes)

Jim:(leaps to feet and pulls out gun) All right! Where's the fiend?! I'll obliterate 'em! Lemme at 'em!

*Splat*

(notices Peter's face covered with dirt cake starring. . .and lowers gun)

Peter: (wipes cake off face) Jim. It's a nice day, lets do something!

Jim: Eh. . .(rubs head and takes some cake from Peter's face) So, what do you have in mind, lil' buddy? (tastes cake) *Mmmwa!* (Italian accent) Perfection! Just-a-like-a-mama's!

(Peter grins, then scene moves to Jim and Peter driving the Wormcycle)

Peter: (Still drying up his face) That was the worse tasting cake that’s ever splatted on my face!

Jim: Heh, at least it wasn't haggis. . .

Figure: Agh....(is clinging to the back of the cycle) Now!

(Suddenly a second motorcycle appears)

Peter: (notices the cycle approaching them) *Gasp!* Jim! It’s.....It’s......Well look!

(the second motorcycle rams into the side of the wormcycle)

Evil: Ah hahahaha!

Peter: Hey! He scratched our cycle! Grr. . .

Jim: *Gasp!* He’s not wearing a seat belt! The careless fiend!

Peter: Yeah...that too...but it’s Evil the Cat!

[SomeGuy: Bum bum buuummmm!]

Evil: (grins evilly as he retracts his claws) Hello....boys.

(Jim and Peter duck as Evil attempts to slash at them)

Jim: Ya know....you’re really not practicing safe driving, there....

Evil: (ignores Jim’s comment, and continues trying to attack)

Peter: Ahh! (ducks again)

Evil: (looks frustrated) Agh! No matter! Prepare to face the wrath of my acid furballs! (starts hacking...)

Jim: (squints) Eh...I’d watch out... (prepares to use Manta shield)

Evil: Gaaaak! (Evil’s motorcycle hits a pothole in the road and Evil goes flying off) Ahhhhhh!! I’ll get you, yet, worm! (goes out of view)

Peter: (looks at camera) See, kids. This is a good example of why you should use a seat belt while on the road.

Jim: (looks at Peter, chuckling) heh...right’o fuzzy buddy. Not to mention, it’s the laa---Aaahhhh!! (Wormcycle crashes into a tree)

Peter: Ugghh...

Jim: (crawls out of the ruins) Um...it’s...also....a good idea...(stumbles)...to watch where you’re going. (falls backwards)

Figure: (pop head up, groaning)

______

(scene re-starts with Jim and Peter walking into the town area....with Figure straggling behind, tiredly)

Jim: Ah, there’s nothing like a nice walk, anyway.

Peter: My feet hurt!

(Jim suddenly perks up)

Jim: Oooo....what’s this?!

Peter: Huh? (watches Jim run into a Mexican fast-food joint) Hm.....(catches up).....never seen this here, before...

Jim: Another new fast food chain, no doubt, with low quality food for high

outrageous prices. Heh.....groovy! (stands at front counter) Want something, Peter?

Peter: Uh..(squints) No. I just have this feeling its gonna be--

Jim: Oh, c’mon lil’ buddy! It’s Mexican food.

Peter: (shudders and sighs) All right...

Server Guy: Heh, heh....hewwo dere, Earthwoim Ji-- I mean, Meester. What you be wantin’ to order? (looks at Peter)

Peter: Hiii! (then server looks at Jim)

Jim: Ah...gee....(puts finger up to “chin”)

Server Guy: May I suggest da extra spicy taco...I’m sure you’ll get a bang outta

it. Ahak keehee hak! I cwak myself up. Eh, Meester woim?

Jim: Hmm....all right.

Peter: (looks uninterested at first, but then blinks at an interesting kids meal on the menu included with a toy) Jim, pweaaase?! (makes sad puppy face and points to the menu) (thinks) Hmm, wonder why the guy in the picture is playing a bag pipe (shrugs)

Jim: And I’ll have one of those (points to menu on wall) for my lil’ buddy, here. Oh, yeah....and make it to go, my good follow. (Server goes to get food)

Peter: (whistles)

Server Guy: Heh, heh! (sticks a stick of lighted dynamite in the take-out bag, then brings it to the counter) There ya go...heh, heh. Have a...blasting day! Ahk keehe ak!

Peter: (grabs the bag) Oookay....lets go Jim!

Jim: (picks up a soda) Hey...

(as they approach the exit, Peter pull a taco out of the bag, then looks in) Eww!

There’s black feathers in here! (throws bag in garbage can just before leaving)

(figure follows them out, but gets his tail caught in the door)

Figure: OW!! (looks back) Uh..oh....*gulp*

*KA-BOOM!*

(just is Jim and Peter get a few yards away....fast food place blows up)

Jim: (turns) Woah....

(looks at Peter) Hey...Fuzz bud. Where’d you put the tacos?

Peter: Oh..I threw them away.....(takes a bit of the taco he saved)

Jim: What?! (mumbles...then grins mischievously) Well, good to see your enjoying your Scottish-style taco....it’s ----

Peter: Who ever heard of a--- *gag* Don’t even say it! (throws the rest of the taco down) No wonder that picture!... Ugh!

(Jim and Peter approach a cross walk where an elderly lady is standing)

Jim: (smiles) Howdy ma’am! Allow me....(puts hand on chest)...to assist you

across this busy intersect.

Lady: Zzz....huh?

Peter: (blinks)

Jim: (picks up the lady and walks across the street)

Lady: Ahhhh! Put me down you over sized fish bait!

Peter: Uh...Jim....I don’t think she wanted to....

Lady: (swings at Jim with her cane) I didn’t WANT to cross the street!

Jim: Yipes! (ducks)

Lady: Can’t an ol’ lady stand by a street side without getting dragged across by

some....young...punk! (swings at Jim again)

Jim: Gaaahh! Please, ma’am! (ducks) Calm...(ducks)....down! (looks up at a

person walking towards them, then back at the lady)

Lady: You...brainless punk! (wacks at Jim another time, but misses and hits

Peter)

Peter: OOWW! (changes into a monster) RRRAAAWWWRR!! *snort*

(springs at the approaching person behind the lady, and attacks ‘em)

[SomeGuy: Bum bum buuummmm!]

Evil Jim: Ahhh!! Get ‘em off! Get ‘em off!

Jim: (not even noticing) Sorry, there....ma’am.

Lady: Hmmph! (walks away)

(assorted screaming and mauling noises in background)

Jim: Peter? (looks around...then notices Monster Peter attacking someone)

Uh oh! Peter!

Evil Jim: Ooouch! *groan* Gaaahh!

(Jim stick his hand in the cloud of dust stirred up, to tickle Peter)

Jim: Goo-chee-goo! (tickles)

Peter: Raaww....ha ha! (changes back) Ha hahaha! *burp* Ooooohh.....(sits down)

Evil Jim: Son of a...(crosses eye and falls over) Ooof!

Jim: *gulp* Sorry ‘bout that mister...lemme help you up. (reaches his hand out)

Evil Jim: (blinks with a dazed look, then shakes his head) Uggh..wha’? I dun want...(stands up weakly)...any help from you! I want...(pulls out gun)....to destroy you! Ahhh ha!

Jim: (rubs head) Huh?

Evil Jim: (rolls eyes) Does the term “evil twin” ring the bell?

Jim: Ooooohhh yeeeaaah.....Hiya Evil Jim!

Evil Jim: (glares for a moment) Ah, well....now, Professor, if you’d please....

(Professor Monkey-For-A-Head jumps out from a building, hold a big nasty neutron gun)

[SomeGuy: Bum bum buuummmm!]

Professor: Ah ha! Hellooo Worm! (aims his gun)

(Jim and Peter’s mouth drop open in surprise)

Monkey: Ooo! Ooo! Eeek-eeek-oooh!

Professor: NO! You can’t play with my new gun! It’s mine! (Monkey grabs at

the Professor’s gun) HEY! Give me that! Parsimonious issue! (tugs) Let go!

Monkey: Ah-ah-oooh!

Evil Jim: Will....you.....two....cut it out?! We have a good guy to destroy! Besides, I'm missing my gardening program on channel 1!

Professor: I thought you hated gaaaardening!

Evil Jim: Can't a guy have a hobby! Geez, just because I'm the TOTAL opposite of Jim doesn't mean I hate the fine art of decomposing vegetation! Grrr...

Professor: Ugh, even HE cares for the environment...

Peter: Hey, Jim? (pokes Jim on the shoulder, who is just watching) This would be a good time to take advantage of the confusion...

Jim: Huh? Oh, right’o. Now...(takes out gun) Eat dirt confounded, churlish foes! Ah hahahha! (zaps randomly at the fiends)

Professor: Gaahh! (as Evil Jim leaps out of the way, Professor

Monkey-For-A-Head gets blasted and falls into a pile of dust) *mumblemumble*

Evil Jim: (looks at Professor) Owie....looks like it hurts---- Aaaoww!! (suddenly the shadowy figure comes falling out of the sky and lands on Evil Jim)

Evil Jim: (weak voice) How gratuitous

Figure: Agghh.....(crawls off of the unconscious villain) Oops.

Jim: (blinks)

Peter: Um....

Figure: (realizes the two heroes are staring at him) Uh....(stands up quickly)

Prepare to be horribly mutilated!

(both Jim and Peter give him a sarcastic look)

Jim: Heh.....and you would be....?

Figure: (positions himself, and points to chest) [recondite voice] Why...I am Normen! Normen the Nefarious Newt! (grins evilly cackling under his breath)

(Jim and Peter look at each other for a moment, then smile)

Jim: Normen?

Peter: Nefarious Newt?

(Jim and Peter break into a sudden outburst of laughter)

Normen: Grr....(gives an annoyed glare)

Jim: Heh heh heh! (pats Normen on the back) Your kidding, me! Ha ha! (slumps back to the floor laughing uncontrollably with Peter)

Normen: Grrr....NO! (leaps back and pulls a shiny gun from his belt)

Jim: *gulp*

Peter: Ha ha...(looks up) Eep.

Norman: Ah haha! (suddenly a shadow falls apond him) What the.....(looks up)

Mommy....(takes out an umbrella)

[Someguy: Bum bum buuummmm!]

Normen: (looks around shoulder) Who IS that? (looks up again) *gulp* (cow

falls on Norman)

Jim: (whistles) Grooovy.

Peter: (looks at the cow falling, while saying:) Once again, the reprobate hands of villainy are imprisoned by the munificent gauntlet of justice!

Cow: Moooooo!

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