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Jack and Jennifer's Talk Show
(Transcribed by Mystic)
This episode took place in January 1995. At the time, Jennifer found out that Jack had been hired to be her new co-host on her talk show (he was replacing Austin). She wasn't too happy about that...
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[the show opens with Jack, Jenn and Arnie (their boss) standing in the studio and talking)
Jenn - [to Arnie] You're telling me that you hired Jack to fill in for Austin?
Arnie - Yes. [phone rings and he leaves to answer it]
Jenn - [looks at Jack] No way. No way, Jack.
Jack - [has a BIG smile on his face. he's obviously enjoying this] Jennifer...
Jenn - No, don't even talk! Don't even think about it, all right?
[Jack just keeps on smiling.]
Arnie - Jennifer? [holds up the phone] It's for you.
Jenn - [gives Jack one more evil stare, then leaves to answer it] Hello?
Peter - [on the phone] Jenn?
Jenn - Yeah.
Peter - It's Peter! What do you say we grab a bite to eat and go see a movie after the show?
Jenn - [distracted] A movie?
Peter - Yeah, or we can just hang out. Whatever you want.
Jenn - [raises her voice so Jack can hear] Yes, Peter. I would love to go out with you after the show.
[Jack does hear and he just stares at Jenn]
Peter - You sound a little strange. Is everything all right with you?
[Jenn turns and looks at Jack, who's busy looking over the script]
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[Jack is talking to some woman who also works there. Jenn walks up to them]
Jenn - Excuse me. [the woman leaves] I don't know why you're hanging around here.
Jack - [matter-of-factly] I'm trying to get ready for a show.
Jenn - Well, it certainly isn't this one, so if you don't mind I prefer a closed set, okay Jack?
Jack - Well, I do mind, okay? Because I was hired to......
Jenn - [interrupts him] You know what, let me put it another way for you -- GET LOST!! Please?
[Jack has a tiny grin, and he doesn't budge]
Arnie - [walks up to them] We're going on the air in 30 seconds.
Jenn - I am sorry but we are not going on the air. We are not going on the air with him, okay?!
Arnie - Look, I don't have time for all this petty fighting.
Jenn - Petty?!
Jack - Yes, petty!!
Arnie - Let me bottom line it for you Jenn: Jack is in. He's on the air in 30 seconds.
PLACES PLEASE!
[Arnie grabs Jenn and rushes her off to her seat on the set. Jack is still smiling away.]
Jenn - [quietly to Arnie] Listen to me, I can do this on my own. We don't need Jack here!
Arnie - We need Jack.
Jenn - We don't need Jack. I'm fine on my own.
Arnie - [ignoring her] You're gonna be fine. Smile, okay? Please?
Jenn - [stares at Jack, who's still standing off to the side. She says to herself] Oh Jack. If you think you are gonna win, you've got another thing coming...
5, 4, 3, 2...
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[Jenn has now started the show. Jack and Arnie are still off to the side. Apparently, Jenn is supposed to introduce Jack as Austin's replacement. But she conveniently forgets to do that]
Jenn - [to the viewers] My guests today include _____________ (I can't understand the name!), the hot new model, we're gonna meet her. We also have author Gretchen....
[Jack and Arnie are watching the monitor]
Arnie - [irritated] What is she doing?! [Jack throws up his hands like, "I don't know."] You were supposed to go on before this.
Jack - [to himself] Uh uh, Jennifer. You don't win this one.
[Jack then takes it upon himself to walk right into the camera shot and sits down next to Jenn. She looks shocked that he just did that. (It was pretty funny)]
Jack - Great! Remember me, folks? Jack Deveraux! And I'm back and I'm gonna temporarily be replacing your co-host Austin Reed. [he looks at Jenn, who isn't looking at him] Big shoes to fill, I know, but I'm gonna do my best. I'm also gonna do my best to prepare for you a recipe of Piaa Valenciana, so stay tuned!
CLEAR!
Jenn - [stands up in a rage] What do you think you are doing?!
Jack - [stands up too] Well, I'm trying to do my job! It's pretty clear that you weren't going to introduce me!
Jenn - [she's really ticked off] Let me just express to you how LOW I think you are for doing this to me.
Jack - Oh, well I'm just trying to help you out.
Jenn - You are not helping me Jack!
[they start walking over to a cooking table where they'll be doing the next segment]
Jack - Look Jennifer, nothing's gonna happen. I know my place!
Jenn - You have no idea what your place is! You wanna do a cooking segment?!! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK! You don't know what a frying pan is next to a rolling pin Jack!!
Jack - [trying to stay calm] Yes I do. Yes i do. I have changed. You don't know me like you used to, Jennifer. You might be in for some surprises here.
Jenn - The last thing I need is another one of your surprises, do you hear me?
LET'S GO PEOPLE! PLACES! IN... 5, 4, 3, 2.....
[This is funny. Jack and Jenn were just yelling at each other, and immediately when they were back on camera, they both put on big smiles. Like nothing happened.]
Jack - Okay! Welcome to Valencia where nosotros are gonna prepare for you some Piaa. Arriba!! [he snaps his fingers]
Jenn - [she's thinking, "Okaaaaay"] But before we get arriba'd out here, why don't we talk about the ingredients that we're gonna be using today.
Jack - Rice!
Jenn - [looks at Jack] Of course rice! What would Piaa be like without rice?
Jack - Well, it'd be some kind of shellfish, maybe some kind of foul, uh, sausage, a bunch of herbs and spices looking for the main ingredient.
[Jenn gives him a look that sarcastically says, "Oh please."]
Jenn - [turns back to the camera] You'll need a lidded caserole dish.
Jack - [a little obnoxiously] Oh, a lidded caserole dish!
Jenn - [quietly to Jack] Oh, I really wish Peter was here right now.
Jack - [ignores her] 2 cups of rice.
[Jenn hands him the rice.]
Jack - 1/2 cup of olive oil, 2 cloves!
[Jack's saying all the ingredients rather fast, and Jenn's trying to hurry up and pass him all the stuff]
Jack - Garlic oil.
[Jenn grabs the cup of garlic oil by the handle and accidently splashes all of it right on Jack. Jack sighs, licks his fingers and says, "Extra virgin." Jenn has her hand over her mouth with a look that says, "Oops!" The she smiles to herself.]
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[Jack and Jenn are back in their seats on the set, and they're interviewing an author. A phony, emotional author]
Jenn - Well, Ms. Wexler, I did get a chance to read your book last night.
Author - Just the thought of someone reading about my life and sharing the pain that I lived.
Jenn - Well, that's what I was gonna say. I --
Author - That man crushed me. Sucked the spirit right out of my body. Left me an empty shell.
Jenn - You really had no idea --
Author - None! I was humiliated! It was unbearable. [starts fake crying] To find out that the love of your life has another family, wife, children, a dog! [Jenn looks at her like she's losing it]
Jack - [cutting in] Ms. Wexler, I have a question for you. If this man, the love of your life, were to repent... If he were to get rid of the other wife, the dog, everything... and if he would move heaven and earth to make you happy... would you take him back?
Author - Yes..... Oh yes.
Jack - God bless you.
[Jack and the author stand up and Jack walks over to her and says, "Come here." He hugs her, and Jenn is looking at them w/ her mouth open as if they're crazy]
Jenn - [back to the camera] Well, that was such a wonderful moment. And with that moment we are gonna end the show and we'll see you next time!
AND WE'RE CLEAR!
[Peter walks into the studio with flowers for Jenn and sees Jack there. He just stays back and watches. The author grabs her book back from Jack and walks off the set]
Jenn - That woman was as phony as a 3 dollar bill.
Jack - Yeah, she was over-the-top, wasn't she?
Jenn - Then why did you hug her? Why did you validate her, Jack?
Jack - I just wanted to end the show on an upbeat note!
Jenn - End the show? You were great on standing!
Jack - I was not great on standing.
Jenn - Yes you were. And I will tell you how to end the show, all right? You take your cues from me.
[Jenn walks away in a huff and Jack stares after her]
Jenn - [goes to Peter] Hi.
Peter - Hi. What's he doing on the show?
Jenn - He's uh... screwing it up! That's what he's doing on the show.
Arnie - [gets off the phone] Jennifer! It's better than I thought. The station owner just called. He said teaming you up with Jack was magic. It's like oil and water. You don't mix. But somehow, you just seem right together.
Jenn - You're not serious.
Arnie - Well, the boss insists that Jack stay until Austin comes back.
[Jack, who has been listening in on this, walks up to them]
Jack - Great! [and smiles at Jenn]
Jenn - You know what? I am not even gonna fight with you about this right now, all right? I have had enough for one night. Excuse me... [and she and Peter walk away]
[Jack is, what else, smiling!]
Peter gives Jenn the flowers and Jenn says that Jack only gave her flowers when he did something wrong. Peter looks upset that she's mentioning Jack. She says that she's trying to say that she appreciates Peter bringing her flowers without some hidden meaning (but there is, because Peter was talking to Stefano earlier). Peter and Jenn kiss, and Jack sees them and looks really jealous. Then he leaves.]
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The last scene on this show has Jenn and Peter in Jenn's house outside her bedroom door. She tells Peter to get out the wine and she's going to change out of her clothes. Jenn walks into her dark bedroom and when she turns on the lights, Jack is sleeping in her bed! She almost faints when she sees someone there, but then realizes it's Jack and has a look that says, "What in the world is he doing on my bed?!"
end of show
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