Disclaimer: All characters BTVS-related belong to Joss. Enough said.
Author's Notes: This story breaks away from the whole series (i.e. Stefanie-related fanfics) I was writing and is instead my own continuation of the recent two parter, Surprise and Innocence. My own answer as to how Angel gets his soul back. Hope you enjoy!
Every night in my dreams
I see you
I feel you
That is how I know you go on...
--Celine Dion
--My Heart Will Go On
It was well into the evening hours when Buffy finished putting in place what would protect her during the night. She wearily hung up a string of garlic over her window, then moved to sprinkle holy water across the sill just in case. Anything that would alert Buffy that her former boyfriend-turned-enemy was trying to enter.
It still hurt her to think of Angel as such a threat. Prior to when the curse that had made him good had been lifted, he wouldn't have even considered harming her in the slightest. But, little by little, as the days passed, she was getting over him. And soon, the time would come when Buffy would have to kill the man she had once loved dearly.
She stepped away from the window with a sigh, going to her bed and sitting down, a few stray tears running down her face. After a moment, Buffy slid under the covers, her eyes remaining on the window until sleep caught her.
The dream started off like most dreams do: white light, a sense of peace. What followed next was the series of sweet images. Buffy vividly remembered how he had said he loved her, how he had made love to her so tenderly. But, how could something so poignant cause so much pain, Buffy wondered.
The scene changed then, and Buffy found herself entering the alley where she and her beloved had first met. She was aware that she was dressed in a long white gown that was vaguely familiar to her. Slowly, she moved towards one wall, pressing her hand to the cool bricks. And, without warning, she began to sob, flooded by memories.
(Angel hugging her after one of her nightmares, assuring her that he was alright and that he would never leave her.)
(His evil persona, Angelus, mocking her with the statement that the worst thing he had done was pretending to love her.)
Hard to believe that these two were in essence the same person, Buffy mused. One gentle and so totally devoted, the other harsh and utterly cruel.
"Why?" Buffy whispered to the unforgiving night. "Once more, why did I have to lose him like this?"
When there was no answer forthcoming, Buffy bowed her head and began to cry. What stopped her was the warm hand that curled around her shoulder. And, somehow, without even looking up, she knew who it was, who it had to be.
"I would give anything to take this hurt away," he whispered in that deep voice of his. Her Angel, the one she loved. There was no mistaking it.
Buffy reached for his hand, bringing it to her face. She closed her eyes and sighed at the feel of him. Her heart seemed as if it might burst with all the pent-up emotion she felt at this moment. "Oh, God, Angel, I miss you so much!" she managed to get out. After a slight pause, she added, "Tell me how I'm supposed to survive without you... There are times when it gets so bad, I wouldn't mind dying myself."
She felt Angel stiffen at her words. His hands were at her shoulders in an instant, turning her towards him. "Don't," he said firmly. "You're too precious for that, Buffy." He paused, then pulled her to him in a tight embrace, casting a glance around the alley. "Right here was where I gave you that first cryptic message. And, right now, I have another for you."
Buffy pulled back, willing herself to look up into his dark brown eyes. "What is it?" she asked softly.
Angel smiled at her. "Don't give up on us, Buffy... Something's already in motion that will bring me back to you. Look for an unexpected ally in the next few days, someone who wants the same thing you do." With that, Angel stepped forward to give her a quick kiss, then began to walk away, like he had that first night spent here.
"I love you," he offered as a parting remark. "Hold on to that, Buffy... And don't be afraid to trust the one who'll offer to help you." Angel blew her a kiss, then disappeared into the night. And, for the first time since her boyfriend had turned on her, Buffy felt a tidal wave of hope come flooding in..
You and me
I can see us dying... are we?
--Don't Speak
--No Doubt
He would have done anything for her. Live, die, even walk into hell if she asked. And she seemed to know that with every fiber of her being. She knew a lot more than anyone gave her credit for, as a matter of fact, despite the outward appearance of having the mind of a child. That was what he adored about her the most: her vulnerability and the way she had come to depend on him.
So why then, Spike mused, did it seem that with every passing day, the love of his life (or rather, unlife) was slowly drifting away from him?
He stood silently on the balcony overlooking the main area of the warehouse, half shrouded in shadows. His hands were wrapped around the wooden railing, his nails digging into it hard enough to leave visible indents. And all due to the inordinate amount of jealousy he felt at watching an intimate conversation between his precious Drusilla and Angelus.
Bits and pieces of their conversation drifted up to Spike, but it was enough to make him realize they were talking over old times. And to top it all off, Drusilla seemed to be enjoying her sire's attention. Before Angelus had rejoined their side, she wouldn't have given him a moment's thought unless necessary. At one point, she would even have taken delight in torturing him.
It took all Spike had not to run down there and start a fight when he saw Drusilla step closer to Angelus, running her hand over his lips. And for a moment, it appeared as if the two were on the verge of a kiss, much to his disbelief.
Spike looked around frantically for something, anything he could use to cause a distraction. And his gaze came to rest on the rusted pail to his left. Casually, he gave it a kick, sending it flying off the balcony. Then, he was away before his two companions could come to see what had caused the ruckus.
They would assume that it was the Slayer, Spike knew, and Angelus would spend a great deal of time scouring the warehouse and surrounding area for her. But as long as it kept him and Drusilla apart for the remainder of the night, it would be worth it.
As he listened to Angelus shouting orders to all the other vampires in the factory, Spike couldn't stop a smile from coming to his face. Revenge was sweet, he mused, but it could only last so long. Soon, he wouldn't be here to stop the inevitable, to ensure that Drusilla was his and his alone.
So, there was in essence only one option.
Angelus had to go...
Buffy had awoken shortly after her dream ended, and she couldn't get back to sleep for the rest of the night. That Angel had come to her, that he was telling her there was still hope, seemed to be nothing short than a miracle.
She could hardly wait to get to school, to tell her friends and her personal mentor about her dream. They had all been fond of Angel too, and would be overjoyed as well to hear this. Buffy quickly threw on an outfit that morning, impulsively donning the cross and the leather jacket that her boyfriend had once given her. If anything, it made her feel all the more closer to him.
She didn't even wait for her mom to offer to drive her, merely grabbed her things and took off running for Sunnydale High School. She arrived an ample amount of time before the first bell rang, ducking into the library where she knew at least Giles would be waiting, or so she thought.
The last thing she expected when she entered through the swinging double doors was to catch her two friends, Willow and Oz, in the middle of a kiss. Buffy stopped short, clearing her throat so they would notice her.
Willow blushed, wrapping her arms around herself uneasily. "Buffy," she said quietly. "I didn't see you there."
Buffy smiled slightly, knowing Willow could always be counted on to be modest. She may be breaking out of her shell as of late, but she still had a long way to go. Oz, on the other hand, was... well, Oz. He was pretty unique in his own way: sweet, quirky, and just basically fun to be around.
At one point, Buffy had thought herself and Angel to be the oddest couple in Sunnydale (as vampire and vampire slayer), but Oz and Willow were filling that category quick (as werewolf and human girl). The Slayer remembered once saying that everyone in her small group of friends was destined to never have a "normal" relationship. And that was certainly proving true as of late.
With that thought in mind, Buffy asked, "Is Xander around here also?"
Willow nodded. "Hidden in the library stacks somewhere," she muttered.
Buffy smirked. "And let me guess. A certain stuck-up brunette cheerleader that he hates is with him?" Yet another odd couple, Xander and Cordelia had an intense dislike for each other, but strangely had developed an attraction because of it.
Willow turned away, looking annoyed. At the same time, Oz took a step forward. "He and Cordelia have only been up there for twenty minutes. Don't think they want to be interrupted just yet," he responded. When Buffy gave him a strange look, he added, "I've been keeping tabs, and their make-out sessions tend to last forty at the most."
Buffy nodded slowly, amused. Meanwhile, anxious to change the subject, Willow said, "Well, what are you doing here so early? If it's to see Giles, he just stepped out a while ago. Our esteemed principal wanted to have a talk with him."
Buffy sighed, debating a moment over whether or not to share the dream she had. "Oh, well," she said at last. "I was gonna save this in my mental cabinet of things to tell Giles, but I really can't wait... I had this dream last night..."
Buffy didn't get a chance to finish, as she heard the library doors swing open behind her. She didn't need to look to see who had just entered; she could see it in Willow's eyes. Instinctively, Buffy stiffened, not bothering to hide her dislike for the uninvited guest.
Jenny Calender. Computer science teacher, self-proclaimed technopagan, and a descendant of the Gypsy tribe that had cursed Angel once upon a time. Next to Buffy, she was the most directly responsible for him reverting to his evil ways. Jenny had been ordered by her tribe to keep the vampire and the Slayer apart, but, consequently, she hadn't tried hard enough. Maybe if she had, Buffy mused, this whole mess never would have happened.
Jenny stopped upon seeing that Buffy was here. The two women had been avoiding each other as of late; perhaps it was inevitable that they'd run into one another again. After an awkward moment of silence, Jenny said, "I was hoping to speak with Giles... Is he here?"
"No," Buffy said coldly, without turning. "Even if he was, he'd have nothing to say to you... After you lied to him, to all of us..."
Had Buffy bothered to look, she would have seen Jenny's eyes flood with tears. "Buffy, I can't apologize enough for that," she said sincerely. "If I could go back and relive that night, I would. I would do anything to alter what happened!"
Buffy felt a lump forming in her throat. "I'm sure you would have," she said flatly, refusing to let go of the anger she felt. "But you missed that chance... If you had just been honest with us..."
Jenny hesitated a moment, exchanging glances with Willow and Oz. "I don't expect either you or Giles to ever trust me again," she said softly. "But I hope that you can one day find it in your hearts to forgive me." She moved to leave, then stopped and turned back. "I know what it's like to lose someone you love, Buffy," Jenny said as an afterthought. Then, without waiting for a response, she was gone.
Buffy stood there for a long while, deep in thought. She couldn't say exactly how or why the idea came to her, but it was there. She remembered her dream, how Angel had told her not to distrust the one who would help her. And, right now, she could only think of one person who might fill that role.
Jenny! Buffy thought. It had to be her. So, unaware that Willow was asking if she was alright, that Xander and Cordy had just stumbled into sight at last, Buffy turned and left the library, wanting to be alone with her thoughts at the moment...
Buffy didn't know how she made it through the day. Nothing seemed to matter, not her classes, not having lunch with her friends, not even taking the time to ask Giles if he foresaw any new catastrophes for her. All she could think about was Angel, Jenny, and her dream.
Thus the reason she stopped by Ms. Calender's room immediately after school, waiting in the hallway until she was certain everyone but the computer teacher had left. Once that had happened, Buffy quietly stepped in, shutting the door behind her.
"You said once that you couldn't do anything to help Angel," Buffy said aloud, startling Jenny. "Does that still stand? Or has something changed since then?"
For a moment, Jenny was too surprised by the Slayer's appearance to answer. Finally, she stood, leaning forward with both palms flat on her desk. "What makes you think anything has?" she asked softly. "If there was anything I could do, I would have done it already."
Buffy sighed, relating her vision from last night. "And you and I both know my dreams have a tendency to come true," she added. "So, if I'm supposed to look for someone I don't exactly trust, and it's not you, then who is it?"
Jenny shrugged, hating to see Buffy getting so worked up over this. "I don't know," she whispered. "I wish I could tell you. But I'm as much in the dark as you are."
The Gypsy sighed, walking around the desk and meeting Buffy eye to eye. "I sometimes think it would have been better if we'd never gotten close, that I'd never grown to care about you, about Giles... I was supposed to hate Angel for the crimes he committed against my tribe. But when I saw how much he meant to you and vice versa... Especially when he saved my life, I was ready to give up on this act of vengeance! You have to believe that, Buffy."
The Slayer sighed deeply. "So, prove it," she said slowly. "Do what you can to help! I don't care what, but just find something!" With that, Buffy turned to exit the room, her disappointment falling in on her once more...
Nobody's touch feels like your touch
Nobody gets to me that much
Nobody's kiss moves me inside
And I have no place left to hide
Tell me, what can I do
With this vision of you...
--Belinda Carlisle
--Vision of You
She went through her usual after-school meeting with Giles in a sort of daze, not really focusing on anything he was telling her. All Buffy could do was stare blankly at the table before her, lost in her thoughts.
She didn't know exactly how long she remained this way, but was startled when there was a loud thud on the desk before her, as Giles deliberately dropped the large volume he'd been carrying. With a yelp, Buffy snapped alert, looking up at him with wide eyes.
"I give up," Giles commented in his familiar British accent, sitting across from her. "Your mind hasn't been here all afternoon... Do you care to tell me what's going on, or shall I guess?"
Buffy sighed, wondering why she hadn't just come right out and told Giles about her dream. Maybe at the risk that he would say something to dash her hopes, she had been afraid to. But that fear was receding quickly now.
Buffy kept her description brief, merely told Giles of the message Angel had given her. Once she had finished, her Watcher did exactly what she had expected him to.
"Buffy," Giles started. "I know you miss Angel, and it's no surprise that you'd be having dreams like this... But it can't be real, no matter how much we wish it." Giles paused, removing his glasses to clean them on his shirt. "And, in light of how close we're getting to doing away with Angelus, I'd hate to see you go through a setback."
Buffy paused, tears stinging her eyes. "I'm well aware of that," she said softly. "But, Giles, what if there is a way? This can't have been just a normal dream. There must be some way to reinstate the curse, something we haven't thought of!"
He stared at her in silence a moment, his expression one of quiet concern. But something told Giles not to discard her beliefs so easily. "I don't see how though," he said. "All help died at the same time Jenny's uncle did. He may have been the only one who knew the mechanics of how it was done, other than the rest of the tribe. And I somehow doubt they'd want to help us."
Buffy hadn't considered that aspect earlier, but she did now. "So who else is left?" she whispered thoughtfully, fingering the cross around her neck. After a while, she stood in frustration, pacing back and forth. "This is going to drive me crazy," she said aloud. "Just once, I wish Angel would drop the cryptic wiseguy act."
Giles chose not to comment on the fact that she had just referred to her vision as being real; it would only work to upset her. But, before he could say anything further on the subject, Willow breezed into the library, serving as a reminder that it was time the three of them retreated to home before nightfall. With that, the Slayer and the Watcher disbanded for the day...
Just as always, Buffy was reluctant to leave home and leave her mother open to an attack that evening. But eventually, she decided that being inside was no safer than being outdoors. All she could do was leave the usual defenses at her windowsill upon sneaking out.
She went to the cemetary first, deciding it would be the best place to start. Since her boyfriend had turned, it seemed that more and more new vampires were popping up here each night. She dispatched of at least two, then after a while, continued on her way.
Buffy was halfway between the Bronze (Sunnydale's famous dance club) and Willow's house when the attack came. She wasn't aware of Angelus until he was right on top of her, his proximity making her neck hairs bristle.
Buffy gasped when his hands rested on her bare arms, invoking unwanted memories of happier times. And her anger and fear only increased when he leaned closer to whisper in her ear.
"Don't be so tense, Buffy. I'm not here to hurt you... Well, not yet anyway," he cackled, his words and tone giving her imagination a workout. "Maybe you and I could have a little fun first. Like maybe another one-night stand."
Buffy gritted her teeth. It infuriated her that Angelus could be this cruel, using the passionate evening she and Angel had shared to continually wound her. But it wouldn't work this time, she vowed. She bent over slightly, flinging one arm behind her to grab hold of his shirt and flip him over onto the ground.
Except that he wore no shirt. Buffy was shocked when her hand came in contact with his bare chest, which only served to make him laugh. She let out a cry, breaking from Angelus' grip and turning to look at him.
Buffy wanted to hate him for this, but the moment her eyes rested on his face, on his muscular frame, all her rage seemed to deflate. Strange that after she had worked hard at trying to forget, he could still have this affect on her. And the rotten thing was, Angelus knew it and continued to flaunt it.
"You're so easy to please, it's unbelievable," he said with a laugh, mocking her once more. "Let's face it, Buffy... You're never going to get rid of me, so why bother trying? We could just put our differences aside and enjoy a few more rolls in the hay."
"Drop dead!" she quipped. "Oh, no, wait. Perhaps a more appropriate comeback would be, 'eat dust'. Cause that's all that will be left of your followers when I'm through with them. And it won't be long before you follow in their scattered remains."
Angelus merely smirked, once more showing how much he underestimated her. "In your dreams, girlfriend," he replied, sounding quite self-assured. And seconds later, he was gone, leaving Buffy wishing she had staked him when she had the chance.
She waited a few moments before turning to leave. But she hadn't even made it halfway home when she became aware she was being followed. With a sigh of exasperation, Buffy stopped, one hand reaching under her jacket sleeve for a stake. "Let's make this quick, shall we?" she said loudly. "I have a curfew."
"Spare me your delightful little sense of humor," said a very familiar voice. With a start, Buffy turned to look at Spike. The last time she had seen the platinum-haired vampire, he had been wheelchair-bound, recovering from injuries she had personally inflicted on him. But that had passed; Buffy could see that he had healed quite nicely.
"At least I get to fight with one of the big fishes for a change," Buffy said with a shrug, adopting a fighting stance. Spike was definitely a very big fish, and she looked forward to taking him down. And right now, she was all prepared to take him on in a battle to the death, preferably his. "Like I said, let's make this quick," she added dryly.
Spike smirked, crossing his arms in amusement. "Really, Slayer, I don't think you'll want to get rid of me that quickly," he replied, sounding slightly bored.
"And why's that, dare I ask?" Buffy questioned.
His next words shocked her, for they were the last thing she expected to hear from Spike's lips. "Because if you do, all chance of getting your precious Angel back will fly right out the window," he answered...