Come to Dust

Willow, Giles, and Xander looked up when Angel entered the library, through the door, for once, instead of sneaking in using some unknown way. From the look on his face they all knew immediately something was very, very wrong. Giles was the first to speak. "Angel," he said neutrally, hoping that his feeligns of coming doom were wrong.
Angel didn't answer, and the tension in the room grew. Instead he walked to the nearest chair and sank into it, his face paler than usual, his eyes red. He looked down at the table, then up at the ceiling and swallowed, as though about to depart some horrible and terrifying news.
"Okay, what's up?" Xander asked, as always not quite sensing the dread that was filling the room. He could tell Angel was about to say something bad, but he wasn't worried. Now matter how bad things sounded at first, Buffy always managed to previal, with the help of her friends, of course. He didn't see why now would be any kind of exception.
Angel didn't answer. He closed his eyes for a long moment, and when he opened them all in the room were shocked to see the red in his eyes slowly begin to treck down his face, the vampire form of tears. "Buffy's . . . " he started, and stopped, apparently unable to finish.
Giles felt a chill pass through his heart. She couldn't be dead, could she? Not Buffy, not his slayer. It wasn't possible.
"She's not dead," Angel said, seeming to read his thoughts. Giles could tell from Angel's tone this was not meant to be a reassuring statement.
"Then what's wrong?" Wilow spoke up for the first time, her voice shrill, her eyes wide and concerned.
Angel looked at her, unaware of the tears that continued to fall down his face. "She's . . . " he stopped again, exasperating Xander.
"Just spit it out already!" Xander exclaimed, tired of the suspense.
Might as well get the preliminary's over with so they could deal with the problem, like always.
"Buffy's . . . " Angel started again, and again stopped, swallowing, trying to force the words past his throat. "She's . . . " Again he looked up at the ceiling and down at the floor, the blood tears coming faster now.
"Spike and Druscilla are alive," he said, instead, changing tactics.
"Okay . . . so what's the big deal?" Xander asked. "Buff'll just have to kill them again."
"She *can't* kill them again!" Angel shouted. "She *won't* kill them again. Spike's . . . "
Giles felt a chill grip his soul, and he knew what was coming. "Spike's what?" he asked slowly, praying to God that he was wrong, that it wasn't true. And suddenly he wished Buffy *were* dead, the truth was far worse.
Angel closed his eyes for the third time, and wiped his hands across his eyes, finally becoming aware of the tears that were spilling down his cheeks. "Spike's . . . Buffy's . . . " he took a deep breath. "Buffy's a vampire."
And with that pronouncement, Angel lost all control and began to sob in earnest.

"She's a WHAT?" Xander shouted, jumping from his chair in shock. "You're kidding, right? Please, say you're kidding!" He looked at Angel, who didn't seem to hear him, didn't even seem to be aware of him. Xander was slightly surprised he still looked human, he'd thought all vamps vamped out at the slightest emotional provocationn. "This can't be true! It can't be! Can it? Giles?"
Giles seemed to be in a state of shock. "Are you certain?" he asked the unhearing Angel, and then shook his head. "Of course you are. Oh, my."
"Oh, my? That's all you can say? We have to do something! Isn't there some way we can change her back or something?"
Angel finally looked up, tears still falling down his face. "There's no way to change it," he said, his voice devoid of all emotion.
"There has to be!"
"There isn't!" Angel growled. "You don't think I've searched for a way for all these years? There's nothing to be done, she's as good as dead! She's *worse* than dead . . . " The anger drained out of Angel's voice and he laid his head on his hands, sinking back into a deep depression.
Willow, meanwhile, had remained silent throughout Angel's shocking pronouncement. Finally, she spoke up. "Shouldn't she be immune to it, though? I mean, she is the Slayer . . . shouldn't that prevent something like this from happening?"
Giles shook his head. "Her being the Slayer does nothing to protect her. She is like all vampires now. A demon with the slayer's face," Giles' voice was grim.
Xander began to pace. He'd thought for sure Angel was being melodramatic, now he wished Angel had been more dramatic, dragged the moment out even more. He would have been happier not knowing, a thousand times happier. "What . . . what about the curse thing?" he siad, turning towards Angel.
"Couldn't we do that on Buffy?"
Angel rose, apparently furious at the very thought. "Absolutely not!
She'd prefer death! Do you have any idea the weight of a conscience on a a vampire . . . "
Xander interrupted, "We have to do *something*! We can't just let this happen!"
"It's *already* hapened," Angel hissed. "It's over, it's finished. No last minute save, nothing. Buffy . . . is . . . a vampire. Do you understand that? She's GONE! She's DEAD! There's nothing left of her but a shell with a demon inside. There's nothing to be *done*!" Angel was shaking by this point, and sank back into the chair. "There's nothing to be done," he repeated, more tears falling down his face.
"It can't be!" Xander protested. "It's not FAIR! There has to be some way we can help her, we've always been able to help her! Isn't there a prophecy, some way . . . anyway to stop this? Giles, consult your books, do SOMETHING besides just sit there!"
Giles looked at him. "It's one of the risks she accepted when she acccepted her birthright," he recited mechanically. "Now the new slayer, Kendra, must be called, and she will have to take care of Buffy."
"She's not just another vampire!" Xander shouted, close to tears himself.
"She's BUFFY!"
"No, she's not," Angel replied. "She is another vampire, that's . . . that's exactly what she is."
"Willow?" Xander turned to his longtime friend for support, but she seemed shocked, looking at Angel and knowing from his distress that every word he spoke was true.
"Buffy's dead, Xander," she said, looking up at him.
"No! No! I don't accept that! It's too fast, it's happening to fast! We need time, we have to stop this, there has to be something we can do! SOMETHING! I'm not just going to sit by and wait while Buffy goes on an all you can eat vamp fest! We have to STOP her! Bring her back here, look through books, there must be some WAY around tihs! This isn't IT! I refuse to believe that!"
Angel looked at Xander, the expression on his face showing how much he wanted to believe Xander, believe that there was a way around it.
But he was also more practical. "Believe it, Xander," he said, not without sympathy.
"There's no way around it, no cure . . . nothing . . . she needs to be taken care of . . . she needs to be . . . "
"Killed?" Xander shrieked. "Absolutely NOT! We've gotta find a way around this! She's done to much, she killed the Master, she saved you from that Druscilla reviving cross ritual thingy, she saved me from not one, but TWO psychotic women, she saved Giles from that Mark of Igon thing . . . who'd have thought she could do so much, huh? Well, guess what, it's payback time! I will NOT accept that she is dead until we have done EVERYTHING we can to stop it! It's not over yet, goddamn it! I won't let it be! I won't LET it!"
"You . . . you're right," Giles stammered, looking at him with some small measure of hope growing behind his eyes. "Maybe there is something we can do. I'll . . . I'll go consult my books."
"I'll help," Willow said, standing and following him.
Xander blinked, they were taking orders from him? When had that happened?
He looked towards Angel, who didn't seem to have been in the least inspired by Xander's speech, but still sat there, silently crying. "Angel?" Xander asked, slowly.
He looked up.
"Go try to find Buffy. I know . . . I know there doesn't seem to be any hope, but we have to try. For her sake, we have to try."
Angel shuddered and stood slowly. "I'll . . . find her and bring her somewhere safe, where she can't hurt anyone," he said, his voice devoid of emotion. Obviously he wasn't very hopeful.
"Why can't you try and believe?" Xander asked. "For Buffy, we have to try. She's done so much, we can't just give up on her. There has to be a way around this, and we are GOING to find it."
Angel smiled sadly, his smile so haunted it sent a chill up Xander's spine.
"I've tried to find a cure, Xander, for more years than your grandparents have been alive . . . there is none." He swallowed. "It's over."
Without another word he left the library. Xander watched him go and sat down in the chair he'd been in. Angel was probably right, there probably was no cure. But no matter what, he had to try. He owed Buffy that much. He owed Buffy a lot more than that.

Chapter Two

Angel roamed the dark streets of Sunnydale, looking for any sign of the vampire-slayer. Xander's words rang in his mind as he searched, and he wanted more than anything to believe him, to have the same faith Xander did, that in the end all things would work out for the best. But he was too old, he'd grown to cynical, and he'd seen to much. He didn't have the same hopeful, youthful mind Xander did. It was over, Buffy was dead. What more was there to do and say? In the end all things would end the same, and Buffy would be a pile of dust, maybe, if she was lucky, a hundred years from now. The future slayer would see her and stake her, watch as she disentegrated, having no idea that the pile of dust in front of her had once been the slayer, having no idea the valiant but pointless fight her friends had put up to try and bring her back.
Bring her back. What a laugh. There was no coming back. Buffy had come back from death once, a small voice whispered in the back of his mind. A voice that held onto Xander's words and wanted, more than anything, to believe them. But that had been different. That was a physical death, she hadn't been turned into a vampire, she'd just been killed.
He shuddered as he thought of Xander's idea to place the curse he had upon Buffy. Her soul was far to sweet and fragile to deal with fighting temptation like that every night, even if she was exempt from the guilt of having murdered the innocent.
He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Buffy standing in front of him until he looked up. She smiled, and he thanked god she was in human form. He didn't want to see her vampire face, he didn't think he'd be able to handle it. "Angel," she smiled, sweetly.
He swallowed, once again feeling the red tears well in his eyes. "Buffy," he said slowly.
She laughed. "Why do you fight what you are?" she asked, shaking her head. "Why didn't you ever tell me how delightful it is? How wonderful and free? I would have liked it much better if you were my Sire, instead of Spike."
She shuddered delicately. "I still don't like him . . . but now we can be together, Angel. All you have to do is admit what you are . . . after all, you really ought to be the best you can be at everything you are."
"Buffy, you're not yourself," he started, wondering again what the point of this was. It hurt so much to be near her, to see her like this. But the voice in his mind echoed Xander's words, if there was even a chance of saving her, he had to deal with the pain.
Buffy laughed again, the sound musical and dark at the same time. "No, really?" she said sarcastically. "I've never felt so alive, so wonderfully amazing, so . . . so aware of the world around me! I felt you before, you know. When Spike and I were talking. Why didn't you stop and say hello?"
"You really don't know, do you?" Angel asked, feeling those damned tears he'd been unable to stop fall down his face again.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, conscience, soul. I've heard it, okay? But I can still feel the demon inside you, Angel. You can't fight it forever . . . why can't you enjoy it? With me?"
Angel felt physically ill. Not by her words, he'd expected as much considering the circumstances. But by the fact that a part of him actually screamed out in reply to her, a rather large part of him longed to take her up on her offer. Thankfully, that annoying conscience of his kicked in.
"Tempting," he admitted. "But I prefer human company nowadays."
Buffy shrugged. "Hey, whatever works for ya, I guess." She turned to go.
Angel grabbed her arm. "I'm afraid it's not that easy, Buffy," he said.
She turned, and for a second, one brief, amazing second, she looked like Buffy the vampire slayer, and not Buffy the vampire. "Are you going to hurt me, Angel?"
Her words broke the spell. God, had she really said that? The exact words Druscilla had said only a few short months before. "No," he replied, closing his eyes for a second. "But there are some people who really want to see you, Buffy."
"Oh? Like who?" she asked.
"Xander, for one."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "God, even me becoming a vampire can't dissuade him." She gave Angel an expaserated look. "Oh well, I guess he'd make a good first meal. But I don't want to be escorted, thank you very much."
She pulled her arm away, or tried to. The second she felt the slightest resistance she kicked out, and he lost his grip. He automatically began to transform . . . but stopped when he saw her face. God . . . even with her vampire face on she was beautiful beyond comparison. That split second almost cost him his life as he saw the stake descending, he rolled over quickly, and it went straight through his left arm. He screamed in agony, and knew he'd need help pulling that sucker out. He managed to stand, and the vampire- slayer looked at him with a small smile.
"Force of habit. Always have a weapon handy for those annoying vampires with consciences, or slayers," she shrugged. "Who'd a thought Kendra'd get my job so soon, huh?"
"I never did," Angel said, totally unaware that those omnipresent tears had started leaking again. "Please, Buffy, don't make me fight you."
She laughed again. "Oh, please, Angel . . . You really think you can beat me? You may have experience, but I *was* the slayer, and I've fought side by side with you before . . . I know your every move."
Just as he'd expected she launched herself at him, and he grabbed her with his right hand lightly, then his left, ignoring the searing pain. "And I know yours."
Buffy cired out in pain, and Angel immediately loosened his already loose grip, worried that he'd hurt her. "You haven't won yet," again she kicked out, hitting him with her foot in his kneecap. He gasped in pain and his grasp on her shoulders loosened even more, just enough. She shrugged out of his grasp and turned to face him in a fighting stance. "Angel, it doesn't have to be this way."
"Pity," she sighed. "I really do love you, ya know. But if you're gonna be all souly and boring on me, well, I guess all love must die."
Again, she took out another stake, and Angel wondered, not for the first time, where she kept them. She threw, he jumped in the air, and this time the stake went through his chest. Great, he sighed to himself, knowing he wouldn't be able to take the Slayer/vampire by force as wounded as he was.
"Buffy," he pleaded, knowing it was useless. "If there's anything human left in you at all, please, please come with me."
She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Well, if you're gonna get all sentimental about it," she said with a shrug.
He blinked, shocked. "You . . . you mean it?"
"Sure, why not. Good way to kill an evening . . . one condition."
"What?"
"Afterwards I get to taste your blood," she said with a small smile. "I wanna know what it's like."
Angel sighed. "Fine, Buffy."
"Good. Let's get this over with, shall we? Oh, and we might wanna hurry. No offense, but you look a little odd with all those stakes poking outta ya."

Buffy led the way back into the library, and Xander's eyes lightened the second he saw her. "Buffy?" he asked, hopefully.
"That'd be me, yeah," she looked behind her towards another figure coming into the library. "I don't know why I agreed to come here, Angel. I mean, get real . . . they're dinner, not, like, important or anything."
Angel came trailing in behind her, looking terrible. A small wooden stake was protruding from his left shoulder and the front of his shirt was covered with blood. "What happened to you?" Xander asked, trying to ignore Buffy.
Angel gestured towards the ex-Slayer. "Even undead, she's still the best fighter around," he smirked, leaning against the counter and gritting his teeth as Xander came up to him and pulled the stake out. "Has Giles found anything?"
"Whoah, wait a sec, I thought this was just a friendly hello here!" Buffy protested. "What does *Giles* have to do with . . . " she stopped, and a pleased smile spread on her face. "Oh, Angel, this was just to sweet of you. Is Willow here too?"
"Yeah, she's in back with Giles," Xander answered.
"What about Cordelia?"
"No, she's not here . . . "
Buffy pouted. "Angel!" she shrieked. "If you were gonna make me dinner, you should have invited *everyone*, not just three . . . unless you wanna go hunt her?" Buffy looked at Angel expectantly.
"Buffy . . . " Angel started.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm not like that anymore, the humans are our friends. God, Angel, get some new lines already."
Xander shuddered. "It really is true, isn't it?" he asked softly.
"You're just so *quick* Xander, it's truly amazing. Angel . . . " she turned her attention back to the other vampire in the room, "can we *please* get out of here? I mean, I only agreed to come because you asked me to. I really don't want to kill you, I still love you. You just gotta get off this soul kick, I mean, isn't one hundred years of brooding enough already? You gotta learn to live for the moment . . . you haven't killed anyone in a hundred years, right? So why don't you feel guilty for something new? Like helping me dispense of all the mortals around here, huh?"
Angel sighed, grateful that at least his physical strength was returning. "Why don't you just sit down and tell me what happened with you and Spike?"
Buffy rolled her eyes again. "This is so pathetically human, Angel! Fine, I was happily skipping around the park looking for big bad vampires, when Spike and Dru approached me. Well, I got out my lovely stakes and was all prepared to make toast outta 'em, when that guy . . . the one from the vamp bar who gave you over to Spike when they did that ritual thing . . . appread outta nowhere and ripped your necklace from my neck. Spikey gave 'em some money, he took off, and the rest, as they say, is history. Happy?
Angel's expression hardened. "Are you sure it was the guy from the bar? Willy?"
"Yup, that was his name. He seemed kinda nervous, but Spikey said not to worry, and that you would never know anything about it. Oops! Guess ya do now, huh? Oh well, what's he gonna do, slay me?" Buffy laughed hysterically at her own little joke. "Look, if you're not gonna let me eat, can we get *outta* here? You are *so* lucky I adore you, Angel, or I have to say I would be totally reverting back to slaying instincts here."
Xander and Angel exchanged looks. It would probably have been a lot better if they had actually planned this out *before* Angel brought Buffy to the library. "Buffy," Xander said hesitantly. "Do you feel anything . . . anything at all about your human life now?"
Buffy snorted. "Uh, newsflash, Xander, I'm not human. And I love being a vampire, though I haven't exactly been one for very long. I haven't even gotten to eat anyone yet!" she cast a discontented look at Angel. "If I wasn't so sleepy I'd kill you right now."
"You're tired?" Angel asked, looking at his watch. Yup, sunrise was right around the corner.
She nodded. "Mhmm . . . " she leaned against him and yawned.
"So, this is what ya gotta go through everyday, huh? It's kinda pleasant. Ya got any place for me to sleep around here, away from all these slaying people?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Giles has a cellar somewhere around here. You should be safe there."
"I'm not worred about the sun, silly. There ain't any windows in here, duh! I just don't want to be near those people, I mean, they slay vampires for fun, they weren't even 'chosen' to do it. I just got here. I am not planning on retiring anytime soon, either."
"Don't worry, they won't hurt you."
"Promise?"
"I promise, Buffy."
"And tomorrow you'll take me hunting?" she asked hopefully. "Cause, really, Angel, if all you're gonna do is wallow in this little 'I have a soul' thing, I'm afraid our immortal romance is destined for a messy breakup. And let's face it, I could kick your you-know-what clear outta the Hellmouth."
"We'll talk about it tomorrow, Buffy."
"You're damn right we will," Buffy growled discontentedly, before stalking off towards the cellar.