by Tanna

Disclaimer: These wonderful characters do not belong to me. They belong

to Joss Whedon and the WB.

Backround: This takes place after Becoming part 2. It isn't a

continuation of my other stories. It is from Angel's POV. The lyrics are

to the song 'I Love You' by Sarah McLachlan. No copyright infringement

intended.

'I have a smile stretched from ear to ear

I see you walking down the road

We meet at the lights, I stare for a while

The world around us disappears.'

I was in hell. I had brought it on myself I knew, but it wasn't the hell I

had expected. Instead of being tortured by fire or by eternal slavery I

was tortured by something worse: love. Left in a dark place I was alone

with my thoughts and that was my hell. My own mind was betraying me as my

thoughts drifted to Buffy. Everything I had done when I was Angelus played

back in my brain. Everything I'd said and who I'd killed.

'It's just you and me on my island of hope

A breath between us could be miles

Let me surround you, a sea to your shore

Let me be the calm you seek.'

The final showdown between love and evil. She stood with the sword raised,

not a doubt in her mind as she was about to deliver the fatal blow. As my

soul came rushing back I gasped for air. Looking up I saw my angel.

"Buffy." the sound escaped my lips through unshed tears. "What's going

on?"I continued. "Where are we?...I don't remember." The sword was still

raised, but the face of determination was becoming the face of confusion.

"Angel?" she asked, just above a whisper. I looked at her and saw that she

had been cut.

"Your hurt." I said taking her elbow in my hand. I pulled her to me and

held her close.

'But everytime I'm close to you

There's too much I can't say

And you just walk away.'

She came into my embrace and I let the tears flow freely.

"Ah Buffy, I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Everything's so

muddled." I cried into her hair. I felt her quietly sobbing as realization

set in that I was back. Suddenly I felt her stiffen and pull back slowly.

"What's happening?" I asked. She looked into my eyes as she answered me,

"Don't worry about it." We kissed the most bittersweet of kisses. She

pulled away wrought with grief. "I love you." she whispered.

"I love you." I whispered back.

"Close your eyes." she went on. I closed my eyes, curious to what was

going on. Her sobs became more quiet as she kissed me again. She pulled

back unexpectedly and I felt a searing pain go through my stomach. My eyes

flashed open and I stared at her. She had taken a couple of steps back and

just stared at me. I held out my hand to her. She made no move to take

it.

"Buffy?" I said questioningly. She didn't say anything, just stood back

and stared. I felt myself be pulled back and then everything was black.

'And I forgot to tell you

I love you

And night's too long

And cold here

Without you

I grieve in my condition

For I cannot find the words to say

I need you so."

The tears ran down my face as the memory faded. I understood why she had

to do it. I had awakened Acathla. She had to sacrifice me to save

mankind. My heart swells with admiration at her strength. I'm so proud of

her. She may never know how much. I wish I had told her before the night

I'd turned that I had loved her. I always had and I hope she knew that.

'And everytime I'm close to you

There's too much I can't say

And you just walk away."

"I'll get out of here Buffy." I whispered out loud. "I'll tell you how

much I love you and how proud I am of you. I owe you that much." He wiped

the tears away with the back of his hand and tried to think of a way to

escape.

"And I forgot to tell you

i love you

And night's too long

And cold here

Without you

I grieve in my condition

For I cannot find the words to say

I need you so.'