What can I say? He’s perfect. Godlike? Yes. Everytime I think of that face, those eyes, those lips, that smile.... God, I miss him.

What I feel for him you could call love, but I consider it utter devotion. They will never be another in my life that I love as much as him. I love him, yes, but not just normal love. We belong together as one. We were made to be in each other’s arms.

There it is. I’m crying. Nice job Buffy. The Mighty Slayer has a weak spot, and he knows it. I’ll never be able to kill him, even though he killed Miss Calendar. She was the root of all this, yet everything that happened on the night we gave ourselves to each other leads back to me. I did it. I deserved to die, not her.

I still love him, even after all the horrid things he’s done to me. When I think of him being in my room and drawing me, I think of the love. He must still feel for me, atleast a little. HE. Angelus. Not Angel.

Shutting my eyes sometimes to the point of dizziness, vertigo. To the point of an almost unbearable excitation and read. And I see him, my Angel. I see him as an upright flame, a figure and not a person. If I try to summon back his face, the sound of his voice, and the sensation in my stomach like pure heaven when he touched me, I lose everything.

This isn’t supposed to sound like whining, yet it does. I miss him so much it’s like a hundred stakes are penetrating my body, and now I know what a vampire feels like before I kill it. The dread, oh the utter dread. I want to die. Why won’t he just kill me and get it over with?

I wish there was a cure, then maybe I would still have faith in true love. But I don’t. At least not since life played a cruel joke on me and pinned me against my true love in combat. I want to kill him, but I can’t.

Maybe soon, sometime, I’ll get the strength to slay my beloved. Why can’t someone put things back to normal? I liked them the other way better. I want to start over again. One more chance, just one more........

No one can help me now, because I’m not worth helping anymore. I forced my soulful lover into evil, and he’ll never come back to me. I miss him.

Angel. Angelus. My Angel. He’ll always be mine. I want him to be mine again.

His touch is the one thing I miss the most. The way I felt, with just his arms around me was pure ecstacy and utter sadness at once. We didn’t have much time to fall in love, and we did that in a couple months. We both loved each other from the start, and I realize that now. If I only we could of had more time together. If only.....

That’s about all I can say about him. I tremble as I write these last words. I don’t want to say them, and tears are clouding my vision. But here goes.

Angel is dead. And I know I have to kill the demon that has inhabited his body.

I wasn't ready, but I think I finally am. I can't hold on to the past anymore. Angel is gone. Nothing’s ever gonna bring him back.

I’ll miss you Angel.
I’ll love you forever.