Disclaimer: All the character: Xander, Buffy, Angel and others belong to Joss and Company. Please don't sue. The other characters ie. Marissa, Jeff are my creation

Xander took in a deep breath before entering the room. He pushed open the white door and quickly scanned what was inside. As many times as he had come here, it had never managed to shock him at how bare this room was kept. His eyes settled on the bed in the corner of the room. There she was, as still as always. He slowly walked over and took her hand. She didn't change her reaction, he hadn't really expected her to. He looked at her lying on the bed, her blonde hair, long and shiny. The nurses had been taken good care of her. He took another breath and started his practiced speech.

"Buffy? Buffy, I know you probably aren't listening to me. Heck, you probably don't even know or care that I am here. I just came to give you some news. Cordelia and I are getting married. Yep, it's been a long hard road, but I love her very much. She wanted you to be her maid of honor, but obviously, you're in no state to do that right now. See you again soon."

Xander got up to leave and dropped her hand. He began to leave when his conscience stopped him. He turned around and quickly walked back to Buffy's beside and picked up her hand again.

"Buffy, I know you're in there some where. You haven't spoken a word since the day Marissa was born. Ya, yours and Angel's daughter. She's growing up into a beautiful girl. She has the coloring of Angel and your face. She's got your attitude. I haven't seen her in a bad mood yet."

With still no response from Buffy he continued. "I remember the day she was born. All of us had thought that you were doing just fine, Angelus wasn't having any effect on you. As soon as Marissa was born, well, they only word you have spoken since then was her name. That was it. Giles still curses those watchers for not sending you any help. They knew that with your attachments to Angel, you wouldn't be able to kill him. At least they are trying to make up for it now. They are making sure that Marissa has a good home."

"Your mom and Giles have been married for-well, let's see-four years now. They are expecting their first child, actually, children." He let out a laugh. "She's having twins. Giles' is so proud. He always wanted children to instruct in the ways of life. Once the scooby-gang broke up, he had no one else to lecture. Now he's going to have two."

"Willow is engaged to a young man from Virginia. His name is Jeff. He's a nice guy. A total change from Willow. Not really outgoing, but he is a Baptist. Her Jewish background forbids them from getting married, but they are going to anyway. He has a good job with the army. She'll be well cared for. We were so afraid that after Oz died, she wouldn't bounce back, but she did."

Xander looked down at the ground for a minute, debating whether to tell Buffy the news or not. He could feel his hand shaking. Looking at her, he still saw no difference in her expression. The best move was to tell her everything that had been going on. He knew that after this visit, he wasn't going to be able to come back again. It was getting to hard to desire a change in her, and then being disappointed every time.

"Buffy," he started, trying to keep his voice from cracking, "he's gone. The person I promised to never mention again is gone. Angelus was defeated, and we are now free again. You especially. We all know you feel guilty about what happened to Jenny and Oz, but that wasn't your fault. Gosh, I couldn't have killed Cordelia if she was turned into a vampire. Come back, Buffy. Please, just return to us. You have a little girl, waiting to meet her mother in England. Every time I hear from her, it's "Uncle Xander, is my mommy okay yet?" She needs you Buffy, just as much as you need her." He dropped her hand and stood up. "We have done everything for you possible. It's time for you to stop all of this brooding and come back. Please, Buffy. We miss you, so very , very much. Especially Angel. A minute ago I said Angelus had been destroyed. Well, he has. Angel is human again. He is a living breathing human, and he has become my best friend. He still loves you Buffy, and he wants to help in anyway he can. He wants to help you raise your daughter. Please, if for no other reason, fight for the sake of the family that wants you."

Xander turned around and left the room. Slowly closing the door, he made his way back down the hallway, towards the exit. Not once did he look back, but his tears had blinded him by the time he got to his car.

Inside the hospital, the message Xander had just preached was getting through to a young woman, now fighting to return.

Xander turned off the engine to his car. Somehow, he had managed to make it back to his apartment without having any problems on the road. Taking in a few deep breaths, he tried to calm his emotions. When he thought that he could enter his apartment without letting his roommate, Angel, know he had been crying, he got out of the car.

Xander walked up the stairs to the second floor and pulled out his keys. He entered the apartment quietly, hoping that Angel wouldn't hear him right away. Xander shut the door behind him and went to go see where Angel was when he heard a loud crash from the kitchen. Following the crash was a string of words that Xander couldn't even understand. He walked in and found Angel reaching towards the counter, trying to reach for his cane.

"Angel?" said Xander. Angel's head shot up quickly.

"Xander, you're home." He still tried to reach for his cane, not sure where it was. Xander stood still, knowing Angel would resent his help. Angel had just gotten his driving license less than a year ago when a drunk driver met him head on. Angel had survived, but had lost all sight. He was still learning to live without a sense that he had used for over 240 years. Angel finally found the cane and moved towards the sink. "I'll clean this up."

"Let me help," said Xander.

"No," replied Angel, almost shouting at him. Xander backed up and left the room. Even though Angel needed more help than the normal human, he still had his pride, and Xander understood that. thought Xander. Not only had he lost his sights, he had lost the woman he loved and had to live with the guilt of what he thought he did, even though it was Angelus. Xander sat down on the couch, his knees shaking. He didn't want to think about it right now, it was too hard. But the thoughts came, quickly and intensely. All he could see was the look on Giles' face at Miss Calendar's, Yanna's funeral. All he heard was Willow's screams when she discovered who was the outcome of the brawl between the werewolf and the vampire. Oz had saved her. Xander remembered the pain Willow felt, he felt the same type of pain when Buffy had fallen into her coma. The worst thought of all of these was the look on Buffy's face that never changed. Knowing that whatever Angelus had done, to him, that had been to worst. Xander laid his head in his hands and took a few deep breaths.

"Xander?" came Angel's voice. Xander looked up and saw Angel standing in the kitchen doorway. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," he tried to convince Angel. It didn't work, Xander's voice just kept cracking.

"Are you thinking about me again?" asked Angel.

Xander and Angel had only been friends for three years, but they opened up to each other like they could to no one else. Angel knew how sad Xander felt about his friends and their demise. Xander knew how Angel felt guilty for everything that had happened. Xander often believed that the now 246-year-old ex-vampire thought about suicide, but he would never admit up to it. He tried to reassure Angel the only way he knew how. "No, Angel, I'm thinking about Angelus. That wasn't you."

Angel gave him a bitter smile and awkwardly moved to the recliner chair across from Xander. Once he was settled down, he turned to face where he thought Xander was. "Xander, we've had this discussion before. It was my fault. I agreed to become a vampire, therefore inviting the vampire in."

"Angel, you need to get past this guilt. You won't be any help to Buffy if you don't."

Angel's face brightened at his thoughts and love for Buffy, then darken when he remembered who had put her in the Sunnydale Mental Clinic. "How is she?" he questioned.

Xander raked his hand through his hair, wishing he could give him better news. "No change, Angel."

Angel let out his breath he had been holding in expectation and hope. It was getting so hard just to sit in the apartment every time Xander went to visit her and listen to how there was no change. If only he could go…

"Angel, man," said Xander, "I think we should bring your daughter to live with us. I'll help take care of her. She wants her family."

"She wants her mother."

"You're her father."

"Would you want me for a father," said Angel, intensely. "I was a vampire for over two-hundred years. I ran around Europe killing people for no reason. I even reverted here, and the only reason I didn't kill Buffy was because she was pregnant, and I KNEW the child was mine."

"I know," said Xander, but Angel went on, taking no notice.

"I never knew I could have kids. Not once did anyone tell me that the slayer was the only one vampire could have kids with, something about power and stuff like that. I mean, how many vampires actually even kissed a slayer much less…"

Angel was silent for a minute, thinking to himself. He knew that the pregnancy had been unexpected by everyone. Discovering that vampires and slayers could have children together was a shock. Vampires couldn't have children with humans or with other vampires, but when it came to slayers, there was an exception. Xander looked at Angel, and saw him starting to cry. He felt pity for him, and walked over laying his hand on Angel's shoulder.

Angel cried for a few minutes, and then sternly wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He slowly stood up, grabbing Xander's arm to make sure that he didn't fall over. He made his way to his bedroom, slowly walking and taping the cane as he went.

Xander shook his head. Angel was definitely in one of his brooding moods that he had such good practice at. An attitude of eighty years takes awhile to change.

Buffy, encouraged by Xander's words and speech, began to resurface. The person everyone used to know as Buffy, began to fight back. As Buffy began to fight against the body that had kept her prisoner for over five years, doubts began to assail her. Did she really want to return from this place? Here she had no worries and no pain, she didn't need to fight against her feelings, she didn't have to remember.

As Buffy began to fight, one by one she had to face the pain, and hate, and the fear. The guilt and pain of knowing what had happened to the people closest to her, the regret at falling away from her daughter, the fear of returning and facing Angel. That was what had made her leave the world of the living in the first place, to keep from facing the pain. But before she could face the pain of maybe returning to a live and human Angel, she had to work through all of the pain that Angelus had caused her and the guilt that she carried. But she would fight…she would fight hard.

Willow held back the tears as she laid the flowers on the grave. Today, Oz would have turned twenty-four. He had such a good life ahead of him, once you overlooked the werewolf problem. She slowly stood up to head back to the car where Jeff was waiting for her. Sure, she didn't have the same feelings she had for Oz while they were dating. But he was her first and only real boyfriend besides Jeff, and he saved her life.

Willow let out a quick sob and then held the rest back that quickly wanted to follow. She remembered the scene in every detail, the screams, the blood…oh, God, the blood that came as Angelus drunk every bit of life left out of Oz. Even as a werewolf, his blood was found tasty by the vampire. She remembered the triumphant look on Angelus' face as the body of Oz was dropped to the ground in the filthy alley. If Buffy hadn't shown up when she did, if she hadn't been pregnant, Angelus would have killed her. Five months later, Buffy fell to her coma, and Willow wondered if she would ever feel whole again. Escaping to college to get away, Angelus backed off of Buffy's friends, no longer seeing a reason to torment them, or maybe just no longer caring. With in a period of nine months, from the time Angel reverted, she lost her computer teacher, Oz and then Buffy. Even though physically Xander was still there, in her mind, she lost him too. Her love for him disappeared soon after Oz's death. Giles was worse off then any of them. He felt all of this on his head.

It was no wonder that when the school packed up Miss Calendar's things, they were all given to Giles. Jenny had no relatives or other friends nearby. But, poor Giles, he hadn't been able to go through it, and until 2001, just three years ago, it sat in a dark corner of the library. Giles didn't want to see it, it reminded him of the guilt that he carried until the day he and Mrs. Summers were married. Willow went through it on a break from college. When Willow had found the disk, that had been the hardest decision she had to make. With Giles' help, they turned Angelus back to the good side. She would never understand how Giles' could agree to her request, maybe because they hoped it would bring Buffy back to the land of the living, who knows.

Of course, it was easier to say you forgive someone then to actually do it. Angel asked her time and time again if she forgave him, and she always gave him the same answer. But in her heart, she had been lying. I wasn't until the car accident when he lost his sight that she realized he had lost almost as much as the rest of them. That was when Willow was finally able to drop her past quarrels with him and move on. He had become her trusted friend.

By the time Willow returned to the car, she was crying hard. Jeff just walked up to her and held her tightly till she stopped. He was always there to support her through everything, even when he knew about her past. 'Buffy,' thought Willow, 'will you ever return to us?'

Buffy slowly stood up to look around at the area that she was trapped in within her mind. It was beautiful, calm. She hadn't left here since the first day she had left the world of the living. Knowing that in order to return she had to move out of her comfort zone, she left and head towards the other part of her mind. The part that she stayed as far away from as possible.

Once she reached it, Buffy looked around at what used to be her mind, memories. The only word she could use to describe what it looked like was a battlefield. Every good memory had been brutally crushed by the guilt of what had happened to her friends. For Buffy, it was time to face the music. She slowly moved out, thinking she was ready to face whatever came her way.

Buffy walked around the potholes and headed towards the other side of the destroyed field where she thought she would find freedom. Suddenly, she stumbled across a computer. She squatted down to look at the screen, and it held a spell that Miss Calendar had been working on.

"What the heck?" she whispered quietly to herself.

"Buffy," called a voice nearby. Buffy stood up quickly to face the person.

"Miss Calendar," she replied.

"Please, call me Jenny. It's been a long time."

"Yes, it has," said Buffy.

"Buffy, I know you're feeling guilt about my death." Buffy looked surprised, and Miss Calendar continued. "If you weren't feeling some type of guilt, you wouldn't be here."

"Yeah."

"Buffy, listen to me," she said, taking up Buffy's hands in her own. "It wasn't your fault what happened. If it is any one person's fault, it is mine."

Buffy quickly withdrew her hand, feeling the guilt clamp down on her mind like a weight. She looked down, trying to avoid the open stare of Miss Calendar.

"Buffy, if you are going to escape from this prison that you have encased yourself in, you need to forgive. I'm telling you this now, because you will fight against many feelings, and if you don't conquer them, you will not make it." Buffy's head shot up and the question radiated from her eyes. Miss Calendar nodded her head. "Yes, Buffy. You will die. As you forgive yourself for the things that happened, it will get harder. And at some point, you're going to have to truly forgive Angel."

Buffy looked away, her inward strength wavering. It was too late to go back though, she had left her comfort zone, and now she had to fight to survive. Looking for Miss Calendar, she discovered that the young woman was gone. A weird feeling overcame her as guilt assailed her mind. She remembered Yanna, when she first helped the slayer and her friends conquer Malcolm, the demon in the computer. Then when the master arose, risking her life to fight against the forces of evil and save mankind. She even tried to hold Willow back from the touch of that creature when it would have easily won. Hanging limp over the dead bones of the master, if she hadn't been helping Buffy, she wouldn't have been there. The kiss the Miss Calendar and Giles had shared in the library. Buffy felt the guilt shoot up. < No, > she thought, shaking her head back and forth, < I can't give in. This is in the past, and even I need a break from the guilt. > She needed release. She plowed forward, stumbling, ignoring the guilt. She needed to find a way to get rid of it. She turned to the sky and screamed.

"I'm sorry!" she screamed, within her mind "I let you down, and I am sorry, but I can't change what happened! I need to let go!" Her mind became over cluttered with all of the memories. She fell to her knees pain, rocking back and forth.

Suddenly, the incredible feelings of guilt stopped. Buffy looked around, wondering what had happened. The memories were still there, but they felt different. The memories gave her joy instead of sorrow. The computer that had been laying in her path, and wouldn't allow her to move on, vanished as if it had never been there. Buffy smiled as the figure of Miss Calendar appeared and vanished for the last time, to whisper a thank you. She finally got rid of the guilt. How she did it, she wasn't totally sure, but they were gone, and now she could move on.

< One down, at least two to go. >

Xander dropped off Angel at the library. He quietly thanked the new librarian for offering to let Angel spend the days there. Now that Giles was no longer needed, the next watcher took over the library duties as well. Xander didn't know what he would do with the blind guilt-ridden-vampire-turned-human. He would go crazy at the house, between boredom and guilt, it might do him in. Xander let his thoughts linger to right after Angel had changed back to human. He had been a great person to hang out with. They went everywhere together, did the dumbest things together. Now that Angel felt his blindness was some sort of payback, he was always punishing himself. Although Xander honestly thought that Buffy would never returned, he prayed that she would. That would be Angel's only way back. Xander pulled into Cordelia's driveway and beeped the horn. She came running out in her dress of the latest fashion. As she got on, she gave him a lingering kiss.

"Morning, honey," she said, brilliantly smiling.

"Morning to you too." He put the car into reverse and headed to the hospital. Cordelia was the head nurse there. It had been discovered that she had quite a flair with helping to heal people and help them feel better. After being rejected by the popular crowd when dating Xander, she had really changed, and for the better. Now, she and Willow got along well.

"Daddy wants us to change the church that we are getting married in. He wants to invite more people." Xander groaned. He loved Cordelia, but her family was still the pain that they had always been. "Don't worry," assured Cordelia, "I told him no. Our wedding is not to increase his business. I like the chapel we are getting married in."

"That's good."

"Willow came by to have her dress fitted last night. She looks gorgeous. I love her hair. I think I might dye mine red."

"I don't think so," said Xander, smiling. "I like it brown. It's beautiful."

Cordelia smiled. "Thanks hon. So, are we definitely set for October 13th?"

"Yep, I called yesterday to make sure." Xander and Cordelia had seen it fitting to be married on the day of Marissa's birthday, and they last day that Buffy had talked to them. "Are you sure a month is enough time?"

"Absolutely. I am an expert in planning events such as this. I need Angel to come by tonight for a fitting. Is Giles going to be here soon?"

"Yep. He's flying in with from England with Joyce in two days."

"Great. Smooth as silk so far." Cordelia put her hand in his, which was now resting in the middle of the seat. "Have I ever told you I love you, Alexander Harris?"

Xander smiled. "Last time you saw me. But you can say it again."

Cordelia's mouth broke into her brilliant grin. "I love you Xander."

"I love you too, and if I wasn't trying to drive with now, I would kiss you."

Angel took the book that the librarian gave to him, and read it. Braille was still hard for him to comprehend fully. Going slowly, he found out that it was a romance, and not much to his liking. Whenever he read those, or heard those, he thought about Buffy. His mind drifted back to happier times, when Buffy had been a large part of his life. He remembered everything from her blonde hair to the sound of her voice when she spoke to him. He remembered her lips on his, which was a regular occurrence towards the end of their "normal" relationship. He slowly walked over to the stairs and sat down, leaning his head up against the railing. He let himself totally succumb to the thoughts of his beloved.

He went from the feel of her lips and her hair to their last night together. He remembered everything, from the surprise party to the night that would bring him the peak of happiness and the valley of horror. He thought about every moment, slowly moving from one to the next. When he reached the end, to the part where he was sucked out of his body, just to watch for three years, he started to cry. He began to think about everything he would change, and he began to bawl. More than anything, he wanted to tell her that he loved her. That's all.

Daniel, the new librarian and watcher, walked out of his office and found Angel still sitting like that, totally oblivious to the that was looking at his. He shook his head and smiled. He hadn't know Angel as the evil vampire that he was told used to exist. He knew him only a few short weeks before the accident that caused him to lose his sight. Dan had pity on the "young" man. Dan had never been ripped from the one he loved by a moment of love and true happiness. Having to live through that was hard for Angel, especially with his beloved trapped in a coma. Dan had never met her, but from what he had heard, she had been a talented young women in every way. Pretty, smart when it came to slaying, letting her instincts take over. He wished that his young slayer, Lita, would be half that. She didn't really care about her slaying. Daniel sighed and headed back into the office. Lita had never met Angel, due to the fact that Angel would often hide in the back room when she came around. Daniel was happy about this; all Lita did was think about guys and her next date. Every night she went out, Dan would bow on his knee and pray to God to make sure that the young man doesn't get hurt. He knew it also bothered Lita to have a watcher that actually believed in God. He could remember the first time she found him praying.

"A Christian???" she exclaimed. "My watcher is a Christian? What, does this mean I need to attend services now to, wear dresses, and sing to the almighty God? I don't think so."

Dan sighed again, picking up Mr. Giles' journal to read some more. Between the journal, and the little information he dragged out of Angel, he could tell that this young woman had been incredible. Looking out his window into the library, he saw that Angel was beginning to cry again. He was mouthing something, so Dan went to see what it was. Angel, still very ignorant to his presence, kept saying it.

"I only told her twice, only twice! The most precious person to me in the world, and I only told her twice!" Dan wrinkled his brow in confusion, not sure what Angel was saying.

"Angel?" asked Dan. Angel visibly shook from the surprise at someone being there and turned in Dan's direction. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine. Sorry about that. I'm going to go read in the back room now. Let me know when Xander gets here."

Angel got up and walked to the back, tapping his cane along the way. Trying not to trip over a stack of books, he opened the door and sat down in the corner. He opened the book, but ignored it and began to cry again.

"That girl deserves a right to know her father, no matter what he has done in the past!" said Giles. "No one else will ever replace him, no matter how hard you try."

"Mr. Giles, please sit down," said the Watcher's Council. "You have made your opinions quite clear, but you have to look at it from our point of view. There is a former vampire, a vicious killer, and the father of a daughter of a slayer, who is at this point, incapacitated due to his influence and is trapped in a coma. If you were in our position, what would you do?"

Giles refused to sit down, and he felt himself heat up with anger. "It is not your decision to make! She needs her father, he's paid for his crimes, and he is paying right now. Don't make it even worse for him. You aren't God, you should all stop trying to take over his role!" Joyce was sitting next to Giles and squeezed his hand tightly. Even before he even married her, he treated Buffy like a daughter, and would continue to fight for her till the end.

"Mr. Giles! You are out of line!"

"I am not out of line!"

"Mr. Giles, for the last time, sit down, or else we will be forced to take extreme measures."

Giles pushed up his glasses and sat down, knowing that if he got himself into trouble, all he could expect was them to reject him all together. < Anyway, > he smiled inwardly, < I still have one more idea. >

"Mr. Giles, we understand that you want this child taken care of, but you need to understand that we must protect her for the sake of her mother-"

"You sure didn't care when my daughter was being attacked at from every side by Angelus. You shouldn't be doing this for the sake of guilt." Joyce was just as enraged as Giles, and was sick of the junk that the council was giving them. She now stood up and took the place of her husband. "She suffered for months at the hands of Angelus, and now that she may never return to us, you throw these ridiculous arguments at us to make you look good. Well, we have a surprise for you."

"As what is that, Mrs. Giles," asked the magistrate, trying to humor her. Giles smiled, knowing what was coming, and Mrs. Giles glared at his, annoyed at being treated like a two-year-old for years now when it came to the council. Of course, her three-month pregnancy didn't help matters, and only let her anger flow more freely.