Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Note: This story is based on what ifsı. What if everyone went their separate ways?, what if the Hellmouth was destroyed?, what if Buffy/Angel and Willow/Xander never happened?, what if Buffy actually made it to 40? This is, I think, a realistic future (even if itıs not as great as it should be)
Buffy clutched at her 10 year old daughter, Blaiseıs hand. Her 15 year old daughter, Iliana, moped behind them. In 18 years Sunnydale hadnıt changed much. As Xander had once said Sunny dale is a one Starbucks townı *and it still is* thought Buffy. The only difference was that Buffy could no longer sense vampire activity in the small town. 18 years ago the Hellmouth had been destroyed, leaving everyone with a major decision. What would they do now? Both Xander and Willow wanted to attend collage, Giles, who had recently gotten engaged to Ms. Calendar, decided to retire from watching, and Cordelia headed off for modelling school. For Buffy, the decision had been harder. Kendra had invited her to move to her colony on a tiny island in Indonesia. The number of vampires was steadily increasing and Kendra had asked for her help. The only thing that stopped her was Angel. She didnıt want to leave him behind. But after a heated argument about the future and the hopelessness of their relationship, Angel had fled to Europe for a vacationı and Buffy had travelled to the colony. She had intended to return within the year but she grew fond of the tiny island and the ways of the people. Year after year she put off her return thinking she was doing the most good where she was, and perhaps she was right in that respect but it didnıt matter, because that was the year she met Peter. Eventually she had given up the idea of going back and had settled down to start a family. Only now, when she was 36 years old, did she return. A widowed mother with two children. Strange how death brought people back together. Death was the reason she had come back. At age 65, Rupert Giles, Watcher, Confidant, Librarian, Second Father, Husband and Friend had passed away. Buffy was comforted by the fact that he had gone quietly in his sleep, just as peter had 7 years before. Peter Anderson, the man she had married and had two wonderful daughters with. They had always been honest with each other. Their love wasnıt the fiery passionate kind that Buffy had had with Angel, but the kind that warmed her heart from the inside out. Peter had known and excepted that Buffy was a vampire Slayer, in fact everyone on the island had. It was one of the things that Buffy like best about living there. It had been a wonderful place to raise her children without having to lie to them about what she did for a living. Buffy sighed and stared into the distance. Even now, it still felt strange no to feel Peterıs warm hand in hers. Buffy snapped out of her trance as her oldest daughter caught up with them. ³God mom, I canıt believed you lived here. What would the girls back home say?². Buffy groaned. She lived her daughter but sometimes the girl was too much... too Cordeliaish. ³Honey I told you, we are just here for my watcherıs funeral and then we will go home². At the word Watcherı Ilianaıs face brightened. Her oldest daughter was training to be a vampire hunter. A vampire hunter was someone who was not a chosen one but was trained to fight like one. Buffy glanced down at her youngest daughter, Blaise, who had been silent during the trip. Blaise was very serious and mature for her age, she had gotten that from Peter. She was being taught Paganism by one of the elders in the colony. Buffy grinned inwardly. She would have to introduce Blaise to Ms. Calendar-Giles, the two would have a lot to talk about. They went straight to the funeral home. It was all a haze to Buffy, she didnıt even glance around for her friends. Afterward she took Blaise and Illiana to Sunnydale high. They found a pop machine and Buffy left them to entertain themselves while she went to the library. Buffy sat down and cried. ³Buffy? Hi, itıs me, Willow² Willow stuttered. Buffy looked up in amazement ³Willow...²
The two hugged. ³Hey donıt I get in on this?² The both glanced up ³Cordy!² they cried in unison ³what were you expecting, a vampire?² said the now short haired brunette ³been a while huh?². Buffy nodded and then glanced around ³so.. Where is Xander². Cordelia and Willow glanced at each other ³Iım sorry² said Willow gently ³but Xander died a year ago. He was in a car accident². Buffy sighed. She wished she could feel more grief over Xanderıs death but the truth was she could barely remember what he looked like. As she gazed around the room Buffy suddenly wished she had come home to visit at least once. She had missed so much of what she could of had. *Life would have been so different if I had stayed* she thought. She felt a familiar flutter in her stomach. She could feel a presence that she hadnıt felt in a long time. She inhaled shakily *now I remember why I didnıt want to come back* she thought incoherently *no* a voice inside her head commanded *you made your choice a long time ago, now stick with it!*. ³You don't have to hide in the shadows ³ she said softly. Cordelia and Willow looked up in surprise as Angel stepped out of the shadows. ³Hi Buffy² he said. She nodded at him ³you haven't changed much, Angel²
³no. You donıt look that different either.² he looked away ³I didnıt think you would come. Giles wrote me in Germany to tell me of your marriage² Buffy tried to blink away the wetness in her eyes ³Peter died 7 years ago²
His expression was neutral ³Iım sorry². Buffy shrugged and an uncomfortable silence filled the room. Just them Blaise ran in to the room. ³Mom! I was reciting one of my rites and then Illiana said that it was all a bunch of hokey pokey made up by a loony² Illiana sauntered in smiling. Her grin faded when she saw her motherıs face. ³Iliana..² her mother began ³you have your beliefs as does your sister. Respect that. Also, watch the language² Illiana nodded as her eyes skipped over everyone in the room and turned to Angel. She brightened ³Hello salty goodness² she whistled. Cordelia doubled over laughing at the instant deja vu, Buffy sighed and Angel just looked uncomfortable. ³Donıt be rude² Buffy said to her daughter ³this is Angel, we.. dated when I was in High School. Both watched as a look of confusion came over Iliana ³How old are you?² Angel glanced quickly at Buffy who nodded ³268 years old² he said ³Iım a vampire². Iliana looked like she was about to hyperventilate. ³YOU DATED A VAMPIRE!!!² she said, her voice pitched quite high. It was Blaise who spoke up ³There is something different about him² she concentrated for a moment ³You were cursed by the Calderash people of Rumania. You have a soul². Angelıs eyes widened ³Thatıs amazing. Blaise stared back at him, her gaze slightly disconcerting ³I have only the knowledge given by the Goddess². Iliana snorted and the two glared at each other. Angel got up to leave. ³Iım going back to Europe in a week² he said quietly to Buffy. Buffy nodded sadly and on an impulse, gave him a quick hug. He faded into the shadows. Buffyıs insides were still raging from the physical contact but she forced herself to look normal. She gazed at the people in front of her. *Things could have been so different*
It was an hour before they would fly back to Indonesia and Buffy felt horrible, incomplete somehow. She headed out the front door to take a quick walk. But soon she was heading towards a familiar area. There was something she had to do.
Angel opened the door without his shirt. *Typical* thought Buffy. Angel covered his surprise ³Iım happy to see you² he said and hugged her, his shirt back on *Pity* she thought. Suddenly, the tears of years of worry and bottled up hurt were released. But it was Angel who sat slightly turned away from her, sobbing. It was then that Buffy realised that since she had left she had hardly ever thought about Angel. But he had thought about her. She put her arms around him. ³I loved you² he said through his tears ³and I love you. I tried to forget but I couldnıt forget about you². He leaned forward to kiss her but she pulled away. ³Letıs not make it any harder then it has to be² she said ³A lot has happened since we last met. Iım a mother and thatıs what comes first. I loved you but I have to move on.² Angel stared at her ³But youıre not the slayer anymore². Buffy reached for the feelings that had long since disappeared. Her heart had hardened over time. With all the death and tragedy of her life. She belonged to Kendraıs people now. ³I just came to say goodbye² she said ³I have to go². She had almost made it to the door when he called after her ³Please Buffy. Iıve waited too long to watch you walk away². Buffy threw herself into his arms for what she knew would be the last time. ³I just gotta walk away² she said, subconsciously repeating the word spoken years before. She kissed him and left ³Goodbye².
A few month later she received what would be her last letter from Willow. It read:
I thought you should know that Angel committed suicide two days ago, May 23. We placed his ashes underneath the tree in the graveyard. We thought he would like that. There wasnıt a funeral because he already had one 268 years ago and it wouldnıt be appropriate somehow. We found something in Angelıs apartment that we thought he might have wanted you to have.
You are the image before my eyes
You were once here, but now you are gone,
You were just an image before my eyes,
Here four years and gone the fifth.
Iıll live the rest of my life without you.
The sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth. I doubt youıll ever return.
The years will go, but my memory of you never shall.
You will forever be an image in my mind, my heart,
and one before my eyes.
He loved you, and I hope to God you loved him. Forgive me if I donıt write.
Love,
Willow
A solitary tear trickled down Buffyıs cheek.