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Anna-Claire "Sunny" Gates
My name is Anna-Claire Gates but everyone just calls me Sunny. My goodness…a journal! I've never had the time to write in a journal, so where to begin? I guess I can say that I have very mixed feelings about taking this journey to Washington Territory. I look forward to the excitement and to being on my own, after having taken care of my father and 3 siblings for a number of years (as my mother passed away 10 years ago). My sisters and brother are old enough to help with the chores now, and since my father would like to see me married off, he's agreed to let me take this voyage. I used to love the sea, and would normally not mind sailing. That is, if it were not for an unfortunate event while I was cook aboard my grandfathers fishing trawler. Oh, I'll get into more about that later…but the idea of taking a long journey aboard a ship does not appeal to me, as it once would have.
My father does want to see me married off, as in his eyes I am already an old maid at the age of 19 ! My mother was only 15 when they married and only 16 when I was born. If this journey is to last for 6 months, I will already be 20 when we dock in Seattle! No wonder my father is so anxious. I am not quite so earnest about the prospect of marriage myself. After all, I've already experienced the chores that come along with being married, and I'm tired of them. Cooking, cleaning, mending, washing clothes, taking care of my brothers and sisters, just to name a few. I'm not complaining, mind you, but what I am is ready for something new. I will miss my family, but in a way, I will be relieved to have a life of my own. I didn't know how I was going to accomplish being out on my own, until the Bolts came to Seattle! It was as if it were meant to be…a calling! Someday I'm sure I will want to be married and have a family of my own, but not yet. I surely hope the Bolts don't expect marriage for all of us in the near future.
Those Bolt brothers, by the way, my, if they are any indication of what the men of Seattle look like, I will be in trouble indeed! I'm sure if a good looking man approaches me I will become tongue-tied again and I will feel that familiar flush come to my face. It's so odd that among the men on my grandfather's ship, I had no problems whatsoever in speaking with them, and in fact, I had a good relationship with many of the fishermen. But if I'm interested in a man, or find him attractive and charming, I suddenly become a complete idiot and cannot speak correctly! Perhaps some of the fine ladies I will be sharing the trip with will be able to give me advice on how to overcome this weakness of mine! I do not know any of the ladies that will be taking the trip with me, as I have no time for friends. This is something I look forward to with great anticipation. Having girlfriends! What must it be like?
To explain why I am called Sunny, well, it is from my grandfather. He told me it was because my hair was golden blonde with the light streaks that looked like the rays of the sun. He used to call me "Sunshine" but somewhere along the way everyone has shortened it. Granddad also told me that the name matched my personality, as I never complained and am always in a good mood and smiling. I like that reason better, but sometimes I feel the pressure of always being the friendly, smiling, non-complaining one. Inside I don't always feel that way. I do sometimes wish people would call me by my given name, for it was my grandmother's name. She passed away before I was born, and perhaps that is why my grandfather decided to call me a pet name. It may be too painful to him to call me by his dear departed wife's name. It's bad enough that I look like her in the face, though she did not have the blonde hair, it was more a brown color I'm told. I do have her green eyes and other features, grandfather says. But anyway, I suppose if people were to call me Anna-Claire, I wouldn't even realize they were speaking to me!
As I prepare for my journey, I realize I don't have much to pack. I have sewn my own dresses, of which I do not have many. My only jewelry is the antique broach that was my grandmother's, and I am always wearing it, so no need to pack it. The only things I have that will take up any room are my hats! That is my one weakness and my only extravagance! I've worked hard doing cleaning and cooking and sewing outside of my home to make a few dollars, so I suppose it's all right to have a small hobby such as pretty hats. Perhaps I will have to leave some of them behind, though. I surely do hope I don't experience seasickness! My stomach is already very queasy, just at the thought of stepping aboard. I don't know if it's the prospect of riding the ship, or the idea of being away from all that I've known all my life, but it's an odd mixture of fear, excitement and nervousness I'm feeling. It's like nothing I've ever quite experienced before. If anyone ever reads this generations from now, I will be very pleased if you would think of me as brave, however. I know that for now, I shall be locking this journal away so that others will not see what I have written. I cannot imagine how I'd feel if father or my brother and sisters were to read any of these personal thoughts. Until next time then…
January
January 16, 1865
Well, we are underway on the voyage and there has already been quite a bit of excitement. It appears they have booked us passage on a mule boat! I had to giggle a little when the girls were complaining of the smell, as it is very pleasant in comparison to the fishing trawler I worked aboard. Of course, none of these other girls have ever had my same experiences, so I can understand how they must be feeling. I tried out the box stall and laid upon the hay that is to be our bed and I must say, it seemed as though it may even be more comfortable than the little cot I slept on in my own home! We didn't have the room or the money to have a proper bed for all of us, so I, as the oldest, was chosen to sacrifice. I've gotten quite used to it, actually, so this straw bed will be fine, except for how it tends to poke a bit and get stuck in my hair. I heard that some of the girls were so angry that they staged a mutiny, but I stayed behind for that. I will tidy up the area we'll sleep in and perhaps tomorrow, after things settle down, we can all begin to clean so that the smell and appearance of our temporary "home" is better. I will try to cheer the others up a bit if I can.January 18, 1865
The ship is looking much better now, as everyone has pitched in to fix it up. That speech that Jason Bolt gave must surely have had a strong impression on the girls who were so upset! I think everyone is happier now that it's clean, and we've begun doing some good cooking. I was able to help out quite a bit in this area, as I used to be cook on my grandfather's ship. I set about to help organize the tasks and shifts and I understand how to cook for a large group of people at once. This, I imagine, will also come in handy after we arrive in Seattle, as we will all be living together, I'm told. I've spoken with a few of the girls a little bit, but actually have had better conversations with some of the sailors! That doesn't surprise me, since I've always gotten along with the ones my grandfather hired. They are very friendly and helpful and seemed to appreciate that I know a little bit about sailing. I don't feel as nervous aboard the ship as I expected to. The smell of the sea and the wind in my face is so familiar. I stood aboard the deck and breathed in deeply, as I used to. It brought my grandfather back to me, and I got a tear in my eye, as I already miss him. I suppose brother will be the next "victim" of his and will be taught all the sailing tricks. I wonder if my family is missing me and how they are doing?January 19, 1865
Not doing as well as yesterday…the ship has hit rockier waters and many of the girls are ill with seasickness. I don't have a problem with that, but this reminds me much too much of events from my past. I find that my hands are shaking and my breath is quick. I feel dryness in my throat and my palms are damp. No one is noticing the change in my behavior, or they are surely attributing it to the illness many are experiencing. I hope this does not last long, as I'm not sure how long I'll be able to take feeling this frightened. I'm sure I'm just being silly, and I spoke with the captain and he assures me everything is just fine. He's a funny man…he tries to appear gruff but I can see that underneath it all he's a sweetheart. He reminds me of grandfather in some ways. Maybe sea captains are all like this! I feel I shall probably strike up a nice friendship with Captain Clancey before long.January 22, 1865
I did not sleep well these past few nights. It is not the quarters or the sleeping upon hay that is making it that way. It is not even the poor girls near me moaning or crying from their discomfort or from missing home. It is that the dreams…or shall I say nightmares…have begun again. I thought I was all but over them, but this rocking of the boat on the rougher waters must have triggered them. I know I must have screamed when I woke one of the times, as the girl next to me whispered to me to see if I was all right. Perhaps I was talking in my sleep, I'm not sure, and I did not want to ask her. I told her I was fine, that I'd just had a nightmare. She said she didn't blame me, and that this whole trip was a nightmare so far. I tried to laugh with her; she has such a contagious laugh. I believe her name is Biddie, and she seems sweet and fun. I hope I can get to know her better. I know that her best friend is Candy Pruitt, who also seems to be very nice, and she is the strong one; the leader it seems. Perhaps she would be a good match for Jason Bolt, as he appears to be the leader of the Bolt Brothers. I decided to attend the church services, as I felt it was sad to see such a small turnout, and I wanted to see if I could help to cheer the ones who did attend. So many girls are still so ill.January 27, 1865
Something horrible has happened. I can barely write this…I find my hand is shaking violently and my eyes keep filling and overflowing with tears as I try to see the paper. A man, one of the crew, has fallen overboard tonight, and the efforts to save him did not work. We heard the cry while having dinner, and after a lovely day on calmer seas and a Sabbath service led by Candy Pruitt. The cry went out "Man Overboard" and my heart sank and fear gripped me so tightly I could not move nor speak. All those around me were reacting, and I sat, stunned, trembling all over, seemingly from the inside out. Were we taking on water, as we did on my grandfathers boat? Will others also perish, I thought? But thankfully, this was not the case. No one seems to know why or how this happened. That is very unsettling to me. My earlier fears were right perhaps. This journey may not have been such a good idea, after all. I believe I spoke with this man who fell, also. He was kind and seemed to know the ship quite well. I believe he said he had family somewhere, as well. I feel terribly sad and I fear I shall not sleep a wink tonight. Perhaps it's best I don't, as I may have the worst of nightmares after this event.
