Behind the Scenes With the Brides - an HCTB parody
by Kira, age 9
"B-b-but we r-r-really want a f-f-f-fanfic." Jeremy made a really sad face and slapped the poor paper back onto the dented wood. He stood at the studio with his brothers.
The Director looked at The Producer and his crew and said, "Come on guys. They aren't THAT bad."
"WHAT!!" All three brothers yelled at once (although with Jeremy it sounded more like w-w-what?-?-?).
"Oh alright."
Suddenly a figure appeared out of nowhere. The producer looked at all the travel stickers of nowhere, then deduced, "You have came from nowhere."
"Duh. I'm Asa Mercer—" The poor man had barely gotten a sentence out before one of the crew pounced upon him. She was trying to get a piece of his jacket when he managed to pull her off. The result: the destruction of his best jacket.
"ASA MERCER!!! The person that brought the brides back! Oh, my gosh! I have a piece of his best jacket—I'm gonna keep this forever. Oh, my gosh! Pam and Don and Bonnie are gonna be like so jealous. I gotta put this behind glass—"
"Shut up!!"
"Sorry…"
"Anyway, you are to help create the first "Here Come The Brides: The True Story. Here are your pens." He handed them each a black pen with a gold ribbon painted on it."
"OOOOOOOHHHH!!!!! I HAVE SOMETHING HE TOUCHED!!!"
Chapter One: The first episode
"Title's down there! Now get that camera offa me!"
"Oops, sorry." The cameraman turned away from the lights manager and finally found the set.
"Hurry up I wanna get on stage in less than an hour." Candy's voice sounded in the background as the huge green title appeared on the TV the film crew was watching.
Here Come The Brides: Pilot
Jason whistled as he stared into space, which mysteriously happened to be the cue cards.
"Let's **whistle** see **whistle** Big Swede **whistle** is arrest—"
"Jason!! Big Swede's been 'rested, ya hear?"
"huh?"
"**sigh of defeat** Told Big Under He Swede Arrest Was"
"Oh." Jason glanced at the cue cards one last time. "Goodbye, my faithful friends."
"CUT!!" The director stormed into the area followed by his assistant.
"Why cut?"
"You aren't supposed to act so happy!"
"Why not? Big Swede is so annoying. It's always 'Get me this' or 'Nooo you have to do it this way'." Jason mock-imatated Big Swede while the director's assistant looked curiously at the camera.
"So what? Big Swede is SUPPOSED to be your friend!"
Suddenly the director's assistant ran up to the camera and monitor screens everywhere blacked out.
"BBBBBOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Viewers everywhere threw their containers of popcorn, soda, candy, baby food, pizza, spinach, and cereal at their screens while voices said, "DON'T THROW YOUR _____________ AT THE TELEVISION!!"
So the readers sat down and enjoyed this until the ship scene.
"Okay…According to the script we should be looking for Clancey's boat—" Just then a woman with short brown hair and glasses ran up and changed the script.
"Okay, ship-not-a-boat."
"Nonsense, Jeremy, lad, we have a much better chance of life if we flirt with some pretty girls."
Josh slapped Jeremy across the face and said, "He's right. And stutter, you fool!" At which Bobby Sherman fans evrywhere booed and threw tomatoes (and mothers screamed 'I just wiped up the television from your last mess so don't push it!').
Just then an old man slapped the makeup chief for making him look like an old man and called down, "Hey you guys! You should be up here by now!" Which started another fight and another blackout in which the viewers did the close-your-eyes-and-listen-thing again 'till they were in San Francisco.
"Stupid dress…I'd rather wear bellbottoms." Candy wrinkled her nose.
"Psst…You're on!" Lynx (cameraman) hissed to her.
"What?!?!?!"
"You are!"
"Oh."
Jason happened to stride up at that second and said, "I want you to know something—"
"This is boring." The stage director stopped twiddling her thumbs and closed her eyes.
"So let's fast forward to the grace scene." Without waiting for a reply, the cast and crew ran to the other set and they were suddenly in a ship-not-a-boat.
"um…grace…uh, Grace?!" Jason shouted clear to the heavens.
Just then Candy started making crying sounds while everyone stared at her. She looked up. "Oh yeah…" The makeup woman pulled out a water gun and squirted her face several times while Candy was making crying sounds. "Awomen. I mean Amen."
Look for the next chapter in which I'm gonna make the indians come early.
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