Jeremy got up off of the table, surprised that his chest no longer hurt him. He was barely aware of his brothers and wife as he headed to the woman by the window.

"Momma!" he cried and ran toward her.

His mother held her arms out toward him and he fell into them. He felt the warmth and comfort of her arms around him and buried his face into her chest as he cried the tears he had held back for so long. His mother held him, gently caressing his hair. She had tears in her eyes, too--tears of joy at holding her youngest son again and the tears of sadness at having left him too soon in his life.

Jeremy didn't know how long he let his mother hold him, but after his tears were spent, he took comfort in the feel of her arms around him. He was afraid to look up, in case it had just been a dream. But unlike his dreams and memories, he could feel his mother's clothing against his skin, smell the faint lavender aroma of the soap she used. When he did look up at her, he was embarrassed because he had been crying.

Jeremy said nothing, only gazed at his mother, memorizing every detail. She wore a ivory dress with small pink flowers on it and a pink satin bow resting delicately at the neckline. It was Jeremy's favorite dress for her to wear. Her long blonde hair was upswept in a loose bun, soft ringlets framed her pretty face. The small ruby earrings she wore sparkled in the soft glow cast by the fireplace.

"Sh...shh," comforted Jenny, gently rocking her son in her arms. She was seated, and he was on his knees, buried in her embrace. She felt him relax in her arms, her shy, little Jeremy. "It's all right now. Everything is fine," she whispered.

"Momma?" he asked tentatively, looking at her.

Jenny smiled at him and gently wiped the tears from his cheeks with her hand. He still was very much a boy, despite having a man's body. She motioned him to sit beside her and took him by the hand.

"What is it, Jeremy?" she asked gently.

"Momma...., I-I don't understand."

"I don't either, but I know how happy I am to see you. I don't think anything else matters at the moment."

Jeremy's puzzled look didn't completely fade, but he accepted her answer for now and looked around. He was no longer in the medical clinic. He wasn't sure where he was, but the room was somehow familiar. The small sofa upon which he sat next to his mother was heavily carved from walnut with burgundy velvet cushions. The walls were heavily draped in a velvety damask fabric and the walls were papered in a matching pattern. Despite the fire in the large carved fireplace and several shaded lamps, the room was rather dark and certainly unlike anything he'd seen in Seattle.

"Where are we?" he asked finally after trying to take it all in.

"This is my home, Jeremy. Where I grew up as a girl." His mother was smiling at him, and while a part of him questioned the logic behind her statement, he accepted it.

"I-I got married today," he told her.

"Yes, I know."

"I love her, Momma."

"That's good. I'm happy for you." Jenny wanted to say more. But her instructions had been explicit; she could answer Jeremy's questions, but she wasn't allowed to say much more.

He looked around again, trying to think of what to say, what to ask. His mind was filled with questions. He was afraid to get up; afraid that he would lose his mother again if he did.

"Momma?" Jeremy looked embarrassed. "M-momma, I...I s-s-sst-uh... I've-I've been s-s-stuttering." Even though he had stopped stuttering a while ago, it seemed important for him to tell her this and all the effort that it ever used to take him to talk seemed to constrain him now.

"Jeremy, I know. I am so sorry." She put her hand on his shoulder, ready to hold him in her arms again. Jenny had been aware of the pain that the stuttering caused her son. "You don't have to worry about that any more, Jeremy."

His eyes were brimming with tears again as he looked to her for approval. He saw all the love he remembered in her eyes. It wasn't her words he was hearing as much as her voice.

"You've been hurt a lot. All the teasing, all those people laughing at you, feeling sorry for you."

He changed the subject abruptly, "Why? Why did you have to ... go?"

Jenny was silent for a moment. She wanted him to understand this; knew he needed to understand it. "It was my time, Jeremy," she said as gently as she could.

Jeremy nodded and wiped his eyes. "But Jason took real good care of me....Dad, too," he added as he remembered his father. He looked up to see if his father was there.

"Is Dad...," he faltered, "is Dad here, too?"

"He's here, Jeremy. He can't be with us just yet."

"Is it my time now, too?" he asked.

Jenny looked away while she answered. "That is up to you...." She stood up and walked across the room over to the window. She drew back an edge of one of the heavy drapes and peered out, but Jeremy was unable to see what she was looking at, only the sad smile on her face. He sat quietly on the sofa, thinking about what his mother said. It was much too hard to make a choice like that he realized.

He started to stand up, but felt suddenly dizzy. He sank back onto the sofa and closed his eyes...

000

"Allyn!" Jason shouted.

Allyn Wright ran over to the bed. Her eyes widened. "Here, hurry!" she instructed Jason and Josh.

Jason and Joshua hoisted the foot of the bed as she directed them to do.

"What is this supposed to do, Allyn?" Jason shouted. "My God, my brother's dying!"

"Jason," she said as calmly as she could. "This will help his blood pressure... just do as I say!"

Jason and Joshua placed the wooden shock blocks under the foot-frame of the bed. This positioned Jeremy in bed, so that his lower half was elevated above the level of his heart.

Candy remained standing in the corner, terrified that she was losing the love of her life.

Allyn went to the head of the bed and checked Jeremy's pulse. It was weak, but it was there. "He's alive, but barely...I've got to operate...Candy, do you understand? You're his wife now, I need you to understand what I have to do!"

Candy blinked hard. "Do whatever you have to do, Allyn, to keep him alive!"

"All right then..." Allyn scurried around, preparing for the daunting task ahead of her.

"I think I've got all of it," Dr. Wright said finally, as she pulled the bullet from Jeremy's chest. There was a pl-nck sound as something metallic was dropped into a pan. She looked at Eleanor and frowned. Jeremy's chances didn't seem too good she thought. With the surgery over, she removed the bloodied apron and went to speak with his family.

"Then he'll be all right, doctor?"

"I don't know, Jason. His color doesn't look good, and until I get the bleeding stopped, I can't tell whether any major organs were hit."

Candy said nothing right then; she walked tentatively over to Jeremy. She lovingly stroked his pale face. His breathing was so shallow, she could barely hear it. She bent over and whispered to him. "Jeremy, please, please try... I love you..."

Jason and Joshua stood by speechless. Was it possible they could be losing their youngest brother?

Jeremy felt himself whirling about dizzily, even though he knew he hadn't moved. He opened his eyes expecting to see Candy, his brothers and Dr. Wright.

000

"It's a tough decision, Jeremy. I know." Jenny looked concerned. She had picked up Jeremy's hand and brushed the hair gently from his face.

Jeremy shook his head as if to clear his confusion. "Why do I get a choice? Does everyone?"

"No. Not everyone. Very few."

"Why me?"

Jenny sighed. "I don't know, Jeremy."

"What will happen if I stay?"

"You won't have to be afraid ever again. Your father and I will always be here for you. And eventually your brothers will be, too."

Jeremy nodded. "What about Candy?"

"I can't say. It depends on the rest of her life."

Jeremy thought about this. He hadn't questioned where he really was until now. He assumed it was some sort of afterlife. He used to think about the afterlife in terms of heaven and hell, but if his mother meant that Candy could end up somewhere without him.... He suddenly realized that his mother must have meant that if he stayed there, Candy might find someone else.

"What if I go back?"

Jenny had let go of her son's hand and sat next to him again. "I won't lie," she said. "It won't be easy. Life usually isn't. But it isn't forever. Even the painful times don't last forever."

Jeremy found her answer rather cryptic. He wished that Jason were there. Or Joshua. Either of them could give him better answers.

"I'm tired of fighting, Momma," he said quietly.

"I know, Jeremy. I know." She held him as he cried again. She wished she could take the pain away. He fell asleep in her arms and dreamt.

000

Jeremy wasn't improving, but he wasn't getting worse the first couple of days after the shooting. Dr. Allyn Wright wanted him watched around the clock over these first critical hours and in order to make sure that the person doing the watching didn't fall asleep, she organized people into pairs. Joshua and Candy took the first watch; Candy would have stayed on, had Allyn not insisted she go home and get some sleep. Jason and Allyn took the second watch. At first everyone was anxious and kept popping in to see how he was, but after the first day, things fell into a pattern.

"You look tired," Jason said to Allyn as they played a game of checkers.

Tired was an understatement. Allyn was fighting to stay awake. Jeremy was her patient and even when she wasn't watching him, she had not been able to get any rest.

She shrugged and said, "I'm used to it."

"Why don't you try and sleep?"

"Noóif I fall asleep, and you doze off, and Jeremy needs us..." She looked at Jason, wondering what all the stress was doing to himóthis was his brother, after all.

"I won't doze off," he promised, and she knew he wouldn't. As if to further prove his point, he picked up a book of Shakespearean sonnets that he'd brought over to read to Allyn during their shift together earlier. "I'll read some of my book."

Allyn allowed herself to yawn. "I'll be right in the next room if his condition changes, or ...if you need the company."

"Thank you." Jason kissed her lightly on the forehead and walked with her to the door.

"Jason...," Jeremy whispered weakly. His voice was so weak, Jason thought it was his imagination at first.

"Jeremy?" He came close to the bedside. Jeremy was looking at him through half-opened, teary eyes. Jason brushed Jeremy's hair out of his face and held his hand. Jeremy managed to slightly squeeze his hands, enough for Jason to know that he was conscious.

"Let me get the doctor, Jeremy."

"No...Water?"

Jason hesitated and the poured some water from a pitcher into a cup. He realized that for Jeremy to drink it, he would have to lift his brother's head and Allyn had made it clear that she didn't want him moved at all, so he took a clean cloth and dipped it in the cup. This he squeezed into his brother's mouth.

"I'm sorry that we have to do it this way right now. How are you feeling?" This seemed to be a stupid thing to say, but Jason wanted desperately to hear Jeremy say he was feeling better.

"Fine," he acknowledged. His voice, though still weak, wasn't as hoarse now, thanks to the water.

"That's good. You gave us a good scare earlier. You need to rest up, get strong. You have a wife who's very concerned about you." Jason held Jeremy's hand tightly, more for his own sake than his brother's. Jeremy's eyes seemed unfocused and he looked confused. Jason wasn't sure if Jeremy was clear-headed. He wished now that Allyn hadn't gone into the other room; surely she was asleep by now.

Jeremy smiled. Jason thought how small he looked and remembered back to times when his brother was smaller and had nightmares. Jason would ask him how he felt then, and he would always say "fine," no matter how he actually was doing. Jason wondered what he should say now. He wanted to tell Jeremy that he loved him and would protect him, but thought that Jeremy might realize just how critical he was if Jason verbalized what he'd always shown but never said. If..., no when Jeremy made it through this, he would tell him. And Joshua.

"Jason..., know what?" Jeremy asked him.

"No, what?"

"I always wanted to talk like you."

Neither brother spoke for a while. Jason wondered what he could say to that and wondered what, of all things Jeremy could have said, made him say that.

"You talk just fine."

A tear rolled down Jeremy's cheek. He nodded and before Jason realized it, Jeremy had fallen asleep again.

000

He was in his bed in the cabin, listening to his brothers getting dressed and moving about. Jeremy lay quietly with his eyes closed, enjoying the morning sounds. The door to the back room of the cabin opened and Jeremy heard his mother come out.

"You boys are up early this morning," Jenny said to her two older sons.

"Jason's taking me up the mountain this morning," said Joshua excitedly.

"You still need to eat breakfast," she reminded them.

"I know," Joshua said, sounding a little less than thrilled at having his trip delayed.

"We didn't want to disturb you," said Jason.

"Well, now that I am up, I will fix you both something to eat. And we'll have some of that cocoa from the Netherlands, too."

Jeremy could hear his mother making breakfast. He remembered the day vividlyóhis father had gone to San Francisco on business for George Stempel. This was the trip where he met Lottie and convinced her to come back with him to help build a new business in Seattle. Jason had taken Joshua up to the old cabin on the east side of the mountain to go hunting and fishing. A rainstorm had made it impossible for them to return that day and their mother had been frantic with worry.

He wondered what would happen when he opened his eyes. Would he be back in his seven-year old body? Or would everything vanish? His mind was still drunk with sleep as he considered his choices. He thought about his life, and listened to his mother and brothers talking animatedly through breakfast. Jeremy felt some pain as he thought about what he missed after his mother died. He listened to Jason and realized that Jason was just about the same age he was when he met Candy.

Jason and Joshua were leaving. Jeremy opened his eyes to catch a glimpse of them, but just missed seeing them as the cabin door closed. Jenny saw that he was awake.

"Jeremy, I hope you had a good rest. I saved some cocoa for us. Why don't you get up and have some with me?"

Jeremy got out of his bed and realized, without too much surprise, that he was not a child. He went over and sat at the table looking around the cabin. It looked as it had the morning he got married, not the way it did when his parents were alive.

"Momma, I was thinkin'," he began, "if I stay, I am staying because I need toóI'm doin' it for me." He paused. "But, if I go back, I am going back because of everyone there...Jason, Josh,.. and Candy."

Jenny nodded approval--Jeremy understood.

"It'll still be hard," she said.

"I know."

Jenny stood up and started clearing the breakfast dishes. Jeremy needed some time to think. He made his decision, but wasn't ready to go yet. He watched his mother straighten things up around the cabin. She went into the back room of the cabin and came out with an envelope. She placed something in it and sealed it up.

Jeremy wasn't paying full attention but watched Jenny go over to the china hutch and pull the rightmost drawer out. Rather than dropping the envelope inside, she reached underneath the drawer and pressing up on its bottom, wedged it between the frame and the bottom panel of the drawer. Then she turned back to Jeremy.

"You didn't drink your cocoa."

He nodded. He knew in his heart that he was making the right decision, but he was scared at the same time. He could feel his eyes beginning to tear up again. Was he going to miss his mother as much as before?

Jenny put her arms around him and held him close. Jeremy cried.

000