Top 10 Lists, ETC...
Here is a collection of top 10 lists, and other kinds of lists. Enjoy!
Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate
Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.'
Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
Drop a marble and say, 'Oh No! My glass eye!"
Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of six feet. Sigh relaxingly.
Say, "Now how did that get in there."
Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbor's while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
Say, "Interesting............. more floaters than sinkers."
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me now."
Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing
Born Free.
Ways to Annoy your Public Bathroom Stallmate
came from
The Joke Center.
Visit it! It's funny as anything!
Top Ten Reasons Why Star Wars is better than Star Trek
10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely set on "stun." 9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go into warp--the Millenium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie. 8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable--after pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell. 7) One word: lightsabers. 6) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance. 5) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not. 4) Luke Skywalker not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters. 3) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action. 2) The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named SlaveI. 1) Picard pilots Enterprise through asteroid belt at one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it.
68 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
I apologize for the mess, I copied it off of an e-mail.
> 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and > stranding them at strategic locations.> > 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. > > 3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals > throughout the day. > > 4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to > join in. > > 5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your > legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"> > 6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.> > 7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.> > 8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the > restrooms> > 9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice > possible "sex and candy"> > 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I > think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.> > 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off > and turn the volumes to "10".> > 12. Play with the automatic doors. > > 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen > you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid > embarrassment. > > 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself > loud > enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"> > 15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.> > 16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and > walk around the store casually.> > 17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the > mannequins. > > 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as > your playing field.> > 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look > mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"> > 20. Put M&M's on layaway.> > 21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.> > 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll > only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. > > 23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the > spray air fresheners.> > 24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.> > 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, > "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"> > 26. TP as much of the store as possible.> > 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.> > 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" > upside down. > > 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, > "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"> > 30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between > them, yelling, "Red Rover!"> > 31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror >while > you pick your nose.> > 32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale > battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. > > 33. Take bets on the battle described above. > > 34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. > (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!) > > 35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask > the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic > as possible.> > 36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's > signs on the doors of the rest room.> > 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from > "Mission:Impossible."> > 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. > > 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.> > 40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws > drop when you attempt to buy them.> > 41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.> > 42. Two words: "Marco Polo." > > 43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food > aisle,etc. > > 44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. > > 45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with > various funnels.> > 46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say > things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into > believing that the clothes are talking to them> > 47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and > get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is > breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this > to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, > but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as > though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming > and having convulsions.> > 48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the > fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"> > 49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. > > 50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and > relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain > that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little > umbrella in it.> > 51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and > begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."> > 52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of > shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and > throw it in various aisles. > > 53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, > quickly make off with it without saying a word.> > 54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five > feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.> > 55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.> > 56. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the > other aisles. > > 57. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume > there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start > flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) > What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start >hitting on > the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." 58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.> 59. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.> 60.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles. 61.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 62.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 63.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.> 64. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your "Twinkies?" 65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" 66. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."> 67. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.> 68. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
STAR WARS
YOU MIGHT BE A JEDI REDNECK IF... You have ever been investigated for "Grand Theft, X-Wing"
You have ever dated a Jawa
You work for a Jawa
You changed your name to "Bubba Fett"
You have ever used a plunger to get the dents out of your Y-Wing
You drag race your Y-Wing
You go in and out of hyperspace for kicks
Your uncle uses his Jedi mind tricks to help him sell used cars
Protocol droids can't understand your speach
You have at least one X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
Your Jedi robe is camoflage
You think that stormtroopers are just Klansmen with really good sheets
You own a rancor
Your Rancor tends to eat anyone (including your jedi trainers) that visits your house.
You have a sand person in your family tree
The Force is strong in your family: Your step-father/uncle/cousin has it, your mother/aunt/neice has it and your sister/ex-wife/sister-in-law has it
Your relatives use their moisture condensers to make moonshine
You play "chicken" with Star Destroyers
You have a bionic toe because the real one was shot off in a blaster accident
You put leftovers in carbon freeze
On Friday nights, you pick up dates at Jabba's palace
Your uncle uses his Jedi mind tricks to help him as a used spacecraft salesman
You use proton torpedoes from your Y-Wing to get the stumps out of your yard
You have a tatoo of a rancor
You ENJOY the smell of a Taun-Taun
If womp rats are not just for target practice
If you've made out with a Wampa
If you try to get a tan on Hoth
If you modeled for the Jabba the Hutt brand underwear commercials
When you suddenly realize, while going through hyperspace, that you shouldn't have eaten those beens last night.
If you ever asked a Hutt for a date.
If you have a lightsabre rack on the back window of your X-wing.
If you ever picked your nose with a lightsabre
You use your jedi leviting skill to pick up your room
If you wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on marriage. blasters are used to kill deformed family members.....
Ewok are not just close friend......
The Force seem to arch with your family tree.....
If you thought Darth Vader was just the leader of the KKK.......
your house is mobile and you have.... 24 ships that arent.......
Your considers ewoks cleanecompared to your family.......
You try going swimming on Tatooine
if you have ever used a lightsaber as a hunting knife
If you own a low rider B-Wing
you can describe the taste of Ewok
a group of Jawas regurely scavenge through your yard
you have an inbred child that is causing " a great desturbance in the force"
your butt crack shows through your Jedi's garb
you dream of owning a dewback ranch one day
you mourned the death of Greedo
wookies find your smell intolerable
you shave only so that you can be destinguished from a wookie
you know all the stormtroopers by name and can tell them all apart (not to mention have picked one up for a date).
you sent your niece/cousin one of those Aunt Beru action figures for her birthday.
you refer to Vader as "ol' buckethead"
you think that Emperor Palpatine makes the lightning
You go hunting with a double barrel lightsaber
you use your lightsabre to shave your backhair.
You use non-"name brand" batteries in your lightsabre instead of Duracell.
the Energizer Bunny can wipe the floor with your face in a lightsabre fight.
you have an cassette player in your X-wing
You had windsheild-wipers in your A-wing
You have an 8-Track in your landspeeder.
You've ever brushed a Rancors teeth.
You use your lightsaber to unclog the toilet.
You go hunting with your blaster set on stun.
You have ever asked out a droid
If you have a cb radio on your landspeeder,
If you chew gimer sticks to get your daily requirement of fiber,
If you wear camoflage pants on Tatooine or Hoth,
If you get rid of warts and zits with a lightsabre, (not a bad idea actually.....),
If you applied for a job in the Imperial Navy wearing a Darth Vader mask,
If you ever heard "I told you it was loaded" while looking at a hole in the Cantina,
If you ever tried to jumpstart your X-Wing with your watch battery,
If your TIE Fighter has more square footage than your house,
If your lightsaber rack is bigger than your refrigerator,
If you cut your hair with your lightsaber,
If you trim your nose hairs with your lightsaber,
If you don't have any room on your Star Destroyer for just ONE more bumper sticker,
If you've ever been to a Jawa family reunion and then called up the rest of your family --and said they were at the wrong place!
At least one section of your X-Wing is Bondo colored
A peaceful meditation is one without gas
You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not with the Force
Your master ever says "hey, pull my finger..."
You lost a hand in a sabre fight because you had to spit.
The moonshine still that you made on Endor is so well hidden that even the Ewoks can't find it.
You have ever used the Force in conjunction with bowling or fishing.
you think that the Rebel logo should be the "Stars and Bars"
More than half of the droids you own don't work.
The numbers of blasters you own exceeds your IQ
You use carbonite to freeze the 78 wompas you shot while on vacation on Hoth
You don't like wearing the jedi robe because it restricts access to the dip in your pocket
Sandpeople back down from your mama
You have ever used the Jedi Mind trick to get out of a ticket or DUI
You built an outhouse over the Sarlacc
You have ever argued with Jawas over salvage rights to a broken droid
You don't think of Ewoks as primitive
You consider your light sabre the ultimate bug zapper
The Rancor refuses to eat you
You discover that your greatest enemy is in fact your father, who is also your brother
Your callsign starts with "Bondo"
If you've ever considered retiring on Dagobah
If you don't think that you'll ever retire because your landspeeder uses repulsors.
You put your beer in carbon freeze
Your master ever said, "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent
You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber When your Jedi master tells a story he starts with "When I was a girl...."
Your teacher is a droid
You do Jedi Mind Tricks on Geraldo
You have a pet Ewok
You don't have a teddy bear, you have a Teddy Ewok
You use your lightsabre as a flashlight
You have and use "Cruise Control" on your X-Wing
You play Sabacc with your poker buddies
You work as a lumberjack and use your lightsabre to chop down trees on Endor
You use the handle of your lightsabre as a throwing weapon
You golf using lightsabres
You use a blaster while plunking
You think Stormtroopers are just giant Pillsbury Doughboys
You've ever had sex in a sheild generator dish
You have mounted bantha heads randomely throughout your house
You ran up