Liz went out to pick up some CHinese food for supper. She promised Lucky this would not be an everyday thing, but she didn't have the time to go for groceries or anything.
She was surprised that when she got back to Lucky's, or rather THEIR place, to find Nickolas talking with Lucky.
"Hey Liz," he said, standing up, "Laura called and told me about Lucky."
"Oh," Liz said,"Well, I'm sure Lucky's glad you came."
"Don't worry Liz, this isn't exactly the time for me to alienate my family," Lucky said.
"I never said you would, I was just saying it was nice of him to come," Liz told him.
"Well,"Nik began,"I see you're about to have supper so I'll leave you two alone."
"Stay," Liz insisted,"I got plenty of food."
"No, father is expecting me back at Wyndemere."
"You sure?" Lucky asked.
"Yeah Lucky, maybe another time," Nickolas smiled, but Liz could tell it was strained.
"I'll walk you to your car," Liz said,"Be sure to save me some egg rolls okay Lucky?"
"Sure thing Elizabeth," Lucky said,"See you Nikky, and thanks a lot for coming to see me."
Lucky would have said more but his pride wouldn't let him.
"You're not allowed to call me that remember Lucky? Anyway see you tomorrow."
Liz followed Nickolas out the door. Once they were out in the hall Liz asked, "So how much did Laura tell you?"
"Enough," Nik replied wearily,"He has pancreatic cancer and he has approximately 3 months unless a donor is found."
All of a sudden it became too much for him, he sunk to the floor and stuck his face in his hands.
Liz knelt beside him,"Are you okay Nik?"
He lifted his tear-stained face,"No Liz, I'm not. Shit, my little brother is going to die! I couldn't break down in front of him, but God it hurts. We just became really brothers, now he is going to be gone, and there's nothing I can do about it! My money, my family influence, they mean nothing here."
"I understand completely Nik, it's horrible to feel so powerless over this. I don't know how I can live without him either. He's been my support structure in the past, now it's my turn to be there for him, but I don't even know if I can do it. All I have to do is remember that he won't be around for much longer, and I just want to curl into a little ball and sob." Liz put her hand on Nik's shoulder. SHe had started crying softly too.
"I know you understand Liz, but this isn't fair. He's just 16 years old. He's not a bad person, far from it. All I can think of is 4 months from now, when Lucky's gone. I'll be walking into the Spencer residence adn there will be my little sister asking where her big brother is."
Nickolas stood up and began to pace angrily. He still had tears on his face but it was replaced by rage. At himself for not being able to help Lucky, at God for allowing this to happen, adn at everyhting in general.
"I don't know what to do Liz. He will be able to sense how upset I am, I don't want to have to remind him he's going to die everyday. I can't do that to him. He's my little brother, I am supposed to be the strong one!" the feeling overcame Nik. He just wanted to lash out. He punched the wall next to him. His fist didn't go throught, but it made a huge dent.
"Calm down Nickolas," Liz said putting her hand on his shoulder,"he loves you. He may not say it so many words. But you're his only brother, a part of his life. Lucky won't care if you're not the rock of Gibraltar for him. Just show him you care. Expect the worst, but don't give up hope. A donor amy be found too. Miracles do happen."
"Thanks Liz," Nik said, although rahter shakily,"He isn't planning on attending school right? Tell him I'll pick him up at 9:00 and we'll do something."
"Okay Nickolas."
He walked away down the hall.
Liz composed herself, drying her tears. She forced a smile on her face and opened the apartment door.
"Nik gone?" Lucky asked, his mouth full of chow mein.
"Yeah, just drove away in the Jag," Liz said and sat down beside him, grabbing the Moo Goo Guy Pan.
She couldn't help herself, she said,"You know Lucky, Nik really cares about you. I know you guys never expression, it's not manly and all that, but it's true."
"Yeah Liz, I know. I care too as I'm sure you told him."
"Well, you both won't say anything so I ahve to." Liz smiled at him.
They chatted idly while they ate. But after the take-out containers had been disposed of Lucky grew serious,"Liz we have to talk."
"WHat Lucky?" Liz didn't know how many more serious talks she could take.
He guided her over to the bed adn sat them down. He kept her hands in his as he started,"Liz, since I don't know when i'm going to...... die, there are some things I want to tell you now."
"Lucky, you have plenty of time left you could...."
"No Elizabeth, I ahve to make sure I get the chance to tell you. This is important to me so just listen."
Liz sat there in silence as he continued," Liz I know you are willing to take care of me for now, but most likely I will be gone soon. I know that we made promises to each other that were supposed to last forever."
Liz interrupted him,"We did Lucky, and I meant them with all my heart. You are the only guy for me, forever."
"I meant what I said too Elizabeht, but that's what I want to discuss. As I said, I'll be gone soon and you'll still be alive.
Liz, I know you love me, and I love you with all my heart, but you deserve to be happy. If I can't give you the happy ending you want, I want you to find it with someone else."
Liz smiled, repressing the tears that threatened to spill. SHe touched her hand to his cheek. "Lucky, I promised to love you forever and I will. No guy will ever be able to compare with you, no guy will ever make me feel as complete as you do. Lucky, you're my one, my only. You are like the other half me, you complete me. When, and I hope it's when we're both old and grey, you are gone it will feel as if someone cut off my arm. A part of me will be missing and nobody will ever me able to refill the hole inside me. Even if you are gone tomorrow, I'll still love you till the end of my days, whether you sahre my entire life with me or not. I was 'lucky' to find you and to love and be loved by you, and nothing will change my feelings."
Lucky replied,"Liz I know you feel that way now, but a few years form now who knowa? I want to be able to share a life together but if we can't, you don't deserve to be alone."
"Lucky, ahve you heard a word I said? Never will another person touch me as you have."
Lucky's eyes watered but he said, "FIne, but just know I will be happy for you if you ever find happiness with someone else."
********************************
Later that evening as Liz lay on her cot, listening to Lucky's even breathing, she thought about the day gone past. Just 12 hours ago she had been joking with her boyfriend happily at Kelly's. Now she was going to lose the one peron that meant the most to her in the world.
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