THe distasteful odour of hospitals filled Liz's nostrils as she entered GH with Lulu. She saw Laura on a couch and took Lulu to her.
"He's in x-ray right now Liz," Laura said, "Luke is on his way, so is Nickolas."
"Let's hope it's okay," Liz replied, "I hope he can come home tinght."
Laura looked up, "I hope so too Liz, but there will be a time when Lucky cna't come home."
"Yeah well that won't be for awhile yet," Liz said, "This was the first real sign of deteriaration."
"Liz, it is had been exactly 1 1/2 months since he was diagnosed. They said he ahd what, max. 5 months? It's not supposed to happen this way! Parents are not supposed to outlive their children. I wanted to be able to cry at my sons wedding, he hasn't even had his high school graduation. He's just a kid Liz, my baby!" Laura started crying, horrible sobs.
Liz hugged her, and Laura hugged back. She just needed comfort from someone. Liz wouldn't let herself cry, she ahd to be strong. Luke walked up behind them.
"Hello Mr.Spencer," Liz greeted him.
"Any news yet Liz?" he asked her gravely.
"Not yet. Here," Liz stood up and let Laura find comfort in her husbands arms. Liz looked at them, they were lucky, they had survived so much, adn here there son was dying.
"Excuse me," Liz said, overcome with emotion,"I have to use the washroom."
She nearly ran to tha ladies room, not wanting them to see her tears.
Liz stared at herself in hte mirror. Her eyes were red adn puffy. Her mascara ran from the tears that fell down her cheeks. She tried to regain her composure but the tears wouldn't stop.
her rage at the whole situation grew. The emotions she ahd repressd through the whole ordeal threatened to spill over.
She felt the need to lash out at the world, to find an outlet for the anger. She kicked at a stall door, nearly knocking it off its hinges.
"Elizabeth!" she heard the voice of her grandmother from the door.
Liz turned her tear-stained face to her,"WHat are you doing here?"
"I was on duty and found out Lucky had been brought in. Is he okay?"
"Don't know yet Gram, still doing the tests."
Audrey walked towards her,"Elizabeth, waht is the meaning of this dispaly?"
"I'm sorry Gram," Liz said," but I just feel so angry."
"Lucky is going to die! And I am powerless to stop it!" she laughed bitterly, "I guess you were right Gram, I didn't know how ahrd it would be to watch him leave me."
"You know you would have still moved in Liz, even knowing how ahrd it is."
"But it's not just that! I ahve to be strong! Lucky was the only one I could confide in before and now there's nobody! It's not like I can talk with him about how hard it's goign to be for ME when he dies. I listen to his hurts, and I cna't cause more by complaining about how I feel. Nickolas, yeah he helps with Lucky when I have school, but I have to be the one to comfort him when he needs to vent his feelings. I have to explain to Lulu that her brother was mad at her because he is in pain and dying. Laura can't believe her son is dying and i'm the one reassuring her! Who cares about me Gram, who can listen to what I'm going through?" Liz cried out, sobbing.
"I care Elizabeth," Audrey said quietly.
Still sobbing Liz flung herself into Audrey's arms. Gram patted her hair and murmered soothing words as Liz got it out of her system.
Liz pulled back sniffling, and embarassed. "I'm sorry Gram, I didn't mean to sound like such a selfish bitch."
"You didn't dear," Audrey said pullung a kleenex from her pocket,"I know what you're going through is complete hell. Just remember, you can always come talk to me."
"THanks gram," Liz said gratefully.
"It's nothing dear," Audrey said,"Now let's go see how Lucky is."
When they got back out Nickolas had already arrived. "Hey Liz," he said,"You okay?"
"I'm fine Nik, thanks." Liz smiled at him. She knew she looked horrible.
THey all fell silent as Bobbie came up, Lucky followed behind. Liz walked up to him and threw her arms around him.
"How you feeling?" she asked, her voice muffled by his shoulder. He had her in such a tight embrace she could barely breahte.
"BEtter," Lucky said.
They pulled apart but kept their hands intertwined>
"The x-rays show that Lucky's cancer has spread." Bobbie told the group sympathetically.
"What does this mean for him Barbara?" Luke asked.
"It means that if a donor isn't found VERY soon, Lucky will die sometime within the next 4 weeks." Bobbie said.
Liz tightened her grip on Lucky's hand, "That soon?"
"Yes, I'm sorry. We'll up your pain meds Lucky so you shouldn't have another apisode liek this one."
THe group was shocked. Lulu had been taken on a little walk by one of the nurses so she wouldn't hear the bad news.
Lucky forced a smile, "Please don't look so glum, I'm not dead yet."
"Lucky, please don't treat this..."Luke began.
"He's right Luke," Laura interrupted,"He's still with us. You're sure you won't reconsider moving into out house htough Lucky?"
"I'm sure Mom. Now, it's late and Liz has school tomorrow so we're going to go home. I'll see you guys all tomorrow." Lucky pulled Liz towards the exit.
**************************************************
BAck at the apartment...
"How you handling this Elizabeth?" Lucky asked as they lay togehter on the bed.
"Same as I haev been all along Lucky. I'm praying to God a donor is found soon." they both glanced involuntary towards the pager on the nightstand.
"Well, I hope it happens, but it probably won't." Lucky said.
Liz had come to a monutmental decision on the wya home. Tinight ahd made her realize for how short a time she ahd Lucky left for.
As she truned to him her tears threatened to spill, but she refused to let them. "Lucky, you love me right?"
"Of course I do. Why'd you need to ask?"
"lucky, there is somehting I want you to do for me. You would have never suggested it if I hadn't brought it up, but this is very important to me that we do this. Lucky, I want you to make love to me." Liz had decided she wanted to be able to ahev at elat one night with him, even if it was the only one they would ever ahve.
"Liz, we shouldn't do this. Would you sleep with me if I wasn't dying?"
"Lucky, I want adn I wanted you to before too, to be the first man to ever be with me. The only man too." Liz had never been more sure of anyhting.
She leaned over and kissed him passionatley. "I want this with you Lucky, tonight."
"Elizabeth, I don't ahev any protection. I never htoguht we'd do this."
"Lucky it doesn't matter, just make love to me." Liz needed him to do this.
"Are you sure sweetheart?" Lucky asked gently.
"More sure than I've ever been of anyhting in my life Lucky. i love you and wwant to be with you."
Lucky kissed her and their night together began.
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