**
Once I was a prisoner
Lost inside myself
With the world surrounding me
Wandering through the misery
But now I am free
You gave me a breath of life
Unclouded my eyes
With a sweet serenity
Lighting a ray of hope for me
And now I am free
Free to live
Free to laugh
Free to soar
Free to shine
Free to give
Free to love
Free enough to fly
Once I was all so alone
Unsteady and cold
But your love rained down upon me
Washing away uncertainty
But now
I am free
(Mariah Carey from her CD Daydream: "I Am Free")
**
The afternoon sunlight was working its way through the windows when Lucky pushed open the front door and stepped aside for me to slip in. I smiled gratefully at him and ducked under his arm, being careful not to touch him for fear of touching his bruises.
< Don't want to hurt him again. *Ever* again. >
"That was awful," Lucky moaned, bypassing me on his way to the couch, where he somewhat carefully flopped onto his back. He frowned. "But I imagine it was even harder for you," he said soberly.
< He's worried. >
I smiled wearily and moved to the chair across from Lucky. "At least it's over with. I never want to move again," I finished, sinking into a slouch in the chair.
"Too bad," Lucky said, turning his head to look at me.
< What? >
"What?"
Lucky grinned slightly, but was totally serious when he jerked his chin at me and said:
"C'mere."
< Huh? >
My face must have betrayed my confusion. Lucky motioned me over by waving his hand.
"Lucky..."
"Would you just come here?"
< If I have to. >
I stood up semi-reluctantly and stepped around the coffee table to Lucky's side. I hovered there, waiting for his next move.
< Whatever that will be. >
He reached for my hand. I surrendered it to him, to the gentle touch of his fingers, the warmth of his hand enveloping mine. He tugged me nearer. My shins bumped the edge of the couch.
< What in the world? >
He pulled me toward him, causing me to lose my balance. I stopped myself from toppling onto him, by throwing out my arm and catching the back of the sofa.
"What are you doing?!" I asked furiously, a blush rising into my cheeks.
"Would you just relax, baby?" His hand gentled on mine. "I'm not gonna hurt you."
< That's the opposite of what I'm worried about. >
"Lucky, I don't want to..."
"To what?" he asked, finally stopping pulling on my arm.
I swallowed. "To - to hurt you," I finally spit out. Lucky's eyes transformed before my own. They became warm and mellow.
"The only thing that would hurt me now is for you to block me out."
Tears sprang to my eyes.
< Sigh. >
"Now, come here!"
I allowed Lucky to pull me down next to him. He wrapped me in a big bear-hug and held me close to him. So close I could hear his heartbeat. My arms went naturally around his neck.
< This must be heaven. >
I sighed silently. Lucky rubbed my back lightly. His hands stopped at my shoulder blades.
"You're all tensed up," he commented, twisting and bending his arms so he was in a position to massage my upper back and shoulders.
"Yeah," I said, on a soft laugh. "All that nervousness tends to do that to a person."
"But you didn't show it," Lucky murmured, perplexedly. His fingers continued with my backrub.
"Just because I didn't act like the fraidy-cat I was inside, didn't mean I wasn't nervous. For a while there I thought I would throw up."
< For the entire time, actually. >
"Why didn't you say something?"
I let loose a soft sarcastic bark of a laugh. "What good would it have done?"
Lucky breathed in deeply.
"Baby," I interrupted him before he got a word out. "I know that you want to help me. I'd never survive without your help. But what could you have done, other than increase my nervousness by telling me it'd be ok? I knew that. I *knew* it. And it all worked out. They nabbed the -- the guy, and he's going back to the states to go to jail for a long, long time."
Lucky's heartbeat had increased in pace, now it was thumping wildly in my ear.
"When did you get so brave?"
< Brave? Not exactly the adjective I would have used there... >
"I'm not brave," I argued lightly, relaxing into his massaging hands.
He chuckled. "Yes, you are. Last night...when I couldn't 'save' you. You saved me."
I shook my head, trying to lean upwards, so I could see into his face. He released me enough to get to my elbows.
"Lucky, I pushed you away, I *threw* your love away, because-"
He stopped me with a searing kiss. "You were strong, alone, last night. You can do anything. Without me. Now I have to let you go."
My brows furrowed.
"But not far," he continued, kissing my nose on the very end. "Never very far. When you need space -- and you will -- all you have to do is tell me, and you've got it. Just don't throw *our* love away because of some silly notion you've got into your head. I won't let you," he admitted sheepishly, his face a bit flushed. "You don't need me, you-"
< My turn. >
I leaned up and kissed his lips lightly. His surprise reflected in his eyes.
"I need you. I need you like I need air. And I love you. I don't care what happens with that man, I don't care where we go from here, *nothing* is coming between us again. I won't make the same mistake twice."
Lucky's lips turned up in a smile. "I love you an awful lot."
"I know."
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