The crackling, clashing lightsabers echoed off the chamborous walls as Obi
Wan and Qui Gon fought Darth Maul. Maul lept behind a red energy field and
stood there basically mocking  them. Suddenly, a look of shock crossed his
face and he disappeared. The column the energy field had been suspended from
then turned, and deactivated the red light. Puzzled and cautious, the two
Jedis stepped through it...

*   *   *

Jar-Jar was chasing down his next meal underwater near the Gungun city when
he made a wrong turn. The energy transferrence field had somehow extended
from Coruscant to Naboo through space, and he got sucked into it. He swam
through...

...and ended up underwater at the crowded wave pool at Roaring Springs
Waterslide Park in Meridian, Idaho.

He surfaced like a rocket, upending innertubes full of screaming kids.

“Woa! Mesa LIKE this!” he smiled from ear to ear as he dove around the waves,
bodysurfing and showing off his aquatic skills. The clueless kids and
lifeguard just thought he was some wacko in a Jar-Jar costume.

“Hey, look! It’s Jar-Jar Binks!” one of them yelled, as if no one else
noticed. He was thrown an innertube that got stuck around his shoulders.

“Mesa stuck!” he wailed, struggling and spinning around as the waves cascaded
over him, his eyes darting around. The kids laughed and pried him out, then
he toppled over headfirst in the water just as a six foot wave came cascading
down. “Blub-blub-blub...” went Jar-Jar as he was towed underwater. Before he
could resurface, he was knocked unconscious by a bunch of kicking feet. A
lifeguard saw what happened, and blew the whistle.

“Everybody out!” he shouted as the wave machine was turned off.

*   *   *

Darth Maul was hurtling through a cavernous black space with the Jedi fools
right behind him, Obi Wan screaming at the top of his padawan lungs. It
seemed the drop would never end, and Maul’s own stomach churned for release
from this unrelenting torture. Suddenly, the cave opened up to a sickeningly
bright yellow winding chute and for the first time, he noticed his clothes
were wet. He continued to slide, unable to stop it, even with the Force. His
boots strained to block the unending fall to no avail until he finally
splashed down into a four foot wading pool filled with clear blue water.

He turned around to face the screaming, emerging Jedis, a gleeful smile
temporarily crossing his face at their terror. He activated his saber at
them, forgetting that one side dangled in the water. It immediately shorted
out. With a shriek of rage, he turned to run out of the pool, but his wet
robes dragged him down and slowed his escape to a stumbling crawl. Not that
Obi Wan and Qui Gon were doing any better, their own long robes pulling them
back in the swirling water. Their duel took the form of a wrestling match as
they splashed around clumsily. The lifeguard thought they were just a bunch
of wacko Phantom Menace groupies and blew the whistle at them.

“Hey! Take that somewhere else!” he yelled down at them from the side of the
pool. Maul glared up at him from his position atop Kenobi and the lifeguard’s
eyes glazed over. Without another word, he walked away.

*   *   *

Jar-Jar had revived and was now walking toward Rattlesnake Rapids, where the
Jedis and Maul had just gone. The big black tube slide had caught his eye,
and curiosity led him dumbly toward it. A group of kids hung around him on
all sides, looking up at him admiringly and tugging on his ear.

“Can I ride with you mister? Huh? Huh?”

“Yousa hurtin Jar-Jar’s ear!” he whined, releasing the over-exhuberent
child’s grip. Then he brightened. “Sure! Come on!” He started running, the
kids laughing behind him.

He saw the conveyor belt with all the innertubes, and thought it was a lift
to the top. “Ooh, mesa catch a ride!” Jar-Jar exclaimed, hopping on the
slowly moving track that went up at no less than a ninety degree angle. He
ignored the protests from the lifeguards and the kids as he clung to one of
the tubes. Gravity got the better of him, and he toppled off, right into the
wading pool with the Jedis and Maul.

The resulting splash ejected everyone but Jar-Jar. Frustrated, the Jedis and
Maul all took off their outer clothes so that they wore only pants and
undershirts. Suddenly, an announcement came through on a bullhorn.

“Hey, there’s a wet T-shirt contest going on now by the Lazy River! So all
you guys and gals who think you have what it takes can line up now!”

They didn’t hear it, they were too busy chasing each other past the lockers.
Their sabers now dried out enough to reactivate, they swung them heartily,
destroying more lockers than each other. Precious valuables and clothes
spilled out, which they trampled. Jar-Jar, who had just gotten threatened by
the lifeguard, was right behind them, and clumsily thwarted Maul’s next swing
at Obi Wan’s head.

“Scuse me!” he jabbered, ducking as Maul’s saber barely missed his own head.
“How wude!”

He stalked over to the refreshment stand and snagged a mustard covered hotdog
with his tongue.

“Hey, you gonna pay for that?” the attendant said. Jar-Jar smiled nervously
and ambled off on his way. He threw the hotdog stick over his shoulder and it
got fried with Obi Wan’s saber. Now they were fighting on the bridge over the
lazy river, right by the line of wet T-shirt contestants.

“And we have a winner!” the judge announced, totally as oblivious to their
fighting as they were to him. “Actually, we have three!” The other
contestants looked baffled. Some scowled, mostly they were male.

“Hey, you guys, drop those toys and get over here!” the judge said, and that
got their attention. He must have had command of the Force, for they all
found themselves walking blindly over. “You have just won gift certificates
to the Pleasure Boutique!” The crowd ooh and ahhed. “Congradulations,
gentleman. Now you can get back to whatever you were doing.” The crowd split
up, except for a group of girls who flocked to their sides. Jar-Jar then came
barrelling through them with a group of kids on his heels, no longer
interested in their enthusiasm. He knocked the three duelers over like
bowling pins, and they fell in the Lazy River. The girl groupies forgotten,
they all got on innertubes and ignited their sabers, prepared to finish the
duel by water. They floated swiftly along, using the force to keep them
together so they could take swings at each other.

Maul caught up to Qui Gon and speared him with his saber, and a lifeguard
caught him to take him to an ambulance. Then Maul’s saber shorted out again
under a waterfall and Obi Wan finished him off, leaving him to another medic.
Jar-Jar dove into the river to escape the kids, and hid underwater. At the
“accident” scene, another medic questioned Obi Wan.

“Emergency contact?” he asked.

“Uh, Yoda.” Obi Wan stammered.

(to be continued)

by: Kelli