-No Holds Barred-
-If Vince wins, HHH must divorce Stephanie-
-If HHH wins, he gets a title shot-
-vs-
Triple H vs Mr. McMahon
Who I want to win: Triple H
Who will win: Triple H
Winner: Triple H
~Pre-match thoughts~
-I really like this whole marriage angle. Just the thought of that evil, degenerate HHH being married to sweet, innocent Stephanie is funny. Like last Smackdown when Stephanie asked HHH to sign the divorce papers and he asked her with a straight face if she wanted to get a shower with him. Plus Stephanie makes all these McMahonian faces at him. It's great.
-Not only did they turn Kane into a sniveling bitch, they turned Test into one too. Is he a man or a little bitch? "Oh Steph *sniff* Thou have broketh thine heart." Grow some balls you Diesel looking bitch.
-Stephanie is turning Dx, because HHH is acting like a real man and Test is acting all gay.
World Championship
-vs-
Big Show vs Boss Man
Who I want to win: Boss Man
Who will win: Big Show
Winner: Big Show
~Pre-match thoughts~
-I hope to God that the Bossman isn't the Big Show's dad. That would be gay.
-Maybe the Undertaker will come back, and beat the shit out of the Big Show for being weak and showing emotion. Then he'll beat the piss out of the Bossman for doing stuff that was more evil then he ever did. Think about it. What did the Undertaker do that was so bad? He crucified Austin? So what? Bossman lied and told the Big Show that his dad died. Undertaker kidnaped Stephanie, Bossman made fun of the Big Show's cancer ridden dad. ‘Taker hung the Bossman, the Bossman drove to the Big Show's dad's funeral, hooked the casket to his car and drove around with the Big Show on top. So you tell me who's more evil.
Intercontinental Championship
-vs-
Chyna vs Jericho
Who I want to win: Jericho
Who will win: Jericho
Winner: Jericho
~Pre-match thoughts~
-Has Chyna even defended the belt since the last PPV? What kind of champion is she? She should just shut her face, lose the belt and show her sweet ass.
Tag Team Championship
-vs-
Outlaws vs Rock and Sock
Who I want to win: Rock/Mankind
Who will win: Rock/Mankind
Winner: Rock/Mankind
~Pre-match thoughts~
-I think it's about time for the Rock to sit down, take out his little pencil, sharpen it up real nice and sharp, turn that sumbitch sideways and...MAKE UP SOME NEW FUCKING MATERIAL!!!! Jesus H. Christ is any originality left in his body? First he needs to stop this "Finally the Rock has come back to where ever the hell he is" crap. Doesn't he know that he's already over, without resorting to cheap heat? Who does he think he is, Roddy Piper? Second he need to quit saying how he wants to stick stuff up people's asses. It was funny the first trillion times we heard it. Is that how he got his push, by sticking stuff up Vince's ass? Doesn't he know that's Patterson's job? I used to look foward to his interviews but now I know what he's going to say before he opens his mouth.
European Championship
-vs-
Bulldog vs Val Venis
Who I want to win: Val Venis
Who will win: Val Venis
Winner: Val Venis
~Pre-match thoughts~
-I can't wait for the Hart Foundation curse to hit the Bulldog.
-Why is the Posse with the Bulldog? Is he from Greenwich, England? But they all do have something in common. They all used to be cool, now they suck a big floppy donkey dick.
-vs-
w/
X-Pac vs Kane
Who I want to win: Kane
Who will win: Kane
Winner: Kane
~Pre-match thoughts~
-Why did they give Kane a heart? He was so much cooler when it was just him and his dad, walking around kicking ass and setting people on fire. Now he's all in love and happy. Stupid man-hands Tori.
Super-Heavyweight Match
-vs-
Rikishi/Viscera vs The Hollys
Who I want to win: Fatu/Viscera
Who will win: The Hollys
Winner: The Hollys
~Pre-match thoughts~
-What I find funny is that if Fatu didn't dance then people wouldn't give a damn about him. So if you're a wrestler and you can't get over then you need to dance and people will like you. So I say to you Viscera, dance you fat bastard! Dance your fat heart out.
-vs-
Kurt Angle vs Steve Blackman
Who I want to win: My powers to stay awake
Who will win: Kurt Angle
Winner: Kurt Angle
~Pre-match thoughts~
-I hope Taz comes out, dumps Blackman on his head with a T-Bone Tazplex, then chokes out Angle. That's the only thing that will save this crap of a match.
Women Championship
-Four Corners Evening Gown Match-
-vs-
-vs-
-vs-
Ivory vs Jackie vs B.B. vs Kitty
Who I want to win: Jackie
Who will win: B.B.
Winner: Miss Kitty
~Pre-match thoughts~
-I really don't care who wins this, because we get to see the three losers half naked. There's going to be butt cheeks and boobs flying all over the place.
-Thank the gods that Moolah and Mae Young are not in this match.
-What would be great is if when they are all naked at the end they start getting horny and they start dyking it out all over the ring.
Tag Team Battle Royal
Edge/Christian vs Dudley Boyz
vs
Headbangers vs Posse
vs
Hardys vs Acolytes
vs
Too Cool vs ???
Who I want to win: Too Cool
Who will win: Acolytes
Winner: Acolytes
~Pre-match thoughts~
-All I want for Christmas is for the poor Dudley Boyz to win a match. But since I've been evil this year, I'm not going to get what I want. Stupid Santa.
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