HHH -vs- Austin
Who I want to win: HHH
Who will win: Stupid Austin
Winner: HHH
Loser:Austin HAHAHAHAHA!!
~Pre-match thoughts~
-That crap with the rattlesnake was retarded. First of all if you're going to kill a snake the best way is for a fat guy to sit on it, just like when Earthquake killed Damian. Second, if you're going to put someone in a room with a snake then try not to let people see the glass in between the snake and HHH. They could of taped that part before the show and used special effects to fix HHH's reflection.
-If they're going to give Austin the belt then at least turn him bad. He can be pissed off and evil.
-And Vince must become heel again, because he's pure evil. He's the Devil.
~Post-match thoughts~
-Thank God Austin lost. He doesn't need the belt, he's better when he's hunting for the title.
-The best part is when Austin went nuts and bashed the shit out of HHH with the chair. That's the first cool thing he did in a long time.
-I like how the show ended with everyone dead except HHH.
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Ivory -vs- Moolah w/ Mae Old
Who I want to win: Ivory
Who will win: Ivory
Winner: Moolah
Loser:The future of Women's wrestling
~Pre-match thoughts~
-It's weird that I made that logo with the two chicks mud wrestling a week before Ivory and Kitty fought in mud. I must be psychic.
-These old ladies were cool but now they're just annoying. I think the King said it best when he said, "I never saw anyone move in slow motion on live Tv." But maybe they'll break a hip or something.
~Post-match thoughts~
-The only good thing about Moolah winning is that we get to hear her song alot more. She has the best theme song. "Ohhhhhhhh Baby!"
-Ivory is looking pretty hot these days. When she first showed up she looked all old now she's a piece of ass. Or maybe now that she's been hanging around Moolah and Mae that she's looking ten times as good.
w/
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Jarrett w/ Miss Kitty -vs- Chyna
Who I want to win: Jarrett
Who will win: Chyna
Winner: Chyna
Loser: Jarrett, for going back to WCW after he got cool
~Pre-match thoughts~
-Now we all know the Jarrett is losing because he signed with WCW.
-Why the hell is he going back to WCW? The only thing that got him over was Debra and beating up chicks, and he has neither in WCW.
-And why the hell did the WWF wait until the last minute to resign him? Are they stupid? Why don't they have everyone under contract? People say that the WWF rips off ECW and it looks like they ripped off their contract methods too. All they got is everyone's word and a handshake that they'll stay. We all know the loophole to a promise and that's cross your fingers when you shake hands and you're out. Vince must of been like: "Oh, the two guys who write our show don't have a contract, but I'm sure they won't leave for more money. They're real loyal."
~Post-match thoughts~
-It would of been funny if Vince told Chyna to really hurt Jeff, so WCW gets damaged goods.
-Finally Miss Kitty is dressing like a slut. But when she starts showing her ass and boobs Jeff decides to leave. She better find someone else to manage.
-Jarret said he left because Austin wouldn't work with him. Does he think Hogan will work with him?
Rock -vs- Bulldog
Who I want to win: The Rock
Who will win: The Rock
Winner: The Rock
Loser: Test, for being a pussy and not doing nything
~Pre-match thoughts~
-Why isn't Test fighting the Bulldog?
-It's funny how Bret said a couple months a go that the Bulldog reminds him of a dog rolling around in turds then on RAW he was really rolling around in turds. Bret was right.
-It would of been great if the turds squirted in the Rock's face while giving the Bulldog the Rock Bottom.
~Post-match thoughts~
-I'll be damned, a clean finish. But that might hurt the Bulldog in the long run, because they built him up to be a badass and he just lost like a jackass. Test should of hit him with a trash can or something.
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X-Pac -vs- Kane -vs- Bradshaw -vs- Faarooq
Who I want to win: Faarooq
Who will win: X-Pac
Winner: X-Pac
Loser: Poor, poor, Faarooq and his sweet voice
~Pre-match thoughts~
-We all know that X-Pac will win so he can prove to everyone that he can survive in the land of the giants.
-They should just let Faarooq talk all day, he has the greatest voice. Just think of the interview he can have for this match: "Hey dere I'm about to kick y'all tree crackas skrawny asses, cause dat's what I do, kick cracka's asses. Cause I pity da foo' who disses Faarooq, an' dat go to you to Bradshaw, I'll whip yo' redneck ass all da way back to Texas. Cracka."
~Post-match thoughts~
-What a surprise X-Pac won. But for a minute there my man, Faarooq, almost had him beat.
-And I'm glad X-Pac pinned Kane because now he can become confused and become the unstoppable killing machine he once was.
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The Outlaws -vs- The Hollys
Who I want to win: The Hollys
Who will win: The Outlaws
Winner: The Hollys
Loser: Mr. Ass, for sucking
~Pre-match thoughts~
-This sucks, just when the Hollys were going to get some gold, the Rock and Sock Connection has to go and fuck everything up. These new bookers suck ass.
~Post-match thoughts~
-The Outlaws need to go back to being assholes like when they first started out. And they really need to come up with a new enterance speech, the one they have now is older than Mae Young, for heaven's sake.
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Mankind -vs- Val Venis
Who I want to win: Mankind
Who will win: Val Venis
Winner: Val Venis
Loser: Everyone's testicles
~Pre-match thoughts~
-Why is Mankind pissed at Val? Shouldn't the Rock be mad? Think about it: Val has a Sock with a picture of the Rock's face shoved down his pants and Mankind get's pissed, while the Rock doesn't care. That makes sense.
-Val should of put Socko down his pants and when Mankind gets him back Socko could tell Mick some funny stories.
~Post-match thoughts~
-Val needs some evil porn music, like a song with steel drums and flutes.
-It was pretty gay how Mankind reached in Val's pants and pulled out Rocko. And it was even gayer that he put Rocko on his hand. I mean they were wrestling for like ten minutes and Mankind put a sweaty sock that was down some dude's pants on his hand.
-There was a little to much cock squeezing in here.
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Edge/Christian -vs- Hardyz w/Gangrel
Who I want to win: Edge/Christian
Who will win: Edge/Christian
Winner: The Hardyz
Loser: Everyone in this match. They're going to be hurting in the morning.
~Pre-match thoughts~
-They really need to come up with something new. If I only had a nickel for everytime these teams fought, I would have a hundred thousand dollars. Then I can have my own tournament, but it would be Ivory vs Terri and the winner gets the money and I get to fuck the loser.
~Post-match thoughts~
-You think that Edge and Christian wouldn't of done this kind of match because we all remember what happened the last time a Canadian was up that high.
-The WWF did something that was thought to be impossible, they got people over with their wrestling skills, not their interview skills. And thank God, the Hardyz should never talk.
Bossman -vs- Big Show
Who I want to win: Big Show
Who will win: Big Show
Winner: ----
Loser:----
~Pre-match thoughts~
-I sure hope that this whole cancer thing ends with the Undertaker telling Big Show it was all part of his plan to make him evil. It would be great if G-TV caught Taker pretending he was Show's dad. Taker would be like "Son, this is your father. I have some bad news, I have cancer. You must kill people, that is the only way to cure me." That's the only way out of this angle.
~Post-match thoughts~
-What the hell happened to this match? Maybe the Big Show's dad died.
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