St. Valentine's Day Massacre:
In Your House
-Last Man Standing-
Mankind vs Rock
Prediction: Mankind
Winner: Draw
~Pre-match thoughts~
-Oh Boy, another Mankind/Rock match. How original.
-I wonder how they're going to kill Foley this time. Maybe throw him off the roof? Or put him into a pool of acid? How about cutting off his head? That's what I like about Foley, you never know how he'll manage to get killed when he wrestles.
~Post-match thoughts~
-Foley didn't get killed that much here except when he got suplexed off the table and his head and legs got fucked up, and when the Rock threw the steeps on him. He's lucky he has a big fat ass, because a skinnier man would of been killed.
-Why did it only take one chair shot to knock Foley out? The last time he took 11 shots to the head and he walked out but this one magical shot to the head made him take a fun ride on a stretcher.
-----STEEL CAGE MATCH-----
-If Austin wins, he gets a title shot at Wrestlemania-
-If Mr. McMahon wins, Austin doesn't get a title shot-
-If any Corporate members interfere then they are fired-
Vince vs Austin
Prediction: Austin
Winner: Austin
~Pre-match thoughts~
-Fe Fi Fo Fum, interfering in this match is the Giant scum. Since no Corporate members can't interfere then the Giant, not being an official member, can interfere.
-Does anyone really think that Mr. McMahon has a snowball's chance in Hell to beat Austin? Vince is an old man, a buff old man, but still an old man. While Austin may be a one legged, fucked up necked man, but a one legged, fucked up necked man who can beat up an old man.
-I read that Vince's kidneys are all fucked up so we might get to see him piss his pants.
~Post-match thoughts~
-Who would of thought that McMahon would take a fall from the cage? I mean Vince is as old as DDP is ugly and he's flying around like Foley.
-I can't wait for Bishoff to try to top Vince's fall, because hopefully he will die trying to prove that he's tougher than an old man.
-I liked how the announcers knew who the Giant was and they didn't play dumb. If this was WCW and a mystery guy could come out with his name written in 12 foot high blinking lights while a talking dog sings his name, Skevontee would be like "WHO IS THIS MAN!!!!!!!!???"
Shamrock vs Val Venis
SPECIAL REF
Billy Gunn
Prediction: Shamrock
Winner: Val Venis
~Pre-match thoughts~
-Shamrock will win with the help of his sister.
-I hope Ryan's not pregnant.
-I still hate Billy Gunn. He's the only person in the WWF that I want to die. I hate almost the whole WCW roster, yet I only want death to come knockin' on Billy Gunn's door in the WWF. That's weird.
~Post-match thoughts~
-I think Ryan's boobies might be real, because they aren't as round as Sable or any other WWF chick. She has nice perky boobs. Not huge monster boobs.
-And I thought that Shamrock was adopted. They keep on saying "blood is thicker than water" and shit like that, but they are not really blood related.
-And why did Billy Gunn beat up Val? I think he beat him up, I forget. But if he did then he deserves to die, even if he didn't he should die anyway.
-Since Road Dogg is now a junkie, Bob Holly replaced his drugged out ass-
Holly vs Snow
Prediction: Al Snow
Winner: Bob Holly
~Pre-match thoughts~
-How knows if this match will happen seeing how the Dogg is shootin' shit, and he's in rehab. That's a shame.
-And is this match 2 out of 3 falls? Or is it the second match out of three? Who the fuck knows?
~Post-match thoughts~
-Why did Bob win the belt? My grandmom is more hardcore than Bob, but they do have something in common. They both stink like shit.
-It would be funny if Bob and Al caught some inbred hick town virus from jumping in the river.
w/
Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett w/ Debra
-vs-
D-Lo/Sexual Chocolate w/ Ivory
w/
Prediction: Owen and JJ w/ Debra's boobies
Winner: Owen and JJ
~Pre-match thoughts~
-So Debra wants people to name the team of Jeff and Owen? How about Tits and Pussies.
-Maybe that new chick and Debra will start dyking it out. It is Valentine's day.
-I hope we see the Black and Blue Blazer, Koko B. Ware used to kick ass. But where's Franky, his pet bird?
~Post-match thoughts~
-Why can't I remember anything about this match? Since I am doing this two years after the PPV, everything is a little fuzzy. So did Debra strip? Did Ivory beat her ass? I don't know.
-----MIXED TAG MATCH-----
HHH/X-Pac
-vs-
Chyna/Kane
Prediction: HHH/X-Pac
Winner: Chyna/Kane
~Pre-match thoughts~
-How come on Raw Saturday Night Austin was allowed to stun Chyna, but HHH and X-Pac couldn't do any thing to her? Stupid Austin.
-DX will win because I doubt that HHH or X-Pac will job to a woman.
-Remember when Kane was this indestuctible monster? Now X-Pac, who is only like 4'11" is kicking his 7' ass on a daily basis. Something's wrong there.
-Is it just me or has Chyna's boobs gotten bigger? You can't help but notice because her face is so god damn ugly, so you have to look at her ass or boobs.
~Post-match thoughts~
-I thought that Kane would end up doing all the work in this match while Chyna would just be in for two seconds and only be kicking ass not receiving an ass whoopin'. But damn, I was wrong. She got fucked up.
-That's all I remember.
Bossman vs Mideon
Prediction: Mideon
Winner: Bossman
~Pre-match thoughts~
-I hate Mideon's clothes. He's supposed to be the Undertaker's toady but he's wearing a shirt that says "He's Evil" or "I believe" what is that crap? And if your clothes have your name on them, you know you suck.
~Post-match thoughts~
-Two fat ass piece of crap wrestlers duke it out while I fall asleep. Much like my grandmom they both stink.
Goldust vs Bluedust
Prediction: Goldust
Winner: Goldust
~Pre-match thoughts~
-I remember Bluedust when he was in ECW and he used to be funny, now he sucks. He used to say movie quotes but they were all from stupid movies nobody ever saw, like the Killer Tomatoes or the Toxic Avenger.
-Why is Goldust kicking someone in the nuts his new finshing move? It just makes him lose. Dumbass.
~Post-match thoughts~
-Goldust needs to be a flaming homo again, or a freak.
-Meanie needs to let the heart attack he's fighting back do it's job.
Prediction percentage: 3 out of 8
-----FINAL THOUGHTS-----
-Finally we have seen the last of Mankind and the Rock. Sure, they both kick ass but good lord enough is enough it's time for a change.
-Vince proved to everyone that if he could work his ass off in a match, hell a steel cage match, then they can do it too.
-The Giant came in, cost Vince the match, yet still came out looking like a bad ass.
-Pretty good PPV and next is Wrestlemania XV, the grand daddy of them all. And I will be going to Wrestlemania so I will not be giving my thoughts, but I will tell up my adventures and EXCLUSIVE pictures taken from my very own camera.
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