Computer Jargon!

 
 
 Beta.
 -----
 Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's
 released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
 
 
 Computer.
 ---------
 Instrument of torture.  The first computer was invented by
 Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist.  In a plot to
 overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German
 ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly
 dictator.  The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf became
 so enraged at the "Incompatible File Format" error message
 that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's
 death, and Duffy began working for IBM.
 
 
 CPU.
 ----
 Central propulsion unit.  The CPU is the computer's engine.
 It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny
 spinning  wheel that's powered by a running rodent - a
 gerbil if the machine is a old machine, a ferret if it's a
 Pentium and a ferret on speed if it's a Pentium II.
 
 
 Default Directory.
 ------------------
 Black hole.  Default directory is where all files that you
 need disappear to.
 
 
 Error message.
 --------------
 Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on
 users for the program's shortcomings.
 
 
 File.
 -----
 A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name.
 It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file
 cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the
 cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file
 format is unknown.
 
 
 Hardware.
 ---------
 Collective term for any computer-related object that can be
 kicked or battered.
 
 
 Help.
 -----
 What we all need. Actually, it is the feature that assists
 in generating more questions. When the help feature is used
 correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of
 Help screens and end up where they started from without
 learning anything.