Short Jokes from Joke of the Day: Scientists Say...

 Scientists Say:
 ---------------
 Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a
 tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every
 year.  If you do the math, you can calculate that 85
 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a
 distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface.
 This would explain the death of the dinosaurs...the
 tallest ones, anyway.



 You can't fully comprehend the phrase "million dollar
 smile" until you've had a child in orthodontic braces.

 $500
 -----
 A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large
 sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order!
 When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts
 on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks
 into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!
 The restaurant owner comes storming out of the
 kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps
 five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me
 this time buddy, but I want you to know that's the
 first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

 

 Poisonous Snakes?
 -----------------
 Two little snakes were wiggling along the side of the
 road when the first little snake turned to the second
 little snake and asked, "Are we poisonous?" "Why?" asked
 the second little snake, to which the first little snake
 replied, "Because I just bit my lip!"


 GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

 1. Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.

 2. There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take
 time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking
 how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

 3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of
 every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

 4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home
 a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.

 5. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly
 car payment is due.

 6. Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

 7. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

 8. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

 9. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the
 facts.

 10. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie
 your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're
 down there.




 On A Bottle of apple juice:
 ----------------------------
      Plastic bottle

 Excellent source of vitamin C