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I know by posting these, I'm bound to get buckets of email (from those that bother to visit this site; rare yes indeed) complaining on how racist these following "lists" are. Even so I'm going to say this once and for all- I am half Chinese and I find these funny... and oh, do I relate to some of these... There. Now, NO THREATENING EMAIL PLEASE!!
HOW TO BE THE PERFECT ASIAN AMERICAN PARENT(from the second
generation perspective)
1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes
home with 99 grade on his/her report card.
3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits.
4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habadu Harvard),Yeil
(Yale), Purinsuton (Princeton), or Stamfud Stanford).
5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to
the entire Asian community.
6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?"
if he/she majors in a non-science field.
7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres
of bangs.
8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of
their poor taste or inept social skills.
9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When
are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with
your children.
10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they
have a boy/girlfriend yet.
TOP TEN REASONS THERE WON'T BE A CHINESE PRESIDENT ANYTIME SOON
10. White House not big enough for in-laws
9. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics
8. Oval Office has bad feng shui
7. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway
6. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother
5. Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners
4. No chance for promotion
3. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct
2. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in
1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles
TOP TEN PICK UP LINES USED BY ASIAN MEN
10. I may look like a nerd but it's only a disguise.
9. I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my mom knows
where I am. I carry this phone to call her back.
8. Uhhhh, no, I didn't play football in high school but I did
letter in varsity tennis.
7. Has anyone ever told you you look like Chun Li? You know,
that chick from Street Fighter 2.
6. What do I do? Gee, I thought you would never ask. Y'see,I'm
finishing my first year of residency in internal medicine.
5. Yeah, (sniff) I cried during "Joy Luck Club."
4. Do I cook? Well, not really but I can whip up a pretty mean
fried rice!
3. You know what? It's strange, but I get mistaken for a white
guy all the time!
2. Hey baby, wanna ride in my 16-valve, twin-cam lowered Acura
Integra with BBS gold-spiked rims and a subwoofered stereo that'l
leave you breathless??
1. My eyes may seem small, but I've got a HUGE personality!
50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE AN "ASIAN" (* The NEW List)
1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine
or finance
3. You have more than one college degrees, especially more than
one Master's
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano. Or violin.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times
12. You boil water before drinking
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your diningroom clean
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage
16. You have a rice cooker
17. You're a wok user
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. Your don't dryclean cloths, even if they need to be drycleaned
22. You iron your own shirts
23. You like congee (Zhou1) with thousand year old eggs (Song1Hua1)
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full
26. You keep most of your money in a savings account
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water
29. You hate to waste food
a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're
going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish
them
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice
or one leftover chicken wing
30. You don't own any real Tupperware--only a cupboard full of used
but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and
jam~jars
31. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner
bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in
a hotel
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or
come in plastic packets, which you "save" every time you get
takeout or go to McDonald's
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel
and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes)
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself
38. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys
surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool
39. Your house/apt. is always cold in winter, and hot in summer
40. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Price Club, or ShoppersFood
Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if Safeway is next
door
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since
calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents
42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached
44. You never call your parents just to say hi
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS!
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places
48. You've joined a CD club at least once
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents
50. You take this message and forward it to all your asian friends.
or worse... post it up on your webpages... Jokes More Lists Kay's Reading Room
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